"Oi! Leave me the hell alone Shitty Hair! I'm not interested in hanging out with you or the rest of the dumbasses!"

"Ahw man, I feel personally attacked Kacchan~" Kaminari laughed, a hand placed over his chest.

"Stop fucking calling me that you dunce face!" Bakugou roared, a vein on the side of his head pulsing dangerously.

The electric blonde had been teasing him with Deku's nickname lately. Nobody really knew why he was suddenly using it or how it started but nobody questioned it either. It's not like there is any harm in it, other than Denki publicly declaring he has a death wish. Kirishima stopped the ash blonde from attacking Kami, again, and gave him his best puppy eyes.

"Please Bakugou? We're your friends, right? Come on, it'll be fun!"

'Friends, yeah right' Katsuki thought bitterly. They're just pretending. All of these stupid extra's are! They're just pretending to like him, to be his friend. All to pry him open, to make him vulnerable so they can laugh at him... Why else would anyone come close to him anyway? It's not like he's an enjoyable person and he likes to keep people at a certain distance. That way nobody gets hurt... It's better that way... Maybe it's selfish, but he didn't care. Not about them, not when they could see him at least.

"Fuck off" Bakugou spat, pushing the red head away before he had the chance to convince him with those bright red orbs of his. He swears that Kirishima's biggest weapon are those damn puppy eyes of his. They almost rival Midoriya's and that nerd always looks like a deer caught in headlights.

"You're no fun dude" Sero complained as he walked past them, out of the common room, towards the elevator.

Fun?

He wasn't trying to be fun. He was here to become a hero, not to get dragged down by these extra's. He came to UA to prove a point. To prove the world he wasn't a villain... To prove it to himself... He shot one last glare at whoever was still looking at him while he stepped into the elevator and flipped them off while pressing the button towards his floor. Once the doors closed, he let out a sigh of relief, glad to be out of there.

He felt like suffocating when surrounded by those idiots sometimes... It was all too much. They were so friendly it disgusted him! Why would anyone want to be friendly towards him?! He's always been this rude, arrogant jerk. That's the image he set for himself, the image that keeps people away, that tells them not to mess with him. Yeah, they better not mess with him or he might break down crying...

"Fuck" he breathed, closing his eyes for a moment. He really is a loser, isn't he? So pathetic, hiding behind a fake ego, acting confident while being the most shy person when it comes to real things. Things like feelings... He's never been good at those... Well, no, that's a lie. People can't be bad at feelings. Everyone has them, whether they want to or not. He's just bad at defining them, coping with the emotions he feels every single day.

Voices in his head screaming he isn't worth it, that he'll never be a good hero, that nobody would ever want him... The worst part is that he believed them... The voices were right! They always have been! He's just a useless, worthless excuse of a human being... Nobody likes him, nobody ever will... All they see is his explosive character, matching that dangerous quirk of his, and they're all calling him a villain. A label he has carried around since forever, so it seems.

At first Deku was there to convince him it wasn't true, that Kacchan was amazing and he'd be a great hero! But in the end, Bakugou ended up pushing him away too... Because why would someone like Midoriya ever want a friend like him? Certainly after he hurt him... It was an accident, he wasn't able to control his quirk perfectly yet, but still... Even though people told him it wasn't his fault, he knew they were lying. Even Deku lied, straight to his face, saying it was okay.

It's not okay.

It never will be okay.

That's when he realised how fake everyone was. They were only nice because they were scared and if they weren't scared, they'd bully him, throwing insults and sometimes also fists. Katsuki was always blamed for starting fights, even though he was always challenged and most of the times he didn't even throw the first punch... It's just how it has always been... The small ding! of the elevator shook him out of thought and his signature scowl returned to his face in case he bumped into anyone.

Luckily there was no one in the hallway and he quickly made his way to his dorm room, locking the door behind him. The moment he heard that satisfying click, his scowl faltered. He took a shaky breath, walking over to his desk and pulling his left drawer open. He was always very organised and clean. Making everything around him as perfect as possible, fooling his mind into thinking he had his shit together when in reality he was just a mess.

His right drawer was purely for things school related, his left one for all his coping mechanisms like drawing and writing. He did have other, little less healthy, coping mechanisms... But he hid those better, in case anyone would ever wander into his room. Like his swiss pocketknife that his father got him for his tenth birthday. The very same one that gave him countless of cuts on his limps by now...

Katsuki sighed, taking out a dark brown notebook and flipping it open. He might not look like it, but he writes a lot of poetry. Writing down his thoughts helps sometimes when things aren't too bad. He'd be dead if anyone ever read it though... His eyes fell on a poem called 'You're sunshine' and he started to reread it.

You're sunshine

Lighting up any room when falling in

Warming up the hearts of those around you

Making them feel tingly

Buzzing with life

You're sunshine

But you don't reach me

Because I fell

Into the darkest depths

Where light does not go

You're sunshine

Leaving smiles wherever you go

Making everyone feel better

Everyone but me

Because you cannot reach over the walls

You're sunshine

Please shine on me too

Don't forget me

Even at the bottom

Of the darkest pit

You're sunshine

Am I not worthy of your light?

Even though we're so close

Yet so far

You never shine on me

You're sunshine

Always beautiful and bright

The opposite of me

We're enemies in that way

So is that why you don't shine your light?

You're sunshine

So please

Cast your light

On me

Today

Bakugou slammed the book shut, taking a sharp breath and closing his eyes. Would you believe it if he told you this was actually one of the most happy ones that's in there? It was so sappy... He absolutely hated it! But then again, he hated most of his poems. Just because it helps him cope, doesn't mean he likes them. Rereading them made him miserable... So why? Why torture himself by reading a stupid poem about his desperate crush?

It was a mistake to fall in love... He knew they would never love him back. Why would they? What is there to love? He was just a nobody... A useless, pathetic boy who couldn't go a night without crying himself to sleep, if he even slept at all. Sometimes he just laid awake, painfully aware of everything around him, lost in his toxic thoughts. Other times he passed out in the small bathroom from blood loss. It wasn't really a bathroom though, only a toilet and a sink with some shelves.

The showers and baths were in the common area, separated by gender. Yet he was grateful for the sink, having somewhere to bleed without making too much of a mess. Like said before, his surroundings needed to be perfect. He had to uphold that image at all cost or else he would totally fall apart... He glared at the small notebook, carefully prying it open again. Another poem dominating the page.

A mother's love is unconditional

That's what they say

Those are the lies they whisper

A mother loves her child

Even before they're born

They would do anything so it may live

So why don't you love me

Like other mothers love their children

From the moment they exist

Why do you hate me

A being you put on this world

A product of an act of love

Mothers bring their kids to school

Kiss them goodbye

They are proud

Even if their children mess up

They forgive

They move on

So why do you push me away

To be on my own

Hit me in the head

Because I'm not strong

You are merciless

You are cold

Mothers are worried when their children are hurt

Fussing over their wounds

Asking if they are alright

Making sure they heal

They treat every injury with love

They care

So why don't you ever ask if I'm okay

After I fall

When I'm hurt

You scoff

Tell me to man up

You are mad

People say you should forever be grateful to her

She put you on this world

She loves you

She stands by you

She wants you to be happy

To be who you want to be

So why am I not grateful?

You never cared

You are always gone

Never there when I need you to be

You call me a failure

So why did you put me on this world

Bakugou gritted his teeth, closing the book once again. Being reminded of his home life didn't cheer him up, quite the contrary. He was so happy when the dormsystem came into place, even if that meant he would have to hide even more from the class. It also meant that she couldn't touch him... At least it was one thing less to worry about. He was shocked out of thoughts by a knock on his door. His heartbeat stopped and his body jerked up, almost throwing the notebook across his room.

"Hey Bakugou? I just wanted to ask if you're sure you're not joining us to the mall"

It was just Shitty Hair, thank God... He quickly stood up, making sure he looked presentable as he swung the door open.

"What the hell do you want this time?!"

Eijirou flinched back for a second before his bright smile returned.

"Come on man... Why don't you want to hang out with us?"

"Fuck off hair for brains. Just leave me alone" Katsuki hissed, glaring a the red head.

"Why are you always like this man? I thought we were making progress!" Kirishima pouted. It's true that he'd been hanging more around Bakugou since the whole Kamino incident... It's not like he hated Eijirou's presence, but he knew it was fake. This happy shark boy would never willingly be his friend anyway... There must be some motive behind it, something he hasn't figured out yet.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? We're not friends Shitty Hair. Now fuck off-"

Just as Bakugou wanted to close the door, Kirishima put his hand on it, putting his foot in the frame in case his arm-strength wasn't enough. They were staring at each other and Katsuki felt like he was staring right through him. His gaze was intense... The red of his eyes so much brighter than his own.

"We're... We're not friends... Okay, I understand. Have a nice day Bakugou" he breathed, taking a few steps back and walking away. The ash blonde closed the door, letting out a huff. Maybe Kirishima will stay away for good this time? It was for the better this way. Bakugou glanced over his shoulder at the dark brown notebook on his desk. Luckily it hadn't drawn unwanted attention. Not that hair for brains had a clear look of his room, but still. It's always better to be careful, something he learned the hard way over the years...

With another long sigh, he put the notebook away and walked over to the small bathroom area. He reached down into the cabinet, taking out his pocketknife and looking at himself in the mirror for a second.

"Look at yourself" he spat at his image.

"Pathetic piece of shit... Selfishly pushing everyone away so I won't get hurt..."

He scowled, flicking his knife open and making the first cut in his arm.

"Emotional mess..." he muttered to himself as he dragged another line across his skin with the cold blade.

"Nobody likes you"

Another cut.

"Nobody ever will..."

He kept cutting after that, tears coming to his eyes. He started crying, sobbing, watching the blood run down his arm into the sink. It had a calming effect, yet he felt like crap.

"Why am I this mess?" he asked himself out loud, followed by a shallow laugh.

What a stupid question...