Drowning In The Bathtub

For the first time, I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts and the worst part is that all of them were about mom.

~ Scarlett's POV ~

My dad's alarm woke me up, he tried rocking me back to sleep but it didn't work.

I got up from his comfy bed and dragged my feet along the cold wooden floor.

As I got to my room, I hesitated but opened it anyways.

Everyone was awake, they looked over at who was walking in and immediately engulfed me in a warm embrace.

Today I had to go against my mother in court and I wasn't even ready.

I didn't have time to be badgered with questions everyone may have, I went straight to my closet.

Throwing everything on the ground that didn't seem good enough or professional, I was getting frustrated.

"Let's take a moment, maybe we should take a breather?"

Layla interjected as she tried to grab me and move me away from the closet, with every nerve in my body overworking itself.

I had accidentally snapped at her.

"Don't you dare put your filthy hands on me, don't for one second believe I need a breather alright!?"

I snapped as I removed her hands from me, my eyebrows furrowed as I met eyes with everyone in the room.

I had finally caught what I had done and grabbed Layla's hands, there wasn't any apology forming in my mouth other than tears.

"I think I should be alone before I snap at anyone else."

I murmured as I went back to the closet, I heard bits and pieces of everyone agreeing to leave.

I sighed as the door was shut and I was alone with my thoughts, I finally allowed myself to breakdown.

The emotional breakdown I have been longing for had finally come, I was pulled into a soft hug.

I hadn't realized who it was until I looked up and saw it was Jaden, he never once left my side no matter how much I begged and plead.

"Why does it feel like I'm doing everything wrong? It's like I'm walking backwards."

I sobbed into his chest, the words being broken up due to unnecessary breaths.

"You're being a teen, you make mistakes and then you expect yourself to fix it right away. Just embrace those happy accidents, for once."

Jaden consoled me as he rubbed my back before guiding me to my bed, he sat me down and handed me, my sketchbook as he returned to the closet.

I couldn't have been more grateful for him than I am now.

"Here, I found the perfect outfit. I'll run you a bath, just stay calm alright?"

Jaden had spoken softly towards me before walking to my bathroom and turning on warm water, I sighed as I sat there feeling as if I was completely and utterly useless.

Here I was, sitting down on my bed having my boyfriend take care of me.

Once the bath was ready, he guided me to the bathroom, kissing my forehead before leaving me alone.

I haven't been so scared since the day I was in the hospital due to my body issues.

As I stripped from my clothes, I dipped my foot in the water to which was perfectly warm.

I got into the bath and sat down, taking in the silence.

Everything was going fine, I was enjoying my own peace and quiet, having an empty head and not thinking about anything to fill it.

It was perfectly fine when I started to prepare myself for what I needed to say, I couldn't stop myself from ranting.

"That's, that's not correct. Come on Scarlett, do better!"

I reprimanded myself, I felt hot tears stream down cheeks but I had neglected them.

I wanted to get what I wanted to say down correctly before I face the judge and most importantly, my mother.

I was starting to get frustrated with myself, I didn't like how I was messing up my words or stammering trying to find the best way to describe how I feel.

At one moment, I began to throw everything in sight from shampoos to soaps to loofahs.

I was getting furious with myself, I cried harder as I had accidentally broken the holder that holds my skincare items on my hand.

It had broken skin and now I was bleeding but I was more upset at the fact I had broken it, I felt myself sinking down into the tub.

The sudsy water filling my lungs, I didn't fight it either.

My lungs burning and screaming for air but I didn't want to go up for it, I closed my eyes for a moment.

Maybe this is what would have brought me peace, as I was sinking, I felt pairs of hands lift me up.

I opened my eyes which were burning due to the soap getting in them, I coughed up some water that had found its way in my mouth.

I tried figuring out who it was but my eyes were so irritated that I couldn't make out who it was, I didn't want it to be dad or Jaden or Javon.

I began to freak out as it might be my mother, I flailed my arms and began to scream for forgiveness.

I begged to be shown mercy, I didn't know where this was coming from.

But I did know, it was one specific reason why I had decided to live with my father and not with my mother.

It was a reason that nobody knew, not even Layla knew.

"It's me! Scarlett it's me!"

Alana exclaimed as she wrapped a towel around my body, I couldn't open my eyes but I recognized her voice and calmed down.

She carried me to my room, bridal style.

She set me on my bed, I was wet so I stood up and dried myself.

Alana didn't look at me, instead she looked away and stood by the closet.

"What happened in there?"

Alana had stammered, I know she must have been afraid that I would have died in there but I didn't want think about that.

I sat on my bed with the towel wrapped around my body, I took a deep breath and tried collecting my thoughts.

Everything in New Jersey was starting to come back to me, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I wasn't prepared to tell anyone this because I knew if I did, I would have relieved the whole nightmare.

For the first time, I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts and the worst part is that all of them were about mom.

I clutched my chest and looked directly at Alana as I softly spoke, she nodded slowly as she walked over to me and hugged me.

She kissed my forehead and pulled away from the hug, walking back to the corner.

"Change, I'll be right here if anything happens."

Alana reassured me, I smiled at her and nodded.

I trusted her being there for me but I didn't trust my mind, I was way too afraid of causing an episode in front of her.