Chapter 34, Back To The Past

Trigger Warnings: Body Image Problems, Body-Shaming

Do not read if you are triggered towards this, I don't want anyone feeling uncomfortable or harmed in any way.

Remember you are beautiful the way you are.

Enjoy!

I just wanted to look pretty for once.

I was having a good nap, dreaming about food and whatnot but was rudely awoken by the screaming of Jaden.

That kid takes his game so serious that it's hilarious to me, I smiled at him as he continued to play his game.

After a moment of laying in bed and watching Netflix, I told him I would call him later.

I hung up with a smile and walked to my closet, I looked through my outfits and groaned as I had trouble looking for something comfortable and cute.

As I walked downstairs, I was greeted with silence.

My dad left a note talking about going on a date with Alana, I was bored out of my mind but I didn't want to talk to anyone either.

I decided that it would be good to go on a walk, I grabbed my phone and left the house.

There was a slight breeze that touched my bare skin, cooling my warm body down.

I didn't have a specific place to go to, I just allowed my feet to guide me to wherever it wanted to take me.

I found myself walking through a park, it was empty which freaked me out so I sped walked out of there.

Soon I saw teens approaching, I didn't want to see awkward or friendless so I took my phone out and just went on different apps.

As I walked past them, I overheard their conversation unintentionally so it shouldn't count as eavesdropping.

"Just saying Marlene, you can't have a hot girl summer with a hot girl bummer body."

The blonde one said as they walked past me, I slowed down and looked back at them.

I remember back in middle school being bullied and pressured into looking "perfect".

It took me back to a dark place.

It was December 15th, 2020.

My alarm for school awoke me, I groaned as I sat up and looked at the clock not really wanting to get up.

I rubbed my eyes and got up from bed, walking over to my door and turning on the lights.

I walked into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, I did my skincare and walked out of my bathroom.

I knew I had to put on something to keep me warm because New Jersey weather is no joke.

I put on my uniform and did my hair, I walked downstairs and packed my lunch.

I grabbed an apple, it was almost time for me to leave for school so I slid my phone into my pocket and grabbed my bookbag.

I grabbed my lunch and left my house, mom was still asleep while my dad was out at work.

I left the house and began to walk to school, I head my headphone on and my Spotify playlist was playing.

As I got to school, I sat beside Layla.

She hugged me and we began to discuss about today's science class because we were going to be dissecting a squid.

I was actually quite excited.

Once the bell rung to tell us to get to homeroom, I got up and grabbed my bookbag.

I waited for Layla, we left the cafeteria and walked to the class when I accidentally bumped into Alessia.

"Watch it hippo."

Alessia said without looking at me, my smile faded a little bit.

"Oh sorry Alessia, didn't see you there."

I apologized which caught her attention, she looked at me with a smirk and just giggled.

I was confused but didn't press on it, instead I walked to my homeroom and sat down.

The day drags on, leaving me exhausted and wanting to go home already.

But thank the Lord that it's now lunch time, I left Spanish when the bell rang and walked down to the cafeteria.

I sat down at the usual table and waited for Layla to come with me, I watched Alessia walked into the cafeteria and walked over to me.

"You do know if you want to look attractive, you can't eat that much. Right?"

Alessia said, I looked down at my lunch and looked back at her.

I never really thought of that if I was honest but does this mean that other people thought about it?

I gulped and slowly pushed my lunch away, I didn't want her to insult me again so I just tried to agree with her.

My stomach growled but I had to ignore it, Layla finally came and we began to speak.

It was science class now and I was hungry but didn't want to show it.

I took a deep breath and began to dissect the squid, I wanted the day to be over already.

Once the day was over, I was packing my things up and watched Alessia walk over to me once again.

I sighed and put my scalpel down, I looked at her and watched as she sat down beside me.

"What is it now?"

I asked with annoyance seizing my throat, I didn't want to get insulted again.

"It's just, I'm looking out for you and I think you should cut down on your junk food."

Alessia said, I didn't know what to say.

All I wanted to know is if people really noticed my overweight but nobody said anything.

"I don't see anything wrong with my body though."

I retorted, I wasn't exactly sure if I wanted to change what I ate or what I do.

"Well I do, so listen to me alright?"

I nodded my head and left the class since the bell rang.

I didn't feel like going to homeroom, I walked into my house and greeted both my parents.

I changed into some sweatpants and tank top, I stood in my room and did my homework.

I couldn't even focus on my homework, my mind was filled with the fact that my body didn't look good.

I was called downstairs for dinner, we were having pasta and garlic bread.

As we sat down, we spoke about our day.

I left out some parts of my day and ate my dinner, I walked upstairs but decided to go to the bathroom.

I decided to stay in there, I felt disgusted with my body.

Weeks had gone by and I had been starving and carving myself to look prettier, I couldn't tell anyone what was happening.

It was night and I was staring about myself in the mirror with tears in my eyes, I allowed them to fall as I looked at my body.

As I was whispering insults about myself, Layla knocked on the door.

I opened the door and she pulled me into a hug, I hugged her back tightly and crumbled.

Today was the day I told Layla what I have been doing to myself.

I just wanted to look pretty for once.

I whispered as she rubbed my back, she held onto me.

I had never felt more vulnerable.