《Babysitting The Bad Boy》Chapter 23 - Letting Go
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"I can do relationships," Cole scoffs.
"No you can't," Zoey shakes her head.
"I can. You wanna test me?"
"Sure. How?"
"Date me."
She rolls her eyes, "No."
"Why not?"
"I don't trust you."
"Then start trusting me."
"No."
This conversation has been going on all through lunch time. After the night we all spent together last Friday, Cole started sitting at our table again and him and Zoey started talking again.
Zeke and Isaac are eating, not saying anything, and neither am I. We're just letting this go on but I can tell Zeke's close to losing his patience.
"How can I prove to you that you can trust me?"
"You sleep with someone new everyday, Cole. No matter what you want to think, you wouldn't last in a relationship and it would end with you cheating and our friendship will be over."
"I can change-"
"No, you can't," Zoey snaps, "I wouldn't date you even if you got on top of this table and told everyone you love me."
"You know what? That's a good idea," Cole gets out of his seat and climbs onto the table.
Oh God.
"No, Cole-" Zoey starts, regretting planting that idea in his head.
"Everyone shut up!" Cole shouts when he stands up on the table.
The cafeteria falls silent, and all eyes are on him.
Oh God.
Zeke is laughing to himself as he continues to eat, and Isaac is using his hand to hide his face, embarrassed by his friend.
"This girl," Cole points to Zoey, "thinks I wouldn't last in a relationship."
People start nodding in agreement and others laugh.
"Oh, shut up!" Cole waves them off, scowling, "Look, I know that I've fucked most of you chicks,"
Oh God.
"And I know I didn't call you back after it happened. But that doesn't mean I can't change everything." He looks at Zoey, "Zoe, I really fucking like you. There, I said it. You're the first person I've wanted to commit to. You can be demanding, and annoying, and just fucking frustrating, but I really, really like you."
Some girls start awing. I almost do too.
"You're awesome, dude. I mean, you cried at Jaws when the fucking shark died but laughed when the humans got their legs ripped off, and I don't know why but I find that really fucking attractive," he pauses, looking at her. "Will you just give me a chance?" He's suddenly very serious. He looks willing to get down on his knees and beg for her, it's adorable.
But Zoey is strong. She knows that if she gives into him, he'll hurt her. I wish I could be more like that. I'm the kind of person who walks into the fire even though I know I'm gonna get burned.
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Zoey isn't showing much expression on her face as almost everyone watches for her reaction. "Maybe if you get down from the fucking table."
Cole shakes his head, smiling and is about to get down when Zeke taps his leg. Cole looks at him and they look like they're doing that mind conversation thing. "Oh yeah," he looks back up at everyone, "I'm having a party on Friday. All of you should be there. All of you." Then he gets down.
"You're crazy," Zoey says.
"Crazy for you," he winks.
Isaac puts an arm around Cole, "That was amazing, dude," he laughs. "Ten out of ten. You gotta date him now, Zoey."
Zoey narrows her eyes, "Fine. Let's date, dickhead. We'll see how long it lasts." She gets up and walks out of the cafeteria.
Cole puts his hand on his heart, "I feel the love," then he follows her out.
"That was so cute," I coo.
Zeke rolls his eyes, "I don't know why he puts so much effort into the girl. If she has the nerve to reject him then she isn't worth it."
I kick his leg under the table, "Hey, that's my best friend you're talkin' about."
"Chica, if you want to play footsie with me then can we do it when Isaac isn't sitting next to me?"
"Chica? Is that your newest name for me now?"
He shrugs, "We'll see."
"Do you do Spanish?"
"Yeah, but I learned everything I know from Spanish porn."
I screw up my face in disgust and he laughs. "I'm kidding, nerd. Why would I watch it when I could just do it?"
I bring my attention to my sandwich. It's started to really annoy me when Zeke brings up his sex life.
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"Are you coming to Cole's party tomorrow?" Zoey asks me as we walk out of school.
"Nope,"
"Why? It'll be fun."
"I hate parties. I can pick you up after it though if you'd like?"
"No, that's okay. I'll probably end up staying at Cole's."
"You guys are seriously doing the dating thing, huh?"
"Yeah," she sighs. "I just hope it works out. I gotta keep an eye on him."
"You should trust him more. He seems to really like you."
"This coming from the girl who doesn't trust anyone, not even to tell them how you're really feeling," Zoey laughs.
"I tell you how i'm feeling."
"No you don't, Marnie. Every time i've asked you if you're okay after the breakup, you've just said you're fine and smiled. I know you're not though."
"I am. If I tell you i'm hurt and cry on your shoulder, I won't get anywhere."
"So fake it till ya make it, right?"
"Right."
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"Marnie?" I hear Mason say just as we reach Zoey's car. I turn around and am faced with the jerk himself. I wish he'd stay away from me. I've managed to avoid him since it happened, mostly because Zeke's been by my side making sure he stays away. But smart Mason has found me at a time i'm Zeke-less.
"Go to hell, dickhead," Zoey spits at him. Mason doesn't even look at her.
"Please can we talk?"
"No," I say, averting my eyes from him. I don't want to look at his stupid grey eyes.
"Please, just let me explain-"
"Didn't you hear her?" Zoey cuts him off. "She said no."
Mason still ignores her, "Marnie, please."
I look at him this time. His eyes are pleading, he looks so sad. I wonder what he has to explain.
"Fine,"
"Marnie, no-" Zoey shakes her head but I put my hand on her shoulder, silencing her.
"It's okay, we'll be two minutes. Just wait in the car."
She glares at Mason, then sighs and gets into her car.
"What?" I question when Mason doesn't say anything.
"I'm so sorry." Wow, how did I know that was coming? "It was a mistake." I must be psychic.
"Okay," I turn around and head for Zoey's car, but Mason grabs my arm, stopping me. I push his hand off.
"Please forgive me."
"No, I don't want anything to do with you anymore."
"So you're just gonna forget about the feelings you have for me? You can't do that."
"Watch me."
"You still want me, Marnie. You know you do."
Actually, I don't. Looking at him, all I feel is sick. I don't know why I even dated him. Maybe I felt feelings for him, but when someone hurts me like this, they go away. I'm good at forgetting about people. I've had enough practise from people who have stabbed me in the back. If I don't think about him, I won't feel pain. I won't feel that horrible feeling in my stomach and remember the image of him kissing another girl the way he kissed me. I can forget that I put even just a little trust in him, and he broke it.
I won't make that mistake again. With anyone.
"I don't, Mason. You're not what I want. You never were," I lie, trying to hurt him. "Whatever feelings I had for you, weren't real. None of this was real. Honestly, I just saw you as a friend who had nice eyes and a nice smile. I don't see you as any of that anymore."
"Yeah, right. A friend you almost fucked?" He raises his voice.
"I didn't almost do that with you," I raise my voice too. "You tried to, and I refused. And you couldn't handle that so you went and did it with someone else, didn't you?"
He doesn't say anything.
I scoff, "And after I pitied you from what Aubrey did? You're just as bad as her."
"Don't fucking say that. I'm nothing like her."
My thoughts drift to Zeke for a moment. If I were talking to him he would have said I am instead of I'm. I'm so used to hearing him talk like that, it sounds weird hearing the way Mason and everyone else speaks. The way I speak, too.
"If you knew how it felt to be cheated on, then why'd you do it?"
"You weren't supposed to find out."
"Gee, that makes me feel much better. Had you slept with anyone else without me knowing?"
"No," he shakes his head, I don't believe him though.
"I need to go," I start walking to the car again.
"Please, don't. It was a mistake, Marnie. I wasn't myself. I was just upset that you rejected me. We can start over, pretend it didn't happen."
Is he fucking serious right now?
I walk over to him and slap his face.
He clutches his cheek, looking at me in shock, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"No, what's wrong with you? How could you think you could come over here and say you're sorry and it would all be better? I don't want to see you ever again."
"Well you're gonna need to 'cause we go to the same school," he snaps back.
"Then i'll avoid you. And you can stay away from me."
"What if I don't want to?"
"I'll get a fricking restraining order," I say, even though I won't. Hopefully he just leaves me alone out of the goodness of his heart. If he has one.
He laughs, "You wouldn't. You know why you won't?"
"No, I don't. Please fill me in," I say, giving him a questioning look.
"Because you still love me," he steps closer.
Love?
If I wasn't so angry, I'd laugh. Did this idiot actually think I loved him? And still do?
"Oh, damn. What am I gonna do about that? I guess I'll just need to move on, even though it'll pain me very, very much," I put my hand on my heart, sarcasm laced through my tone.
"You-" Mason is cut off by Zoey's car horn.
"Hurry up!" She calls out the window, "Why are you even wasting your time on him?"
Good point. I start walking towards the passenger side but Mason's hand once again grabs my arm.
"So you're just gonna throw this all away?" He asks.
Yes, I am. Because letting go of the bad people in my life will leave space for the right people. People who won't hurt me. People who deserve to be in my life.
I don't answer his question. All I say is, "Goodbye, Mason."
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... sort of
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