It took me a while to realise what I was doing.

One month. It's been once month of this.

One month since I even looked at a blonde in a sexual way. Instead, it's been brunettes with brown eyes with the hint of black around the edges. I've been looking for her in other people.

But no one seems to be anything like her. Not even close. The eyes i've stared into, searching for her, have been empty. They carry no emotion like she does. Well, maybe they do; but I can't see it. And their hair, it's never been the perfect shade. Nor have their lips been the same shape. Nor have they made my heart beat faster just by glancing at them, desperate to feel them on me.

I try to imagine the girl straddling my lap right now and kissing my neck is her, so I can feel something from it. So I can enjoy it at least a little. But it doesn't work. She wouldn't touch me like this. She'd blush and kiss me gently, making me go insane. She'd leave me breathless from one touch.

All this time I thought that the reasons I've been feeling this way towards her were because she turned me on. I thought it was only because I wanted to fuck her. I thought it was only sexual feelings. I was wrong.

I find myself wanting her presence when I'm alone. Just being there. Even if we don't talk, I want to feel her presence. I wish I could watch her for hours without her catching me. So I can study every one of her features; watch her smile. Watch her eyes light up when she talks about something she likes. Watch her stare at something and wonder what's going on in her mind.

No one has ever captivated me the way she does.

Marnie. Marnie Jones.

I fucking like her.

Fuck.

I push the girl off of me and stand up, quickly zipping up my pants. Her hazel eyes watch me, confused.

Hazel. Nothing like Marnie's.

"What's wrong?" She stands up and tries to touch me but I pull back.

"I need to go."

Then I rush out the door, climb into my car and drive home.

Fuck.

This can't be happening. I don't get feelings for people. This must be something else... I cant like her.

Entering my house, I walk past the kitchen where my mother is cooking dinner and go straight upstairs and into Maggie's room. She's sat at her desk on her computer. I pace back and forth in her large room as she watches me like i'm crazy.

"You okay?" She asks, cautiously.

"No," is all I say.

She stands up, grabbing my arms that I am frantically running through my hair, and pushes me, making me walk backwards and sit on her bed.

"What's wrong?" She sits back on her desk chair.

"I think i'm going insane."

"I've thought that for a long time, brother."

I pull on my hair, "Maggie, I'm serious."

She sighs, "Tell me about it then. What's happened?"

"I think that I," I pause, "Like someone."

She face-palms, "Seriously? All this because you have a crush?"

"Do not call it that."

"Fine. Let's call it a... Carrot."

Isn't she a creative little fuck.

"So what do I do? How do I get rid of the... Carrot?"

"You can't get rid of it. Tell them how you feel. Who is it?"

"Can't tell you that."

"Is it Marnie?"

"No," I say way too quickly.

She smiles, "I'm so proud of you, bro bro. She's not a slut! This is great."

I scowl at her, "Fuck you. Tell me how to fucking get it away."

"You can't. A carrot is a carrot. There's a reason they're called carrots you know. They carrot you."

What?

She rolls her eyes at my confused expression, "Look, just tell her how you feel."

"Mag, she has a fucking boyfriend."

Fucking Mason conway. That fucking pussy.

"So? They're not gonna last. Mason eyes up every girl he sees. He might as well be holding a sign that says I'm staring at your ass."

"What's wrong with that?"

She shakes her head in disbelief, "You wouldn't last a second in a relationship."

Why is she randomly saying this?

"You're no help," I stand up and head to the door.

"All I did was tell you the truth. You can't make it go away."

"I can try."

"Zeke, where are you going?" My mom calls as i'm about to leave.

"Um, a study group."

"Ha-ha," she says with a straight face. "If you come home drunk again you're grounded and Marnie will be back here to look after you everyday."

Good.

"Okay," I take another step toward the door.

"I'm serious, Zeke. I've had enough of this."

"Okay," I leave the house before she can say anything else.

+++

"I like her," I tell Isaac and Cole as soon as I walk into Isaac's garage. His parents let him decorate it so we can hang out here, so that we don't make noise or smoke in their house. There is a couch in the centre and one single seat one, an old coffee table and the TV from Isaac's bedroom.

"We know," Isaac says.

"I know it's hard to believe-" I stop my pacing and look at them, "Wait what?"

"We know, dude. It took you long enough to notice," Cole says.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I sit down on the single seat.

"Because you'd kick our ass," Isaac laughs.

"Man, what the fuck am I gonna do?"

"You'll get over it," Cole says and passes me a beer.

This is why guys are better than girls.

I open the beer and take a drink, feeling the familiar burn as the liquid runs down my throat. Ah.

"Are you over Zoey yet?" I ask, hoping he is so that what i'm feelings for Marnie will go away soon.

He shakes his head, "She's still being shady with me and it's driving me crazy."

Zoey's barely spoke to Cole since she saw him with that chick at the party. I haven't told him that she likes him or that she saw it though, I was sworn to secrecy by the girls.

"You should just ask her out, see what she says," Isaac says then takes a drag from his cigarette. I look away, my body tensing. I've gotten used to this feeling now. The burning feeling inside of me that's desperate to breath the smoke into my lungs. I can't tell Marnie though. I can get over this too.

I fight off the desire and take a big drink of beer. Alcohol has helped me with this craving, which hasn't been good on my moms behalf because she's sick of me coming home drunk and puking all over the bathroom.

Maybe alcohol will help with my Marnie cravings too.

I realise that Cole and Isaac have been talking about this Zoey shit while i've been fighting off the urge to smoke.

Fuck.

I take another drink of beer, running my hands through my hair and my foot begins to tap on the ground.

Isaac notices and puts out his cigarette. I want to thank him but that but would be weird.

"So, Zeke," Cole clears his throat, changing the subject from him and Zoey, "How do you plan on killing Mason and where are we going to hide the body?"

"As much as I want to kill him, we can't."

He frowns, disappointed, "Why not?"

"Because of Marnie."

The only reason I don't hate Mason is because he makes her happy. Every time I see them in school together, she's smiling. It fucking hurts like hell but if she didn't have Mason, then that smile would be gone.

I can't make her happy. The only thing we do is argue and I tease her and she calls me an asshole. Fuck, I love it when she calls me that. It's the closest thing to a nickname she has for me, and she thinks she's insulting me by saying it, but no. I'd annoy that girl so much just to hear her scream it in my face repeatedly. That would be hot.

She deserves better than Mason. He's not as good as she thinks he is, but he's better than me.

"Dude, Marnie likes you," Isaac says. "She's like you though, she can't admit it to herself."

What is he, a fucking psychologist?

"How do you know?"

"Because I see the way she looks at you. And how sad she was when you were being a dick after finding out about her and the shithead."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Isaac," I spit, "She's with Mason. I like her, and she's fucking dating Mason." I stand up from my seat and start pacing again. I want to fucking hit something. I want to hit Mason so hard that all of his fucking perfect teeth fall out.

Fucking dick. Who does he think he is walking around with perfect teeth. Does he want an award?

Pussy.

Jackass.

Fucking cocksucker mother fucker.

This is bad. The way i'm feeling right now is nothing like the feelings I had for Rachel in gym class two years ago. This is much stronger.

Ever since she came along, everything in my life has been brighter. I've not despised getting up in the morning like I used to. I've not been doing stupid shit because I'm so bored with life. She's gave me something that no one else ever could.

A meaning to live.

But none of that matters. Because I can't have her. She'll never be mine.

+++

what'd you think about Zeke's POV?

teaser: Zeke gets reeeeallly pissed at Isaac

ly

-e