"Ah, a perfect place for our first date."

As I stepped inside the cafe, different from where I been earlier, I heard the remarks of the man who followed me inside. Indifferently, I once again ignored his words.

Without holding my words, I can always answer other's remarks more cynically --mainly in that case when I know it'll make the other person quiet. When my words will be answered by more words, resultantly, rather than a conversation to end it will turn into a never-ending exchange —so, I have no desire to be one contributing in foolishly dragging it. It's not hard to comprehend that Zyair Ahlstrom's futile words are just an endeavor to provoke this exchange from me.

I don't care about the reason behind his vain attempt, but that doesn't mean I'm going to ignore his one more act of appearing in front of me. I'm not known for my patience in dealing with others, and I see no reason to put up with his games. Still, In all truth, a part of me doesn't care much about his presence, but a part of me also feels that if I continued to allow his actions then my silence might be taken in various meanings -mostly in acquiescence of him to do, come and go as he likes.

No matter how harmless this man seems, I know this is not his reality —the more one peels off his face the deeper his truth will seem. And what I hate the most is his nature of playing games with others, that's why I have no desire to let this man involve in my life.

In a moderately crowded cafe, my gaze halted on an empty table in a corner, halfway hidden from the rest of the cafe. Walking there, I took my seat and waited for him to do the same. Facing me, he sat with his grin and pushed all hair away from his face, pinning them behind.

Not wanting to hear more of his stupid words, before he could say anything, I commenced, "Let me ask once again, why are you here?"

With his consistent grin, he looked around the cafe as if confused at my words and then doubtfully spoke, pointing around the cafe, "Wasn't it you who just invited me here?"

My face was devoid of any emotions, not minding his ways of ignoring my words, I leaned against the chair and placed my left hand on the table, rhythmically tapping it lightly, and kept my gaze straight at him. Not intending to keep things vague, I directly uttered, "Mr. Ahlstrom, I don't appreciate your claptraps."

With my other hand, I took out my iPhone and opened the file which contained all the data regarding this man. He did a mistake after coming in approximately of me, he can remove his face from everything but not when they are guarded by my people. A few days ago I had already told Stella (a team member) to keep the record of my supposed chauffer, his face was clear in the pictures and collecting data from here and there —though I had prepared things vaguely without going into many details. Somewhere I assumed that if this man has something in his mind to approach, he'll not back off this easily.

Pushing my phone toward him, I completed my words, "I see no reason to put up with them."

His gaze flickered toward the screen and for a second halted there, the shine in his eyes sharpened as I noticed how his constant smile wavered. My meaning was clear, and I can see that he got it; I have no reason to hide his identity from the word but still, I did because I don't care about him --why should I bother myself with someone who has no part in my life but his continuous intrusion has brought this on himself. And if he continued this, without a second thought, the next thing he'll see will be his face plastered all over the famed news outlets.

"Oh, so now this insignificant man is bothering you, right Allea?"

With his words, he raised his head and looked at me, his smile returned, wider than the prior one but I noticed that how his eyes now held a strange depth.

This gaze, I remember.

My whole body stiffed as I held his familiar gaze and suddenly I felt my conscious slipping in the flash that surfaced through my memory.

It feels like the man and this reality for a split second replaced with the fragment of the past.

"Be a good girl and don't do it again, okay Allea?"

My body that has been attached to the chair for so long lacked any strength still, I raised my eyes, to stare at the man leaning over me, with fear gripping my every inch of existence. My heart was beating wildly as I gazed into the depth of his eyes, although they had the shine like the sun but this instant they seemed darker than the darkness. The way his lips are curled in a wide smile made my body further chill in the fear, his voice was light and playful, just like warning a child but I know this was not it, this is not what he's trying to say. He wants to evoke my fear, the fear I'm feeling in chills running through each vein, so this fear will remind me of his words whenever I will do anything against them.

In the next second, turning my head I moved my gaze away from him, I blinked rapidly to clear my mind, for an instant, I closed my eyes and with a jerk of my head cleared my thoughts.

When my conscience cleared, my brows lowered, this has never happened before. Except for my dreams, I have never let these memories surface so clearly, for a second I felt like I was there in that moment, where I was in that room for five days and the man seated in front of me was smiling at my humiliation.

My face returned to its indifference, as I again looked at his amber eyes. Zyair Ahlstrom's expressions too changed, his smile was now faded and with slightly narrowed eyes he was scrutinizing my every action.

"It's better to end things before they become an actual bother," my tone was sharp and the words I uttered were cold. Without giving him a chance to speak, I looked around the cafe, giving him a hint that, "I'm being polite, take the politeness."

With that, not intending to waste more time and words, I picked up my phone and stood up to leave. The moment I about to turn to leave, his voice once again sounded.

"And if I don't?"

The answer to these words, he was clearly aware of. Instead of words, I condescendingly looked down at him and smiled.

Seeing my unexpected smile, his sneer wavered, without waiting for him to recover, I turned and left the cafe.

The moment I stepped outside, a sigh escaped my lips, my steps gained their speed and unwaveringly took me in an unknown direction. Subconsciously my body avoided bumping into the people around me, as I made my way through them.

That glimpse, how.

I can't lie, I can't say that memory that surfaced didn't bother me, it did. Whatever I recall, whatever I think, whatever I decide to accept, everything happens at my own will, at my own pace except those dreams and now this...glimpse. Just like how dreams show a reflection of myself -a stubborn, stupid, and greedy Allea- in that instant of past glimpse, along with seeing I also felt like someone who's full of shame, fear, helplessness, and weakness.

The humiliation Zyair Ahlstrom made me feel, I had never felt in my life not even when that girl threw money on my face.

If the glimpse is affecting me, I need to ask myself; do I hate him, am I wary of him, or do I..fear him for what he did to me in the past.

This time I don't want to push my thoughts, therefore I let them come forward, let them dug deeper, and give me answers.

My gaze shifted over my steps as if counting them, I exhaled a sigh and let my mind wander further.

If I hated him, I would have thought of revenge. If I was wary of him, I would have fought against him the moment I saw him for the first time crossing my security barriers. If I feared him, I wouldn't have been able to hold his gaze. The glimpse is affecting me, the reason is not what he did, the reason is what I was, what I was feeling at that moment --the feelings that I never want to recall.

The moment his presence created a second of reaction inside me, I subconsciously wanted him to steer clear of my path. The reason was not that his presence affected me, but because somewhere I was apprehensive of the memories that will surface with his face. I'm still in my effort to accept them, I still haven't been far on my path in accepting the past-Allea and I didn't want his presence to affect my effort. I didn't want to be reminded of how hateful that self is. Everything that I felt at that moment, everything that I hate to remember, everything that Allea was, and... everything (after accepting her) I will be.

I didn't let myself think over it, I didn't allow myself to think of the Allea who was once at the mercy of this man and was played just because of her own fear and weakness. But seeing him, letting him get me to just for a second, reminded me of all of that. Reminded me of who I'm trying to accept -someone who was hateful, selfish, and...weak.

My steps halted —on an unknown sidewalk, I stood alone among the foreign crowd walking past me, with my hands inside my pants and eyes closed.

Stop.

To turn away once again or am I willing to again push everything back or am I going to walk ahead, ahead on the path of ending this conflict inside me.

Is a glimpse enough to break everything? No.

Don't stop.

I can't, I have come too far and I can't stop until I reach its end.

I have to keep remember -I have to keep this with myself- whether it was the past Allea or the present Allea, both are the sides of a coin. I couldn't have understood the importance of strength until I had seen the felling of weakness. I couldn't have risen from greed until I felt everything about how I had ruined myself in it. How would I have learned to value respect if not for facing the shame & humiliation. If not for fears, there wouldn't be any awakening serving as my fuel to fight.

Without her, I would have never been who I'm today. So, without accepting her, how I can wholly be who I'm.

I'm not stopping, not turning around —I have to continue accepting this past, which was once a reality, and never stop my steps from moving ahead.

[Disclaimer: This work is only published on watt/pad under profile: itsrujihere. The complete rights of the work: Allea belongs under this profile and Ruji. If you're reading [Allea] on some platform other than watt/pad(Unless I, Ruji, say so) then, I'm pretty sure they are stealing my work (i.e, a site that starts with novel), please don't support the thief.]