breathed through her nose. in and out. take a deep breath, and exhale. it's okay. it's going to be okay. the panic crawled up on yongsun's neck as her breaths shallowed. she won't hate you, yong repeated this thought in her head multiple times. the flashbacks started to hit yong like a truck. the tear stained cheeks, her hair bunched up at her shoulders, her back slumped strangely, and most importantly the brokenness and sadness behind her eyes.

those eyes.

the eyes that brought comfort, happiness, joy. the eyes that were breaking down yongsun at this moment. she didn't mean to hurt byulyi, that was the last thing she wanted to do. she just wasn't on terms with her feelings. what if it ended up like wheein? what if she stops becoming my best friend? what happens then?

she'd rather forever be friends with byul, then be with her romantically and lose her forever.

the bad thoughts started clawing at yongsun like an annoying bug. her throat was hiccuping, and yong's body was shaking violently. tears started to roll down her cheeks as the thought came back.

"byul-ah!" the girl opened her arms for the other. it was odd, byul had her head down. "hey yong," the girl looked shy today. "i need to talk to you about something," her small voice got yongsun worried. "okay," the girl's entire demeanor changed.

why was she so serious today?

"yong—i—i just," the girl hesitated. yong's eyebrows furrowed. "you don't have to hide anything from me byulyi," geez she hadn't called byul by her first name in ages. "i like you a lot," byul played with her fingers. "i like you too," yong patted byul's head. "not like that yongsun." byul swatted her hand. "what do you mean then?" yongsun's heart was thumping in her heart. she doesn't actually—don't tell me.

"i like you yongsun," the girl froze. "byul—" the girl lifted her small head. yong was taken aback. byul looked so stressed out, angry, and disappointed. she's never seen byul like this before. the tear stains on her cheeks that always were smiling upset yongsun. "i'm sorry, i'm not interested in—," the younger visibly took a breath in, and before yong knew it byul turned on her heel and ran. byulyi wasn't gonna let her heart be broken.

yong's brain didn't even process what was happening. everything was going too fast that she wasn't able to scream 'a relationship'.

her parents had left for work for another two months. they were constantly working every single day of the year. yongsun was alone. she was always alone. but there was somebody over her house to keep her company, and that company, at the moment, was avoiding her every second yong tried to explain.

her room was shaking. what's going on—somehow this one was worse than the others. as if on instinct yong's hand went to her phone, her head was screaming at her to put her phone down and deal with this like any other attack. but she couldn't handle having the person she cared so much for, hate her.

so she called the only person she thought could comfort her through her anxiety attack.

the phone rung five times. what if she doesn't pick up? what if i'm gonna be alone? the phone stopped ringing. it finally picked up.

yong heard heavy breathing through the phone. she's crying, and it's because of me. her head seemed to throb even more.

"byul-ah," her broken cries had dissolved byul's resolve of ending the call right away and never face yongsun again. "what is it, yongsun?" she was trying to be cold, but the small tint of concern was heard by the older. "i—i'm so sorry byul-ah! please—please," her breaths were getting shallower. god—she couldn't breathe. "hey, hey are you okay," byul's voice seemed to dissipate into the air. small black circles started to be visible in yong's eyes. "i'll be over," small rustling can be heard in the background.

the world seemed to go by slower by the second. yong was so tired, she wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and never open them again.

"breathe yongsun. in and out. inhale, and exhale," a voice was calling out to her in the distance. her breath was following the instructions of the distant voice. fingers were ruffling through her hair, just how she liked it. the small massage on her head brought comfort and relaxation in her body.

consciousness started to peak in yongsun. "hey, you okay?" the familiarity of the hug calmed her nerves. the storm inside of yongsun that was rumbling and screaming had finally calmed. yong's head felt heavy, all she wanted was to lay down. "yong?" a small smile was placed onto yongs' lips.

byul still cared about her.

her head was placed on top of byulyi's lap, and her hair was threaded by the others fingers. "yeah?" her throat croaked out. "okay. you're awake." byul gently placed yong up. "drink this," byul passed her a glass of water. the older happily took the water and gulped down every drop of it.

"you're parents aren't back yet?" byul asked. byulyi's head was down, her eyes directed to the carpeted floor. the girl's hair covered her face like a veil waiting to be lifted. "no. they're supposed to come back in two months. byul lifted her head but glued her eyes in the same spot at before. "that's terrible,"

"what about your sister?" yong's body turned inwardly at the thought of her sister. she'd never stop getting compared to her better sibling. the sibling who was smarter, prettier, never got into trouble. in her parents' eyes, the perfect child.

"yonghee? she left for the states to go to college months ago," byul's lips formed an 'o' shape. "i'm gonna go, now," byul got up from where she was sitting.

yong was always a coward. she'd never stand up for herself and allow others to walk all over her. but then there was byul who always stood up for her when she couldn't herself. the girl was so afraid she lost an amazing relationship with an amazing girl. yong wasn't going to ruin another chance like before.

she quickly grabbed byul's hand and looked at the girl straight in the eye. "i like you too. scratch that, i've always liked you i just never acted on my feelings, okay?" the girl admitted to the other. "before you say anything about rejecting me, i had a relationship with wheein but screwed it up because i was scared of being in love with somebody so close to me. i didn't want to lose her, but i ended up doing that anyway because i was stupid," tears sprang at yong's eyes.

"and i'm not gonna ignore my feelings again and lose you, byulyi. the last thing i want to do is lose you. you're my best friend," she sharply inhaled. "that's the only reason i rejected you," yong's head lowered in shame.

"please don't leave me," her voice was so small and fragile. "why would i do that?" byul answered the girl and sat next to her. "let's get things straight." yong looked at byul in sadness and regret. "i'd never leave you,"her cheshire grin allowed those cute dimples to show through. "and you could've said that to me a long time ago, we shouldn't keep things from each other," byul intertwined their fingers.

"but—" yong was expecting to be rejected harshly. "—our dear hyejin is in a romantic problem with your ex. and i think it's primarily because of your previous relationship with wheein." yong confusedly looked at the girl. byul laughed at how clueless she appeared.

"let's deal with that before our thing, okay?" yong was still extremely clueless. "so you rejected me for hyejin?" her voice was hoarse, but the playfulness was evident. "are we together?" byul questioned the other. "yes?"

byul patted yong's head. "then it's final. now let's go help our dear hyejinnie," yong rolled her eyes. "that was the worst way you could ask me to be your girlfriend," byul chuckled. "it's the best you're gonna get,"

~

the two were bickering (as always) about how to help their youngest friend. "jinnie!" yong motioned for the girl to come over. the girl just narrowed her eyes and came over awkwardly, she was hoping she didn't have to choose between her two best friends. "you guys okay?" byul nodded. "so, yong agreed to help you with wheein!" byul clasped her hands together.

hyejin groaned.

"no offense, but wheein doesn't wanna talk to you. like at all," yong crossed her arms. "and i plan to change that." she confidently smiled. behind the facade, yong wanted to sincerely apologize for being immature and terrible to wheein. hyejin rolled her eyes and answered "no,"

"yes," "no," "yes jinnie," "no," hyejin was ready to do this all day if she had too. "okay both of you shut up." byul intervened in their argument. "yong, apologize. hyejin, i dunno, man up," hyejin hit the girl's arm. "yah! don't tell me to man up when you cried over a puppy video!" byul gasped and feigned hurt.

"you dare expose me for watching dog videos?!" she exclaimed.