I look at them with a sense a guilt. I wait for them to say something or yell at me because I was listening to their conversation without their knowing. Then, Kenshi who is leaning against the wall, crosses his arms to his chest and looks at me with the same eyes, like he despises me.

"Don't you know it's bad to listen to others' conversation?"

"Don't you know it's bad to talk behind people's back?" I retort back to him and we start again our glaring contest.

"A-Amy!" my father stands up and walks to me. "I didn't know you were awake... Did you hear everything?" he asks shamefully.

"The most interesting part I guess," I snort and look away. I fold my arms and try not to be upset. "You could have asked me before talking without me knowing."

"I'm so-"

"Amy," my brother cuts our father and stares fiercely at me with a tint of determination behind it. "What happened that day?"

I gulp nervously and turn my head away. "What are you talking about?"

He clicks his tongue and stomps toward me. He grabs me by the collar and his glares feel more like a threat. "You know what I'm saying! What happens to mom that day?! You can't hide it forever!"

The room went silent after Kenshi's fierce shout. We stare at each other for some times, I don't know how much time passed before I speak. "No," is the answer I give to him, no other words, not even caring to explain myself. Anger filled Kenshi's eyes again as he raises his fist in the air, ready to punch me. Everyone yells at him to stop from doing anything. My heartbeats become louder and I feel so heavy. I swear to never remember that day. I don't want to remember. "Punch me if you want. I don't mind. If it helps you."

"What the hell is wrong with you?!!" I look down, not being able to face him. "What the fuck happened which make you stay silent?!!" I don't want to tell you. "Did you really kill her?!" if I tell you, you'll be broken. "Did someone do that to her?! Tell me that at least!" I'm sorry... makes me shut up. He breathes heavily to my face, his fist is still in the air behind his head. Slowly, he calms down and put his second hand around my collar, head facing the floor. "It was my mother, Amy," his voice cracks up. It looks like he's going to cry. I bite down my lower lip to keep me from crying. I should tell him, he's right it's... her mother.

"I," I start hesitantly. I gulp before speaking again. "I swore to her that I'll protect you after she died," he stares at me blankly. "I told her I was weak and you were the one who protected me all the time but she believed in me. She believed I could be there for you. But I... I failed. Instead of protecting you, you grew away from me. You were scared of me," tears flowed down my cheeks as I feel guilt building inside of me for being a bad sister and a liar. "I've never done anything good in my life, never done anything for anyone, for dad, for mom, for you. I'm just useless. And because I swore to myself to never remember those painful moment, I made not only you but everyone suffered," they all stare at me with sadness within their eyes. "But I can't... I can't bring myself to tell anyone what happened. I'm so sorry,' I sob and hide my eyes with my hands. "Hewould know it and would come and get me."

"''?" echos my brother, probably trying to search the person I'm talking about.

"I... I can't say that either..." I can't say anything. He'll kill everyone!

Kenshi clicks his tongue annoyed by my stubbornness. He lets me go before dashing out of the room. I fall back in the bed with my hands on my face to hide my crying face. Everyone stays silent for a while before my dad leads my friends out. He looks back at me once more but I glance away; I don't feel strong enough to face him. Then, he leaves at his turn and the room is quiet again.

I stare at the sky outside, my tears calming down a little. Memories flash in front of my eyes: memories of my numerous hospitalization, memories of my family, memories of my mom and the horrible fate she had to face because of me. In the end, it was really my fault. I sob again but try not to make as much noise as before. I'm the worst person ever. I don't deserve to be near them. I want to get out there. I hate this place. The smell makes me sick: the smell of medicine. I've been here too many time. I need to get out there. I don't want to stay here. They'll send me to see a psychologist or worst! To a psychiatric hospital! What will happen to me if I go there? I need to get out of here right now!

But I shouldn't... He will find you if you stay here. No... He's not here. He doesn't live here. You don't know that. It has been two years since you left Sapporo. But there's no way he'll come here. You never know. I... I'm so scared.

________

I'm sorry for being late... I've been doing other stuff...

And sorry it's short but well, I'll do better next time ^^"

Hope you enjoye, see you this friday :)