Everlyn pov

"That was my first kiss"

oh my God I just had my first kiss with Leah, my first kiss ever it was so good she was so gentle yet firm I loved it when she took over it made me feel special and loved.

I look up at Leah and she's smiling, thats good right?

that's a good sign yeah

I mean she's smiling

she liked me too

She said she liked me too 'so much' no one ever said they like me 'so much'.

We were still smiling, just leaning against each other, her forehead still on mine.

but then it all donned on me

I like Leah

she likes me too

we just kissed, my first kiss which was amazing

and in a month I'm going back to Arizona

I could already feel my smile disappearing

I saw Leah's face morphing into confusion not understanding why I'm suddenly upset.

I pushed my back from against the wall, pushing her in the process putting a little space between us. and walked to kitchen taking some water, drinking not meeting her eyes. she followed me to the kitchen looking at me strangely "what's wrong?" she asked with concern in her voice.

Still not meeting her eyes I didn't know what to say, I knew that if I told her my concern that I have to go back in a month, she would tell me it doesn't matter tell me that we can do long distance that It will all work out.

just like when I considered letting go of our friendship when I was 14, because it was getting too hard, I was missing her too much and I thought if she didn't want to be my friend then I wouldn't miss her as much, but she called me every day she even came to Arizona to 'put some sense into me' her words. After I didn't answer for a week. She is the kind of person to never give up, and if she really likes me like you said, than she's not going to give it up.

I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn't see Leah's face change until I heard her say,

"was it the kiss?

did you not want me to be your first kiss?

are you regretting it?"

she had so much hesitancy and hurt in her voice, I immediately looked up to her seeing her face displaye regret and hurt.

My heart hurts seeing her like that I immediately went in to her arm to give her a hug as her words finally registering in my head, as soon as I was in her arms I could feel her shoulders relax, letting out a breath "of course not, I said I like you.... so much I've never felt like this before and....and I..i...i I really liked kissing you." I said shyly not lifting my head from her shoulder.

I could feel her relax even more before she asked "then what's wrong honey?" putting one of her hands in my hair stroke it gently. God I love it when she calls me honey it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, I don't know what people talk about when they say butterflies I don't feel any butterflies, I feel safe, secure, warm, like the world could blow up but I'm in her arms so everything is okay.

I knew she wanted an answer. but I didn't know what to say, we just kissed. we're not even in a relationship yet, I'll miss her even more now when I leave, my mind went down the spiral of the 10 months I'm going to have to spend in Arizona, until I can come back here again, and I think I'm going to cry. I don't want to cry in front of her.

I think she could feel my distress because she pushed my head away from her shoulder holding my face with her hands stroking my cheeks with her thumbs "hey, hey, it's okay, everything is okay just tell me what's wrong, and we'll handle it together remember we'll do it together. please don't cry." she said stroking my face with the back of her hand.

All that tender love made me brake down still in her arms, "it's Just that, what if, what if we start dating and I mean I have to leave before we're even girlfriends, I dont want to leave you. I never want to leave here. And I feel powerless that I can't do anything about it, that I don't get a choice. It feels like everyone else has more say in my life than I do and the one thing I want to choose is to be here with you and my Dad, but I can't and it feels like it's eating me from the inside." I said, now full of crying.

Leah looked at me with sadness in her eyes, wiping my tears away before she brought me closer putting my head in her chest and saying, "don't worry everything is going to be okay." stroking my hair trying to calm me down but the tears keep falling, I haven't cried in a long time.

I always stop myself. I'm a little bit of a crybaby, when people yell or Bella and mom say something mean my first reaction is always to tear up. but I stopped letting the tears out when I was about 15. my mom said that the only reason I Cry is for attention and sympathy, that I should be ashamed of crying like a baby, and it never left my head. every time I start tearing up I could hear her voice in my head saying that I was acting like a child. that crying will get me nowhere and that if I wanted to cry I should do it outside, before telling me to get out and locking the door behind me.

But now when Leah is here I feel safe, I feel like I could cry, and she wouldn't say anything bad. she would just hold me, just like she's doing right now. and I can't help but let more tears fall, tears that I've been holding on for the entire year, tears of relief that I'm home tears of knowing that Leah is here, but the most tears are for knowing that me being home, with her. is only temporary.