Behind Bars Of Steel

Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

Edgar Allan Poe

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ith a strong heaving lurch of her tired stomach, another mouthful of bile emerged from her wavering pale lips and into the waiting pool of blood and pungent vomit. She violently shivered in the humid room. Now that her stomach had ceased it's lurching, she merely felt the insides of her stomach bruise. Curling up on the bed, a cold sweat glistened in her gaunt features. The glass of water stared back her from the bedside table, she took a sip and laid back onto her pillow. Vomiting had become a routine that Diana did it as efficiently as flicking a bug on her sleeve. Everything she ate or even drank would be down the drain in a matter of short hours. Her stomach simply could not digest anything and it showed.

Her cheeks and eyes sunk, her skin paled like a ghost and her bones unnaturally jutted out of her body as if wanting to escape the tight hold of her skin. It was clear to her that her body could not put up much longer, starvation would be her reckoning it seemed and she could do nothing about it, nothing to sway it. She felt hopeless in her own body.

She knew her time was soon so she had decided to visit her father in prison, one last time before she left. Her father was a complicated man, one obsessed with power and money, since her mother's death a seed of greed had been planted within him and each day it grew tall and prosperous. She worried for him, his sentence expires in seven months and Diana feared what his actions would do when he would be released. She knew she would not be there to get him back on his feet. He was never the type to listen, words always found a way out through his ears. So she sat up and for the longest time, she thought of a way to keep her words from floating away from his head. Her eyes lay on her vanity and it was then she got the idea to write him a letter that he would hopefully abide by.

To Eric,

Father, I'm writing this letter in hopes that maybe it will remind you of the life you still have ahead of you. I'm afraid that my time will come to a stop soon and I will not be there to help you through your woes. I've been plagued with a terminal sickness. I will not be present on the day of your discharge and for that I'm sorry. I have no control over this.

But, father I beg of you to heed my advice, to change the way you live. You are gifted with long life and it will be prosperous if only you let go of your greed and gluttony.

Are you willing to let go of your obsession or will you continue to bond yourself to material possessions? The choice is yours father, but only others can love you back, objects and money are not capable of that. One is a bond and the other is a road to loneliness and desolation. So please, learn to love again, learn to trust, and learn how good it feels to feel loved and trusted by others. Belong, be yourself, be expressive and free, be gracious, be open-hearted and full of soul. Then pour it out in the hands of others, whatever makes your soul special and joyful. Feel the music, the sheer, the song. Let it in. Be a part of the community, be an example for others.

Live, father or you will regret not living. I shall say hello to mother for you. I love you Dad.

Your daughter,

Diana.

With a heavy heart, she folded the piece of paper with trembling fingers. In the silence of her room, she heard Nutmeg whine behind her, she felt bad for not paying as much attention to him as of late. So she decided to take him on a short walk before she visited her father and mother.

Her father didn't change since the last time she'd seen him, a couple of months back. He seemed healthy and fit but still, she worried for him. His mind was like a never-ending maelstrom of reckoning thoughts. His shoulders seemed broader like his overall physique had changed into someone who wrestled for a living. His left cheek was adorned with a wavering scar, a pink reminisce of a nasty slash. She looked at him from the other side of the glass, tears brimming in her line of sight, she remembered when he really used to be her father, now he was but a shell of man, hollowed out by years of struggle and bad deeds. She watched as his angry eyes took her up and with each glance they seemed to widen further. She picked up the phone and watched as he did the same.

"Hey" She timidly spoke once she realized that he hesitated to speak to her. Her voice was rough and coarse as if she swallowed a cup of dry sand. She felt horrible, she felt like a degenerate for not visiting her father sooner, it was clear by the distaste in his eyes that he was not going to forgive her for her lack of visits.

"Diana," His voice sounded thick with emotion and confusion. He wanted to reach out and hug her but the thick layer of glass permitted any physical contact. He looked at his daughter, he wanted to be mad at her for not visiting him in the last couple of months but then when he saw her, all he felt was worry and confusion. She looked too thin in his eyes, he was convinced that his once plump daughter was replaced with a phony skeletal lookalike.

"I'm sorry for not visiting" She averted her gaze from his accusing eyes. They were far too intense for her liking, it made her hate herself even more for being so inconsiderate and selfish, he was her father after all and his disappointment in her only deflated her further.

"What happened?" He interrupted, his grip on the phone tightening. The first thing he thought of was to blame her husband for the state she was in. There was no one else to blame, as her husband he was supposed to take good care of her and be her guardian.

"Huh? Nothing happened, what do-"

"Cut the bullshit, Diana!" He bellowed so loud the bystanding guard had to come up and give him a warning. But all Eric did was roll his eyes at the guard and disregard his warning. "Tell me Diana Goddamn it!" He bellowed again and this time the guard was clearly fed up with how Eric was behaving and cut the meeting short, "Visits over" He grumbled.

For a moment Diana was taken aback by her fathers outbursts, she didn't remember him being this short-tempered, maybe he was worse than she thought, maybe he was beyond commonsense after all. But nonetheless, before the guard had the chance to take Diana's father away, she quickly pushed the letter into the small open slot and into her father cuffed hands it landed. She looked at him one last time and with tears in her eyes she whispered, "Goodbye, Dad. I love you." She said her last parting words before leaving. In the background, she heard her father yell out for her to come back but she didn't, rather she let her tears out of the dam and hurried to the car to visit her mother one last time.

The cemetery whispered under the sallow moon, an icy wind rustling fresh browned leaves, each of them turning more crisp as winter drew near. The ground had a softness that would disappear in just a few weeks, frozen as hard as the stones it supported. All that beauty over everything dead. She stood there, her eyes resting on her mothers' name, "Amethyst" the fading words were etched. Her heart hearing the sound of her warm voice as if she stood with her. Perhaps it was the memories that were the real connection, that sense of love a key to open doors into the worlds beyond, and there she was to add to it with an array of flowers in her hand. She took a moment, her breath rising in visible puffs. Will I see you soon? She whispered. She knew that in a brief window of time she will feel her mother's love again.

She lay the flowers down on the dirt and gently smiled, "I'll see you soon, Mom" And just like the gentle breeze, she was whisked away.