Lacrosse tryouts are today, I haven't played on the team nor even played it for a while but I'm feeling good about this.

I get my jersey and shirts from my closet and change. I gather all my things stuffing them into my draw-string bag. it's pretty small but it works just fine.

my door abruptly opens causing me to look over, Rowan and Luca both walk in. "come on we gotta go" Luca leans down, grabs a shirt from the corner, and throws it right into my face.

I take the shirt off of me and throw it back at him. he slightly flinches as it hits him "what the fuck was that for"

he glares at me "just get ready, we're already late."

"I am getting ready" I don't spare him another glance.

I walk to my storage closet and reach for my crosse. my eyes widen when I see I pulled out the incorrect one.

I quickly put it back not wanting to spare another glance at it. I don't want Rowan and Luca to see it and I definitely don't need them knowing I kept it.

I grab the right one and turn to them "there, we can go now"

Luca leans off of the wall and walks towards the door "finally"

"I wasn't even taking that long" I turn to Luca as we walk.

"it doesn't matter, I don't want to be late" he starts walking a little faster.

"it doesn't matter if we're late or not, coach was the one who convinced us to try out again in the first place" I catch up to him.

"no, he wanted you to try out again, not us."

my mouth opens as I'm about to say something but rowan cuts me off "can you guys stop running away. I'm trying to keep up" he breathes heavily and try's to catch his breath.

"oh, yeah. sorry, Rowan" I respond.

"Sorry," Luca says softly.

we walk in silence until we reach the locker room "I'm already ready, I'll meet you guys on the field"

they both nod.

I turn away and walk outside. I see a group of guys who are getting yelled at by coach.

I walk beside him and he abruptly turns his head and looks at me "Leo, you're here, but you're late"

"I know, I apologize," I say.

he stares at me for what feels like hours not daring to look away "don't do it again"

"I won't"

"Leo, just get on the field"

"OH COME ON! RUN FASTER!" coach Henderson yells.

everyone starts running faster and trying harder as coach screams this.

someone passes me the ball and I catch it and shoot it in the net.

it gets in.

the game restarts and the opposing team has the ball, someone from my team catches the ball as it was getting thrown and passes it to me.

I quickly pass it to someone else and he starts running towards the net without passing.

idiot.

"PASS THE BALL" coach Henderson yells yet again.

he doesn't listen and keeps running to the net, as he's about to shoot someone from the other team catches it.

I see coach throw his clipboard on the ground "EVERYONE TAKE A BREAK"

I carry my crosse walk towards the bench and grab my water bottle of it.

I spray it in my mouth and some down my back, even though it's 3 degrees celsius outside, and very cloudy.

I'm still hot.

I look towards the far benches when I hear someone yelling my name. Vivienne and Blake are sitting right there.

they walk towards me "we heard you were trying out again, so we came to check, I guess it's true" Blake says with a shocked yet happy expression.

"yup"

"that's really great Leo, El-"

"where's Blair?" I cut her off, not wanting to continue this topic along with the fact that I'm curious about where she is.

"she's back at the dorm, she said she wasn't feeling well" she shrugs.

"so she's sick?" I question.

"she's not sick, Leo. She just doesn't feel well"

"so sick?" i repeat shaking my head slowly.

"no, she dosent feel well" Blake moves her hair from her face and ties it behind "and why you do care anyways"

"I don't."

"then why do you keep asking"

why I keep asking?

I only need to give her something. I don't care if she's sick or not.

I really don't need nor want to know.

"I need to give her something" I answer truthfully.

Viv opens her mouth to say something but gets cut off "BREAKS OVER, EVERYONE GET ON THE FIELD!" I turn my head and see coach yelling.

"I have-" Blake cuts me off and shakes her head laughing "just go Leo"

I nod and jog back to the field.

-

"tryouts are over! hit the showers"

I take off my helmet and jog to the locker room. thank god that's over.

I take off my jersey once in inside and throw it into my shelf.

I reach into my bag and pull out my spare change of clothes. I grab a clean towel off the stack and go to the showers.

I start the shower and set everything down on the benches beside. I quickly wash my hair and body so I don't hold anyone up.

I get out of the shower, dry off and throw on some sweats. I get back to my shelf and see Luca setting his stuff on the self beside mine.

"you did well out there" I turn to him

Luca turns to look at me "you did too"

I pull my bag off the shelf and everything falls out. "shit, let me help" Luca leans down and starts picking up stuff off the floor.

"you brought a book to practice" Luca laughs and picks it up. he starts looking at the back and starts laughing even more.

fuck.

I rip it from his hands and set it in my bag "it's not mine"

"totally " he laughs yet again and turns away from me.

"it's not"

"who's is it then"

"it's Blair's" I respond.

"Blair's" he repeats.

"yes, Blair's" I grab my towel and run it through my hair in an attempt to dry it.

"why would you even have her book in the first place" he walks away from me and throws a towel in the dirty bin.

what do I even say? that we hung out?

"she wanted to do this book club shit" I walk beside him and throw the dirty towel in the bin.

"And you agreed." he turns and looks me dead in the eyes. he looks shocked

why wouldn't I do it?

it's fun.

not really but still.

"Yeah, I did" I grab my bag from the shelf and throw it over my shoulders

he doesn't say another word, he just shakes his head and grabs his bag.

"what?" I question.

"nothing" he walks out of the room. I follow behind him in confusion "there's something"

"it's nothing" he responds, shaking his head

"it's not-"I get cut off "it doesn't matter," he says.

my eyebrows furrow "well, I'm gonna go give the book to Blair"

he nods in understanding and starts to walk away but stops himself "have fun" he smirks.

this was a bad-no horrible idea. why the fuck am I here.

I'm about to knock but the door suddenly opens. Blair's standing right in front of me she has dark circles under her eyes, her eyes are slightly red, she looks sick. "what are you doing here"

"oh uh, I finished the book" I take it out of my bag and hand it to her.

she takes it from my hands and looks me dead in the eyes, she moves further into her room. "you know you can come in right?"

my eyes widen and I walk in and shut the door "yeah sorry"

I move to her desk and sit in the chair, I slowly spin on on the chair and as is on her bed looking through the book.

"you wrote in the book," she says, surprised.

I stop spinning and stare at her "oh yeah I did, I do it to every book sorry"

"it's fine, it's pretty fun to read over" she sets the book down on her nightstand. she opens one drawer and pulls out a book.

she walks over to me and hands me the book "this is the book I read, I didn't write in it but I used sticky notes."

I stare at the book and then look at Blair "did you like it?"

"I did, it was a good book" she replies sounding honest "did you like the book I picked out?" she questions and sits back down on her bed.

"I enjoyed it, the ending almost made me cry but it was a great book."

she raises her eyebrows and smiles but it almost looks like a smirk "you almost cried."

"I didn't I almost did" I furrow my eyebrows. she's annoying.

"I never said you did" she smiles once again.

I stare at her for a minute until a knock at the door causes me to look over.

Blair starts getting up to open the door but I stop her "I'll get it, sit down"

she nods in agreement and I walk to the door, I open it and see Lewis Hart standing in front of me. "Leo?" he questions in confusion.

"Lewis?" I question. I look back at Blair and I see her eyebrows furrowed.

"is Blair here?" I look back at him confused. suddenly the door opens more and Blair slightly pushes me back and stands in front of me.

"Lewis hey what are you doing here?" she asks him.

I stand behind her not saying a single word. she knows him?

"you forgot something in class, so I wanted to bring it to you" he hands her something and I move over to the side. she's smiling. "thank you, Lewis, I'll see you later"

"of course" he smiles and walks away. Blair closed the door and sets a notebook on her desk.

what the fuck just happened?

she moves past me and sits back on her bed. I walk over to her and sit beside her "you know Hart?" I question.

"he's in my class I've talked to him a couple of times" she shrugs as if it's nothing.

god he's so annoying.

"oh, okay" i say softly

she nods back. "I'm gonna go take a shower now, you can let yourself- " she cuts herself off "I mean you can stay if you want, I'm not like forcing you to leave or anything"

I smile and get off her bed "I'm gonna go, I need to put my lacrosse equipment away anyways" I walk to her door and pick up my bag and crosse.

"you're on the team?" she questions.

"I don't know yet" I respond and open the door

"oh okay, I'll see you later"

"see you later Blair" I shut the door and walk to my dorm.

it's the middle of the night and I'm laying in bed, I grab the book Blair gave me off of my desk and open it.

I open the first page and see a different coloured sticky note, each with a different emotion written on them.

I look through each scene and run my hands over the tabs.

I get to a blue tab in the book, it has something written beside it.

I read it over and find myself slightly smiling.

smiling at a stupid note in a book.

each tab means something.

it's how she felt at a certain point. how she reckons different parts. this book, these tabs. it might look like a normal book, but it holds so much more.

I sound like a stalker.

I get up from my bed and set the book on my desk, I need to stop.

I glance at my clock,

2:00 am.

I've been looking at the book for over an hour.

I walk to my light switch and shut it off, I get back in my bed in an attempt to sleep.

after a lot of twisting and turning I finally get into a comfortable position and fall asleep.