《Have Hope》34
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Y/N POV
After my mom's long, emotional explanation, we all sort of mindlessly went to dinner, unsure of what to feel. Most- if not all of us, seemed to be lost in our own thoughts on the situation, internally debating about where to go from here.
I knew I needed to talk to my mom alone, just as much as I knew I needed to talk to my teammates alone, especially Alex.
No doubt my mom and Kelley had some things to talk about, along with everyone else.
There was so much to do, and so little time.
With the game being tomorrow, our curfew was 10, and it was already 6, leaving us four hours to eat, shower, talk, and wind down. That may sound like a lot of time, but it's not.
We ate dinner in silence, with my mom sitting at the coaches table while the rest of us sat in our regular spots.
After our meal, most of the team went up to their rooms, probably wanting to give themselves time to think. I needed to talk to both Alex and my mom, but wasn't sure I was ready for either conversation.
It seemed that the two women had chosen for me though, because while the rest of the team and coaching staff filed out of the room, Alex approached me, as Hope approached Kelley.
I watched the two ex-girlfriends out of the corner of my eye, unable to hear what they were saying, but hoping to god Kelley wouldn't be too upset to listen.
"Hi." Alex said softly, giving me a small smile.
I shifted my attention to her, automatically returning the smile. "Hey."
The brunette looked over at Hope and Kelley, watching them for a few seconds. The pair nodded and my mom smiled a small smile, following the shorter woman out of the room.
"So I guess they're gonna go sort out their...problems." Alex said, turning back to me.
My chest filled with a deep sense of hope that they'd be able to work everything out. Maybe even start over.
"I hope so."
The forward cleared her throat, and I could sense her hesitation. "So...are we gonna...talk about it?"
I inhaled deeply, then nodded, trying to hide my nervousness. "Yes. We should. I'm assuming they're gonna talk in my room, so can we go to yours?"
Alex nodded, her smile larger. "Pinoe said she's with Ash, Tobin, Ali, and Christen, so we've got the room to ourselves."
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Kelley POV
Hope and I ended up in Y/n and I's room, seeking much needed privacy and time away from the rest of the team in order to talk.
I didn't know what to say once we were finally alone, sitting across from one another on the two beds.
I was trying hard to fight back the tears that threatened to fall, but the lump in my throat was making it much too difficult.
Hope had been the best thing to ever happen to me. Better than my first USWNT call up. Hell, it was better than winning the 2015 World Cup.
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From the first day we had met, I had been infatuated with Hope Solo and her hard, icy blue eyes. Her impenetrable exterior and intimidating attitude scared almost everyone off at first, but I couldn't help but feel drawn to her.
I would find any excuse to be with her or talk to her, trying my best to make her laugh and smile despite her constant complaining about how annoying I was.
The day I had first made her laugh felt better than any win, and from that point on things continued to change between us. First it was less complaining, then more teasing. Then it grew to be a close friendship off the field, which also shifted onto the field.
We'd celebrate goals and wins together, jumping into each other's arms. We always stood next to each other for the national anthem. It became so normal. So natural, that it always felt weird whenever she wasn't there. There were times where Hope would sort of...disappear. Of course, now I know it's because she had a daughter to take care of, but at the time it made me worried that she was already seeing someone.
Obviously, I still felt that either way I had no chance with her. To my knowledge Hope was straight, so things seemed to be hopeless for quite some time.
At least, until we kissed.
Still, to this day, every time I think about it it makes me smile. It had happened so randomly, and so unexpectedly, for a while after I thought maybe I had been dreaming.
It was after a long, grueling practice in preparation for the group stage match during the 2015 World Cup.
We were in the locker room changing, and somehow it ended up being just Hope and I left. We were joking around and talking when me, being the clumsy mess I am, tripped over my untied shoe and fell on top of the brunette. She was able to catch me, stopping me from face planting on the floor, and that's when I met her eyes and realized how close we were.
Her strong, toned arms had been wrapped around my body, her face less than a few inches from mine.
"Hope...." My heart was pounding in my chest, and I couldn't stop my eyes from shifting back and forth between her deep, blue orbs, and her plump, red lips.
I could only hope that the goalie couldn't feel my pulse, but at that point it didn't really matter anyway, because there was no way she didn't feel the tension that was growing between us.
"Kel...can I...can I kiss you?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, and for a second I wondered if I had imagined it.
I met her eyes once more, inclining my head, and suddenly her lips were on mine.
I didn't know how long it would last, so I tried to make the most of it, not hesitating to kiss her back.
I finally had to pull away when I could no longer breath, my lungs burning.
That's when realization hit. "Holy shit...Hope I'm so-"
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"It's okay, Kel. It's okay."
We were both panting, our chests heaving, cheeks flushed, lips swollen.
"I've liked you for a while now, if I'm being honest."
My eyes seemed to bug out of my head. "Wh...what!?"
"You didn't know? I thought it was super obvious."
"Hope...?! No! I thought you were straight!"
"What?! Ew no why would you think that?"
I shrugged, now feeling embarrassed. "I don't know..."
The brunette let out a deep chuckle, her chest rumbling. "No, Kelley, I'm not straight. At all. I mean, I dated one boy in high school but that was...ugh."
"Okay wait so you've been gay this whole time, and no one told me?"
She shrugged, unable to stop laughing. "Yeah, I guess. I mean again, I thought it was obvious. Didn't you ever wonder why I was always around you?"
"No! Because I was always around you! Hope you're literally the most difficult person to read! I just thought you hated me and thought I was annoying!"
"Why?"
"BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY TOLD ME, MULTIPLE TIMES, "Kelley shut up, you're so annoying"! What the fuck else was I supposed to think!?"
"Okay...I see how that might cause some confusion."
"Yeah, ya think?"
"Well...what now?"
"I mean...I like you too. A lot."
"You do?"
"Yeah, how could I not? You're the strongest, most fiercely stubborn person I've ever met. You always make me laugh and smile, well, that and you're really fucking hot so...."
The blue eyed woman laughed, pressing a kiss to my head. "You're cute. So, I guess maybe we could...go out sometime?"
"I'd like that."
Everything just took off from there. It was extremely difficult to keep our relationship quiet from both the public and the team, especially during the World Cup, but once we won the tournament, we felt comfortable enough to tell our friends. A few months later we went public.
The next four years were the best of my life, and I knew for sure that Hope was the one. There was no one else in this world that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
The one day she was gone.
She had left, leaving behind nothing but the smell of her shampoo on my sheets, and a short note that said.
I'm sorry.
It had felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why, and for so long I blamed myself. I thought I had pushed her away.
The months following were the toughest I'd ever dealt with. The whole team seemed to be in shambles, trying our best to pick up and recover from the sudden loss of our star goalie, all while starting to prepare for the next world cup. And that's when Y/n arrived, serving as a bitter sweet model of the once love of my life.
"I...um..." Hope started, wiping her face with her hands before they came to rest on the back of her neck. "I don't really know what to say. I wish I could come up with the perfect speech that would magical fix all of my problems and make you forgive me, but I know that no amount of explanation can solve this. What I did to you was unforgivable. I regret the choice I made every single day, and I think about you every single day. I can't stop thinking about you to be honest. I thought about calling you and texting you so many times...I felt like I was going crazy without you. But even still, I wasn't strong enough. I should have been strong enough, to be honest with you from the very beginning."
The keeper sniffled, wiping her tears with her hands.
"I'm so, so, so sorry, Kelley. I'm so sorry. If I could take it all back I would. I would do it in a heartbeat, because I never wanted to hurt you, or anyone else, and I never wanted to ruin us. You made me so happy- you make me so happy."
I couldn't stay mad at Hope, even if I wanted to. I had spent so long devoting my time and energy towards hating her for what she did. Hating her for leaving, for just throwing away our relationship after four years of being together. Now, seeing her break down in front of me, hearing the reasons why...it made the whole thing feel silly. I could tell that the choice she made hurt her just as much as it had hurt me. We were both dealing with the consequences of it, no matter how different our situations were.
I took a shaky breath, looking up from my lap over at the brunette, who's eyes were cast down to the floor in obvious guilt and shame.
"I appreciate you telling me all of this- for finally being honest with me, even if it took a long time. Hope I'm going to be honest with you now. I forgive you, and I don't hate you, nor am I mad at you, but it's going to take me a while to fully trust you again. Whatever we do- whatever we are, I need to know that you won't leave again."
She didn't even hesitate. "I promise. I swear to god I won't ever do that again, and I completely respect your boundaries, and I respect you for protecting yourself. Thank you, Kelley, for forgiving me. I don't deserve it."
I inclined my head in a short nod, getting lost in my thoughts for a few moments before finally asking the question I had been yearning to know since the goalie had come back.
"I want to know what you want, Hope. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear, or what you think the 'right' answer is. Be honest with me. What do you want?"
Hope spoke slowly, her voice vulnerable, nervous, and timid.
"I want....you. I want us. I want a second chance. You're all I've ever wanted, and all I've ever needed. You're it for me, Kelley O'Hara, whether you like it or not. I want to try again."
I smiled.
"I want to try again too."
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