Ever since I had my hearing, I loved music. I was never smart to compose master pieces but I had a passion to dance. Dancing came natural to me; it's one of the things that makes me feel happy.

I never knew how much I'd take music for granted.....

How would you feel if one day you're perfectly fine, and the next day, you hear . I couldn't hear anything. Not even my own heartbeat.

Just silence.

I struggled to speak, my words would slur as I spoke. I faintly remembered the way my throat muscles moved as I spoke some words. Other words, I would soon completely forget what they sounded like.

Scared, I tried playing music from my phone.

Nothing. Nothing at all.

I covered my mouth, terrified. Hot tears fell down my face. I never knew I'd lose my hearing so fast.....

***

"When will it happen, Doctor?"

It was because of a stupid ear infection!

I took everything for granted. I desperately wished I could hear music one last time... Hear my mother's loving voice one more time...

I miss it so much...

***

What if I can never dance again?

Will I ever be the same person?

It's as if I'm I standing alone on an empty stage, and I feel lonely... I feel so isolated...

There's no audience; there's no one there to help me. I'm in a world where no one can hear my pleading cries, trying to reach them; I'm no longer connected to the people around me.

I'm so afraid...

Dancing was one of the only things that makes me feel passionate. It feels as if something has left me entirely.

I'm not the same Hoseok.

I'm terrified of the vast emptiness inside of me. I try to put these thoughts aside and pretend that this is all in my mind... But nothing will ever save me... Nothing at all.

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No, I told myself.

My disability will not stop my passion. I wasn't going to let it stop me from dancing.

I was going to find another way.

***

I was determined.

I watched and observed dancers' choreographies and play the music on my speakers.

As I followed their moves, the music would vibrate the floor. I used my feet to feel the rhythm, feeling the beat of the music. I would do this over and over and over and over again, practicing this everyday and every night. I would practice until I felt like passing out.

Nothing was going to stop me.

I could still feel the rhythm of the music in my feet. I could slowly feel the beat inside of myself again. I was grateful music hasn't left me completely.

***

Sometimes at school, I would get glares from people. I don't really understand why. They'd hit me or steal my belongings. And maybe they were talking behind my back.

It was mean but I didn't really mind for some reason. I guess I was used to this routine. Sometimes though, they don't acknowledge me at all.

I do sometimes wish I had my hearing.

How does a bass drum sound like again?? The sound of a locker being slammed? How a dog barks? A car humming? A voice? I just long to hear it all again.

But in reality....

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That would never happen...