"y/n come on. get up please." a beautiful voice whispered to me. it belonged to jeongin.

it's been 5 months.

5 months of absence.

5 months without contact.

5 months without him.

i tried. i tried really hard to do the things he told me to do. i couldn't. i wasn't mentally strong enough.

i didn't eat breakfast every day, i didn't take my pills every day, and i cried. a lot.

for the first 2 months, it wasn't so bad. i had hope that he would be coming back soon. 'just another week.' i kept telling myself. but he never came back. ever. no one had been in contact with him.

after the first 2 months, while i started to lose hope, the only thing i had heard from him was that he had stepped up as the future ceo of seo industries and was in china because his father fell ill. apparently it was all over the news, but i wouldn't know. i hadn't watched the news that whole time. i kept constantly trying to avoid my thoughts by doing literally anything. studying more than i needed to. working more shifts. going to the gym. then i just broke. i couldn't keep faking happiness anymore.

jeongin was laying in my bed next to me. he would occasionally stroke my hair or hug me, just to let me know he was here. he's been trying to help me through all of this. he's always helped me. for my whole life. the only reason why i'm still here is because of him.... and my brother.

i wasn't completely useless. i would get up, shower, try to work out, and eat on my good days. but i had more bad days than good. my bad days consisted of me doing nothing except existing. just laying in my bed. jeongin always came to comfort me though. hyunjin too.

my door swung open. "y/n."

ugh. it's jisung.

i didn't reply. i shoved my face into jeongin's chest and didn't speak. "y/n enough! stop moping around and doing nothing. he isn't coming back. he left. you have to get over it sooner or later. i'm sick of seeing you do nothing with your life and just crying all the damn time. go to work!" my older relative suddenly shouted. i know he didn't mean harm. i could hear the worry behind the tone of his voice.

"hyung..." jeongin gasped in disbelief of my brothers sudden outburst. "no... he's right." i sat up as tears threatened to fall from my sore eyes. "i'm sorry." and there it was. the tears fell. they didn't stop. i threw my hands up in defence before my brother could scold me for crying. "i'm crying because i'm sorry. not because of him." i tried to prove.

i got up out of my bed, following jeongin. my eyes grazed over the last thing changbin left me, the painting. my brother told me we would be going out tonight for dinner. me, jisung, jeongin, hyunjin and minho. felix and seungmin were busy and.... well.... changbin wasn't here.

i got ready. i didn't put much effort into my appearance, but i still looked cute. i wore an outfit hyunjin picked out for me, because his fashion sense is top tier.

i noticed that jisung and minho were refraining from acting how they usually do, probably because i was around. they kept looking at me, as if asking for approval. "oh don't stop because of me. be lovey dovey i couldn't care less." i slurped up my drink, eyes laying on them. "ew i'm not gay." my brother snorted, thinking he was the funniest man in the world. which resulted in minho slapping the back of jisung's head and making him apologise. i let out an audible laugh. this is the first time in months that i had experienced actual happiness and laughter.

maybe everything will be okay.