i woke up to a pounding headache, obviously from the soju last night. my head still lay there as my eyes scanned the room. i slowly lifted my head up, squinting my eyes and yawning. i can see changbin asleep on the table where he was seated last night.

as i moved my arm, i didn't realise it was resting underneath his arm, which caused him to wake up groggily from the sudden shift in movement. "fuuucckk.... my head." he groaned as soon as he lifted his head up, in a deep raspy morning voice. i could've sworn he moaned or something.... that was low key ho- ugh knock it off. i got up slowly, maintaining my balance and walked over to the kitchen. i grabbed the closest glass and filled it with water. i took 2 ibuprofen pills and gave another 2 to changbin. after our heads stopped spinning we parted ways into our rooms to shower and sleep.

hours passed and i woke up feeling slightly better. it was so hot why is it so hot in here? i got up and changed into shorts and an oversized tee and left my room. i walked into the living space where changbin and i spent last night. i cleaned up the pot and the soju that was splashed around the table. i figured changbin would still be sleeping, so i made myself an iced coffee and sat on the couch and put on a random kdrama. 'weight lifting fairy kim bok-joo.'

around half an hour later i heard a door slowly creak open. "morning." i greeted unenthusiastically, eyes still glued to the drama playing in front of me. "hello to you too." the voice of my roommate greeted back in a sarcastic tone. i quickly glanced over to see what he was doing and focussed my attention back on the tv. then it hit me. i quickly snapped my head back to his direction. holy shit. he was wearing sweatpants with a tight fitted spandex material tank top. i literally cannot put into words how fine this man is. his top pressed down, exposing any print of muscle he had on his body. i was practically gawking as if i had never seen a man in my life. "you done staring?" he snarked as he poured protein powder into his shaker. i snapped my head back towards the tv and pretended he didn't just catch me creeping on him like that. oh my god i must look so stupid right now.

changbin left for the shared campus gym a while ago, while i stayed put on the couch and continued binging this drama. it was saturday after all and i had no plans.

i couldn't stop thinking about how my roommate was total eye candy, but he always hid himself in dark clothing. like this guys bicep was probably the size of my head. my thoughts were then interrupted by violent banging on my door. who dares to interrupt me watching netflix. i got up and made my way to the door, my fluffy blanket wrapped around my shoulders. hyunjin. "watcha doin?" the blonde bent forward to my height and flashed a boxy smile and scrunched his nose. "well i WAS watching something." i stared with a blank face. "oooo fun." he chirped in response and pushed passed me into the dorm and sat on the couch.

we sat and watched the rest of the weight lifting fairy episode i was on. luckily i was only on episode 3 so hyunjin didn't really miss out on much. hyunjin stole one side of my blanket and wrapped it around himself so we were now wrapped in the same blanket, looking like two people in a burrito. the door opened. hyunjin and i snapped our heads to where the click of the door opening was coming from. "binnieeeeeee!" hyunjin cheered and then pouted as soon as he was greeted back with a simple "hi."

"go away hyunjin you're loud." changbin scolded his friend and practically dragged him out the door. "are you always this mean to people?" i wondered. "shut up." i got in response. tch. is this guy bipolar or something? "rude." i murmured under my breath. "i'm not mean i just don't like loud people." same. "okay well neither do i and i don't treat my friends like shit." i rolled my eyes at his stupid reasoning. "and who are you to tell me how i treat people?" his voice raises suddenly and he slammed one of his hands on the kitchen bench. i flinched at the sudden loud slap and wondered why he was getting so angry. i just got up and went into my room, carrying my blanket with me.

truth is, i was assaulted once when i was younger. i was about 13 and i always thought i was weak or over sensitive for letting that get the best of me all the time. that's why i have ptsd. people think that i can't have ptsd from something like that. they think that only war veterans or people who have actually seen death or something like that can have ptsd. but that's not true. i chose to leave that situation with my roommate because despite the medication, things can still trigger my fight or flight instincts. such as loud noises, seeing violence, have things thrown at me and people coming behind me and scaring me and stuff like that. yeah it sucks, but it's alright.

i am now planning to spend the rest of the weekend like i did the first week i got here. ignoring my very much asshole of a roommate.