《Finding Gilbert Blythe》Kissing Gilbert Blythe

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"I've given you enough chances."

"Rid-babe, please, you don't understand-this was nothing what it looked like...please..."

Ridley resists the urge to smack Sawyer across the face. Her violent and childish ways, however, have died along with any feelings she had left for this sorry excuse for a male. Instead, she chooses to merely fake a yawn - well, to be perfectly truthful, she does feel really tired. All she wants to do right now is curl up in her poky little bedroom with her laptop and maybe write a story about an amazing, independent, sassy redhead who catches her boyfriend in bed with not one, not two, but three girls, covered in chocolate ice-cream. At least that story would end with all the girls dumping ice-cream all over him and walking away together, hand in hand.

The naked women tangled in the sheets of Sawyer's bed don't seem to be the least bit concerned that Sawyer's just been caught cheating on Ridley with them. Instead, they're all whispering to each other, pointing and giggling excitedly at Ridley, who feels a little offended. Alright, so her skin isn't as creamy as theirs but there really is no need to be so rude about it.

"Sawyer," Ridley drawls lazily, suddenly very bored with the situation. "It's not like we were official anyway, right? Like you told me some time back, we should take things slow. And when I mean slow, I mean we should probably never see each other again."

She turns to leave but Sawyer quickly grabs her wrist and tugs her towards him. He looks livid. Ridley snatches her hand away and scowls at Sawyer angrily. "I'm sorry," she spits, "I didn't realise I'd given you a non-verbal consent to touch me."

"Ridley you can't just leave." Sawyer runs a hand through his matted blonde hair. Ridley can't believe she used to find that attractive. It actually makes her feel sick right now. "I...I made a mistake. A huge, horrible mistake. I need you; you can't leave me like this, please. I...I'm...I'm lost without you."

Sawyer stares at Ridley, open-mouthed, hopeful looking. Ridley stares right back at him before opening her mouth to speak.

"Then get a bloody map, you wanker."

And with that, she walks out of his house, ignoring his cries of protest. Once she's out in the open, she begins to giggle. And the giggles turn in to laughter.

I'm lost without you? Did he actually just say that? Out loud? Perhaps hanging around Benjamin had made her immune to cheesy romantic lines like these. Ridley knew her sixteen year old self would've melted instantly under these words but Ben seems to have taught her better. All those nights she'd spent listening to him make snide remarks at romantic movies...who knew she could've benefited from that? I owe you one, Ben.

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Ridley smiles as Ben's laughter echoes around the ever empty Aroma.

"And you just left him there? Standing around like a total idiot?"

"Yep. Do you think I could've-"

"Nope." Benjamin gives her a dopy grin. "Everything was perfect. Perfect."

Ridley sighs and rests the back of her head against the chair she is sitting on. Inhaling slowly, she thinks about all those times she'd actually thought Sawyer was her Gilbert Blythe. She can't believe she'd ever had such a thought. Sawyer! Psh. Clearly, Ridley hadn't been in the right state of mind. But...but he'd been so perfect, at first. He'd read all the books and he'd been so kind, and intelligent, and witty. And all those cute little kisses they had shared, all the cuddling and the inside jokes...Ridley knows she'd thoroughly enjoyed those moments - but...had she, really? She briefly remembers the time when Sawyer had first kissed her; the plumpness of his lips, the chocolate-y aftertaste...it had been her first kiss...ever, and it had been a rather satisfactory one. But that was it, really. Satisfactory. Not how she'd imagined it to be. It wasn't toe-curlingly brilliant, nor did it give her any butterflies in her stomach and...oh, how cliché...there was nothing in it. No spark. Not even a fizzle.

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So that's it really. Ridley knows she'd never truly liked him; like Anne Shirley herself, Ridley suddenly has a revelation. She'd never liked Sawyer, romantically. Perhaps she liked him as a friend - a friend she frequently snogged, that is - but nothing beyond that. That explains why she isn't very upset about him cheating on her...frankly, she's almost expected something like this to happen.

And suddenly, she's crying. Not because of Sawyer - but because she's realised just how stupid she's been, and how relieved she is that she's finally realised how much of an idiot she was for not listening to Benjamin, for just dumping Sawyer the first time he showed signs of being just another, typical douchebag; she's also crying because she's sick of not being able to differentiate between an asshole and a true gentleman. Who knows when another Sawyer comes along pretending to be her supposed Gilbert Blythe?

She can vaguely hear Benjamin's voice but she's too busy enjoying the way his arms have suddenly wrapped themselves around her shaking body. Ridley closes her eyes and lets the tears flow, not caring that she's making a fool out of herself right now, not caring about the consequences of letting her guard down. Ridley is sick of hiding behind the 'tough girl' facade, because she really, truly isn't a tough girl. She's as sensitive as Anne Shirley and all she wants right now is Benjamin and his comforting arms.

"Don't cry," she can hear him say as he gently strokes her hair. "He isn't worth your tears, Rids. He never was."

"It's-it's not...him." Benjamin lets go of Ridley and frowns at her, perplexed. She sighs and quickly wipes her tears away, feeling the embarrassment creeping into her cheeks in the form of a blush.

"I'm sorry...wow, I'm sorry for being so emotional-"

"Don't be stupid," Benjamin cuts across with a growing smile, "I've had loads of girlfriends. I'm used to girlish angst. Cry away, carrots."

Ridley rolls her eyes at Benjamin's use of that annoying nickname. "I wasn't crying over Sawyer, anyway," she says. "I mean...you're right, you know? He's a pillock. I was crying because...because...oh..." She trails off, not really sure if she wants to finish the sentence. It is a bit embarrassing.

"Oh go on." Benjamin chuckles. "Enlighten me, O ginger one."

Ridley scowls.

"Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry." Benjamin puts his hands up in the air in the form of surrender. "I won't mention your hair colour...not until you've finished telling me why you've been bawling like a little baby."

"I wasn't bawling-" Ridley stops, and sighs. "Okay, you know what; let's just forget the whole thing ever happened."

"Aw, babe, come on." Benjamin tries to grab hold of Ridley's arm as she gets up and walks away but fails, brushing the air with his fingers instead. Ridley tries to ignore the way her heart has begun to race. Babe, babe, babe. No, he didn't mean anything by that. Just Ben being his usual flirty self.

"You know, I really thought you would've lost that American accent, by now." Ridley's hands are trembling slightly but she balls them up into fists and strides right back towards Benjamin.

He frowns. "American?"

"Yeah," she says, giving him a poke on the shoulder. "The first time I spoke to you, you had that really American accent. It didn't go away for ages but it began to fade, until we couldn't even tell you're originally from America. It sounded a bit strange at times, though. Like when you said 'house'...sounded a bit off, even for American. And right now, when you called me babe...sounded really American."

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Instead of a worded reply, Ben bursts out laughing.

"Why are you-?"

"American?" Ben splutters. "You thought...I...American?"

"Yeah," Ridley says, feeling slightly offended. "I mean, who wouldn't think you're American, back then? Everyone knew that. Alright, stop laughing-" She tries to swat him on the head but he ducks quickly. "What are you then? Australian? Nigerian? What?"

"Oh, god. That was a right laugh." Ben wipes away any remaining traces of laughter tears in his eyes. "You, idiot, Ridley. You're terrible at recognising accents. And we've known each other since we were little children. I thought you knew..."

"Just tell me already!" Ridley snaps, feeling impatient.

"Are you seriously kidding me?" Ben says. "And you call yourself an Anne of Green Gables, fan. You can't even recognise a good old-"

"CANADIAN?!"

Benjamin jumps, clearly startled. Ridley, however, looks livid.

"How could you not tell me you're...you're a Canadian?" Ridley lets out a huge sigh and throws her hands up in the air. "You know how obsessed I am with Canada, right? I've literally wanted to visit since...since I was eleven years old! How could you not tell me? Benjamin I swear I will literally-oh my god, does this mean you have a house in Canada? You have a house?! You have to take me there. You absolutely-"

"Whoa, whoa, calm down." Ben is laughing again. "I'm part Canadian. My mum's from Canada and my dad's from here. I only lived in Canada for about four years of my life. Dad and I moved to England when I was about five."

"WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO LEAVE CANADA?"

"The weather there is pretty bad, you know. Especially in the winter."

"England has shit weather too, Benjamin. Worse, actually."

"Yeah," Ben just shrugs. "Family stuff, you know?"

Ridley grows quiet, suddenly understanding what he means. She might not have known Ben was Canadian, but she knows this part of his story. One day, Ben had been a part of a normal family and the next he had woken up to learn that his mother had disappeared. Left them. Abandoned her family.

"Oh. Yeah." Ridley's known this much about him. Just this much. Not only had Ben had to face the hard reality of his mother's abandonment...he'd actually had to move to a whole new country, leave all memories of his mother, of his roots back in Canada. She can't imagine how painful that must've been for him.

And it's Ridley's turn to suddenly put her arms around Ben. It's a bit stiff at first, quite awkward, because it's always Ben who initiates the first hug. But the familiarity of his body against hers makes Ridley melt right into him.

"Parents sometimes really suck at being parents," Ridley murmurs. That's one thing she and Ben have in common. Bad parents. Her father had suffered a great heartbreak after their mother's death, but he'd failed to pull himself together to look after the two things that he did have left. He'd neglected them, even hit them at times. Ridley can't imagine how her life would've turned out if Marcy hadn't gotten herself a job and took Ridley out of the place she was forced to call home. Her father hadn't even bothered looking for them. He hadn't even cared.

"I don't even remember her anyway," Ben replies with an unconvincing chuckle. "Loads of frizzy hair. That's all I can remember. And the smell of lavender. I think I'm allergic to them because my eyes keep watering when I smell 'em."

Ridley knows that's his way of hiding the fact that he cries over his mother. She cries over her own dead one, too, sometimes, when things get too lonely. At least he remembers her presence. Ridley can't remember anything. All she knows is the photograph; that faded little photograph of her mother, probably still in that ugly yellow wall of her old bedroom. She'd forgotten to take it with her when she left with Marcy. They still have other photographs, too, of course...but that one had a special meaning to it. Ridley had felt a strange connection to that plain looking smile on her mother's face.

"I'm never going to leave my kids," Ridley says, still holding tightly onto Ben. "I'm never, ever going to leave them. Even if I'm dying, I'll make sure they know I exist and that I love them. I'll make sure my husband takes care of them when I'm gone and he won't just...he won't just..." The words are replaced by wracked, heart-wrenching sobs and then the tears are flowing out again and Ridley can't stop crying. She can hear Ben sniffling, but she knows he's trying to hold it in as hard as he can. They don't let go. They stay in the same position and she knows he doesn't want to let go, ever, and neither does she.

And then the kisses come.

He starts with a soft, small peck on her forehead and runs a finger through one of her cheeks. And he leans in and kisses her there, so softly, so wonderfully. Ridley lets out a gasp. "Should I stop?" he asks her, but he's already kissing her nose, her cheeks, her eyelids. He cups his hands around the back of her neck and pulls her closer to him. She doesn't know what's going on but she likes it, she likes where this is heading. Benjamin sighs, and Ridley can feel the coolness of his breath on her lips, and before she even knows it their lips have connected.

It's soft and sweet. Ben is about to pull away, and Ridley can feel the apology ready to bounce off his tongue but her hands dig into the collar of his shirt and she tugs him closer to her. "Kiss me," she breathes, "because lord knows we both need it."

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