How much sorrow can I take?

Blackbird on my shoulder

And what difference does it make

When this love is over?

ALL FEEDBACK IS WELCOME

"I like you, Gilbert. In a way I've never liked anyone before."

Gilbert stood in front of the blonde, staring at her hopeful baby blue eyes that looked up at him expectantly. What was he supposed to say? When he woke up this morning, he certainly didn't expect that. A wave of a million different emotions crashed on top of him, leaving him drowning in a sea in which he did not know in which direction to swim to. Happiness, joy, heartbreak, confusion, dread, crave, longing, adoration...all wrapped in one. He didn't know if he could handle it. He was confused. For so long, he had wanted Amelia like the stars want the moon. To hold her in his arms and be hers, forever and always.

Then why was he so confused? His body wanted to hold her in his arms as he kissed her... but he didn't move. He froze, staring at the blonde who had conquered his heart since the day he had met her. But there was somebody else's feelings to keep in mind and he couldn't just toss that out of the way. For the first time in his life, he hated having other's people's feelings above his own. For once, he wanted to be selfish. And yet, he couldn't make himself do so.

Amelia took a step forwards, before frowning. Another blonde approached Gilbert before wrapping her arm around his, smiling sweetly at him, not noticing the visible tension between the two. "Gilbert, I've been looking all over for you." Gilbert continued to stare at Amelia, gnawing on his lip as a heartbroken expression crossed on her face, before it quickly disappeared, watching as Amelia plastered a fake smile, frowning. "Oh, hello! I'm Winifred, and you are?" she held out a hand to Amelia, who awkwardly shook it. "Amelia Covey. Gilbert's...classmate."

Gilbert frowned, looking at her hurt, as Amelia stared back at him with a stoic look on her face, icy cold. Before anything else could be said, the judges announced item 13, which was Amelia's painting that she had entered. The judge swiped away the cloth covering it, and people gasped, softly muttering under their breath in awe. Gilbert widened his eyes, staring at Amelia with such adoration as she avoided his gaze, a soft blush on her face as she kept her gaze on the ground. A black and white painting of half of Gilbert's face stood on the table, as the judges nodded contently. All the details were perfect, down to the freckles, they eyes, the bridge of his nose...

(credits to whoever painted this)

Gilbert stared at the painting once again, a look of confliction written all over his face, before he turned back to his best friend, finding that a boy approached them, frowning once he saw Winifred with a look of defeat on his face. He supposed he looked quite similar to himself, but his black curls were longer, his eyes were green instead and he looked a bit older. The boy turned to Amelia, capturing her expression as he leaned his hand on her shoulder. Gilbert clenched his jaw at the sight, squeezing Winifred's hand a bit too hard. "Amelia, are you alright?" the blonde nodded slowly, before the boy realised Gilbert was staring and extended a hand.

"Roy Gardner, Amelia's brother's roommate. It's a...pleasure." he hesitated, before giving them a forced smile. Gilbert shook his hand a bit too roughly. "Gilbert Blythe, and this is Winifred." a silence followed, as the four could feel the palpable tension in the air. "Excuse me, I need a breather." Amelia muttered, but they heard it clearly enough. The blonde quickly left, followed by Roy, as she felt Gilbert's stare on her back. "Amelia. Hey, Amelia! Wait." Roy caught up with the blonde, planting himself in front of the blonde.

"I'm really sorry, I was looking for you to warn you, but I didn't find you and then...Amelia?" Roy stopped, noticing the small girl was trying her best not to cry. "It's not your fault, Roy. It's mine. How could I have been so foolish and blind?" Roy engulfed her in a hug, as Amelia wrapped her arms around him, hiding her face in the crook of his neck as she tried so hard to blink away the tears. He stroked her short hair, muttering in her ear to try and calm her down. They soon let go when someone cleared their throat behind them. Gilbert tucked his hands in his pockets, shifting his weight as he stared at Amelia, biting his lip. "Can I speak to you?" his eyes flickered to Roy and then back to Amelia. "Alone?"

Roy took a step forwards, taking a defensive stance as he looked hardly at Gilbert, not liking all the pain he had caused his friend. "Now you want a word with her? Why? Because you've been found out?"

"Just because you've known Amelia for a total of five minutes doesn't mean you can talk to me like that." Gilbert replied, narrowing his eyes as Roy opened his mouth to defend himself, before Amelia put herself in between the two. "Stop!" the two boys turned to look at her, softening their gaze as they nodded. She turned to Roy, nodding to let him know it was alright. Roy hesitated, before nodding. "I'll be back in the tent if you need me." he walked away, glancing back once before disappearing.

An awkward silence followed, as Amelia avoided his gaze at any cost, crossing her arms over her chest in a vulnerable state. She hated him seeing her like this. He hated seeing her like this. He knew this pain was his fault. But he felt pained too. "I'm sorry Amy, I..." he sighed, passing his hand through his black curls as he clenched his jaw. "No, I'm sorry. Sorry for being foolish enough to ever think that we could..." she paused, pinching the bridge of her nose. "That we could ever get together." Gilbert frowned, licking his lips. "Get together? This isn't some sort of game. This involves feelings, and I-"

"You think I don't know that?" she snapped, interrupting the middle of his phrase. She sighed, wincing at the harsh tone of her voice. "Why didn't you tell me?" she whispered, feeling small as she hugged herself, staring straight ahead. Gilbert ignored her question, taking a step closer. "Amy, I waited so long for this. Do you know how many years I spent loving you? But I thought it wasn't reciprocated. What did you expect me to do? Wait for you forever? Just to watch you fall in love with someone else." Amelia turned around, noticing the accusatory tone in his last sentence, approaching him with caution.

"There is nothing between me and Roy. Not when I have feelings for you!" Gilbert's expression softened. "But I can't say the same about you." Amelia added, clenching her jaw as he sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "Are you mad at me because I tried to move on?" he said desperately, as she shook her head. "Of course not! I want to know why you didn't tell me you were seeing someone else. Meeting her parents." when Gilbert didn't answer, she pressed her lips together. "It's because deep down, you still had hope that I felt the same way. She was just a matter of caution...just in case I didn't." Amelia let out a dry laugh, as Gilbert frowned at her. "How could you think that?"

"Then tell me, Gilbert! Look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me." they both stood up close, close enough to hear their hammering hearts inside their chests, as he stared into her baby blue eyes. "Tell me that you don't feel anything for her. That you haven't moved on." this time she said it softly, as if she were handing him a fragile vase and was asking him not to drop it. The silence that came afterwards answered her question. Guess he would drop the vase. She took a step back, biting her lip as she tried to bite back the tears.

"It's the most wonderful news! Isaac proposed!" interrupted Anne, a bright grin on her freckled face as she waved her hand around, a simple yet elegant ring on her hand as she stared at the two. Her smile faltered as she saw the couple take a step back from each other, Amelia wiping the tears away as Gilbert looked horrified, as he had done something awful. "Am I interrupting?" the red-head asked, looking between the two, not knowing which to comfort. Gilbert turned to Amelia and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. No words could explain the sorrow he felt in that moment.

"I wish you two every happiness." the blonde muttered towards him, avoiding his gaze. Gilbert hesitated, before he nodded, readjusting his hat. "Congratulations." he muttered weakly at Anne before walking away, glancing once at Amelia, and then disappeared. Anne rushed over to Amelia, hugging her sideways as she frowned preoccupied. "What's wrong? What happened?" Amelia shook her head, plastering a fake smile before she turned towards her friend. "Nothing you should worry about. Let's talk about you! Can't believe you're engaged." Anne nodded slowly, noticing Amelia didn't want to speak about the subject and started chatting about Isaac, as Amelia tried her best to listen and ignore the harsh whispers in her mind.

And as Gilbert walked away, he knew that that moment was a make or break situation. And he feared he had broken anything and everything that went between them. And it might have been too late to take it all back.

Amelia sat slumped on her chair, resting her head on her hand as she watched everybody else dance with joy and laughter, each with their own partner. If it were up to her, she would have headed home to rest, and probably leak some tears. But it was the night of her brother's engagement with one of her closest friends, and she couldn't just disappear on them. It wasn't fair on them, or herself. She sighed, shaking her head as she tried to make the best of the night. She looked around as her gaze landed on Gilbert dancing with Winifred a happy yet troubled look on his face, as the tune to the Dashing White Sergeant was heard all across the room.

Suddenly, she remembered when she was dancing with him back at school, same song, same dance moves. It suddenly felt such a long time ago, so blissful and naive. How she wished she could turn back time and tell herself not to fall in too deep for him, to warn herself. She looked away when the danced finished, watching as her friends approached her with worried looks. "We saw that Gilbert has a secret sweetheart, of some sort." Jane said, sitting next to Amelia as she held her hands. Amelia sighed, fearing this moment, as she nodded. "Who is she?" Tillie asked curiously.

"I don't know, some girl named Winifred." she shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it. "She must be Prissy's age, if not older." Josie said, staring at Winifred, before turning to look at Amelia. "Don't look so down, now you saw his true colours." Ruby frowned at Josie, apporting her own more emotional view. "Josie! It's totally normal to feel down when you find out the one person you care about doesn't feel the same way." Amelia raised her eyebrows at Ruby, who blushed, shrugging. "Why don't you dance with us, Amelia? I bet you'll better when you do." Amelia shook her head, dismissing the thought with a wave of her hand.

"I'm okay sat here. Don't worry about me and go and have some fun." Diana nodded unsurely, but stood up anyway. "I'm going to get some air." Josie muttered, walking towards the exit. The girls followed suit and dispersed, each going in their own direction, as Amelia was left alone once again. But that didn't last long.

Roy plopped in the seat next to hers, tapping his foot against the floor as he offered his hand to dance. She shook her head. "I don't even know the dance to the next song." she said a measly excuse, but Roy wasn't convinced, as he grinned at her with mischief. "Do you trust me?" Amelia slightly hesitated, giggling at his offended look before nodding. "Of course." he smiled with relief, glad to hear it. "Well then, come along." he grabbed the blonde's hand and dragged her into the dancefloor, where everyone stood in position. The banjos started playing a tune she had never heard before, but she tried to follow everybody else. It was clear that both Roy and her were out of her element, and soon Roy started to dance to his own little choreography as Amelia laughed heartedly, following suit.

Soon, they were both dancing crazily, imitating a waltz as the glided across the room, before Roy twirled her around as she started to get dizzy, bubbles of laughter falling of her lips as a constant natural smile was stuck on her face, as the whole situation reminded her of that scene in Little Women where Jo and Laurie dance. As the song approached towards its end, Roy dipped her with no gracefullness at all, and somehow manage to drop her, which made him fall too, and soon they were laughing their heads off as they lay on the floor, staring up at the ceiling as they stared at each other, not being able to stop their giggles.

People stared at them, some with jealousy of the fun they were having, others looked down on them, annoyed they had disrupted the dance. But they couldn't care less. Roy felt overjoyed that he had managed to bring out a smile on the sad girl's face, and that was all that mattered. And both of them didn't manage to catch the jealous look of a bystander, who very much wished it had been him to bring out a smile on Amelia's face, knowing it was his fault she was in pain.

Once Roy helped her stand up, she realised there was something off. Whispers and judgemental looks were being thrown towards Josie, who sat with a stressed look on her face, her blonde curls all ruffled up. She looked around and saw Billy with a smug look on his face as he muttered to his friends, chuckling along with what was being said. It didn't take Amelia long to put two and two together, and when Anne approached her, it only confirmed her suspicions. "Amelia, people are saying things about Josie and Billy outside, but I don't think she wanted anything to do with it." Amelia frowned, glaring at Billy from across the room.

Oh boy, was she sick of boys thinking they could toy around with girls feelings and get away with it.

She excused herself from Roy and approached Billy, Anne closely behind as she pushed him to a side, as people quietened down and watched. "Come to beg for a kiss too." he taunted, gulping at the look of anger on her face. "Beg? I don't think anyone would want a kiss of yours, never mind beg for one!" Billy frowned, crossing his arms over his chest as he raised an eyebrow. "You don't know, you weren't even there." he tried defending himself, but nothing was getting past Amelia's rage. "You took advantage of my friend and you know it! You can tell by the look on her face."

Billy looked at his friend, unsure of what he was doing. "I guess she regrets having loose morals." Amelia's frown deepened even more if possible, and before anyone could stop her, she lifted her hand up and slapped him. A horrified silence followed. She felt someone grab her as they softly pulled her to a side. "Don't you have no shame?" she spat towards Billy, who looked intimidated by her. Josie ran out, soft tears streaming down her face as Amelia leaned back into whoever was holding her, her anger diffusing, her body trembling as she looked down at her hands, feeling disgusted that she had slapped him. She sunk as low as him and she couldn't stand herself. Arms wrapped around her as she recognised the scent, turning around and hugging him tightly. "Hey, it's okay. You did the right thing."

She let go, looking down at the floor as she shook her head. "I'm no better. I sunk as low as him." he softly put his thumb under her chin and lifted her head up, staring into her blue eyes. "You're a wonderful person for standing up to him. You're way better than that poor excuse of a human being." Amelia realised how close her lips were to his. Images flashed in her head as she took a step back, shaking her head.

"Gilbert, I...I can't do this right now." she spun in her heel and walked away, bracing herself for the impact.

But it never came.

welcome

to the pit of despair

so...that happened

what y'all think of it?

we're back to square 1

do you guys think things can

only get better from here?

or will it get worse

before it gets better?

I'm lowkey excited for y'all

to find out more

it'll be totally worth it

and seeing as it looks like AWAE

is sadly, not getting renewed

I'm thinking of writing

a second book to this one

and u guys have to vote wether

it'll be Amelia and Gilbert in college

or 10 years later, which would include

a better storyline

like marriage, birth and death

fun fact!

I'm on the last episode of Locke&Key

and I'm hooked!

Totes recommend it