loved me with your worst intentions

didn't even stop to question

every time you burned me down

don't know how, for a moment it felt like heaven

Amelia had never felt so conflicted in her life. She bit her lip, so hard that she felt some blood ooze into her mouth, licking them clean. Overwhelming feelings where bubbling up to the surface from the deepest pit of her body, and this time, she couldn't push them away as she usually did, or at least for the past year or so. Diana raised an eyebrow, noticing Amelia's distraught face, slightly paler than usual.

The class of Miss Stacy was currently walking through the woods, being led by their teacher as she explained about birds, trees, things that Amelia couldn't pay attention to. She desperately wanted to, to distract her mind from all these very confusing thoughts that she didn't know what to do.

And then there it was again. Her gaze found herself upon Gilbert's caramel brown eyes staring at her again. He smiled softly at her as she looked away flustered, blush creeping up her neck. She frowned at the floor, rubbing her hands together. Why were her palms so sweaty? Her heart beat racing? Her cheeks burning of the heat of the blush?

It wasn't this sudden realisation tho. This thoughts had been there often enough, slowly creeping on upon her until it gave her no choice but to confront them, instead of pushing them away like she always did. She knew now, for certain, that there was...something, something that consisted of different feelings for a boy. Nonetheless, her best friend. How could she be so foolish to catch feelings for Gilbert Blythe? She took a deep breath, shaking her head.

He didn't need to know about these feelings. Yes, he did imply he had feelings for her. But that was nearly a year ago. Did he really wait for her like he said he would? No, Amelia didn't think so. But...what if? No. This had a solution. She would ignore these feelings until they went away. Geez, why didn't she think of this before?

"I much prefer having these classes in the wild instead of sitting in the same room all day." Amelia widened her eyes, not having had realised that Gilbert had approached her and now stood next to her, looking at her with a certain gleam in his eyes. He couldn't have read her mind...could he? Of course not, don't be stupid Amelia, she thought, smiling forcefully at him. "Yes, umm, very interesting." she stuttered, not really knowing what she was saying.

Gilbert frowned, noticing Amelia's distraught face, but before he could say anything, a yell and a thud was heard from in front of them. Gilbert rushed ahead, using his medical expertise of Moody, who had fallen and had a deep scratch on his leg. Amelia sighed, smacking herself internally for being so awkward around Gilbert.

That's what she was scared of. Of things changing between them. She didn't want to lose his friendship. It meant too much to her.

On the way back to the school, Amelia luckily had time to think by herself as Gilbert was helping Moody walk on his sore foot. But the quiet thinking didn't last long, and soon she found Diana and Anne on either side of her, the brunette with a preocupied look on her face and the redhead with a determined one. Amelia chuckled nervously as she raised an eyebrow. "Hi? Is there anything wrong?"

The two girls looked at each other before looking at the blonde. "We thought you could tell us that." Amelia pressed her lips together, not knowing what to say. "I..." she paused, before shaking her head. She could confide in her friends, and she needed a second voice of reason. They would probably agree with her, it was for the best she forgot the fleeting moment of feelings. It was probably nothing. Even if her heart disagreed.

"It was all so sudden but at the same time it wasn't, like all this time these feelings were building up on me and now I can't ignore them and I don't know what to do because I'm not sure if I'm just misreading myself and the situation or if they are real and I-" she spoke quickly, wanting to get it all out of her system, as Anne lifted her hand to stop her. "Feelings?" a worried look crossed on her face. "Did something happen to your family? Is Isaac alright?" Amelia smiled at Anne's worriedness over Isaac. Why couldn't see figure it out like those two?

"He's perfectly fine. It's me I'm talking about. Feelings that I have that are probably unrequited by now because I took so long to figure them out and I'm not even sure about them!" she exclaimed, looking around to make sure nobody else had heard. Luckily, everyone seemed minding their own business. Diana widened her eyes, her eyebrow twitching slightly. "This is about Gilbert...yes?" the blonde nodded, and made her two friends look at each other again.

"I thought he told you he had feelings for you. What's the problem then?" Amelia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "That was nearly a year ago. Do you really think he still has feelings for me?" Anne chuckled, raising her eyebrows. "Yes." she said, as if she was stating the obvious. "The way he looks at you...of course he still does." Amelia bit her lip, still unsure. "But-"

"No buts. You already know this. You should tell him." Anne was always like this, impulsive and forward. "I'm not even 100% sure about my feelings. What if I tell him, get his hopes up and then figure out that it's just platonic? I don't want to hurt him, or lose our friendship." Anne groaned, nudging at Diana, who was less hotheaded, to give her advice. "Well, the fact that you put his feelings over your own says a lot about your feelings."

When the brunette didn't get an answer from Amelia, she procceded. "Spend more time with him with a clear mind. Then the answer will be obvious to you." Diana patted her on her arm, realising they had reached the school already. Amelia paused for a second, staring at the small building as people entered it. "Clear mind." she muttered, entering herself.

That afternoon Amelia had decided to give her dear brother Isaac a visit, looking for some advice. She climbed up the steps of the house he was staying at while he was attending his studies in Queens, closing her white laced parasol before knocking on the door. A few moments passed before the door opened, and her smile faltered as she stared at the unknown handsome face. "May I help you?" a soft british accent was heard as Amelia blinked, snapping out of her daze.

"I'm very sorry, I must have confused myself. I was looking for Isaac Covey but I see that this obviously isn't where he's staying." she nodded at the stranger and was about to turn around before he stopped her. "I know Isaac, he does stay here." Amelia raised an eyebrow, expecting answers from him. He chuckled, as Amelia admired his low voice.

"This is a rather awkward introduction, pardon me. I'm Isaac's new roommate, Roy Gardner." Amelia smiled kindly at him. "I'm Amelia, his sister. It's a pleasure." she shook his hand, feeling the warmth of hers against his. She let go, peering over Roy's shoulder. "Is he home?"

"I'm afraid not. He had to stay at the school to talk with one of the professors. I don't think he'll be home for a while to come." Roy noticed her troubled expression, swiping his black hair from his face. "I could leave him a message if you'd like." Amelia shook her head, smiling at the boy. "There's no need, but thank you. I just needed some advice with a thing that I've been having trouble with." she sighed, and plastered a smile on. "Well then, I must be off. Have a good day, Mr Gardner."

The young man grabbed her wrist to stop her, quickly letting go so he wouldn't discomfort her. "I was just on my way out to go on a walk. I could accompany you to the train station." Amelia looked at him unsure. He did seem very kind, and was rather handsome, with a chiselled jaw and smooth black hair. His eyes sparkled with mischief, but not in a bad sense. "People say I'm a spectacular listener too."

Amelia chuckled, shaking her head in amusement before giving in. "You've convinced me, Mr Gardner. You may accompany while I ramble on about my problems." he closed the door behind him and walked towards her, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Please, call me Roy."

Roy had a thoughtful look on his face after listening to everything that Amelia told him about herself and Gilbert, from the beginning until the present. He hummed as the blonde looked at him curiously, their shoulders brushing as they walked down the road, approaching the train station. "I can't read your mind to know if your feelings are true or not." he said as she sighed, not expecting anything else, but feeling good about getting it off her chest.

"From what you've told me, he does have feelings for you. I mean, props for waiting so long. That's dedication." she chuckled, shaking her head as Roy found himself staring at her. "You know, I never believed that you just know. I think it takes time, and once you've found yourself in a place of peacefulness inside, you'll find the answer."

Amelia looked up at him, speechless, thinking his words through. "What if I don't figure it out in time? What if I know and it's too late?" he smiled peacefully at her, understanding where she was coming from, having it experienced himself before, not that long ago. "Well, you will feel regret, there's really no escaping that. But you won't blame yourself. Because the mind and its emotions are complex things and it's not your fault that they are hard to decipher."

They reached the train station, and they both stopped as they stood face to face, staring at each other. "Trust yourself, because there's nobody like you." Amelia smiled softly, one dimple on her left cheek. "If only there was some kind of instruction book about how to decipher feelings."

"Well then, it wouldn't be as fun." he joked, as Amelia laughed amused, shaking her head. "Thank you...Roy." he leaned his hand on her shoulder. "Anytime. You know where I stay." she let out a soft chuckle, looking back to see her train had arrived to deliver her back to her home town currently. "It was splendid meeting you." he nodded back at her, licking his soft pink lips.

"Back at you."

so, i skipped episode four and this is five

i felt like there wasn't anything i could

apply amelia in, and there's a lot

happening in the next six episodes

soooo there ya go

also if you don't know,

roy gardner is a character

from the books who is anne's

love interest, so i decided to add

him but not for anne.

roy's face claim is the gorgeous

timothée chalamet up in the gif

above.

he isn't going to have anything

more than a strong friendship

with amelia, so don't worry.

i do low-key ship them tho

it's a tough ship war in my mind

fun fact:

isaac was originally going to give

amelia advice and get some sibling

moments, but i decided against that.

amelia needed someone she didn't

know to help her.