louis p.o.v.

it's been a couple weeks since zayn came to speak to me. i've sort of been on autopilot ever since. harry hasn't come back to try to talk to me, so i guess thats good.

'hey lou?' i feel el's hand on my shoulder, breaking my train of thought.

'yeah.' i reply, looking to her from my place on the floor. i've been stocking stuff ever since harry came in. i don't want to risk running into anyone.

'i'm going on my break.' she pauses. 'can you take the register?'

my heart races and my goodness am i pathetic. i need to get over myself and face this. i let out a deep breath and nod. el smiles sheepishly before rushing off to the locker rooms. i put down the box of straws i'm holding, get up from the floor and walk to the front.

over the length of the half hour nothing happens in terms of weird customers or noticing people, but as el is taking over the cash register an ambulance pulls up in front of the gym.

harry's gym.

i watch as the paramedics rush in and a couple minutes later rush back out with a body on the gurney. i can't see anything distinguishable about the person, but then zayn and liam rush out. my heart plummets.

zayn is on his phone speaking rapidly, and liam is talking to the paramedics looking guilty.

i rush to the back, not able to stand and stare any longer. i slam the door to the small locker room and sit down on one of the benches.

i can't help but feel worried, but i won't do anything about it. i can't.

after a couple of deep breaths i get up, check my make up and get back to work, stocking items and organizing everything.

my shift comes to a close, so i gather my things, not even bothering to check my phone and head out. el catches me just as i open the door.

'you okay lou?' she asks. i only nod. 'i know you know that was harry.' she pushes.

'yeah. i know.' i sigh.

'are you gonna check on him? i know you still love him.' she says.

'i don't know.' and with that i get into my car and leave.

i get home and immediately start a cup of tea. as the water is boiling i take a quick shower, removing all my make up and putting on moisturizer. after my shower i put on my favorite pair of p.j's. a large shirt with a cartoon cupcake on the front and the matching pink shorts with cupcakes all over them.

i slip on my house slippers and finish making my tea.

i plop down on my couch and finally look at my phone.

i scroll though a couple of twitter and facebook notifications and a voicemail from zayn?

i unlock my phone and go straight to the phone app to open the message.

'hey louis.' zayn's voice starts. he sounds exhausted. 'um, harry's in the hospital, there was an accident at the gym. liam socked him a pretty good one,' he pauses and theres someone talking in the background, zayn says a couple of 'it's okay's, must be liam. zayn continues, 'and he hit his head really hard on the way down. doctors say he has a severe concussion and he's in a coma right now. they didn't say how long he'd be out, but i thought you should know.' he finishes quietly.

the voicemail ends and i check the call time. one hour ago.

i must have zoned out because when i check the time again my tea's gone cold and it's eleven o'clock.

i get up and wash my mug. as i'm turning the kitchen light off the flat door opens and niall walks in.

'hey babe.' he says with a grin, but it falters. 'hey what's wrong? why the tears?'

'what?' i reach my hand up to my face and feel the wetness. 'oh, i didn't even realize. been sitting on the couch with tea the last couple hours.' i respond.

'what happened.' niall asks. 'you zoned out for two hours.'

'zayn called.' niall opens his mouth to say something, but i hold my hand up. 'harry's in the hospital in the coma. liam hit him too hard and he hit his head on the way down, severe concussion.'

'oh.'

'yeah.'

'you gonna go see him?'

i look to him surprised. 'that's the last thing i thought you would say.' i chuckled.

niall shrugged. 'what can i say? i'm just a nice person.' he says playfully. i giggle.

'i'm going to bed. i need to try and sleep.' i say kissing his cheek. i mutter a small goodnight.

he mutters it back and i walk to my room, lay down and close my eyes.

i wake up from sunlight hitting my face. with a groan i stuff my face into my pillow. i lay there for a couple seconds then roll over to look at my clock. eight thirty. i sigh. no work today.

i slip out of bed and into the bathroom doing my usual morning routine and putting on light make up. eyeliner and mascara.

i get dressed in a purple sweater and black jeans, and head to the kitchen to make tea.

niall is probably still asleep.

after making my tea i sit on the couch.

should i visit harry?

do i want to visit harry?

yes.

when do i go? i don't want zayn or liam to see me.

i gasp internally. what about his family?

zayn and liam will most likely be at work in the middle of the day, but his family.

i'll go at lunch time. his room will most likely be empty.

lunch time comes around and i throw my purse over my shoulder, slip on my black vans, and get in the car.

getting to the hospital i park and head inside to the front desk.

'hi, can you tell me where harry styles' room is?' i ask the nice looking nurse.

'and you are?' she looks at me with a raised brow.

'the boyfriend.' i smile politely.

her eyes widen and she nods. 'room 402'

with a small thank you i head down the hallway and find the room on my right.

i take a deep breath and slide the door open.

i cover my mouth in a gasp and tears spring to my eyes.

harry is lying on the hospital bed with an oxygen mask around his nose and mouth and a nasty looking bruise stretching from the bottom of his eye to his jaw on the left side of his face. several i.v tubes are sticking out of his arms.

the middle aged woman sitting in the chair next to harry, holding his hand, looks up.

she must be harry's mother, they have very similar features.

'who are you?' she asks quietly.

'louis.'

her eyes widen. 'you're the boy harry always talks about.'

i blush at her words.

'where have you been? i thought you'd be the first to be here.' she says, confusion lacing her words.

'harry... harry and i had an argument. well it was more of me yelling at him and then he hit me and i rand and have refused to talk to him since. but then zayn left me a message yesterday and i had to come see him, you know.' i found myself unable to stop the words from falling from my mouth and the tears i tried to hold back fell as well.

'he hit you?' she asked angrily. i only nodded. 'oh sweetheart.' she exclaimed, coming over to wrap me in a hug. 'oh i'm going to have a firm talk with him when he wakes up.'

i chuckled wetly into her shoulder. 'i said some pretty awful things too.'

she pulls back and rests her hands on my shoulders. 'oh love, we all say things in the heat of the moment, but harry should've known better.' she says, wiping my tears away with her thumbs. 'oh and i'm anne by the way, that buffoon's mother.' she smiles.

i giggle and give a smile in return.

'come on.' she pulls me over to the bedside where she was sitting prior to my entrance.

'i'm getting over what he did. i'm not forgiving him anytime soon. don't think i ever can.' i sigh. 'but i still love him. i'm sorry.' i say looking down.

'darling it's okay. i understand and i'm sure harry will too.' she looks to harry. 'do you think you could still be with him?'

i look to harry and think. 'i don't know yet.' i reply honestly.

about an hour later, after small chit chat and quiet moments i stand.

'please don't tell anyone i was here.' i say to anne. 'not even harry.'

she must understand because she smiles and nods. 'you can come by the same time and i'll go to the cafe so you can have some time alone.' she says. 'my husband and his father couldn't come because they both had work, his sister comes by at night with zayn and liam, so it's just me during the day.' she smiles. 'i won't say anything.'

'thank you.'

that's how it continued for a week. i visited around lunch time, anne would go to the cafe and i'd sit with harry. holding his hand, and more often than not, be crying.

i walk into harry's room a week after meeting anne and sit in the familiar uncomfortable chair by harry's side and hold his hand.

my tears start flowing and i don't even bother stopping them anymore. i lean my head down, resting it on the edge of the bed.

'lou?' i hear a quiet groan.

my head shoots up. my heart galloping, but relief floods my system. harry's eyes are open slightly and his head is turned in my direction.

'hey harry.' i sniffle a little. 'i'm so glad you're okay.' i smile and reach to stroke his face softly.

it feels so natural already. like nothing happened. nothing went wrong.

'lou, i'm tired.' he says groggily.

'then go to sleep love. get some rest.'

'my head really fucking hurts.' he groans, scrunching his face up.

i giggle a little. he's such a child. 'go to sleep love. i'll get the nurses to bring you some medicine.' i say softly, kissing his forehead.

he smiles dopily. 'thanks lou. i love you. i'm so sorry.' he says innocently.

my eyes start watering again. 'i know love, i know. i love you too.' i admit in a small voice.

he continues to smile as his eyelids droop and a couple seconds later he's asleep.

i sniffle once more and kiss his forehead.

'you'll never get a more honest harry than a dopey harry.' anne says from the door way.

i jump in surprise and face her wiping my face of tears.

'he woke up.' i chuckle.

she only smiles and nods.

'i'm gonna go. i have work in an hour.' i didn't.

but i could stay. i wouldn't be coming back either. now that harry's woken up once he'll be waking up in a couple hours like he's only slept overnight.

'okay, i'll tell the doctors he woke up.'

i nod and fast walk all the way to my car.

getting home i walk straight passed niall and into my room and don't come out till dinner.

'you good?' is all niall asks and when i nod he doesn't push it. just goes back to watching golf and drinking his nth bottle of beer.

my sleep that night was restless, replaying the 'i love you's over and over again.

i can't believe our first 'i love you's were in the hospital while harry was high on meds and after we had a huge fight. everyone else seemed to know that i already loved him so i never denied it, but that was the first time we said anything of the sort to each other. i was so happy, but i also felt a weight on my chest.

but the words were real. i could feel them.

i woke up to my phone vibrating on my bedside table. i let it go to voicemail before checking it.

zayn left a voicemail, again. he'd been giving me updates every other day on how harry was doing. it was really thoughtful. i never answered his calls, but i always listened to the messages even when i was visiting harry myself.

so i listened.

'hey lou.' the messages always started like that. 'harry woke up this morning. it's great! his concussion is almost fully healed the doctors say. he should be out in a couple days.' zayn pauses for a long moment. 'he really wants to see you.' and yeah my heart aches at that. 'he says you were in the hospital with him. holding his hand. he really wants to see you. you know he's really sorry.' the voicemail ends.

'i know.' i say to my empty room.

i feel a little guilty.

have i ignored him for too long?