Though my soul may set in darkness,

it will rise in perfect light.

I have loved the stars too fondly,

to be fearful of the night.

~Sarah Williams

***

I'm rocking back and forth, taking in the reality.

I could pray, to the Moon Goddess whom I never talked to, or to any divine spirit above- for Atlas to save me.

But as the hours go by I wonder if I will have to relive my darkness over again.

There is something different about it this time.

Maybe because I know what will come.

Because I have a small taste of knowledge of the cruelty I'm about to face.

I'll fight him.

I think back to those months with Jay, training. I think about Atlas. When I told him how I didn't fight him the first time.

I'll fight him.

This time would be different.

Even if the outcome came out the same, I could at least say that I didn't make it easy.

I could at least say that.

I shift on the cot and feel a bulky weight in my pocket.

I gasp when I reach down and touch the leather binding of Atlas's journal.

I should read it.

In case anything happens.

So, to pass away the hours of my horror, I open the cover, taking in Atlas's scribbled words.

To my surprise, the first entry starts on the very first day we met.

I look up and around the room.

Atlas's words.

I touch my cheeks, feeling the hot tears slide down them.

They offered an escape, yet so much more than that.

They offered me a glimpse. A glimpse into my mate.

I flip the page, taking note of the date on the page and trying desperately to recall when it was.

The meeting. This was the day I had met the pack.

I press a hand to my chest.

Atlas.

Atlas, oh Atlas.

I couldn't even imagine how he had the strength to burn his other works. Maybe, since they were about me, I was biased, but his words caused a torrent of emotion and heat to spread over me.

It was his own way of protecting me.

Don't think of the darkness. Think of me instead.

Eyes on me Lexie.

Atlas's words have me blushing.

Blushing because even back then I had been blissfully unaware of just how much he had wanted me.

I shiver at such words and read on to the next page, my heart speeding up when I realize it's that night. That night when Atlas ripped my canvas. That night he showed distorted features of his anger to me. Showed me that we both, in our own way, were broken.

I skip ahead a few pages, not willing to read the dark unfolding of what else he thought of himself. I would read that later. When I didn't have my own darkness looming in front of me.

My eyes pause a what seems to be a blank page.

It's near the middle, but curiously enough, upon either side, letters occupy the empty space.

Just this page.

I lean in and realize that upon the top there is a small scribble that reads,

I smile at his words and look down to see that there is another sentence, in smaller text at the bottom, continuing on as it says,

I can't help it. Even in my current situation. Even with the demon locking me inside these doors. Even with Atlas gone from me. I laugh.

The sound of the door unlocking has me quickly sobering up and shoving the small journal back into my pocket.

Those green eyes emerge from the entrance.

"What's funny Maya?"

I stiffen and push myself back, further into the wall as the reality of my situation comes crashing back down to me.

"Nothing," I whisper.

He smiles and takes a few steps closer. I eye the open door.

I'll fight this time.

"I heard you laugh though Maya. What's funny."

I shake my head, "I was just coughing."

He pauses and narrows his eyes at me.

"You're lying."

His words have my eyes widening as he suddenly grabs me.

I yell, throwing my weight against him.

Think about the training. Jay. What did Jay teach you.

Through my panic, it comes back to me in a frantic haze. I try to think of what Jay told me. Weak spots Lexie, if you're attacked go for weak spots.

I kick out, trying to impact his groin area. I miss though and collide with his knee. He growls, the sound sending shivers of cold terror up me as suddenly he is on top, eyes flashing gold and teeth elongated.

"Maya, playing rough are we?"

I desperately try again, but his legs are pinning mine. His arms are pushing my hands down.

Without warning, he is ripping away my coat.

I cry out and shake my head.

Not again not again not again.

I'll fight this time.

It was easier said than done.

Every part of me wanted nothing more than to curl up and cry. Everything inside me wanted to accept what seemed to be the inevitable and give up.

But those blue eyes.

Those blue eyes came into my mind.

I cry out and thrash, buckling under his weight but he only laughs and pushes me down further, constricting my movements even more.

He bends down, his tongue sliding up my face as he lets out a contented sigh.

"You are so beautiful when you cry, Maya."

I sob, angry that I am giving him something that makes him happy.

"I've always thought that. How beautiful you were when you cried. I'm sorry I made you cry so much. Maybe because I thought you were just too beautiful."

His tongue rakes down my face, his violation leaving small shocks down my body.

In the back of my mind, deep in the dark corners of it, I feel my wolf stir.

Help me.

She doesn't move.

Instead, she presses deeper in. Blessed with the luxury of being able to escape from reality.

Please.

She makes no motion.

I can feel her silent acceptance.

She has already accepted that it will happen again.

No, we can fight him this time. Please, help me.

Then it hits me. Her disapproval. Disapproval that I managed to get in this situation not once but twice.

Hurt that I would betray my mate again.

I shut down after that.

Cal notices.

He sighs and gets up, pushing back a stray piece of hair from my face as he slowly walks back to the open door.

"Sleep well my Maya," he whispers, before flicking the lights and evoking me in darkness.

Thank you lovely readers for reading (I hope you liked the little journal entry pages?)

Thank you for taking time out of your day and night :)

Love you guys ♥

Until next time,

Loves,

/////WORLD_JOY_/////