We

are

so

much

more

than

our

scars

~d.j.

***

The sobs slowly stopped until hiccups replaced them.

And then silence.

"They went to the pack house."

I look up and meet Atlas's eyes.

"Jay went there to tell Lilah to ready the warriors. They are searching for Cal."

I shudder at the mention of his name.

"I need to show you something."

Atlas doesn't say a word as I stand and lead him down the hall.

Into the bathroom.

I turn the sink on, and slowly, start the process of cleaning my hands.

Taking away my paint, to reveal the flesh that was hidden underneath.

"Lexie, what are you doing?"

"I need to show you something."

"What is it."

He stands behind me, giving me some space, but I still feel his warm breath rush over me.

"You'll see."

I stand there for a long time, scrubbing and scrubbing.

Atlas helps me.

His warm hands encase mine as he takes them and slowly chips away my armor.

Until there is no paint left.

"This."

I hold up my wrist to reveal what the paint had been hiding all along.

Thin scars.

"They're scars."

Atlas has tears in his eyes as I reveal to him my other pain.

How I coped with myself.

"They are not just scars. They are the demons I fought, late in the night. They are my insecurities. My fears. My lonely heart's cry. They are the insults I gave myself. And the emotions I couldn't contain. They are me. A part of me. And what I am."

Atlas takes my wrist in his hands, looking at the faint lines.

The lines that I had made at fourteen years old because I couldn't stand the sight of my body in the mirror.

Because whenever I looked I didn't see a body.

I saw a scar.

I saw his face.

I saw those dark folds of the trees.

I saw a bleeding wound and a coward's heart.

Because flashbacks and triggers. The smallest thing- would set me off. Because it was like living in a constant rerun. Like a nightmare I couldn't wake up from. The pounding fact -

This is me. This is my reality.

Because I felt insane in a sane world.

Atlas held those hands.

Those hands that served as a reminder to me.

"I survived. Mark saved me. But I felt even more broken. Because I had to see everyday what I had done. How weak I was. How I crumbled under the darkness of my mind."

Atlas's grip upon my hand tightens as he continues to stare. To look down at my ruined flesh.

Reflecting back to what the inside revealed.

"So one day, when I wouldn't get up. He took a marker and drew over it. He drew a sun. Telling me that I could look at it now."

"And that's when I started to draw. Everyday I drew upon my skin to cover up those scars. And on my birthday Mark bought me paints. He didn't tell dad. But I loved it. Because I saw how the paints could be mixed. How they could stay together. I could do and make whatever I wanted with them."

"So you painted," Atlas whispers.

"So I painted."

I waited for it then. The real rejection.

Do it.

Just get it over with.

Just say the words already.

Atlas bends down, and slowly, softly, places a kiss upon my wrist.

I freeze, looking at the sight I thought I would never see.

Then he turns and takes the other one, placing a lingering kiss upon that also.

"You are so brave."

Brave?

"I'm not brave."

"You are." He kisses my wrist again, sending shudders down me as he pulls me closer.

"You are brave. Because you survived through hell. Yet the sun is still in your eyes."

Is it possible for a person to cry this much.

I don't know.

Tears are falling down my face, as I become lost in his words.

"My wolf, she rejected me because of it. When I first shifted she thought I had violated the body she would share. Thought that in some way, I had cheated on you. Our mate. And then she saw the scars on her wolf- the scars that I had on my own human flesh. She shoved out and has stayed in my mind ever since. Because she doesn't want to live in a world where people can be so cruel, and lives can be so fragile."

Atlas embraces me. His whole body cloaking around me like a shield from the horrors I've suffered and endured.

"I love you."

I jerk back from his words.

"You don't Atlas, I'm not something you can love-,"

He growls in my ear, "Don't tell me what I can and can't love. Don't you understand yet Lexie? I love you. I love all of you. And I'm going to keep loving you. I'm going to love you when you are happy and I'm still going to love you the most when you are sad. I'm here. Right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"How...how...," I'm shaking my head. Not even my wolf loved me. Not even my father- who knew nothing about my darkness, loved me.

How how?

"Because...Because...." I watch as Atlas runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, then his eyes light up and he leans closer in, "You know how the moon only glows because it's reflecting off the sun?"

I nod, unsure of where he is going with this.

"Well that's what you are to me Lexie. You're my sun. And I only shine because you are here."

Oh. the thought escapes me once again before I can control my mind. So this is what it feels like to be whole.

"I want to love you Lexie." He moves closer, reaching his hands to rest upon my hips that he always gravitates towards. "I want to love every part. I want you with your imperfections, as much as I want you with your perfections. And I'm going to keep wanting you. I'm always going to be here. Loving you with everything."

I lean into his arms.

Lean into his embrace.

I take a deep breath, and open myself to him.

Because in that moment, that was the bravest thing I think I could do.

I wanted to stay there for a long time.

Until we both shattered or turned to dust.

But the evils of the world suffered upon my mind as Atlas held me.

The truth and dark reality that had lead to this moment.

Cal had escaped.

And he was coming for me.

♥♥♥