The time has come;

she can no longer flee,

her soul keeps on nudging her

to the edge of uncertainty.

So now is when

she decides to fly with her fears, or fall with her dreams

and when she looks back,

she will have chosen the one thing,

that will set her free.

~V. Victoria

***

Routine.

I've never had a routine before.

It's different.

Nice.

I wake up, eat breakfast with the pack warriors, Atlas and Lilah. Then I leave to train with Jay. Sometimes Jay will drive and collect me. When he does show up, members of the pack flock around him, smiling and happy to see their former Alpha.

Daisy never comes though.

After workouts, Atlas will collect me.

Then dinner.

Then paint.

Some nights I stay up, unable to put my brush down as I sit for hours in front of the canvas.

I start at the noise of Atlas knocking and coming into my room, his eyes disapproving because he knows I haven't slept.

When I'm not training, I'm at the clinic.

After painting the open spots upon his wall, Doctor Schulman has slowly, started to teach me small information about medicine.

Just the basics- how to fight infections, what medicine to give wolfs when they have a fever, or how to tend to a cut/open wound.

He always laughs and claps at my work, praising my hands and how accurate and precise they are.

"I knew you would be good at it." I flush in pride at his praise, for once feeling good that my fingers, my body, can amount to something more.

The weeks flow by.

I don't even realize how much time actually has managed to fit itself between the span of when I left my old pack, versus now, when I'm a part of Alba Rosa.

It's not until I look up at the date, realizing that the winter month is here.

Two months.

I've been at the Alba Rosa pack for nearly two months.

The air is becoming colder, no longer showing the signs of fall, but instead the coolness of winter.

I can feel a change in my body.

A change from all the training Jay and Atlas are pushing upon me.

My body is changing, becoming leaner.

I smile when I think back to Atlas's words.

"I'm not sure if I like it...,"

We were sitting in the back of his truck, gazing up at the stars.

I had told him I wanted to look at them- to see them so I could paint the night sky.

In reality, I just wanted an excuse to be alone with him.

"Not like what?"

He leans forward, gently moving me until I'm wrapped within his arms, folded into his chest.

"I like your handles," he whispers the words in my ear, his hot breath washing over the cold that's long numbed it.

"My handles?"

I'm confused at what he means until he reaches down and grabs my hips, a devilish smile playing at his lips.

"Oh."

He laughs at my face, pulling me closer to him.

"You're getting leaner. But I like you soft."

I smile up at him, "I wouldn't mind stopping the training."

"Oh? You wouldn't mind?"

I nod, "It will be hard, but for you, I would do it."

He leans his head down, softly biting my ear, leaving me gasping at the bold action.

"You would really do that for me?" He playfully asks.

"Ye...yes," I'm barely able to gasp the word out as his tongue darts out, invading the lobe of my ear, dragging down until he makes contact with my neck.

"How sweet of my mate."

My breaths are short and stuttered as he growls, low and playfully into me, pulling me closer to him.

The training continued though, despite my small reminders to him that he liked me 'soft.'

Jay laughed when he heard my words, earning a small growl from Atlas.

The routine slowly became my life.

I called Mark every week, updating him on everything.

"So you're doing good Lex?"

"Ya I'm...happy."

The word sounds foreign in my mouth. Almost disbelieving. Like I can't understand that I can really apply this description to me.

"Good," I can almost picture Mark smiling. Can almost envision him.

"Can you visit?"

I hear him sigh into the phone, "I'll try Lex. Maybe. Who knows. For now training is taking up all my time."

"Ya."

There's a silence on the phone as Mark and I sit there, listening to nothing more but the others breathing.

"Lex I know you don't want me to ask this but...have you told him yet?"

I close my eyes at his words.

"I will."

"Sooner is better Lex. I don't want you getting attached and then-,"

"I know Mark."

I couldn't tell him the truth.

That I already was attached to my chaotic Black Moon.

Already falling for his dark blue eyes. For his cold words as an Alpha. Yet consuming blue fire as a mate.

Already, deeply falling.

"I'll call you next week and let you know, Okay?"

"Sure Lex."

I know that tone.

It's his disapproving one. One that has me sighing as I hang up the phone.

I sit there in the dark silence of my bedroom, debating what to do.

I'm jolted out of my thoughts when a knock rings on my door.

Atlas opens it. He always opens without asking. Walking in without question. As if he owned the place.

Except technically he did, but it still made me weary, and left me changing in the bathroom, and waking up with him unexpectedly sitting on my bed, scaring me awake.

I look up and smile at him.

"Hey."

He walks over and flips the light on.

I blink back the sudden brightness. Atlas's eyes trail to my recent work- a picture of him standing with his arms crossed, looking at the distance.

"I wish you would stop painting me."

I shrug, unable to explain to him that I painted to get things off my mind. And he was constantly on it.

Mark's words ring in my head from our recent conversation.

You need to tell him.

At the same time we both open our mouths, interrupting the other as we say, "I need to say something."

We pause, looking at each other before smiling.

"You first."

I shake my head, "No...you came here to tell me...um...go ahead."

He sighs and sits next to me on the bed, his weight making the mattress dip down as he trails a lone finger down my arm.

"Lexie, I wanted to ask....do you want to move your stuff...into my room?"

It takes me a few seconds to realize what he is asking.

"Wait but that means....um...at night...." I blush, looking away, suddenly unable to meet Atlas's gaze.

He laughs, "I just want you close."

"I..."

I don't know how to tell him. Actually now would be a good time to tell him my secrets. To follow Mark's advice, but as I open my mouth, Atlas interrupts me, a frustrated sigh leaving him.

"I just want to make it clear, this isn't me implying anything. I just want us to be closer as mates. I'll do whatever you're comfortable with so just tell me and I'll...back off."

I stare at Atlas, taking in and noticing for the first time his shaking hands and weary eyes.

I smile up at him. "Ya...okay."

He stares down at me, his face unreadable as he slowly nods.

"I guess that's it then. I'll go ahead and move your stuff."

I nod. We sit there in silence for a few more seconds before Atlas turns back to me.

"What was it you were wanting to say?"

I smile at him.

I can't tell him.

I can't tell him, now that he's grinning at me, showing the side to him that I love and so rarely see.

It would just make his face go dark.

And it would ruin the moment we were in.

I was attached.

I was attached and maybe....had feelings for Atlas. Because in that moment I feared more than anything his rejection of me.

So instead I smiled and shook my head.

"Nothing."