I Was Back In Atlanta And Me And August Are Back To Not Talking Again Great What Else Is New

I Was Acting Like I Didn't Give A Fuck When Inside I Still Really Wanted To Talk To August About All This Shit I Wanted To Try And Fix This Cause I Know I Was Wrong Dead Wrong

But August Was Too Angry To Even Try To Have A Conversation With Me

He Fucked Bitches All The Time And I Forgave Him...I Start Seeing Someone Else And He Act Like Its The End Of The World And The End Of Us

I Was Out Shopping Today To Pick Up A Few Things At The Mall And As I Was Leaving The Mall Paparazzi Was Surrounded Me Taking Pictures

One Paparazzi Guy Asked Me "Hows The Kids"

I Smiled And Said "They're Great Thanks For Asking"

Than He Asked Me "You Look Amazing...Do You Have Any Comments On August And Miracle Getting Back Together And Are You Two Getting A Divorce"

Hold August And Miracle Are Back Together ? They Caught A Bitch Off Guard Real Quick

I Quickly Smiled And Said "No Comment"

When I Finally Got In My Ferrari I Called August

And He Didn't Answered Which Is No Surprise

He Was Supposed To Be Taking Ayden To Karate Practice Today So When I See Him Will Certainly Confront His Ass About This Miracle Situation

I Got Home And Toya Was Cooking Food And Ayden Was Ready For Karate Practice

I Sat At The Counter As Toya Said "Food Is Almost Ready"

"Im Not Hungry"I Said

"Whats Wrong?"She Asked Me

"What Always Wrong With Me?"I Asked Her

"......August Ass.....I Can't Wait Till The Day When You Finally Get Over Him...You Don't Need Him...Look At Me Im Not Think About Tony...Its Plenty Of Fish Out There"She Said

"I Don't Want Another Fish...I Want The Man I Already Got Two Kids With....Im Sick Of Going This Maze With August I Just Wanna Be Together"I Said

She Shook Her Head And Said"Ima Pretend Like I Didn't Hear That"

"You Do That ....Have Gia Been Up Today"I Asked

"I Took Her Some Food Up Early...But She's Been Sleep All Day"Toya Said

"Its Not Good For Her To Sleep Like This Ima See If I Can Get Her Up"I Said As I Got Up And Proceeded To Walk Upstairs

But Than I Heard My Doorbell I Walked To The Front Door And Opened It

August Was Standing At The Door

I Folded My Arms And Said "You Back With Ya Little Girlfriend Miracle"

"Is You My Mama...I Don't Think So..Don't Worry Bout Me And Who Im Fucking With You Just Worry About That Lame Nigga You Entertaining"He Said

"Im Not Entertaining Anyone I Don't Even Talk To Him No More"I Said

"Man..I Don't Give A Fuck Can I Please Take My Son To His Karate Class So He Wont Be Late"He Said

"You So Petty August"I Said Shaking My Head

"Im Petty...Speaking Of Petty I Got Something For You"He Said Reaching In His Back Pocket And Pulled Out A Piece Of Paper

"What Is This"I Said

"Divorce Papers....So I Guess Im The Pettiest Nigga Of The Year"He Said

I Looked At Him "You So Filled With Pride And Anger You Don't Even See What You Doing You Pushing Me Away"

"Thats Cause I Don't Want You No More...We Gon Be Parents Thats It You Shouldn't Have Slept With That Nigga .."He Said

I Rolled My Eyes And Said "Fine"

"Ayden Your Daddy Is Here"I Called

Ayden Ran Out The Door August Smiled And Said "You Ready To Kick Some Butt Today"

Ayden Smiled And Nodded His Head

"Have Him Home By Eight Please"I Said

"I Will...You Have Good Evening Aziah"He Said

"You Too August"I Said With Anger

He Left With Ayden And I Closed My Door And Looked At The Divorce Papers

Here I Go Again In My Feelings About This Situation We Up We Down We Done We Back Together Than We Getting A Divorce Again

It's A Rollercoaster And Its Taking A Toll On Me And I Think Im Close To Having A Emotional Breakdown Because Im So Tired Of This Shit

August Was Doing The Most And I Really Don't Want Get A Divorce But He's Giving Me No Choice Back To His Old Ways

I Know I Was Playing Games I Know I Was Dead Wrong But After All The Shit He Has Done Who Can Really Blame Me

At This Point I Don't Know Whats Gonna Happen With Us All I Know Is He's Back With Miracle And Im Back Wanting That Old Thang Back

What Do I Have To Do To Get Him Back...And Is He's Even Worth Me Fighting For

I Feel Like I Should Move On But Im Just Too In Love With Him

That Night In Paris Was A Dream August Was So Perfect And He Was Everything I Wanted Him To Be But Than Benny Came And Messed Everything Up And Now Me And August Back At Square One

I Sucked It Up And Went Upstairs To Gia's Bedroom And To Check On Her

I Walked In And She Was Laying There In The Bed

It Was Dark In Her Room So I Opened Up The Curtains And Let A Little Bit On Sunshine In

She Sat Up And Said "I Like The Dark"

"You Can't Grow In The Dark"I Said

"I Don't Wanna Grow I Wanna Sleep"She Said

I Turned And Looked At Her And Said "You Been Sleep All The Day...Get Up And Smell The Roses"I Said

Than She Looked Me And Notice I Was Tearin Up A Little Bit And She Asked Me "Whats Wrong"

I Smiled And Wiped My Eyes And Said "Nothings Wrong Im Fine" I Lied

"Don't Lie...After All You Did For Me You Save My Life So I Owe You Mines.. Tell Me Whats Wrong"She Asked Me

As A Tear Fell From My Eyes And Said "I Guess Im Started To Realized That Me And August Are Just Isn't Meant To Be After All And Its Starting To Hit Me That Soon Ima Be All Alone...And Im Terrified Of Being All Alone"

"Oh...Aziah.."She Said As She Got Up And Hugged Me

I Had Finally Admitted My Biggest Fear Being Alone I Was So Use To Always Being In A Relationship I Had No Clue How To Be Alone With Just Aziah And Im So Afraid Cause No One Wants To Be Alone Me Especially

Maybe Thats Why I Can't Let Go Of August Because Im So Scared Of Really Being By Myself

Sitting On My Couch Having A Few Glasses Of Wine To Myself Thinking Back About All Me And August Been Through

Thinking About All The Love We Made,All The Times We Fought,All The Times I Told Him I Hated Him,All The Time He Made Me Scream I Love You,All The Times He Cheated,All The The Times He Made Me Cry,All The Times We Argued

It So Much Shit And I Just Was Thinkin Why...Why Do We Keep Going Through All This Whats The Point Of This And Why Can't Me And August Cant Get Right For The Life Of Us

When August Brought Ayden Home I Asked To Talk To Him Alone

I Sent Ayden Upstairs And Than I Stepped Outside With August We Was Standing Face To Face

"Are You Sure A Divorce Is Really What You Want"I Asked Him

"Why You Askin Me That?"He Said

"Why Because I Am Sick And Tired Of The Complete Back And Fourth With You Its Like A Game We Play And I Don't Wanna Play No More I Just Want This Rollercoaster To End With You Im Sick Of Crying Over You August Im Sick Of You Putting Me Through Shit"I Said

"Me...Its Always Me Ain't It Huh? ...After You Left I Got My Shit Together I Was A Man To You I Wasn't Out Fucking Bitches I Was Going Through Hell And Back Tryna Get My Family Back While You Was Out Here Fucking That Lame Ass Nigga!"He Said

"Thats Not Fair You Know Its Not...August You Fucked Several Bitches While We Were Married...This One Time I Fuck Up...And You Telling Me You Can't Forgive Me"I Asked

"I Can't Even Look You In Yo Eyes Shit Hurt So Bad That You...You Out All People Would Do Me So Cold Like That...That Shit Hurted Me To My Soul Just Thinkin About Another Nigga Putting His Hands On You!"He Yelled

"Well Now You Know How I Been Feeling All These Years It Doesn't Feel Good When Someone Breaks Your Heart Does It!"I Yelled

"So You Finally Admitting To Me You Did That Hoe Ass Shit On Purpose!"He Asked Me

"I Didn't Do It Purpose But Dammit I Wouldn't Have To Fuck Another Nigga If You Would Of Just Been The Man I Needed You To Be!"I Yelled With Tears In My Eyes

"Nah...You Ain't Gon Do That Not Today You Ain't Gon Put The Blame On Me Because You Wanted To Go Out And Be A Hoe...."He Said Calmly

"You Been Hoe...So Whats The Problem "I Said

"I Don't Got A Problem No More Rememba Im Divorcing You"He Said

"Thats Fine...Because I Should Of Been Divorced You...But After Today August I Am Done! Im Done With You,Im Done With Us...Im Tired Of You And Your Games And I Can't Take It No More....Im Letting You Go...You No Longer Can Have Control Over Me You No Longer Have The Power To Make Me Cry Anymore...Im Done All Love Is Lost A Divorce Is Well Over Due Because August Anthony Alsina I Am Through With Yo Sorry Selfish Ass!"I Yelled Out Ass Tears Ran Down My Face

"....Cry Me A River Build Me A Bridge And Get Over That Shit...You Put This On Ya Self I Don't Give A Fuck What You Sayin Because Guess What Im Done With Yo Ass To.....!"August Said

"We Done Right...So Its Nothing Else We Have To Talk About"I Said Wiping My Eyes

He Shrugs His Shoulders And Walked To His Car

I Watched Him Get In His Car And Pull Off And I Was Just Stood In My Driveway Wiping My Face

He Didn't Care So Why Should I...?He's Move On So Why Should I Continue Holding On?

I Had To Let Go...This Divorce Was Real And I Think The Love We Had For Eachother Ain't Even Strong No More

It Amazes Me How Two People Who Loved Eachother So Much And Who Would Die For Eachother End Up Hating Each Other

Everytime I See Him I Just Wanna Smack The Life Outta Skinny Tall Ass

Everytime I Hear His Ass On The Radio And The Tv I Turn That Shit Off

We Stayed In The Same City And He's The Father Of My Children So It Was Hard Avoid His AssAlthough I Did Try My Hardest Too

Today Was Laying Down In My Bed Finishing Up Some School Assignments On My Laptop

When Ayden Crawled In Bed With Me And Laid On My Lap

I Smiled And Said "Whats Up...Littleman.."

I Sat My Laptop To Side And Kiss His Cheeks

He Started Giggling

"....Mother's Day Is Coming Up What You Getting Me"I Asked Ayden

"Nothing"Ayden Said Smiling

I Laughed And Said "Little Boy You Gon Get Me Something You Know How Hard It Was To Push That Big Ol Head Outta Me"

He Laughed And Said "You Got A Big Head"

"No You Got A Big Head...Just Like Yo Big Headed Daddy"I Said As I Tickled Him

"My Daddy Don't Got No Big Head"Ayden Said With Laughter

"You Right Yo Daddy Got A Fathead That Why You A Got Big Head"I Said Smiling

Than Ayden Sat Up And Gave Me My Phone And Said "Huh Call My Daddy"

I Dialed August Number And Put The Phone On Speakerphone Than Gave It To Ayden

It Rang For A Few Seconds Than August Picked Up The Phone

"Hello"August Said

"Daddy"Ayden Said

"Hey Whats Up Buddy"August Said

"What You Doing Daddy"Ayden Asked August

"In Chicago On My Way To A Show,What You Doing"August Asked

"Nothing"Ayden Responded

"Why You Ain't Doing Nothing.. Where Your Brother At"August Asked

"He Sleep"Ayden Answered

"He Sleep....Put Ya Mamma On The Phone"I Heard August Say

What He Want To Talk To Me For...I Asked Myself

Ayden Gave Me The Phone

I Grabbed The Phone And Said "Hello"

"Aye...What You Doing For Mothers Day"He Asked Me

"I Don't Know...You Taking The Ayden And Azian Or What"I Asked

"I'll Be Back In Atlanta...I Can Take Em If You Want....You Ain't Tryna Go Out"He Said

I Rolled My Eyes And Said "With You?"

"Why You Say It Like That...Is That Such A Bad Thing"He SId

Here He Go Tryna Suck Me Again

"Thats A Terrible Thing...Ima Spend Mothers Day Alone I Might Go To The Spa With Toya... "I Said

"I Know You Ain't Curvin Me"He Said

"Im Not Curvin You Im Being Real With You But Anyways Don't Forget To Pay My Nanny This Week And When You Get Back To Atlanta We Need To Sit Down With Our Lawyers To Discuss How Everything Is Going To Be Divided"I Said

"What You Mean...Thought You Said You Ain't Want A Dolla From Me"He Said

"I Don't...Trust Me...But I Still Wanna Keep My Cars,My Last Name,And Our Bank Accounts Are Still Combine Its Alot We Need To Talk About...Like Child Support,And Custody"I Said

"Child Support And Custody Thought We Was Going For Joint Custody"He Said

"I Mean We Was..But Im Boutta Graduate From School Soon And Im Thinking About Getting Out Of Atlanta For Good"I Said

"...You Ain't Taking My Kids No Where"He Said

"You Can Always Get On A Plane And Come To Where Ever We At...Aug..You Got The Money Too Ain't Shit Here In Atlanta For Me I Just Want To Start Over And Just Move On"I Said

"Man Ight I Ain't Trynaa Hear All That...When Azian Wake Up Have Him Call Me So I Can Talk To Him"He Said

I Rolled My Eyes And Said "Yup"

Than I Hung Up

Everytime I Talk About Moving On Or Away August Always Gets Mad I Guess He Just Wasn't Tryna Hear The Truth...He Put This On His Self He Gave Me Them Divorce Papers

What The Fuck Did He Think We Would Kiss And Make Up After All He Did And Said And Running Around Town With Miracle Making Me Look Dumb

Last Time I Said I Was Done I Meant That Shit

Ayden Looked At Me And Said "Ma..Why You Dont Like My Daddy"

"What?"I Said To Ayden Because I Was Caught Off Guard That He Was Asking Me That

Than I Said "Thats Not True I Love Yo Daddy.."

"You Love Me"He Asked Me

I Kissed Him And Said "I Love You Entirely Too Much You And Azian Are My Everything"

Everytime I Look At My Kids And I Sometimes Hate Myself For Not Making This Work With August Because They Deserve It

Ayden And Azian Deserve Two Parents In One Home

And I Wish I Could Make It Work For Them But I Couldn't I Tired Too

And Now Im Done Trying I Wanted This Divorce To Finally Happen

Its Always Drama With Me And August And Im Sick Of It I Just Wanna Move On

Speaking Of Moving On I Think I Owe Someone An Apology

When My Nanny Took The Boys To The Park For Someone Fresh Air

I Called Benny Over To Talk About What Happened And I Felt Like I Owed Him An Huge Apology For Lying To Him When All He Was Good To Me

He Came Over I Was Wearing Something Casual But Cute

"Thanks For Coming Over"I Said Being Politely

He Looked Me And Said "I Didn't Even Want Too You Played A Nigga So Hard"

"I Didn't Mean Too..I Really Didn't I Really Like You...I Should've Been Trying To Move On So Fast To Tell You The Truth I Was Never Over August..I Shouldn't Have Tried To Start Something With You When I Knew Me And August Wasn't Completely Over With"I Said

"You Did The Same Shit To Me He Been Doing To You For Years..I Will Never Understand Females Like You Females Who Like To Be Dogged,Lied To,And Cheated On By Niggas...Females Like You Want A Thug Nigga Who You Think You Can Change Instead Of Having A Good Nigga By Your Side...."He Said

"Its Just All So Complicated Benny If Things Was Different"I Began To Say As He Stopped Me And Said "If Things Was Different You Would Still Choose Him"

"Look I Don't Know If I Will Always Want Him But Right Now He's All Im Use To...Im Finally Trying To Move On Without Him And Its Hard Because I Have His Kids And I Have To See And Him And Talk To Him But I Am Managing The Best I Can..Im Sorry"I Said

"You Should Be Im The Only Nigga The Only Nigga In Ya Life Who Ever Did Right By You..And You Fucked It All Up All Because You Can't Get Over Him"He Said

I Folded My Arms And Said "Well I Wish You All The Best In Life..You Deserve It"

"Ima Pray So Hard That God Opens Your Eyes Cause You Deserve Betta"He Said As He Walked Out

Benny Was Good To Me...Never Will I Eva Met A Nigga Like Him Eva Again

For The First Time In A Long Time I Was Finally All Alone

It Was Just Me...And Thats Okay