After Almost Relapsing I Took A Look In The Mirror And I Did Not Like What I Was Seeing

This Love This Marriage Almost Drove Me Back Down That Path Of Destruction

I Was Losing My Sanity And Mostly Importantly My Head

I Hated That My Marriage Was Potentially Failing And I Just Couldn't Take It

I Missed Him But I Still Needed To Be Away From Him So When He Brought The Children Back He Asked To Speak To Me So I Invited Him While The Nanny Took My Children Upstairs

We Were Standing Face To Face When August Said "I Miss You...I Wanna Work This Out"

"I Want The Same But I Think Its Best We Just Separate For A Moment Untill We Can Get This Straightened Out"I Said

"Its Not That Hard Aziah Make Up Ya Mind Do You Love Me"He Asked

"I Love You But I Don't Think Im In Love With You Anymore"I Said

"Than Just Fall Back In Love With Me"He Said Like Its Easy

"Why Because You Want Me ! God You Are So Controlling You Even Try To Control The Way That I Love You"I Said Shaking My Head In Disappointed

"Im Not Tryna To Be Controling But Its Been Two Weeks How Long We Gon Be Apart"He Asked

"Until I Decide What I Wanna Do"I Said

"Either You Want To Be Married Or You Don't"He Said

"After All This Shit You Putting Me Through You Lucky I Haven't Divorce Your Ass By Now! You Got Me Crying Every Second,Im Stressed My Hair Is Shedding All Because Of You"I Said As I Pushed Him Back

Than I Looked At Him And Said "The Other Day I Locked Myself In My Bedroom With A Half Bag Coke I Was Hurting So Bad Because Of You I Almost Relapse Thanks To You...So Don't You Come In Here Demanding For Answer When You Got Me Goin Through It!"

"I Fucked Up I Can Admit That You Think I Didn't Mean To Hurt You On Purpose"He Said

"Well You Do Everytime I Feel Like I Everytime I Think I Can Trust You You Ended Up Breakin My Heart"I Said

"Aziah Im Sorry..Look Baby Don't Give Up On Us Not Yet"He Said To Me

"I Need More Time"I Said

"Im Not Waiting Forever Make Choice And Make It Quick"He Said

A Part Of Me Was Wanting To Stay And Make This Work With August Another Part Of Me Wanted To Hate August And Move On

This Decision Was So Hard For Me I Really Didn't Want To Stay Anymore

In My Heart It Was Over I Just Keep Denying It I Didn't Wanna Believe That Me And August Was Done

I Deserve Better I Deserve Someone Who Loves Me Just As Much As I Love Them I Deserve A Husband Who Can Stay Faithful I Deserve Someone Who Respects My Heart

I Went Days Just Thinkin About Me And August I Couldn't Eat,I Could Sleep,I Couldn't Smile Nor Could Accept The Truth

Truth Was August Had Hurt Me For The Last Time Truth Is I Can Longer Trust Him Anymore There Was No Point In Staying With Him

I Was Fed Up And Had Enough August Had Me Feel The Worst For The Last Time

All The Hoes,Groupies,Bitches He Was With Why Isn't Im Enough To Truly Satisfy Him

I Was Asking Myself That Like Its Something Wrong With Me But Its Nothing Wrong With Me Its Something Deeply Wrong With Him

Im Just Feeling Worthless Because He Forced Me To Feel This Way With The Lying,The Cheating,And The Betrayal

Im So Stressed And More Than Ever All I Want Is Peace But How Can I Have Peace When Im Torn Like This And Im Hurting This Much

I Am Woman Whos Been Hurt Too Many Times I Been Trying To Bee So Strong To The Point Where I Just Can't Anymore I Was Weak So Weak And My Love I Had For August Was Fading Slowly But So Surely

Fading Away Like My Reflection In The Mirror Because I Can't See That Woman I Am Behind All These Tears

Im Trying My Hardest To Figure This All Out

This Morning I Was Having Breakfast With My Mother While My Nanny Attended To My Child

My Mother Sat Across From Me And She Could Tell That Her Daughter Was Dying Inside Mother Instincts Of Course

She Could Tell I Was Going Through It

She Smiled At Me And Said "Do You Know Why I Call You Miss Thang"

"No....Actually I Don't"I Said

She Smile To Her Self Than She Look At Me With This Pleasant Look Upon Her Face And Said "You Always Were Sassy And You Had A Mouth On You Like You Wouldn't Believe You Held Your Head Up High You Didn't Care What People Think Of You Made Your Own Rules Never A Follower No Never You Always Had A Mind Of Your Own Thats Why I Call You Miss Thang So Miss Thang Tell Me Who Are You"

"Lost"I Replied

She Tilted Her Head And Said "Your Not Lost At All You Just Don't Wanna Face The Reality Of The Situation"

Damn She Was Right I Didn't Wanna Face The Truth Because The Truth Hurts So Bad To Even Say Out Loud

"Im So Afraid"I Said As Tears Formed In My Eyes

"Don't Be You Done All You Could Do August Should Of Been Man Enough To See That His Loss Not Yours You Can Do Better Find Someone Who Will Fight For You And Not With You"She Said

"What About Ayden And Azian"I Said As Tears Came Streaming Down My Face

"Do You Think Ayden And Azian Don't Know Something Goin On Them Boys Are Not Stupid Aziah They Can See How Much Pain Your In Its Not Healthy Or Fair To Them To See You Falling Apart Like This Take It From Me" She Said

And I Just Cried Like A Baby Because It Was The Truth

The Truth Is I Was Done With August I Was Done For Good

I Had Thought Enough And Cried Too Much I Finally Decided Is The Best Thing Do Is Get A.....Is Too Get A...Is To Get A............

I Can't Even Say That D Word

His Disrespect,His Unfaithful Ways,His Selfishness,His Actions,His Lies Have All Drove Me To Make This Decision

He Never Gave A Fuck About This Marriage He Took My Love For Granted And I Just Can't Do This With Him No More

Its Time I Let Go And Move On Its Not Worth It Not This Time Around

After All He Put Me Through He Doesn't Deserve Me Or A Another Chance

My Boys Unfortunately Want Happy That Happy Family But They Will Have A Happy Mother Who Loves Them Both To Death

Im Ready To Start Over Get A Place Of My Own Find A Job And Finish School And Be The Best Mother That I Can Be

Even Though Im Sad That I Have To Be Without August I Know That Its For The Best

I Texted August And Told Him Im Done And That I Wanted A Divorce And I Knew He Would Be On His Way To Stop Me So I Had My Mother Take My Children With Her While I Finish Packing Up Some Things

As I Was Packing I Heard Someone Run Up The Stairs And I Knew It Was August

"You Serious Right Now!"He Asked

"Im Dead Serious August"I Said Softly

He Grabbed Me By Arm "Nah Hold Up...Come Here"

He Pulled Me In And He Grabbed My Face With His Hand And Said "Look At Me"

I Looked Him In His Eyes And He Could See That His Eyes Began Watering

"How You Gon Leave Me"He Said As His Eye Began Watering Even More

"How You Gon Be Without,You Mean To Tell Me You Don't Love Me Enough To Stay And Make This Work...I Know I Fucked Up And I Do Stupid Shit But I Promise You Them Hoes Don't Mean Shit To Me Its You Its Always Gon Be You That Im In Love With Ya Heard Me"He Said On The Verge Of Crying

"How Do You Love Me When All You Do Is Hurt Me And Make Me Cry"I Cried Out

"I Ain't Mean Too...I Swear I Didn't Mean Fa None Of This To Happen We Can Make This Shit Work Just Don't Leave Me......"He

I Moved His Hand Off Face And Said "Im Done August....I Can't Stay With You Your Selfish,Your A Cheater,And Your A Liar And You Will Regret Breakin My Heart"

"I Can Change...I Will Change.... Just Don't...Don't Do This To Us"He Said

I Looked Him In His Eyes And Said "I Didn't Do This You Did This...You Broke Up Our Family"

He Got On Both Knees And Grabbed Me And Said "Im On My Knees Im Begging You...Im Begging You Please Don't Do This To Me"

"You Know I Loved So Much That I Would Look Pass All You Flaws I Loved You So Much That I Would Die For You Because I Thought You Would Do The Same For Me But Now I Can See August Only Loves August And I Can't Do This No More You Change To The Point I Don't Even Know Who The Fuck You Are Anymore ! And Im Done! I Want A Divorce"I Said

And A Tear Fell Out His Eye

"But I Love You"He Said

"If You Really Love Me You Wouldn't Tried So To Destroy Me"I Said As I Wiped My Eyes

"I Don't Want Nothing From You You Keep Everything Its All Yours Anyways ...I Know You Going ontinue To Provide For Our Kids Because You A Good Father You Just A Bad Husband"

He Stood And Said "How Can I Fix This Aziah"

"You Can't Not This Time"I Said Grabbing My Suitcase

"Goodbye August"I Said

It Hurts To Leave This House That Was Supposed To Be Our Home

I Wanted To Work This Out But He Wasn't Gon Change And I Not Settling For A Husband Thats A Cheater And Liar

I Know My Worth And Im Worth So Much Than This I Deserve Better

I Been Way Too Good Too Him For Him To Treat Me This Bad

It's The Same Shit Everytime With Him And At Some Point If He's Not Learning For His Mistakes Than I Gotta Go Because Hes Not Making No Improvements

The Love Was Gone Trust Was Gone Respect Gone And I Was Gone

I Didn't Want To Be His Wife Anymore August Put This On His Self

I Really Hope Them Hoes Was Worth It