This Time It Was My Fault I Went Way Too Far And Now August Won't Even Look At Me And Its Been Too Many Days

He Really Felt As If I Betrayed Him But I Was Just Having Dinner With A Friend Thats It

I Gotta Fix It I Have To Make Him Stop Being So Mad At Me

I Just Got Home From Class And Picking Ayden From School

We Walked In And August And Kacy Was Sitting On My Couch In The Living Room And She Was Holding Azian

"He's So Cute"Kacy Said Holding My Baby

"Of Course He Is,Look Who His Mama Is"I Said

"He Looks Nothing Like You,He Looks Everything Like Auggie"She Said As She Smirked At Me

I Rolled My Eyes And Said "Why Are You Here"

"Oh Aziah I Know You Probably Just Still Upset About What Happened To You Thats Why You So Cranky But Im Praying For You"She Said Being Sarcastic

"What Do You Mean Im Fine,What Are You Talking About"I Said

"You Know You Losing The Baby Im So Sorry For You"She Said Being Fake

"You Mention Anything Else About My Unborn I Swear On Everything I Love I Will Choke The Life Out Of You"I Said Angry Pointed My Finger At Her

August Immediately Grabbed Me And Pulled Me In The Kitchen

"What Is Wrong With You!"He Asked Me

"How Do She Know I Lost A Baby!"I Yelled At Him

"I Told Her,I Was Venting To Her!"He Said

"Why Is You Venting About Our Baby That You Didn't Even Want!"I Asked

"Just Because I Didn't Want It I Can't Feel Hurt Over The Fact That We Lost A Child!"He Asked Me

"No! And I Don't Want Her To Know Our Fuckin Business !"I Said

"Its Not A Secret Everyone Know We Had A Miscarriage!"He Said

"We Didn't Have A Miscarriage I Had A Miscarriage "He Said

He Shook His Head At Me And Said "You Impossible ! And This Is Hopeless When Did You Get Like This!"

"I Think It Was Right Around The Time When You Stop Caring About Me"I Said

"Me...I Stop Caring?.....After That Shit You Pulled The Other Night You The Last Person To Talk About Not Caring"He Said

"Its Been Four Days I Said Im Sorry Numerous Times And You Still Won't Forgive Me"I Said

"Im Not Gon Forgive You! That Shit Was Foul! "He Said

"If You Won't Get Over It Than How About I Leave!"I Said

"Man...Do What You Gotta Do! I Am Not Tripping Over You No More So You Wann Leave....Leave Than!"He Said As He Walked Away

And Just Like That I Knew August Was The August I Knew Anymore

I Know I Messed Up But Did I Really Deserve All This

He Just Wouldn't Get Over It Maybe I Should Leave Because We Ain't Getting No Where In These Conditions

Looking Down At My Ring On My Finger I Thought To Myself I Still Love Him And Somewhere Inside Of Him He Still Loves Me

But All This Arguing And Fighting Was Bringing Me Down

I Had To Be The Most Unhappiest Woman In The World

Fake Smiles For My Children To Let Em Know Mommy Good And Mommy And Daddy Are Okay And Our Family Will Be Okay

But In Reality I Don't Think We Will Be Okay In The End

Lately I Been Pushing Him Away Now He's Pushing Me Away

I Would Sacrifice Everything I Love In This World For August I Only Want Him And Right Now I Wish We Could Sit Down And Talk Really Just Talk And Work It Out Because I Love Em Too Much To Just Leave

Im So Stressed And Half The Time Im At Home Alone With My Own Thoughts

And Tonight I Just Couldn't Take It Anymore So I Left My Children With The Nanny And I Went Out To A Bar

Even Though I Know Im Not Supposed To Be Here Im Really Inneed Of A Drink

I Sat Down The Bar And I Ordered Henny On The Rocks

As I Was Sitting Down Enjoying My Drink JT Tapped Me On The Shoulder

JT Was The Nigga Who Use To Sell Me Anything I Wanted Cocaine,Pills,Anything

"Long Time No See"He Said Flashing His Charming Smile

"I Been Trying To Stay Clean"I Said

"Whats That Hennessy,Now Im Not No Rehab Expert But Im Pretty Sure You Supposed To Live A Happy Sober Life"He Said

I Smiled And Said "Im A Drug Addict Not An Alcoholic"

"You Mean A Recovering Drug Addict"JT Corrected Me

"Yea..Hey Have You Seen Riley"I Asked

"Oh Shit That Is Your Girl She Out Here Bad She A Full Blown Blowhead She On Heroin Real Bad I Just Saw Her The Other Day She Looks Like Shes Already Dead"He Said

"Oh My God..."I Said Shaking My Head

"But You Look Good You Look Real Good I Got Something For You"He Said

He Pulled Out A Half Ziploc Of Coke Out

And I Just Stared At It And It Look So Good

"I Told You Im Clean"I Said

"Come On.....Ya Know You Want Yo Snort A Few Lines And Get High As An Kite Take It,Im Not Even Gon Charge You This Time"He Persuade Me

Without Thinking Twice I Took The Bad Of Cocaine And Quickly Placed It In My Purse

I Wasn't Gon Use It I Just Wanted To Have Just Because I Lied To Myself

I Been Sobeer I Been Doing Good

But My Marriage Was Failing,My Husband Is Everywhere But Home,I Had A Miscarriage,And Now Im Walkin Around Coke In My Purse

Fighting My Self

The Old Me Vs The New Me And Right I Can't Even Tell You Who's Winning

I Needa Talk To Someone Before I End Up Relapsing

I Know Me And August Are At The Best Of Terms But He's Been Supportive To Me Being Me Sober And He Wants Me To Stay Sober

Hes At Recording Studio Not Far From Here Ima Go See Him And Talk To Him About These Thoughts I Was Having

I Took One Last Sip If My Drink Than I Paid For It Than I Left.

I Drove Over To The Studio I Walked Inside And I Saw Travis Walking Out Of A Recording Room

He Had A Red Cup His Hand And Looked As If He Was Surprised To See Me

I Smiled And Said "Hey Trav Is Aug In There"

"Aug?? Nah....He Just Left To Get Some Food I'll Tell You Came By Th0"Travis Said

"Damn I Needa To Talk To Him Can You Tell Him To Call Me Its So Important"I Said To Travis

But Than I Heard Someone Moaning From Outside Of The Door Of The Recording Room

"Who Is That?"I Asked

"Thats My Nigga In There With Some Bitch"Travis Said

"Who Is Your Nigga?"I Asked Looking Confused

"You Ain't Neva Met Em"Travis Said

Bullshit

When I Tried To Opened The Door Travis Stood In Front Of It

"Why Won't You Let Me In"I Asked

"What You Wanna Go In There Fa...Told You Aug Gone"He Said

"Let Me See For Myself Than Trav"I Said

"I Can't Do That"Travis Said

I Push Travis With All My Strength And Than Quickly Opened The Door

I Bust In On August And Some Darskin Bitch Fucking

When Saw Me He Was Fixing His Pants And She Was Completely Naked

And I Just Stood There Looking At Em Like How Could You Do This To Me Again

That Was The Moment When I Really Lost My Mind

The Female Was Naked Was Covering Up Her Chest And Asked August

"Who Is This August"She Had England Accent She Was Probably From The UK

"I Am His Wife!"I Yelled I Was So Mad And So Angry That August Did This Shit To Me Again

"What I Did Not Know He Was Married"She Said

"You Didn't Know He Was Married Because You Don't Know Anything About Him And You Shouldn't Be Sleeping With Men You Don't Know !"I Said As I Took My Diamond Earrings Off And Placed Them In My Purse

August Was Standing Looking Stupid Cause He Just Got Caught

And I Grabbed This Bitch By Her Hair Im Talking From Her Roots And I Dragged This Bitch Out This Room

"Please No Please Don't Hurt Me I Didn't Know"She Begged As I Dragged Her Out Butt Naked

And Slammed The Door And Her Face

Than I Walked Over To Where August Was Standing And I Said It Was A Magnum Condom Paper Sitting On The Chair

"Well Atleast You Was Gon Use A Condom This Time"I Said

"Why Would You Do This To Me Again Do This Marriage Means Anything To You At All"I Asked

"Did This Marriage Mean Anything To You When You When Out With That Nigga The Other Night"He Yelled

I Pushed Him And Said "I Wasn't Fuckin Him!"

"How Do I Know That!"He Said

"No.! You Are Not Going To Try And Turn This On Me Because You Got Caught....Again!"I Yelled

"Man Move...Get Out My Face Aziah"He Said

"I Deal With Your Baby Momma,Your Hoes,Your Groupies,Your Stalkers Everydamn Day And Now You In Here Having Sex With Another Bitch!"I Yelled

"What Ya Want Me Do....?"He Asked Me

"What Do You Mean?"I Asked

I Yelled "I Want You To Be A Man And Tell Me The Fuckin Truth"As I Push Him Again

"You Sure!"He Yelled At Me

"Yes?"I Yelled Back

"The Truth! Ight The Truth Is...I Been Fuckin Bitches More Than You Can Count The Truth Is I Ain't Been Happy In A Long Time The Truth Is I Rather Fuck Another Bitch Than To Come Home To You Cause We Do Is Argue!....Yes I Been Lying Yes I Been Cheating "He Yelled In My Face

As Im Standing There Tryna Keep A Strong Face But Inside I Was Already Cryin

My Eyes Began Watering As He Angrily Looked Me Into My Eyes

Than I Asked Something That I Been Wanted To Know For The Longest

"Since You Being So Damn Honest With Me Now...Did You Fuck Tamera?"I Asked

"The Truth Is I Wanted To But I Had A Flight To Catch Me And Her Talked About It Tho But Neva Did It"He Confessed As He Sat Down In The Chair In Put His Head In His Laps Cause He Couldn't Look At The Tears That Was Fallin From My Eyes

"You Wanted To"I Repeated

"We Have Two Children,We Love Each Other We Have Two Children What Am I Supposed To Do Now"I Cried

"I Love You,Dont Think For One Second That I Don't ! These Bitches Don't Mean Shit To Me Its You "He Said

And I Really Wanted To Believe Him But I Was Having A Hard Time Because His Actions Had Shown Me Otherwise

"Im So Stupid,I Really Thought This Ring And This Marriage Would Make Us Better But Now I Can See For Myself Nothings Gon Change You "I Said

"So What You Sayin You Want A Divorce"He Asked

"I Wish I Knew"I Cried

He Had Just Admitted To Cheating Lying And Wanting To Sleep With My Cousin What Am I Supposed To Do Now I Have Kids With This Man What Am I Supposed To Say To Them

I Was Heartbroken Again And I Wasn't Sure What I Was Gon But I Know I Was Gon Do Something