I Spent Three Days And Three Nights Debating On Whether I Should Tell August I Cheated Or Not

I Know August And I Know That If I Tell Him He I Sleep With Another Man He Would Never Forgive Me For It…Even Though I May Of Forgave Him A Million Times Before For Sleeping With Other Chicks

He Cheated On Me Countless Time...I Had One Night Of Pleasure With Another Man And To August Thats Just Like Me Having Twelve Dicks In My Mouth

Guilt Had Became Apart Of Me Apart Of Our Marriage Apart Of Our Home…It Was Eating Me Alive I Was Literally Dying Of Guilt

Watching Him Playing With Kids And Hearing Them Laugh At Him Being Goofy Make Me Regret That Whole Night With Rell

I Didn't Wanna Lose My Family I Didn't Wanna Lose August

I Was Laying On The Couch As August Played With The Boys On The Floor

He Was Wrestling Boys Just Being Boys

Thinkin To Myself How Much I Love Em…Even Though August Has His Ways I Still Love Him And I Think That Maybe I Forgot For A Moment How Much I Love Him

Its Just That Its Been Such A Crazy Year For Me And August

This Marriage Is Always Up And Down...Rell Was Like A Vacation From What I Been Going Through

Rell Ease My Mind And Made Me Smile And Brought Me Joy...I Still Feel His Lips On Mines And Hear His Voice Ringing In My Head

I Haven't Talked To Him In 3 Days...Felt More Like Years Than Days

But We Both Knew That We Crossed The Line We Both Knew We Couldn't Be Together And We Both Knew That I Was In Love With August

I Fucked Up And I Hated Keeping Secrets From My Husband

I Literally Wanted To Just Scream Out "I Cheated" But I Couldn't Force Those Words To Come Out

I Felt Like Shit But I Just Have To Tell Him

"August I Gotta Tell You Something"I Said Building The Nerve To Confess To Him

My Heart Started Pounding..And I Could Feel My Hands Began To Sweat

I Had A Funny Feeling In My Stomach And I Felt Like I Was Going Vomit The Truth Out

"Whats Up"He Said As He Paused Playing With The Boys

And All Three Of Em Look Up At Me And I Felt Like The Worst Person Ever Born

"I.…"I Said Stumbling On My Words

"Ya What"He Asked Me With That Nola Accent

And Before I Could Pour Those Words Out

I Gotta A Phone Call I Picked Up That Phone

And It Was Probably One Of The Worst Calls I've Gotten In My Life

I Gotta Call About A 23 Year Old Pregnant Woman

She Had Been Beated And Stabbed To Death By Her Boyfriend

And I Knew I Just Knew That It Was Vanessa I Felt In My Soul Just Like You Can Feel December Cold Wind On Your Bare Face

I Was Asked To Come Down To The Hospital And View The Body And Confirm That Its Was Vannessa

And I Immediately Rush Out The House While August Stayed With The Boys

I Could Barely Drive Through All This Rain And These Tears In My Eyes Wasn't Making It No Better

I Was So Shooken Up.…

"I Knew It Was Something…She Hasn't Been In Work…Or Returning My Calls"I Said Talking To Myself

I Got To That Hospital And Them Doctors Pulled That Cover Off Her I Took One Look

And I Literally Almost Feel To My Knees

Her Body Was Laying There Not Moving,Not Breathing Not Anything Just So Lifeless And Her Face Had Beaten So Badly

And All I Could Do Was Cry.. Uncontrollablily

She Was Only 23…So Young So Full Of Life And Beaten And Stabbed To Death

Remember The Day She Told Me She Was Pregnant I Remember Seeing That Smile On Her Face

She Was So Excited About Being A Mother Because She Loved Kids

She Didn't Deserve It..She Was Only 23 She Had Her Whole Life Was Tooken From Her

Her Body Laid There On A Cold Table I Reached Out And Touched Her Hand It Was So Cold

"Oh Vanessa"I Cried To Myself

I Closed My Eyes And Tears Rolled Down My Eyes

Pain In My Chest And Hurt In My Heart From All The Sorrow I Felt

And I Had To Be The One Who Call And Tell Vanessa's Mother...That Her Daughter Had Been Killed….Me Being A Mother I Couldn't Even Began To Imagine What She Must Be Going Through

I Stood There At The Hospital On The Phone With Vanessa's Mother….For An Hour.…Just Crying And Crying

After All How Was She Going To Live Life Happily Knowing That Her Pregnant Daughter Had Been Beaten Brutally And Stabbed To Death

It Was All Too Much For Me…When I Got Home That Night August Was Sitting On The Couch

And I Just Looked At Him

I Shut My Eyes For Two Seconds And Tears Streamed Down My Face As He Stood Up And Wrapped His Arms Around Me

"I Know...I Know..You Ain't Even Gotta Say It"He Said

"He Beat Her So Bad.…She Didn't Even Look Like Herself August"I Cried

"Why She Ain't Neva Tell Nobody"August Said

"She Didn't Have To Tell Me...Because I Knew"I Said

He Looked Down At Me And Said "What"

"She Would Come To Work With All Types Of Bruises On Her…So One Day I Confronted Her…And She Told Me That Sometimes Her Boyfriend Just Get Real Mad At Her..I Told Her To Leave But She Loved Him"I Said

"She Love Him...Ain't It Funny How The Same Niggas You Love Be The Same Niggas That End Ya Life.…23 Years Old"He Said Shakin His Head

"I Just Keep Thinking About How She Would Never Do All The Things She Wanted To Do...…She Was Only 23"I Said

Ayden Walked In And Said "Mommy Whats Wrong"

And Me And August Both Look At Each Other Because Ayden And Vanessa Was Close Like Bestfriends Vanessa Loved Herself Some Ayden

So How Do You Explain Death To A 4 Year Old? I Ask Myself

"Lets Talk Buddy"August Said As The Three Of Us Sat On The Couch

I Took A Deep Breath And Said "Vanessa…She...She Passed"

"Passed?"He Said Confused

"Yes You Know How We Talk About Uncle Mel All The Time"August Asked Ayden

"Yes He Died In New Orleans And Is In Heaven Now"Ayden Said

"Well That What Happened To Vanessa Shes Up In Heaven Now"I Said

"Why"He Asked Me

"Only God Knows"I Said

"So I Will Never See Vanessa Again"He Said

"One Day It Will Be A Time And Place…Where We Reunited With The Ones We Love...I Believed That Vanessa And Your Uncle Mel Is Looking Down On You Now"August Said

"Daddy…Are You And Mommy Going To Die"He Asked

"No Time Soon.…Ayden Just Promise Me You Will Never In Your Life Hit A Girl Under No Circumstances"I Said

"Mommy I Don't Hit Girls…Ima Boy.. And Boys Don't Hit Girls"He Said To Me And It Made So Proud

"Never Will I Ever Put My Hands On You As Long As We Live Baby"August Said To Me

And He Kissed Me On My Forehead

"I Don't Want Vannesa In Heaven Mommy I Want Her To Be Here With Me"

"Me Too Ayden"I Said

I Felt So Guilty….I Felt Like I Could've Did So Much More She Was Young…For All We Know She Really Thought She Was In Love Keyword She Thought

But Someone Should Of Showed Her What Real Love Is.. Love Is Not Pain.…Love Doesn't Beat You Love Shouldn't Make You Wish You Were Dead And Love Doesn't Steal Your Life Away

All Those Nights She Called Me Crying Her Little Eyes Out…All Those Bruises On Her Body All Those Conversations I Had With Her And Still She Stayed

Because She Loved Him And Had No Clue What Love Is Or How Blinded Love Can Be

Abusive Relationships Aren't Cute….Abusive Relationships Is Nothing No Woman Should Involved Themself With

Don't Be Stupid,Dont Be Blinded And Don't Take This Life We Have For Granted