Thinking She Just Playing With Me I Said "You Funny" While Laughing A Little

"Whats Funny...Im Confused"She Said

"Cause You Playin…You Gotta Be...Look I Ain't Got Time For This Shit…Stop Callin Me"I Said

"Im Not Playing…Im Really Pregnant…With Your Baby So What Is You Sayin!"She Said Getting Upset

"Nah..You Can't Be…"I Said In Denial Because I Didn't Wanna Believe This Shit

"How Can't I Be …Its Not We Use Protection Or Im On Birth Control ! We Had Sex I Missed A Period I Took Three Pregnancy Test And All Came Up Positive"She Said

My Head Was Fucked Up This Was Bad News To Me My World Came Crashing Down All On Me All Ay Once

"You Keepin It?"I Asked

"I Mean I Don't Believe In Abortions Aug..."She Said

"Listen I Can't Talk About This Right Now..I Get Back In Atlanta In A Few Weeks…I'll Come Through And We Gon Talk Bout This In Person Ight?"I Said

"Okay"She Said

"In The Meanwhile Don't Tell Nobody You Pregnant Not Even Ya Mama"I Said To Her

"Why Would I Wanna Tell Anyone That Im Pregnant By A Man Who's Married?…Just Call Me When You Get Back In Town" She Said

" Ima See You Soon"I Said

"Bye"She Said

Did I Really Get This Bitch Pregnant,How Could I Be So Stupid…How I Let This Shit Happened….. Me And Ziah We Don't Need This Shit Right Now Shit Was Just Getting Good Fa Us Again

I Already Fucked Up And Had One Baby On Ziah….

I Couldn't Tell Ziah…I Couldn't Bare To Look My Baby In Her Eyes And Break Her Heart Again I Rather Take Ten Bullets To Head Than To Make Ziah Cry Again

I Gotta Make Miracle Have A Abortion,If Miracle Have This Baby Ziah Gon Leave Me…And I Can't Lose Her Not Again I Can't Have My Kids Having Two Different Addresses And Having Another Nigga Raising My Kids Nah It Wasnt Going Down Like That

The Only Choice I Had Was To Convince Miracle Into Getting This Abortion Even Though I Know How Bad Miracle Gon Want To Keep This Child But Fuck How She Feel The Only One Who Matters, The Only Person I Give A Fuck About Is Ziah

I Wasn't Gon Hurt Aziah Not Again

Sad To Say I Fucked Up Again I Was Losin My Mind Ova This

It Was A Beautiful Wedding My Mother Was The Most Beautiful Woman Today….And Today I Saw My Mother Become A Very Happily Married Woman And I Pray Her Heart Gets All The Blessing It Can Hold

Watching My Mother Walked Down Isle Made Remember I Remember How Much I Love Love And How Much I Believe In Love

I Think About Me And August And All That We Been Through And All That We Overcame…Times Where I Thought Was Over Between Us We Just Whine Back Together

Its Gotta Be A Reason Why Me And August Are Here At This Place In Life

Everyboy Always Saying How I Should Leave And How I Needed To Divorce Him…But Fuck What People Say At The Of Day Me And Aug We Got Years Of History And Two Beautiful Ass Kids

We Been Through So Much Shit Together We Done Been Through Dark Times Together Even Though Shit Ain't Perfect I Always Felt Like Me And August Gon Be Good In The End

Lately Communication Been Off,And Trust Is Still Broken But I Told That Ass I Do For Better Or Worse And This May Be Our Worse

Cause August Was Up To Some Sneakin Shit And I Haven't Been Completely Honest With Em

I Was Fallin For Another Man…How Could I Do That I Felt So Bad Just Thinking About Everything And How August Took Care Of Me When I Couldn't Take Care Of Myself How Aug Be So Strong While I Been So Weak

I Bee So Lonely And Rell Feel Like A Dream Come True,He Always Know The Right Shit To Say,He Always So Sweet To Me,I Could Talk To Rell Forever And Forever And Not Get Tired

Sometimes I Sit And I Think About What Would Life Be Like With Rell...I Was Getting To Emotionally Involved And It Wasn't Fair To August

Me And August Are Finally Going Smooth And Just To Think About How Hard He's Being Going For Me Every Since The Day I Been Diagnosed With Cancer He's Been Right By Side Helping Me Get Through This Me I Mean August Isn't Perfect We All Know This But He's The Only One Other Than My Mother And Toya Who's Literally Kept Me Alive Even When I Thought I Was Already Dead

At My Worst August Has Been There Like A Good Husband Is Supposed To

So How Can I Develop Feelings For Somebody New When August Has Been My Angel Through This Whole Cancer Thing

Starting To Feel Bad Because All I Do Is Think Of Rell And How Much I Miss Him But I Been Ignoring Him For Weeks Now

Contemplating About Everything

Do I Really Wanna Lose August Over A Silly Crush For A Man Who Can Never Be August

Im A Very Married Woman And I Don't Take That Lightly How Ever I Got Feelings For Rell Feelings Thats Getting Stronger By The Minute

But I Love My Husband I Really Do And I Appreciate Everything He Do That Is Why I Gotta End Whatever This Is Between Me And Rell

After I Bathe My Children And Read Them A Few Stories I Invited Rell Over I Wanted To Atleast Have The Guts To End It With Him In Person

He Came Over And I Was Drinking A Glass Of Wine When Invited To My Kitchen

"Wassup I Aint Heard From You In Weeks…And Why You Looking Like You Dying I Havent Seen You In So Long"He Joked

I Took A Sip Of Wine And Said "I Hope Not"

I Faked A Smiled And Than Blurted Out "I Have Cancer"

"You Have What?"He Asked Looking Clueless

"Can't I Had It Almost A Year…Thats Why You Haven't Seen Me Because I Been In Bed Sick Really Bad..I Get Like That Sometimes"I Said

"I Don't Know What To Say Why Didn't You Tell Me"Rell Asked

"Because I Was Embarrassed…I Don't Like Telling People About Me Having Cancer…I Told My Father And He Still Haven't Talked To Me"I Said With Tears In My Eyes

"You Think Ima Be Like With You…Shut You Out?"He Asked

"See That's The Thing I Think I Want You To Be Like That…Just Gon Head And Shut Me Out It Would Be Easier Than Me Telling You That I Love My Husband And I Don't Wanna See You Anymore"I Said

"Baby You Breaking My Heart,You Can't Be Saying Things Like That"He Said As He Half Smiled Grabbing My Hand

I Snatched My Hand From His Hand

"Im Serious…I Have Kids And I Can't Be Out Here Falling In Love With You When Im Married

..Im Married….And I Wanna Stay Married"I Said

He Grabbed My Hand Once More "Listen To Me…Im Not Him...I Don't Wanna Complicate Your Life Or Make You Upset If You Want Me To Fall Back Than Thats What Ima Do...I'll Do Anything To Make You Happy Even If That Mean I Gotta Leave You Alone"

Tears Fell From My Eyes Didn't Even Know I Cared So Much

He Wiped My Tears Than He Leaned In And Kissed Me

And I Felt My Soul Shake For A Moment As He Kissed Me He Must Of Felt It To Me Because After He Kissed Me He Looked Me In My Eyes For A Moment And Said

"Good Luck…With Everything"He Said

"You Too"I Said

Thinking How He Just Gon Kiss A Bitch Like That And Than Walk Away Like Nothing Ever Happened

I Downed That Whole Glass Of Wine Cause My Head Was Fucked Up…But It Was Right Thing To Do But I Wanna Be So Wrong Right Now With Him

I Was Looking From A Call From Rell All Night Long But He Didn't Call I Mean I Know I Told Him To Go But I Really Wanted Him To Give Me A Reason For Him To Stay

I Didn't Really Want Him Gone I Realize That The Next Morning When I Woke Up Lonely

I Brushed My Teeth And Went Downstairs To Get Started On Breakfast But Vanessa Was Sitting In At My Kitchen Table With Sunglasses On And Her Hair Was A Mess And She Just Sat There Like A Zombie

"Vanessa"I Said

"Yes"She Said As If She Had Spent The Previous Night That Had Been Crying All Night

"Whats Wrong"I Asked

"My Life Is What Is Wrong"She Said

"You Only 23 Your Life Is Just Beginning Trust Me"I Said Trying To Make Her Feel Better

She Took Her Glasses Off And Said "How Many 23 Years Old You Know Walk Around Like This"

She Had A Big Black Eye Swollen Shut

"Oh Vanessa"I Said Shaking My Head

"How Can I Be Stupid To Think That This Baby Could Change Him Change Everything…"She Cried

"You Can't Gon On Like This"I Said Just Looking At Her Eye Was Breaking My Heart

"I Can't Leave…Im Having His Baby…I Just Can't Walk Out Not Now"She Said

"Vanessa How Many More Black You Need Before You Realize That He Needs More Help Than You Can Give Him!... Its Something Really Wrong With Him And You Need To Leave Now While You Still Able To Walk"I Said To Her

"I Can't"She Cried

"Its Your Only Choice"I Said

"I Just Need Time To Myself…I Know You Already Do So Much For Me Already And I Hate Asking You For Favors But You Think I Can Take The Day Off I Need To Think...And I Can't Let Ayden And Azian See Me Like This"She Asked

"Go Ahead Take As Much Time As You Need"I Said

She Got Up And Said "I'll Call You Later"

She Put Her Glasses Back On And Just Like A Female Who Had Not A Bit Of Hope What So Ever She Put Her Head Down And Left

Wish I Could Save Her From Her Because Shes Own Her Enemy And Don't Even Know It