《DERANGE MATRIMONY》Chapter Twenty Six
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Acutely aware that everyone was watching her, she carefully unwrapped the green paper.
“We were going to use lace but figured you‟d destroy the book before you got a chance to read it,” hosea said. “Do ya‟ll
remember how she was trying to tear the lace off of her dress?
She practically had that poor seamstress in tears.”
“I wasn‟t that bad,” she argued.
Her brothers rolled their eyes.
“Anyway, I apologized to her and everything‟s alright now,” she added.
“That‟s my girl.” Her father winked at her.
“At least someone in this room appreciates me. Thank you, Father.” She finished unwrapping the gift and hid her
laughter so she could feign indignation.
“What is the meaning of this?” She held up the handwritten book titled “50 Ways to be
Nice to Mr. Hansworth so he Won‟t Drop You Like Yesterday‟s Newspaper in Six Months.”
„how-to-manual‟ on your husband,” Tristan
said. “You got a good thing going. Don‟t blow it.” He shoved a protesting teresa aside and sat next to her. “I personally think we
did a good job. Just look at some of these pointers. Number one: don‟t cook.
Number two: smile. Number three: say hello when you see him.”
“That one is mine,” Jamie proudly announced.
“Number four: compliment him on something you like about him.”
“I can read,” she inserted.
“Let me see that.” Austin chuckled as he took the book from her.
“Father‟s part of it was boring,” Tristan said.
“His was number twenty nine: let him see the real you. I almost didn‟t
include it.”
The next day passed with little event. Claire listened as Austin sat down and discussed how to effectively manage money.
When he discussed business, he handled himself with confidence and professionalism, so it was easy for her to see why he attracted so many customers at the bank.
She found that she enjoyed watching him work. He still wore a suit, but she noticed that hedidn‟t have his tie so tightly knotted around his collar. He seemed to enjoy watching her family‟s good natured banters and even followed her and her siblings to the barn and the pig pen. She hid her laughter at his apprehension about being so close to dirt and animals. He was a true city boy at heart.
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On the farm, he was clearly out of his element but he maintained himself with a quiet dignity that impressed her. Though her family did like him and went out of their way to be nice to him, he was still an outsider to
their world.
At lunch on the fourth day of their visit,hosea brought in the oysters so they could finish them up.
“We have ten left,” he called out. “Who‟s brave enough to help me eat them?”
“hosea, I told you not to bring those things here while Mr.hansworth is staying here,”
Marie told her husband. “I made a
good meal. You can‟t be tainting it with that stuff.”“I‟ve eaten oysters before,” Austin said. “It‟s no big deal.
I‟ll eat some.”
In that instant, Claire noted that the mood of her brothers switched from being nice to a new person to inclusion into their
circle.
Hosea set the bucket in front of him while Tristan pushed her aside so he could sit on his right and jamie hopped up on the chair to austin‟s left.
“When did you eat them?” hosea grinned as he sat across from him.
“Last year in Paris was the last time I had some,” austin said, looking startled that they were surrounding him and smiling. “I‟ve
had some in New York too. Really, it‟s like eating caviar and frog legs.”
“Uh huh.” He laughed. “Alright, city boy. Let‟s see what you got. Marie, bring austin here a plate and some water.”
“I will not! This is wrong,” she argued.
“Oh, I‟ll do it,” Claire offered. She knew if Austin could pull this simple act off, then he would win the hearts of her siblings,
and he wouldn‟t feel left out from the activities. He didn‟t say anything, but she could tell he wished to be included in their close circle. She put the plate and water in front of him and patted him on the back.
“The first time I ate these, I went for a nice, long walk in the forest. I will show you where I went when you‟re done.” Once he found out what it was he was going to eat, he
wouldn‟t be able to hold it down. His tastes were too refined to psychologically handle the food, though her brothers most likely
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weren‟t aware of that.
She crossed her arms and stood by the door so she would be ready when he wanted to make his exit.
Hosea dumped the oysters on the plate.
“How many do you think you can handle?”
Austin examined them. “These don‟t look like oysters.”
“Oh, they‟re oysters alright.”Tristan and jamie struggled to hold in their laughter.
“What‟s so funny?” Austin wondered.
“Nothing,” hosea said. “Now, you two hush. This is serious business.”
Austin shook his head and picked the first one up and put it in his mouth. He paused, slowly chewed it, while glancing at his
audience who was still fighting their urge to laugh, and swallowed it. “It tastes funny.”
“Do you know what Rocky mount oysters are?” hosea asked.
“Mollusks from Colorado?”
Tristan burst out laughing.
“No, they‟re bull testicles,” Jamie informed him.
Austin‟s eyes grew wide.
“Think you can finish your plate?”hosea chuckled.
Austin straightened up and cleared his throat. “I sure can,” he said with a newfound steel resolve that impressed Claire. He
took a gulp of water and calmly and methodically ate everything on his plate but the last one. “I don‟t want to be accused of being selfish. Do you want it?”
Hosea‟s mouth hung open.
“Nah. You can have it,” Tristan said for his brother.
“You don‟t know what you‟re missing.” Austin grinned and ate the last one before he finished the cup of water.
“He‟s good,” jaime commented, obviously won over by the newcomer.
“After a big meal like that, you‟re going to need to walk it off,” Claire spoke up.
“If you‟ll excuse me...” austin nodded to them and followed her out the door.
“Wait until you‟re out of sight before you throw up,” she whispered to him. She led him far enough into the trees and watched the house to make sure no one else saw him as he emptied his stomach. When he was done, she handed him a napkin.
I have to admit, that was an impressive display of bravery in there. Claire said.
“I know when I‟m backed into a corner. That was disgusting. Why didn‟t you warn me?”
“And rob you of the chance to show them up? Never. The river is half a mile away. You can rinse your mouth out down there.”
They walked to the river and he drank the water. After he was done, he brushed off his pants.
“Now they will ask you to go horseback riding,” she told him. “They only allow those they deem worthy of their respect to
ride their horses.”
“I‟ve never ridden a horse before.”
“Well, you‟re going to have to learn. If they have to throw you on a horse, they will.
There‟s no stopping them when they get an idea in their heads.”
He sighed. “What did I start?”
She smiled. “Probably a lifetime of loyalty.”
Once they returned to the house, her brothers cornered her in the hallway so Austin couldn‟t hear them.
“We want to keep him,”hoesa told her.
She blinked. “What?”
“We took a vote, including Pa, Ma, Marie and teresa, and the vote is unanimous. We want to keep him in the family.”
She shook her head in amusement. “That‟s not your decision.”
“We know. That‟s why we came to you. You have to make it so.”
She narrowed her eyes at them and crossed her arms.
“Do you understand what you‟re asking me to do?”
“Of course we do, and we are confident that you can do it,” Tristan replied.
“No. I will not. This marriage is over in six months.”
“Five and a half at this point, and the clock is ticking.”“It won‟t take any effort on your part,” hosea said.
“Just lay there and he‟ll do the work. Since he‟s never done it, it probably won‟t take long.”
“You are horrible people!” she hissed. “The answer is no and that‟s final.”
“If you allow yourself, you will probably enjoy it.
Sometimes marie can‟t keep her hands off me, so women must like it too.”
“I said no!”
“Fine. We did the reasonable thing and came to you first.
Now we‟re not responsible for what we‟ll do next.”
“What are you going to do?”
“That‟s for us to know and you to find out. Operation Keep Austin is now in effect.”
She watched in disbelief as her brothers nodded in agreement and left her alone in the hallway. Maybe I should have told him what those oysters really were.
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