People always say that the things you want most come when you stop looking for them.

Up until a few weeks ago, I waited for Josh to show up on my doorstep. Many times, I waited by the window. I would imagine him walking on the sidewalk and knocking the door. I would open the door and ask him, "What took you so long?". In his letter, he told me not to wait but I waited. I waited because he's the man that I love. I waited because I knew some time had to pass for us to get our second chance. I believed that time would heal our families and Brad and our love. Time was the answer. So I waited. I waited until I started to feel like an idiot.

I could feel the seasons change and everyone moving on but me. I thought about what it would be like to wait for the rest of my life and I didn't like the image in my head. It wasn't fair. In the span of a year, I got my teaching license and began working as a teacher's assistant in an elementary school. I will get my opportunity to get my own class in the next school year. This past year was a really good year for my career. I finally found my passion and I pursued it. Yet, I never celebrated it because I didn't feel like going out. I just wanted to wait.

When Ezra asked me out for the first time six months ago, I told him no. My excuse then was that he was Jake's uncle who is a student of the class that I am right now. I told him it wasn't appropriate. When he asked me out for the second time two months later, I smiled because he wasn't giving up. And then I cried that night because if Ezra wasn't giving up when he didn't even know me then why did Josh give up when he loved me? When Ezra asked me out the third time, I told him I was in love with someone else. He asked, "Are you with him right now?" And I said, "No." and I felt stupid. So when he asked me out the fourth time two weeks ago, I said yes.

It was time to stop waiting. It was time to move on.

And then I open the door today and Josh is on my doorstep.

Just when I was starting to move on. Just when I had given up on the idea of him ever coming for me, he comes. I still don't know why he's even here so I shouldn't get ahead of myself but seeing him again is making me want to remember how much I loved him-how much I still care about him. But so much time has passed...

"Sorry I had to bring Jake."

I look up and meet Ezra's apologetic look across the table from me. He brought us to a nice outdoor restaurant close to the beach. It's mid September so the weather is not too cold yet. I remember thinking Ezra was handsome from the moment I met him. He has dark hair with hazel eyes and a kind smile. His nephew, Jake, looks a bit like him. Jake's mother, Ezra's sister, is a single mother so Ezra helps her out with taking care of Jake when she's working. He's usually the one to pick him up. I think I've only seen her a couple of times. Jake is six years old and a first grader in the class that I help teach. He's such a special little boy.

"Oh, I don't mind at all," I say as I smile at Jake who is coloring on the drawing the waitress gave him when we got here.

"Everything alright?" He asks picking up his fork.

I nod. "Yeah. Just a bit tired."

He studies me. "It's okay if you don't want to tell me."

I look at him. How do I tell him that the man I've been waiting for is back in my life? That he was in my house earlier when he picked me up? Ezra doesn't know much about Josh. All he knows is that I've been hurting over somebody. He doesn't know the whole story and I don't want to talk about this with Jake sitting in between us. "I'm sorry."

He smiles. "You don't have to be sorry. It's okay. That's why we're getting to know each other."

"You're too kind," I say with a smile.

"So I've been told." He teases winking at me.

"Hey, Ezra, look," Jake says picking up his drawing and showing it to Ezra.

I watch with a smile as Ezra interacts with him. I love how he gives him his full attention whenever he's talking to Jake. Without being asked to, Ezra became a father figure to Jake and not everyone would have been able to fill those shoes. I really admire him. Lori, the teacher I assist, was the one to tell me about what he does for his sister and Jake. It was after she saw us talking after class one day, the first time he asked me out. It was hard not to like him after that.

I try my best to be present for dinner but I don't feel very successful by the end. I keep thinking about Josh on my doorstep. I keep wondering why he's here, why he waited so long. And I also can't stop thinking about how good he looks. God. I'm never going to get over this man, am I?

Savannah sends me a text to let me know he left. She was working and he didn't feel comfortable staying alone in the house so that eases my nerves up a bit when Ezra pulls up outside the house.

"Thank you for a lovely night," I say to him, meaning it. I know it would have been a whole different type of night if Josh wouldn't have shown up. He shows up and shakes up my whole world in a second. It's so unfair.

"Let me get the door for you," he says taking off his seatbelt.

I'm about to tell him that he doesn't have to but he's already getting out of the car. Jake is sleeping in the backseat. Ezra opens the door for me and I get out of the car.

"Thank you for finally saying yes," he says making me smile. "It was definitely worth the wait."

"You're sweet," I say sheepishly.

He reaches out for my hand and holds it. "I really like you, Natalie."

I look up into his eyes but all I can see is Josh which makes me feel horrible. "Ezra-"

"I know." He interrupts. "I can wait as long as you'd like." He hugs me and kisses my cheek. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I say. I smile at him before turning around and walking up to the front door. I unlock it and turn and wave at him before going inside.

The house is dark and I lean against the front door for a moment. I feel so overwhelmed. I haven't felt like this in a long time. I felt so indifferent to things in the past year. Nothing excited me. Nothing made me feel anything other than long for Josh to be with me. It's been so long since I've felt scared and excited and angry at the same time.

I feel alive again.

There is suddenly a knock on the door and it makes me jump. I frown. Is it Ezra? I turn silently and peek out the hole. My heart skips a beat when I see Josh outside. I gulp then set my purse on the couch and turn on the kitchen light before taking a deep breath and pulling the door open.

There he is again. On my doorstep, just like he promised to be one day.

He's wearing the same thing he was wearing earlier today. Jeans with a white shirt and a jacket. He looks buffer, I can tell he's been working out probably more than before. His muscled arms are clear through the jacket. His hair is shorter, he probably had a haircut earlier this week.

"Hello, again," he says when I don't say anything.

"Hi," I say shyly.

"I hope it's not too late to talk."

I shake my head. "Come on in."

He walks in and I shut the door behind him. I can't believe he's here. In my house. How many times did I imagine this moment? I always thought I would jump into his arms and everything would go back to how it was but it feels like a stranger in my home. Time has made us strangers.

"Would you like some coffee?" I ask I as walk into the kitchen. He follows me.

"Sure."

I busy my hands with the coffee machine.

He clears his throat. "How have you been?"

I turn around and look at him. "Good," I say as he takes off his jacket. My eyes widen and I take a step forward. "Wow, you got a tattoo," I say looking at his right arm. It's a sleeve tattoo. At least, that's what it looks like considering his shirt is covering the rest of his arm. It looks so good on his strong arm. It's sexy. It makes my mouth dry.

He looks down as if he had forgotten about it. "Yeah, I did."

I nod slowly, forcing my eyes to look up to his. "Looks good."

"Thank you."

I turn around and fill two mugs with coffee then reach for the sugar and cream and sit next to him on the kitchen stools. I keep my distance. I don't want him to touch me because I know that if he does, all of my common sense will be thrown out the window and I have some things to say before that can ever happen.

"How was your date?" He asks quietly looking down at his coffee.

"It was good." I bring up the mug to my lips and take a sip of the hot coffee. I hope this helps to calm my nerves.

He turns to look at me slowly but I keep looking down. "Is it serious?"

I meet his gaze. "Did you come here to talk about him?"

He clenches his jaw. "No."

I study him for a moment before asking, "Why are you here, Josh?"

"I'm here for you," He says without hesitation. His brown eyes looking into mine, trying to read me.

"You realize it's been a year?" I ask.

He nods. "Yes but my feelings towards you didn't change, Natalie. I love you more than I did a year ago."

I look away, trying to fight against the tears in my eyes. "You hurt me." I tell him.

"I know," he says. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

There's a moment of silence and I look down at the coffee while I think about what to say. I know I still love him. I can feel it in the space between us. I probably love him more than I did a year ago too. But if there is anything that I've learned, it's that just because two people love each other it doesn't mean they should be together.

There's a lot of pain between us. I spent the last year waiting for this moment. I've waited so long for this to happen but now that it's here, I don't know if we could just move on like nothing ever happened. I think about my parents, how they worried about me in the recent weeks after our break up. It wasn't easy telling them that Josh had broken up with me, after all that had happened. We hurt everyone for nothing.

Everything that happened became useless the moment Josh decided to let me go and I'm not sure I'm ready to forget that.

At least not right now.

I'm terrified of getting hurt again and I can feel that fear pulling me away from my love for Josh. I don't know how to not be scared and I know right then and there that this fear could be the end of us once and for all.

Please comment & vote!