《SLOW BURN》35. because of you
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When I get to the hospital, things seem pretty tense between Brad and his parents. Both Clint and Brad are still in their yellow jackets and they have black smoke on part of their faces.
"Natalie, you're here," Louisa says as she hugs me. It looks like she's been crying.
"Of course," I say then pull away. "What happened? Is Josh alright?"
"Who told you he was here?" Brad asks standing next to Louisa.
"I did," Crystal says from behind me.
I ignore him and look at Louisa. "What happened?" I ask her again, eagerly.
"What happened is that Josh likes to pretend he's a superhero and can do it all," Brad says looking annoyed.
"Brad, that's enough," Clint says stepping up. He looks at me. "We were answering a call. The house was on fire so we went in to get everyone out. Josh was the last one as he had gone back to save the family's dog. Part of the upstairs floor collapsed on him before he made it out."
I put my fingers on my lips, feeling the blood drain from my face. "Oh my God. Is he alright?"
Clint nods. "Luckily, yes. Josh is a strong man and looks like he'll be walking away with a few scratches."
"It's a miracle," Louisa says with a sad smile. Poor her. She looks so worried. I can't imagine what she felt when they called her to tell her the news.
"Such an idiot." Brad shakes his head walking away.
Everyone ignores him so I decide to ignore him too. I can't believe how cruel he's being. He should be relieved nothing happened to his brother rather than having this ugly attitude. Plus, I'm still pissed at him for the little joke he pulled yesterday morning.
"I told you he was gonna be alright." Crystal whispers moments later after we sit down.
"I had to come," I say helpless.
She smiles. "I know."
"I'm glad you're alright," I say realizing that she was also answering that call. She's also wearing her uniform and there is black smoke on her neck and arms.
"So am I." She jokes squeezing my hand.
A few moments later, Louisa stands up and I look up and see Cassie walking up to her. She's wearing blue nursing scrubs. She looks so different. I didn't know she worked in this hospital. She says something to Louisa and Clint who nod attentively.
"She's been giving them updates," Crystal says quietly next to me. "She's on call and probably jumped on the opportunity to be Josh's nurse."
"Of course," I say feeling annoyed. None of this has been Cassie's fault from the start but everything that has happened has really made me dislike her.
Cassie looks at me and frowns as if saying "What are you doing here?" then she turns around and disappears down the hall with Clint and Louisa following behind.
"That's good," Crystal says next to me. "If he can see visitors, it means he's stable now."
I nod in agreement trying not to think about how Cassie is winning points with Josh's parents while spending time with Josh. I feel so impatient. I really need to see him and talk to him. It seems forever before Clint and Louisa come back and I stand up involuntarily. Thankfully, Crystal stands up with me. She always has my back.
"Is he okay?" I ask them.
Louisa nods. "A few bruises but he seems to be doing okay."
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"Will it be alright if I see him?" I ask, thankful that Brad isn't in the room right now.
Louisa reaches for my hand and squeezes it. "Of course, sweetie. He's just down the hall to your left, room 34A."
"Thank you," I say with a grateful smile.
"Good luck." Crystal whispers as I walk past her.
I take a deep breath and walk down the hall. It's mostly empty, probably because of the time. I wouldn't know I don't spend a lot of time in hospitals, thankfully. When I reach his room, I stop outside and glance through the window blinds. I can see Cassie in there adjusting the pillows behind his back. It's really hard to not be jealous even if she is looking after him. She's just doing her job.
I lean against the doorway and wait for her to walk out. I'm stalling. My nerves are betraying me. I remember his face of sadness and disappointment yesterday morning when he saw Brad in my room. He probably thinks the worst of me right now.
It's a while before the door finally opens and Cassie walks out. She closes it and then freezes when she sees me. "Natalie, you scared me."
"Sorry," I say.
"You're here to see Josh," she says.
"Yes, I am."
She nods slowly. "Can we talk first?"
I frown. "About what?"
She smiles. "I know about you and Josh, I don't know if he's told you," she says in a low voice.
"No," I say a little shocked that he told her about us. "I haven't spoken to him."
"Since the day you guys broke up in the apartment."
I frown. "I'm sorry-how do you know this?" I ask getting a little angry. I don't like being in the dark but most of all, I don't like Cassie's confidence right now.
"I was there that night. In my room."
I think back to that night. It seems like a long time ago but it also feels like it just happened yesterday. Cassie was there in her room? She heard every word, every noise we made while we had sex against the wall. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel ashamed or glad that she knows. Now I won't have to worry about explaining why I've been avoiding her.
"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask her carefully.
"I wanted to know what was going on between you two," she says without hesitation. "I had my suspicions after I realized that Josh didn't just appear on my doorstep that night. He had a reason to be there, didn't he? You two had been together that night."
I'm actually shocked that she figured it out. I forgot that she's a nurse, she's an intelligent person. All this talk about destiny made her look all dumb and even foolish. She played me and I didn't have the slightest hint of it. I feel angry.
"Yes," I say looking into her eyes. "We were together that night." I pause. "He never kissed you, did he?"
"No," she says and there is a hint of a smile on her lips that makes me dislike her even more. "I noticed very quickly that Josh was being faithful to someone. He was being faithful to you."
I gulp. "You did it to sabotage us."
"I did it to confirm my suspicions," she says then shakes her head. "You don't deserve him, Natalie, you know that right?"
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"I love him." I tell her, wanting her to know that.
"Loving someone doesn't mean you deserve them."
"I'm sorry, Cassie, but just because you were able to play me doesn't give you the right to tell me what I do or don't deserve. You don't know everything, just the tip of it." I glare at her.
"I know enough," she says. "And I know that I love Josh and I'm going to fight for him."
"Okay, thank you for the information."
"We'll let Josh decide whether he wants to make his mother cry when she sees both of her sons fighting because of you."
I wince as if she just slapped me. She looks satisfied then walks away without another word. I stand there for a moment wondering if that really just happened. All this time I thought Cassie was just a victim of my lies when she's the reason Josh and I broke up in the first place. She made me doubt deliberately. She literally planned it all and I fell right into her little game. I can't believe this.
I feel shocked and angry at the same time. She's always been this sweet girl in my eyes and then she comes at me and tells me all of these things. I can't believe this. She knows exactly what to say to get me to do what she wants me to do.
I know she wants me to walk away and not speak with Josh and I hate myself for wondering if I should leave.
We'll let Josh decide whether he wants to make his mother cry when she sees both of her sons fighting because of you.
Her words repeat in my head like a broken record. She's using Louisa's feelings to her advantage. I'm in utter disbelief. I can't believe how cruel and selfish she is. She is so not who I thought she was.
I take a deep breath and run my hands over my face as I debate on what to do. I can walk away without speaking with Josh but I know I will be doing what Cassie wants. I would be leaving the way clear for her. Or I can walk inside his room right now and tell him everything I want to tell him.
I sigh as I straighten up and reach for the doorknob before I change my mind. Josh looks up and meets my eyes when I walk in the room. He looks surprised to see me. "Natalie? What are you doing here?"
I close the door behind me and face him. He's shirtless and has a white bandage across his chest that goes around under his right armpit. I notice some cuts on his shoulders and his skin seems to be a bit red on some spots. I hate to see him hurt but I'm so relieved that he's alright. He's alive, that's all that matters.
"I needed to see you," I finally say slowly. "I'm so glad you're okay."
His eyes study me. "Are you really?"
"Of course I am," I say taking a few steps towards the bed. I stop at his feet and place my hands on the plastic footboard.
"Did you come to see me or did you come to see Brad?"
"I came to see you." I tell him, looking right into his eyes. "Josh-nothing happened between me and Brad."
"Why was he in your room?" He asks.
I shrug. "I don't know. He said he just needed to crash somewhere."
"And of course he chose your bed."
"What did you want me to do? I was passed out. I didn't know what was going on."
His lips form a straight line but I can tell that he sees my point. He's angry and that's okay. He has a right to be. I'm lucky that he's not kicking me out of the room right now. When he speaks again, he looks a bit more relaxed. "Do you remember what happened last night?"
"I remember drinking and swimming. I don't remember much but Brad admitted that nothing happened between us. You can ask Crystal."
He nods slowly. "But you don't remember anything else?"
I frown. "Like what?"
Did something else happen? Am I supposed to remember something?
"Nothing, never mind," he says looking away.
I'm confused on what he wants me to say. "Do you...hate me?" I ask him quietly.
He looks up at me. "Of course I don't hate you, why would I?"
I shrug. "I've hurt you many times."
He looks at me for a moment before speaking again. "It's one of the many perks of loving you."
I feel something inside of me constrict with his words. He doesn't hate me. He still loves me. There is hope.
I bite my lip then walk to the side of the bed and sit down on one of the chairs there. I can imagine Louisa and Clint sitting here a few minutes ago. Josh looks at me curiously as I reach out for his hand. It's warm, despite the fact that the room is freezing. I love how long his fingers are and how much bigger his hand is compared to mine.
"I wanted to tell you something." I tell him looking down at our hands.
"I'm all ears," he says and I can feel his eyes searching mine.
I look up and meet his eyes. God, I love him so much it hurts. It's kind of scary but I already tried to move on without him and barely made it. I don't want to go through that again. I can't. I won't. Not when I know I love him. And especially not now that I know Cassie is not letting her guard down. If she's fighting for him, then I'm fighting for him too.
"I-don't know how to say it," I say a little embarrassed.
He looks amused. "Okay. I think I can help."
A smile plays on my lips. "How so?"
"I carried you to your room last night at Crystal's party." He begins.
I frown. "You did? I don't remember."
"You were really drunk and passed out while we were dancing."
"We danced?"
He nods. "When we were in your room, you told me you missed me."
"I do." I whisper feeling the knot in my throat get bigger.
His eyes are intense as he looks into mine. "You kissed me...and then you told me you loved me."
My eyes widen in shock. I told him I loved him last night? How could I not remember? So that's why he asked me if I remembered anything else about last night. He was asking if I remembered telling him I love him.
"Well you said you were 'pretty sure you loved me'," Josh says with a chuckle and then stops and winces in pain.
I squeeze his hand. "I do."
He looks down at my lips. "You do what?"
"I do love you." I whisper.
"How sure are you?" He asks.
"Pretty sure," I say with a smile making him laugh but the pain makes him stop again. I frown. "Please stop laughing."
He grins. "Kiss me before I try doing it myself."
I laugh feeling a thousand pounds heavier. I'm so happy. Nothing else matters in this moment. Not even the conversation I just had with Cassie. I'll worry about her later. All I care about right now is Josh and I. Josh loves me and now he knows I love him too. I smile at him as I stand up and lean in to press my lips against his. I'm trying to keep distance between us because I'm scared I'm going to hurt him but he reaches out and puts his hand on the back of my head and presses me closer to him as he deepens the kiss.
I smile against his lips because I am home again.
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