It takes me a moment to remember where I am when I open my eyes. I scan the room without moving. It's not familiar. There is sunlight coming in through the windows. And then I remember slowly. Right. Newport. Crystal's party. Rented house.

I'm laying on my stomach so I turn my body and groan. Everything hurts but my head is the worst. How much did I drink? I don't think I've gotten this drunk since college. Why did I think it was a good idea? I turn my head and my heart stops when I realize that I'm not alone.

"Oh my God." I whisper as I look down. Laying next to me is Brad. He's shirtless, only wearing his boxers.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

I jump out of bed in a heartbeat and look down at my body. I'm still wearing my bikini. At least I'm not naked. My mind spins as I try to remember what happened last night. I remember dancing and drinking with Crystal and I remember going into the ocean with her but I can't remember anything past that. I have no idea what I did. I would know if I had sex with someone right? I don't feel like I did but that can be me trying to convince myself that nothing happened.

"Shit." I curse feeling like crying and then I run to the bathroom and reach the toilet just in time to vomit. I feel like shit. I feel sick and dirty and like the worst person in the world. I need to wake Brad up. I need him to tell me that nothing happened. I feel really dirty after I'm done vomiting so I get in the shower. The cold water feels good against my skin but it doesn't make me feel any better when I get out.

I brush my teeth then wrap a towel around my body then walk out of the bathroom. Brad still hasn't moved. I sigh, feeling angry both at him and myself. "Brad!" I say loudly as I cross the room so I can shake him. "Wake up!"

He groans as he opens his eyes partially. "Huh?"

"Wake up!" I repeat.

"What's your problem?" He groans as he begins to

"You are!" I say desperately then look into his eyes.

Before I can ask him what happened last night, there's a knock on the door. I sigh, still holding on to the towel at my side to keep it in place. "Don't go back to sleep." I tell Brad before walking to the door.

I pull it open and my stomach drops when Josh is standing on the other side. Oh no. No. No. I'm frozen and I watch as his eyes meet mine and then they move behind me to the bed where Brad is. I'm naked with a towel wrapped around my body and Brad is in bed practically naked. I know exactly what this looks like. Worst part is that I don't know if this is what it looks like because I can't remember. What the hell did I drink? Why did I drink?

Josh clenches his jaw as his eyes meet mine again. He looks angry but he also looks hurt. I keep hurting him and I hate myself for it. "Josh-it's not-"

"Sorry to interrupt," he says shaking his head. He scoffs then turns around and walks away.

"No, Josh, wait." I call after him but he doesn't stop. He rushes down the stairs and disappears around the corner.

I feel like crying but I know I can't. I go back in the room and glare at Brad. "Why are you here in my room?" I demand angrily.

He sits up and looks at me. "What do you mean? Don't you remember what happened?"

"No." I whisper shaking my head, tears running down my eyes. "Nothing happened."

He frowns as he stands up. "You really don't remember? I'm a little hurt."

"We didn't have sex." I insist. I really don't feel like we did. My body doesn't feel like I had sex with anyone.

"Why are you freaking out?" He asks with a stupid grin on his face. Then he reaches out to touch my shoulders but I take a step back.

"Don't touch me," I say through gritted teeth. This can't be happening. Was I really foolish enough to have sex with Brad? No. I couldn't have. Why can't I remember? I need to remember. Oh. God. Please. No.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asks. "Why are you acting this way?"

"Because I don't want you, Brad!" I snap. "Why can't you understand that?" I clean the tears on my cheeks, angrily. "Get out!"

"Nat-"

"Just get out!" I yell pushing him out of the room.

As soon as he's out, I reach for my bag and begin to change into some clothes. I put the first thing that my fingers touch then run out of the room. I run down the stairs and out the front door but I don't see Josh anywhere. I go around the house where the cars are parked but I don't see his truck. He probably left.

Oh. God. No. This can't be happening. I'm such an idiot.

I run back into the house and bump into Crystal who grabs me by the shoulders. "Jesus, Natalie, what's wrong?"

"I messed up, Crystal." I cry then walk past her. "I need my phone."

I run up the stairs and look for my phone. I call Josh but he doesn't answer.

"What happened?" Crystal asks behind me.

"I don't know. I-I woke up in the bed next to Brad then Josh is knocking on the door and he saw us and he left."

"Okay, take a deep breath for me," She says placing her hands on my shoulders.

I take a deep breath then let it out, trying to calm down. My head feels like it's going to explode.

"Okay," She says when I calm down a bit. "Did you have sex with Brad?"

"I don't know." I cry. "I can't remember. He said we did."

"Remember that he'll say anything to get you back, Nat," Crystal says. "He's not exactly trustworthy. What do you remember?"

"The last thing I remember is going into the water with you. I'm such an idiot. I don't know why I decided to get drunk in the first place." I shake my head in disbelief.

"You're allowed to get drunk. It's not your fault there are assholes like Brad out there waiting to prey."

I frown. "Do you really think he would lie about this? I know he's a bit excessive but why would he lie? He has to know that even if we had sex, I wouldn't get back with him."

"Maybe because he suspects there's something between you and Josh?" Crystal asks. "I don't know, Nat. This all seems a bit fishy."

"Josh is not going to forgive me for this." I whisper.

Crystal bites her lip. "Don't get ahead of yourself. We need to figure out what happened first. Don't move. I'm gonna go get Brad."

I nod then pick up my phone and try calling Josh but I'm not surprised when he doesn't answer. He's never going to want to see me again. I haven't even told him that I love him and want to be with him. I may never get the chance. I keep replaying the look in his face when he saw Brad in my room. I don't even know why he was looking for me.

What a mess.

And it's all my fault.

I hear footsteps and a second later, Crystal and Brad walk in. Crystal looks pissed and I stand up and frown. "What's going on?"

"Tell her what you told me," she says looking at Brad.

Brad puts his hands on his pockets and takes a deep breath. "It was a joke, okay?"

"What?" I ask in disbelief.

He looks a little embarrassed as he looks at me. "We didn't have sex. I was drunk and couldn't find an empty bed so I slept next to you but we didn't have sex. You were passed out when I fell asleep."

I glare at him. "How can you joke about something like that?"

He shrugs. "I don't know what the big deal is, Nat. It's not like we've never had sex before."

I flinch because I don't like thinking about the fact that I used to have sex with Brad especially now that I'm in love with his brother. "Oh, you thought it was going to be funny? Tell me something, Brad, am I laughing?" I glare at him.

"I'm sorry," he says with a shrug. "I realize it was in bad taste."

I shake my head in disbelief but I feel relief go through my body. I didn't have sex with Brad! I want to yell it to the world. I need to speak with Josh. Now that I am certain that I didn't sleep with Brad, I can defend myself. I need him to know this.

"This is too much, Brad," I say. "You need to stop. Please."

He nods. "You want nothing to do with me, I get it now."

"I hope you do," I say meaning it. I really hope this is the last straw for him. I need him to forget me. I need him to move on if there is any hope at all for Josh and I.

"I'm sorry," he says again before turning around and walking out of the room.

"I'm too mad at him to feel sorry for him but he looked kind of miserable," Crystal says after a moment.

"I know." I sigh. "I'm so glad nothing happened between us."

"What are you going to do now?"

"Speak to Josh and hope he believes me and forgives me for hurting him."

Crystal smiles. "You guys have come a long way. I really hope everything works out."

"Thank you. I do too," I say biting my lip.

She sighs. "Alright. I have to get started on the cleaning. You should get some rest."

I roll my eyes at her. "Like I can sleep right now. Besides, I'm going to help you. I helped create this mess."

She smiles. "Thank you."

"Do you have Advil or something?" I ask as I follow her out of the room.

We're the only ones in the house. Just two girls and a big mess. It takes us all afternoon to leave the house spotless clean how it was yesterday. I feel better physically after taking some ibuprofen but my mind is still on Josh. I try calling him a few more times but he doesn't answer. I feel like flying back to Portland but at the same time, I'm scared of what's going to happen.

Crystal drops me off at my apartment around five in the afternoon. She has the overnight shift today so she goes straight to the station afterwards. She sends me a text telling me that Josh is working which sucks. I wish he was in his apartment. I really need to speak with him.

Cassie is not home and I'm glad. It's really starting to get tiring having to avoid her every time. I need to move ASAP. I don't remember seeing her at Crystal's party then again I don't remember what happened for most of the night so that's not surprising.

I don't mean to fall asleep but I'm so tired I end up falling asleep while watching TV. It feels like I just closed my eyes when the sound of my phone vibrating on the nightstand wakes me up. I don't know how long it's been ringing so I just reach for it and answer.

"Hello?" I ask my voice a little hoarse from sleeping.

"Natalie," Crystal says on the other end, it sounds like she's whispering. "Something's happened."

I frown pulling my phone away to look at the time. It's past four in the morning. "Crystal? What's going on?"

"Josh suffered an accident."

My eyes widen and I suddenly feel wide awake. "What? Wh-What do you mean? What happened?"

"He's okay, don't worry. We're at the hospital. I just wanted to let you know."

"What hospital? I'm going," I say already changing.

She gives me the hospital information while I finish changing and brush my teeth before running out of the apartment. I keep repeating her words in my head: he's okay, don't worry. He's okay. He's fine. But I won't believe it until I see him. I feel something pressuring down my chest. I feel all kinds of emotions. I feel scared, angry, sad, but most of all I feel disappointed in myself for not doing more to see him yesterday. Even now, knowing that I love him, I still feel terrified in confronting our families. I can only hope that this love that I feel for him will get stronger when I talk to him.

I don't even know if he wants to see me but I don't care. I need to see him. I need to make sure he's okay. I need to tell him that I love him and hope for the best.

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