"Were you with someone while you were away?"

"There was just one."

"Really makes me remember the one time I've been in love...when we parted ways, we decided it was too pure for the real world so we didn't give each other any form of contact...I fell in love with him."

"It was about four years ago in North Carolina which is where I was stationed. We met at a bar..."

"Did you-love her?"

"I think I did? It all happened too fast and ended sudden. We were both in between breaks. She had graduated college and I had just finished my first four years. I think we both needed what we experienced at the time..."

There was just one...

It feels like my head is about to explode as my brain begins to put all the pieces together from the conversations I've had with both Cassie and Josh. There was no way I could have known they were talking about each other but at the same time, I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner.

I want to be wrong. I want it to be my imagination but then Cassie steps up and wraps her arms around Josh. He looks surprised but he puts his arm around his shoulders. I look away suddenly feeling like I'm witnessing an intimate moment.

"Oh my God," Cassie says. "I can't believe it's you."

She pulls away and looks at him. "How did you find me?"

He's not here for you. He's here for me.

I bite my tongue to keep myself from bursting out. Jealousy is burning in the pit of my stomach. It's so easy to forget Cassie is my friend when she is touching Josh and looking at him like he's the only man in the world. Josh looks at me which makes Cassie turn to look at me too. I stand there like an idiot really wishing the earth would swallow me right now.

"Uh-Josh is Brad's older brother." I blurt out.

Cassie's eyes widen. "Your Brad? No way! What a small world!"

I decide to play dumb. "Wait, how do you guys know each other?"

"Remember how I told you a story when we were watching The Notebook a few weeks ago?" She is wiggling her eyebrows with a smile. "Well, that man was Josh. I can't believe you were so close," she says looking at him.

I realize Josh hasn't said a single word. He finally clears his throat. "Right. It really is a small world."

"Do you want to go somewhere and talk?" Cassie asks. "I know it's late but I'm too excited to care."

Josh glances at me but I turn around and walk to my room, not really wanting to be there anymore. "Sure, okay." I hear him say before I close my bedroom door.

I stand against the door for a moment. This can't be happening. What were the chances that my roommate was the first woman that Josh has ever been with? What was she even doing in North Carolina? It occurs to me that maybe that's where she went to school. I haven't really asked her that before so I know it's possible. I keep thinking about the way her eyes twinkled that night when she talked about her experience with real love. That real love was Josh. It is Josh. I can tell that she is very much still in love with him even after all these years.

I don't know if I'm happy that I never told her about Josh or not. On one hand, it's good that I never told her about him but on the other hand, I'm leaving the way clear for her.

They're probably reminiscing about their romance right now.

The thought makes the jealousy burn me even deeper. I crawl into bed and kick my shoes off. I close my eyes but can't force myself to sleep. It doesn't feel right to sleep after the fight I had with Josh and after the discovery that Cassie and Josh have history together. I try to focus on the weekend that Josh and I had. It really was a perfect weekend. I wish I would have kept my mouth shut and not have said anything about Brad.

After a lot of tossing and turning, exhaustion beats my anxiety and I finally fall asleep.

~~~~

The next morning, I get ready for work and hurry out of the apartment before bumping into Cassie. Sometimes we have breakfast together but today is not going to be one of those days. I just know she's going to want to talk about Josh and I don't feel in the mood for pretending.

As most days, it's an uneventful day at work. I'm really getting tired of it. During my break, I go online and do some research on getting my teaching license. Looks like I would need a Bachelor's which I already have. I will need to complete a teacher program completion and then take state examinations to get my teaching license. It seems like a lot but it's definitely a possibility. The thought of leaving this job and working with kids makes my future look more appealing. As much as I love the pay I get in this job, I now realize that money isn't everything when it comes to work. It's about doing something that you love and enjoy. Teaching has always been in the back of my head, maybe it's time I listened.

At around ten in the morning, my phone rings. It's Josh. I grab my phone and walk to the break room.

"Hey." I answer.

"Hey," Josh says on the other side of the line. "You got a minute?"

"Yeah, of course. What's up?"

"We didn't really get a chance to talk last night."

I nod slowly. "Yeah, I know."

"Is there a way I can see you? Maybe during your lunch? I can meet you at work or something."

"Uh, yeah sure. We can meet at noon? There is a Starbucks right across the street we can meet there."

"That sounds good. I'll see you then."

"Alright. Bye."

"Bye."

I hang up and look down at the screen, biting my lip nervously.

I hate this. Whenever Josh and I have a wonderful time together, something always has to happen that pulls us apart. I know the reason is because our relationship is not exactly conventional, it's not normal. It's bound to have issues.

My nerves are on edge for the next two hours. At noon, I grab my purse and walk out of the building. I cross the street and go into the Starbucks. It's not as packed as it usually is which is good. I spot Josh on one of the tables by the window. He stands up when he sees me. I guess he's working too because he's wearing his uniform. It doesn't help that he looks so good.

"Hey," He says quietly as we sit down across from each other.

"Hi."

"I got you an iced coffee," he says pushing the drink across the table. "Hope I got it right."

I smile and take a sip. It's creamy, just how I like it. "You did, thank you."

"Listen-I wanted to apologize for the way I reacted yesterday. I'm sorry," he says after a moment.

"It's okay," I say offering a small smile. "You were right." I pause. "Isn't it crazy how that led you to Cassie?"

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Right. Yes."

"She's the one, right? The first woman in your life?" I ask quietly.

He purses his lips then he stands up and sits on the chair next to me. He reaches for my hand and holds it on his lap under the table. "You were the first woman in my life, Natalie. Even if we were never together, you were the one that taught me what it was like to want someone."

I find relief in those words but there is still an uneasiness in me. It feels like this is the beginning of the end of Josh and I.

"But you loved her."

He sighs and looks out the window thoughtfully. "I never thought I would see Cassie again. I'm still in shock, to be honest. Especially knowing that you've been living with her all this time. What a small world."

Yes. What a small fucking world.

"She told me about you," I say slowly. "I didn't know it was you, obviously but-" I look at him. "She loves you, Josh."

He shakes his head. "It's been so long, Nat. I don't think so."

I squeeze his hand. "She can give you a real relationship."

He looks at me and shakes his head once. "Is our relationship not real?"

"It's not real until it becomes public."

"I disagree with that."

I look down at the table and don't say anything.

"I already told you I'm more than willing to tell everyone, Nat. It's up to you," Josh says softly.

I bite my lip and think about it. I don't have to just worry about my family and the Andrews and Brad. Cassie is now added to list of people that will be affected by our secret. It's already going to be weird living her knowing that she's the lucky woman who got to be with Josh. I can't imagine how it would be if she knew that Josh is the man I've been sleeping with. If she wouldn't have judged me for sleeping with my ex-boyfriend's brother, I know I'll definitely get a reaction if she found out I've been sleeping with her 'real love' as she called him that night. I don't have the energy to deal with that or anything. This is so overwhelming. I just want to take Josh with me and go hide under a cave forever.

"Don't invalidate our relationship then," Josh says when I stay quiet.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

He half smiles then glances around us before leaning in and kissing me on the cheek quickly.

I smile at him then bite my lip. "So, are you going to tell me what you and Cassie talked about last night?"

He looks away, shrugging. "We just caught up for the past four years. I was glad to know she's a nurse. She was nervous about taking the state exam back then. I knew she could do it."

I look down. "What about your feelings?"

He looks at me. "What about them?"

I shrug. "Did any of your feelings for her resurfaced?"

He half smiles as he squeezes my hand. "You have nothing to worry about, Natalie."

I laugh nervously. "Right."

He looks at me for a moment. "You really are sexier when you're jealous though."

I look at him. "So are you."

His smile fades and I smile. "Let's just not make each other jealous, alright?"

"Sounds good with me," I say feeling much better. If Josh tells me there's nothing I need to worry about, then I'm going to trust him but there's something I need from him. I look down at our hands on his lap. "You'll tell me if your feelings towards Cassie change, right?"

"What do you mean?"

I sigh. "In the future days or weeks, if you feel that you want to be with her, please tell me. I don't want to be the one that stops you from being in a real relationship."

He narrows his eyes at me in disapproval. "What did I just tell you? Our relationship is real, Natalie. The fact that Cassie is now in the picture doesn't change anything." He raises my hand and kisses it. "At all."

I nod slowly. "Alright. I trust you."

"Good. Trust is the foundation of any relationship." He winks at me making me shake my head with a smile.

I look at the time. "I have to go. My lunch is almost over."

"Okay," He says standing up. "I'll walk with you."

We walk out of the Starbucks and wait to cross the street.

"Gym tonight?" Josh asks as we walk.

I smile. "Sounds good."

"I'll pick you up."

I nod as we stop outside the building. "Okay."

We look at each other for a moment. His eyes move down to my lips and I run my tongue on my lower lip, wanting him to kiss me even knowing we can't.

"Come here," He says grabbing my hand and pulling me to the side of the building. It's in between another business so we have the walls covering us.

I lean against the wall as Josh crashes his lips against mine. He kisses me desperately and quickly. "You better go inside now," he says breathless after we pull away.

I laugh as I straighten up. "Okay. Be careful, please."

He grins. "Always."

I kiss his lips one more time before walking away. I go back to work feeling better. I try to repeat his words inside my head for reassurance. If he says it doesn't change anything, then it doesn't change anything. So why do I still feel an uneasiness that is pressing down on my shoulders? I have a feeling that it's not going to go away. It'll only get heavier.

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