My heart is beating hard against my chest. My body anticipates what I'm about to do and it's responding. It reminds me of a roller coaster, right at the tip of the mountain just before you slide all the way down in one drop. You're scared and excited at the same time. I've never been this desperate to have sex with someone. It's embarrassing. I'm so glad no one can hear my thoughts.

The feeling doesn't last for long because it's replaced with disappointment just five seconds after I say the words by a phone call.

"Answer." I tell Josh when he doesn't move. He looks as disappointed as I feel.

"Hey, Dad," He says onto the phone.

I sigh and unbuckle my seat belt while Josh speaks on the phone. Why is there always something in between? It's like the universe is saying no. Is this some kind of sign that I should take? Is that what all the interruptions have been? Signs from the universe that is saying no?

"Okay, I'll be there in a few." Josh hangs up and looks at me. "I'm so sorry. My dad asked me to come in."

I half smile. "It's fine. I'm tired anyway."

"Let me get that for you," he says when I pull open the door.

"I got it," I say but he's already walking around the truck.

"I really am sorry," he says when we reaches my side.

I look up at him. "I know. It's okay. Saving lives is more important. Just be safe and get some sleep."

Saving lives really is more important that's why I'm trying really hard to hide my disappointment. I still have the whole speech in my head that convinced me to say yes fresh in my head. Hopefully, I don't die before Saturday. The thought makes me want to roll my eyes at myself. Seriously, Natalie, get a grip.

Josh smiles as he reaches out to touch my cheek with the back of his hand. "I will." He puts his arms around me and hugs me tightly. I wish I could stay here forever, tucked in his strong arms. After a moment, he dips his head down and my lips find his in the darkness. He kisses me softly, almost like an apologetic kiss.

I wish he didn't feel so bad. Like I told him earlier, life is what we are living. Our jobs are part of our responsibilities. While I was ready to say 'screw it' to mine, Josh's job is way more important and meaningful. Besides, we already had this planned for Saturday. We'll just wait. I think we were both having end-of-the-world thoughts.

Josh kisses my lips then my cheek before pulling away. "Okay. I'll let you go now," he says dropping his arms on his sides.

"Okay." I smile then I steal one more kiss before turning around and walking to my apartment. I don't look back, it's somehow hard to walk away already.

I go inside and head straight for the shower. I think Cassie in sleeping, I saw her car parked outside so I try not to make a lot of noise. After the shower, I get under the covers on my bed and try not to think about what I could be doing right now. This thing between Josh and I gets more intense as we spend more time together. It feels like a ball of fire waiting to explode. I don't know if it'll explode when we're finally together or when all of this falls apart. I don't want to find out but I know it's inevitable.

The next morning, I have a quick breakfast with Cassie before going to work. My legs and arms are sore but I like the soreness. It's a weird sensation that is there to remind me I did something good for my body. I don't see Josh until Wednesday night. He worked all night on Monday so he had to get some rest on Tuesday to work Wednesday morning. I'd rather him sleep than do anything else.

I work harder at the gym on Wednesday. It really helps that I feel so comfortable around Josh. I follow his instructions for the weights and then do some more of the stair master. I can't imagine doing this with anyone else but Josh. Seeing him is my main motivation to go.

On Thursday, I begin to get ready at around six in the evening for Clint's birthday celebration at the station. I straighten my hair and try on a few outfits, trying to look good for Josh. I know we won't be able to spend alone time but at least I'll get to see him. In the end, I decide to go basic. I put on blue jeans with a black belt and a white top just above my waist line and my checkered Vans. I told Louisa I would get the cake so I head out quickly after.

I arrive at the station a little past seven.

"Hey, Natalie." Oliver greets me when he sees me walking in. "Let me help you."

"Oh, thank you," I say as he takes the cake from my hands.

"Come, everyone's already here."

I follow him down the hall to the dining room of the station. It's pretty big considering it also includes the kitchen. It has a big wooden dining table and a high roof which gives the appearance of free space.

"Natalie! So glad you could make it."

I smile at Louisa as she puts her arms around me. "Hey, of course. Thank you for having me." I smile at Clint who is behind her. "Happy Birthday!" I say handing him the gift I got him.

"Oh, thank you very much," he says as he embraces me in a hug.

Hugging Clint makes me miss my dad. I make a mental note to visit my parents next weekend.

"Hey, Nat!"

I turn to look at Brad who puts his arm around my shoulders. "So good to see you! You look so good."

I smile politely. "Hey, Brad. Thanks."

"Josh, honey, would you serve Natalie a cheeseburger?"

I follow Louisa's gaze to the kitchen and my eyes find Josh's. I smile without thinking. He grins. "Of course."

"Come," Brad reaches for my hand and leads me to the dining table. I sit next to him, in front of Gunner and Crystal. They're all wearing their uniforms so they're probably all on call. "Hey." I greet both of them.

"Hey, Nat, bet it's better to see me under these circumstances, eh?" Gunner jokes.

I smile. "Most definitely, yeah."

Someone places a plate with a cheeseburger and fries. I look up and smile at Josh. "Thank you, Josh."

He chuckles. "You're welcome, Natalie," he says taking a seat next to me. Our legs touch under the table making my body tense a bit. It's so weird to be with him in a room full of people that have no idea what is going on between us. Well except for Crystal who probably suspects something is up.

"Natalie, honey, have you been to Newport lately?" Louisa asks sitting next to Clint.

"Not since we went, no. I'll probably go next weekend."

"Oh. Try and stop by the house before. I have some things to send to your mom."

I smile, nodding. "Yes, of course."

"So, Dad, what does it feel like to be seventy?" Brad asks making everyone laugh.

"Oh, Brad." Louisa says, laughing. Clint just shakes his head with an amused smile as he takes a bite off the burger.

"Hey, I can only hope to look as good as he does when I'm old." Brad winks at his Dad.

I roll my eyes at him reaching for a fry.

"Do you want something to drink?" Josh asks me.

"Oh, that's okay. I'll get it."

"No, I'll get it," Brad says already standing up. "Lemonade okay, Nat?"

I nod. "Sure, thank you."

"Alright everyone, we'll be cutting the cake soon before the bells ring and everyone has to go," Louisa smiles at Clint who leans in and kisses her cheek.

I look down suddenly feeling like I'm watching something I'm not supposed to. They're such good people. If only they knew what I am doing. I'm basically building a storm between their sons. Deep down, I hope the storm never lands but I know there's a big chance that it will. What will Louisa think of me then? Clint? That's not even the worst part. The worst part would be my parents finding out.

I finish my food silently while everyone chats about this and that. We sing happy birthday to Clint and then have some cake. After I'm done, I excuse myself to the restroom where I splash some water on my cheeks and take a few deep breaths.

It's so easy to forget about the consequences when it's just Josh and I. And then I see his parents and Brad and my parents and I realize that things are not as cool as they seem. Yes, I love where Josh and I are right now and I want to keep doing it. I just need to find some kind of balance with this guilt.

I open the door of the bathroom and walk out.

"Natalie, come."

"Josh?" I whisper in the hallway.

He grabs my hand and pulls me into one of the on-call rooms. It's dark in there but I'm glad to be with him.

He closes the door and turns to look at me. "Are you alright?"

I nod. "Y-Yeah, why?"

"I know you, Natalie." He takes a step forward and I take a step back, against the door for support.

"Oh you know, just the normal guilt I feel whenever I see your parents." I try to smile but I know I fail.

He nods, as if he already knows which he probably does. "I'm just as guilty," He says squeezing my hand.

I smile then bring his hand to my lips and kiss it, trying to tell him thank you for being so kind. I don't want to look at him because I know what will happen if I do and we are not in the right place but my eyes look up to meet his involuntarily. He clenches his jaw as he takes a step forward and places his hand on my cheek. He runs his thumb across my lip before leaning in to kiss me. I raise my head eagerly wanting to feel his lips against mine even though I know we shouldn't.

I pull his shirt off and run my hands all over his chest. Josh puts his arms around my waist and picks me up against the door. I wrap my legs around his torso as he begins to kiss my neck. His stubble makes my neck tickle and I giggle trying to be silent.

It still amazes me how quickly things escalate between Josh and I whenever we're alone. All it takes is one look, one kiss, to start the fire.

I want to tell him that we should stop because his parents and Brad and everyone else are just down the hall but I don't want to. Josh pulls off my blouse only pulling apart briefly before kissing me again. I run my hand through his hair as he kisses my collar bone. A moan escapes from my throat when I feel his tongue in the space between my breasts. Okay. We're really doing this in the station. It's going to happen. I don't have the will to stop it.

Turns out, my will wouldn't be the one to stop us.

It's a push on the door.

"Josh, what the hell?"

Josh and I pull apart at the sound of Brad's voice on the other side of the door. Everything happens so fast. I unwrap my legs from Josh and press my back against the door at the same time Josh pushes it back with his hand.

"Leave me alone, Brad." Josh calls out.

All I can think of is this is it. This is how Brad finds out. With everyone around us. My mind is already thinking about how everyone is going to react and what they're going to say.

I cover my face with my hands and brace myself for the worst.

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