"Brad is outside."

I look up at my roommate who is standing at the doorway of my room. I'm sitting on the floor with my back against the bed and my laptop on my lap. I'm looking through Netflix, trying to find something good to watch. It's been an hour.

"I already told him you don't want to see him," Cassie says before I tell her. "He won't leave. Should we call the cops?"

I sigh. "It's fine. Thanks."

She walks away without saying anything else. I stay on the floor for a moment, wishing I didn't have to deal with this right now. Brad is the last person I want to see right now and he knows that. I don't know why he's here again. Does he really think a week is enough for me to forget? I could never forget. He should know that. That's the problem with Brad. He can be very selfish. And inconsiderate.

I take a deep breath as I stand up. I get sight of myself on the full size mirror I have by the door. I'm wearing black leggings with a blue blouse. My hair is up on a bun. It's Saturday so I don't work. Saturday's are my lazy days. I dress up enough during the week for work. I make my way out of my room slowly. Cassie is not in the living room and her bedroom door is closed so I'm guessing she's in there. I appreciate her trying to give me privacy. I pull open the front door and sure enough, Brad is standing on the other side.

He's in uniform. He's wearing his black pants with the navy blue shirt tucked in and black boots. He looks tired so I know he's probably coming out of a twenty-four hour shift. I hate that he still looks so good.

I step outside so he knows I have no intention of letting him in. I cross my arms on my chest as I look at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I just want to talk, please," he says with a frown on his forehead.

I sigh. "I told you I didn't want to see you, Brad."

"Natalie, please. I feel horrible."

"Good. You should."

He sighs. "Are you ever going to forgive me?"

I look away from him for a moment suddenly feeling sad. This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions. I've felt angry. Sad. Frustrated. Relieved. Confused. Hurt. That's what sucks about the people you love. By loving them, you're giving them the power to hurt you. I look at Brad and I feel angry and sad at the same time. Angry because of what he did. Sad because he threw away 8 years of being together in one night.

This isn't the first time we've broken up. We actually broke up four years ago and didn't see each other for a year. So I guess that would make it 7 years of actually being together. With a hiccup here and there throughout. Being with Brad has proven to be challenging. We've had our good times, of course, but we've had just as many bad ones. I'm starting to think this isn't the way it's supposed to be in a healthy relationship. We've just been together for so long. That's the reason I've been able to look past other mistakes. But not this one. There is a limit and Brad has reached mine.

"Maybe one day." I finally tell him. Then I shake my head when I see the glint of hope in his eyes. "But I don't think I can be with you again, Brad. It's over." I turn to walk back into the apartment but he reaches out and grabs my hand.

"Natalie, please, don't do this." He pleads.

I pull my hand away from his. "I'm not doing anything. You're the one who ended this when you decided to whore around."

"I didn't have sex with her."

"Oh, no, you just made out with her while you felt her up," I say in disbelief. "I saw you. With my own eyes. Nobody told me anything." I shake my head. "It doesn't matter that you didn't have sex with her. You still cheated. Plus you probably would have if you wouldn't have seen me."

"I was drunk-"

"There's always excuses with you." I interrupt him. "Just leave me alone. Go have sex with whoever you want."

"Please, Natalie. I'll do whatever you want me to do. I'll get on my knees. I'll beg. Just please, give me another chance."

I hate seeing him like this. So vulnerable. It's not like Brad. He's usually over confident. That's probably why he did what he did in the first place. I wish I didn't but I still care about him. I can't just forget about all the years we've spent together. Just like I can't forget about what I saw that night.

"Go home, Brad. Get some sleep." I take a step back.

He puts his hands in his pockets, looking defeated. "Would you consider still coming to my parents' with me tonight?"

Right. Tonight. This dinner has been on my calendar for about a month now. Josh's homecoming. After eight years of serving the country, Josh is finally coming home. I was excited about seeing him again. At the same time, I don't think he remembers me anymore. It's been so long since the last time we saw each other...

I shake my head. "I don't think that's a good idea, Brad."

He smiles sadly as if he knew I was going to say that. "My parents are going to kill me when they find out I lost you."

I feel the knot in my throat begin to form. I don't want to cry in front of him. I've done enough of that. "So don't tell them tonight." I suggest.

"Please come with me, Natalie. Just tonight. Dinner with my family. We won't be alone. It could be our last date."

I begin to shake my head but he continues.

"Please. I promise I'll leave you alone after tonight. I just-" he shakes his head. "It's supposed to be a happy dinner. I don't think I can get through it. I don't think I can go."

"You have to go. Your brother is back."

He looks at me with a frown on his forehead. "Will you come?"

I bite my lip then clean the tear rolling down my cheek quickly. "I'm sorry, Brad. I'm not any better than you right now. You hurt me-"

"I know," he says sadly.

"You betrayed me. You betrayed our relationship-" I reach out for the ring on my fourth finger. I wasn't sure about this before but I'm sure now. When he realizes what I'm doing, Brad reaches out and puts his hands on top of mine, trying to stop me from taking the ring off.

"No, God, Natalie, please no."

"I'm sorry." I cry pressing the ring against the palm of his hand. "I can't do this." I'm crying now. So much for not wanting to seem weak anymore.

I don't wait to hear his response this time. I turn around and walk into the apartment, closing the door before he has the chance to react. I lean against the door for support as I try to compose myself. I can hear Brad calling my name from the other side.

"Natalie?"

I look up at Cassie who is walking out of her room. She looks at me and I see pity in her eyes. "Oh, Natalie," She says as she crosses the living room to me. She puts her arms around me and I let her comfort me for the hundredth time this week. Poor Cassie. She's had to endure all of my emotional breakdowns. I don't know how she hasn't ran away yet. I would.

Brad proposed to me two months ago. I was ecstatic but not surprised. When you're together with someone for so many years, I think at some point it becomes apparent that you're going to end up with that person. At least that's how it was with Brad and I. I thought I would eventually marry him and I would have, if he wouldn't have done what he did.

Last week, I received a call from one of Brad's buddies. They always call me when Brad gets too drunk to not being able to drive himself home. When I got to the bar, I walked in to see Brad who was drunk alright. He was also making out with some girl while squeezing her ass. I couldn't believe my eyes at first. I thought I was confusing him with someone else. Brad has done many things but he had never done something like this before. At least not that I know of.

But it was him. I was devastated and ran out of there. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough. Brad saw me and ran after me. I was hurt and embarrassed. I also feel disappointed in him. He allowed that to happen. He stained our relationship. He broke us.

I know I didn't find them in bed but I don't need to. To me, that's just as bad as having sex. Cheating is cheating. And if he's capable of doing something like that...I'm positive he would do it again or worse. Maybe not today or tomorrow or a month from today but it will happen. I can't live with that insecurity. I guess I should be happy that this happened before we even began to make preparations for the wedding. Maybe I can be thankful for that later.

For now, I want to cry until I don't have any tears left but I promise myself that it'll be the last time. No more tears after today.

Except there's a problem.

It takes approximately five minutes for the guilt to come back.

The guilt I've been trying so hard to ignore. A little voice in my head has been whispering, don't be a hypocrite Natalie. If Brad making out with a woman is cheating, then you cheated first. This has been on repeat since I saw Brad that night at the bar.

I cheated first.

It was so easy to pretend that it hadn't happened until Brad did the same to me. The only difference is that he got caught and I didn't. I haven't.

My betrayal was probably worse than his.

The thought makes me straighten up and pull away from Cassie who was still hugging me. I sniff as I stand up and clean the tears on my cheeks. Cassie looks up at me confused. "What are you doing?" She asks when I reach out and open the front door.

I take a step outside and look down the hall. Brad is making his way down the stairs when I call, "Brad!"

He stops and looks up at me. His eyes are hopeful instantly. What do I do? I wish I didn't care about hurting him when I haven't been exactly faithful. It was one night. One kiss. But I know that if I'm going to judge him this harshly for what he did then I'm not being fair to him. I'll tell him. I won't tell him who I kissed but I'll come clean about kissing someone else once back in high school. Then he'll want me less and this break up will be easier on both of us. Hopefully.

"I'll go with you tonight." I tell him. "And then we'll talk."

He is a few feet away from me by now. He nods, looking a bit surprised. "O-okay. I'll pick you up?"

"Okay," I say.

We stand there for a moment, just looking at each other. I finally look away and make my way back into the apartment. I lean against the front door like I had done a few minutes ago. Except this time I'm not crying. I feel exhausted. I feel like going into the comfort of my bed and sleeping for days. All of this thinking has been driving me crazy.

I didn't immediately think about the kiss after I saw Brad with that woman. It happened three days later. The fact that I had done to Brad what he did to me hit me like a brick but I pushed it out of my head because I convinced myself that mine didn't count. I was young. We both were. It was eight years ago, after all.

I wish I could just pretend that it didn't happen but my conscience won't let me. Especially when I know I'll see him again soon. This is the right thing to do. Go to dinner with Brad. Have a serious talk. Tell him about what I did. Break up peacefully. Yes. This is what I'm going to do. It's the right thing to do.

I don't notice Cassie standing in front of me until she crosses her arms on her chest. I look up at her. She's looking at me in disbelief when she says,

"I'm never comforting you for crying over that man again."