{edited/rewritten}

hold my hand when the lights go down

and you're feeling scared but no one understands

(Bailey's wolf above)

---

The wind was running through my fur, a chill running down my spine. It had gotten colder out since yesterday and it smelled like it was going to rain or snow soon. I was running so fast the trees and flowers and grass were all a blur. Before I knew it, I was by the river that separates Chance and Brandon's pack. My wolf was complaining about how her paws were beginning to get sore from all the running I was making her do so, I stopped at the river. I drank a little from the river and then sat down, admiring the scenery before me. I wish I had my camera or sketch book with me so I could capture this image somehow. I never have time anymore to draw or take pictures and I wish I did. It was my therapy after what Carter did to me. Now, I just feel lost again.

Why did you go on a run without me? I woke you up so that we could go together.

Chance's wolf suddenly appeared in front of me. He was taller than me. I moved my head to the side, feeling sort of angry at him. He tilted his head. Are you mad at me? I'm sorry for waking you up. Just wanted to spend some alone time with my mate.

I growled because fuck, I'm so angry. I looked at Chance and snapped my teeth at him. He gave me a weird look and then was shifting back. I looked away, not wanting to see him naked. I heard some rustling and when I looked again, he was wearing a pair of shorts. He threw me a t-shirt and shorts and told me to shift. I growled, putting the clothes in my mouth and trotting over to a large tree. I shifted back and quickly dressed. When I came out from behind the tree, Chance was sitting by the river with his feet dangling in.

"Are you going to tell me why you're angry? Or are you going to growl and snap your teeth at me? What did I do this time?"

I huffed and sat down, sitting with a few feet in between us. "Do you want to know what's wrong? It's that you're a liar."

His head moved quickly, eyes on me. "I'm a liar, how?"

I started plucking the grass and throwing it into the river. "You are never honest with me."

Something flashed in his eyes and he shook his head. "I'm always honest with you, about everything."

"You love me."

Chance turned away from me and sighed. "What?"

I nodded. "You aren't ever honest with me. You are in love with me, aren't you?"

Chance looked at me and moved closer. "This is why you're mad at me?"

I stood up and growled. "Yes! You can't be in love with someone like me!"

"Why not?"

"Because I'm me, Chance! I'm me! I'm broken and confused and damaged. You can't love me."

Chance stood up and was so close to me I thought he was going to kiss me. "You ruin everything. I had this special dinner and everything where I was going to tell you everything."

I turned away, my heart breaking. "Cancel it."

"What?"

"Cancel it. Everything you have planned, cancel it. I don't love you, Chance. You fell in love with someone who is incapable of loving anyone. I don't love you and I never will."

Chance whimpered and my heart was breaking. "You don't mean that."

I nodded, my back to him. "I do. I don't love you and I feel nothing for you."

Chance touched my shoulder and I shook him off. "Well, alright then. I don't think this is you. I know you love me too, Bailey. I don't know where this is coming from but if you're scared, I get it. I'm scared too. It could be the full moon coming up. Your senses and emotions are heightened. Newly shifted wolves can't control themselves. The first full moons we keep them in a padded room in the basement. I have to lock you up tonight so you don't hurt yourself or someone else. This is why I asked you to go on a run with me. I wanted to tell you about tonight but instead, you're breaking my heart."

I laughed bitterly and turned to look at him. He looked so sad. Why was I doing this? "You're going to lock me up in the basement? I guess I don't really have a choice in the matter, do I?"

Chance shook his head. "No, you don't. I'm going to head back to the pack. I'll meet you there."

Chance shifted and ran back and I think he took my heart with him.

***

I was in the kitchen with Hannah, telling her everything that was happening. She ended up smacking me upside the head. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I don't know!"

"Well, do you love him?"

I sighed. "Well, yes I d-"

Hannah smiled. "Then what the hell! Why are you ruining this?"

"Because everyone I love, gets hurt. Carter is after me again. I don't need Carter hurting Chance or his sisters or even you! It's easier to just break his heart and try to keep my feelings hidden and deep down inside of me then fall in love even more and watch them die. I can't do that, not again."

Hannah gave me a small smile and a hug. "Well, I guess you don't have to tell him that anymore."

Confused, I turned around and saw Chance standing at the doorway to my old bedroom. He had a hurt expression on his face. Hannah squeezed my shoulder and left the room, leaving me alone with Chance. "You're the liar. You yell at me earlier and really, you're the one that's lying."

Chance came closer and sat on the edge of the bed. "Yeah, I guess I am."

He touched my hand and I felt my heart melt. "You wanted to break my heart? I can't go through that. You break my heart and you break me, Bailey. I'm an Alpha. I can handle Carter. Fuck, I love you and I know you love me too. Stop fighting this, Bails, please. I need you. No more of this bullshit, okay?"

I nodded and Chance crawled over to me. "Say it. Tell me you love me."

His lips were inches from mine and I felt my heart start racing. "I love you."

He pulled me towards him, his lips meeting mine. I smiled against his lips. My arms went around his neck and his hands around my waist. He pushed me back onto the bed, our lips never leaving each other's. I was laying on the bed and Chance was hovering over me, his arms near my head. He bit down on my lower lip, causing me to moan.

His lips traveled down my jaw and down my neck. He sucked on my neck, the place his mark will be. When he thought it was too much, he began to pull away, both of us out of breath. "What are you doing?"

His hair was messy and his lips were swollen. "If I keep going, my wolf's going to mark you. I can't make the girl I love mad at me, can I?"

I let my fingers trace his jaw. "Mark me."

Chance stilled above me, eye wide. "What? I thought you didn't want me to yet."

"I just don't want to go all the way. I want to be yours. I want our wolves to finally be together. I love you and I'm sorry for everything I said earlier. I just thought that if I pushed you far enough away, you wouldn't get hurt. I can't have someone else die for, especially you, Chance. So, I'm sorry."

He kissed my lips again, leaving them tingling when he pulled away. "We are one, Bailey, after I do this. You and I are a team. When you're feeling down or insecure or scared, you have to tell me so I can help you. No more pushing me away or trying to break my heart because it'll kill me. Do you understand? I need you, Bailey. Please don't break me."

"I won't."

Chance ran hand through his hair. "Are you sure you want me to do this? We won't be fully mated since we won't be having sex, which I'm completely okay with. I will be able to tell how you're feeling, if you're hurt, and things like that and vice versa. I know with Carter being back, it's bringing up memories that you tried so hard to forget so I'll wait for you until the end of time. We can go as slow as you need to, alright?"

I nodded. "Thank you."

Chance traced the outline of my lips. "Always, love. One more time, are you sure?"

"Yes."

"It might hurt a little bit."

Chance moved my hair to the side and pulled my shirt down so it was hanging off of my shoulder. His canines extended and his eyes were bright yellow. He went to where he was sucking earlier on my neck and bit down. I flinched, squeezing my eyes shut. Chance extracted his teeth from my neck and began licking the wound. The pain subsided slowly and now was just a small throb. When he was finished, he looked at my lips and gave ma quick kiss on the lips. "You made us both so happy."

Now we have to bite him. My wolf said, startling me. I remember my family telling me that when I found out I was a wolf but it still all seems so weird and crazy.

We do it so others know he's taken. Our scents will mingle together and his wolf and I will be together. He and I will finally be able to talk, in private, like you and Chance do when mind linking.

I over at Chance, who was now laying beside me. "My wolf says I need to mark you too."

"Only if you want to. We don't have to right now."

I shook my head. "She's begging me too. Says it'll keep other she wolves away from you. Do I bite you in the same place? How did this work?"

He chuckled and pulled me on top of him so that now I was hovering over him. "Let your wolf come to the surface a little bit. She'll know what to do. Just trust her."

I nodded and let my canines extend. Chance moved his head to the side and I bit down into the place where his neck and shoulder meet. Chance growled lowly and I jumped but my wolf reassured me that he was fine and it hurt him a bit like we do.

What do we do now?

My wolf sighed. Lick it.

I pulled away from his neck and did what she did. When I thought I was finished, I pulled away and laid back down beside him, admiring my mark on his neck. It was red and puffy but underneath of the redness was a circle with a small black wolf in the middle howling.

"Is that what mine is going to look like too?" I asked, whispering the words.

Chance was drawing lazy circles on my arm. "Yeah, it looks pretty good. Look at it tomorrow when it's not as red and swollen."

"I'm too tired to move anyway."

Chance whispered into my ear and I slowly fell asleep. "Go to sleep, mon amour."

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