don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars.

seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

it's okay not to be okay.

___

I woke up on a Thursday morning with a pounding headache. I hadn't done anything the night before but these headaches just keep getting worse. The headaches, the enhanced hearing, the night vision, it's not normal, it's not human. What is happening to me?

It's been a few nights since Chance told me he was a werewolf and the last thing I saw was the black wolf. Maybe the wolf ate Chance or maybe Chance ran away when he saw the wolf. There's just no way that Chance is the wolf. This doesn't happen.

I just remember running so fast back to my grandparent's house without breaking a sweat or being out of breath. I ran away because that's what I do best when things get hard in my life.

The headache began to subside in my head and suddenly I was smelling bacon. The smell of bacon made my stomach grumble and maybe if I ate something, the headache would go away.

I got out of bed and put my slippers on, not caring that my hair was going in ten different directions or that there was mascara smudged under my eyes. I slowly walked down the steps, the smell of bacon overpowering my senses. Before I made it to the bottom step, I heard people fighting. There were so many voices, it was hard to hear whose voice was whose. I closed my eyes, listening closely.

"We agreed not to tell her until she started showing the signs."

I heard Chance laugh, "I'm pretty sure the signs are all there."

My mom sighed. "We, as her family, agreed to wait until the first moon. We agreed not to tell her about any of this. It was why we moved away when she was a baby and why we decided this life wasn't for her. She wants to finish college and become a teacher. She deserves to have a life for herself. With you, she is trapped and I want more for her. It is why we decided to give her a normal life, a human life."

Chance spoke, not sounding happy at all. "I'm in charge here and what I say, sort of goes. Did you forget that after being gone for so long? You know how this works. Your house burning down was not an accident, it was fate bringing us together. She can finish her classes online, when she comes with me, and still become an art teacher."

I heard my dad take a deep breath, clearly getting frustrated "She is our daughter and what I say, goes You don't have a say over that and I don't really care if you're in charge. We haven't been apart of this pack for a very long time and we didn't raise her in the werewolf community so she doesn't follow your rules. We ran all those years ago so that she could have a better life. You don't understand, Chance, you aren't a father but when you do become one, you will do anything to protect your children, even if that means running away. She has been through so much and she doesn't need this in her life right now. She is broken and we're all still trying to help her put the pieces back together."

Chance was getting angry, I could hear it in his voice. It scared me because it brought me back to him. "Why would you ever come back then? You knew it was a possibility that she could be mated to a wolf in this pack. She is mine! You guys coming back here is just speeding up the process of us being together. I have been seeing her and meeting with her, though she doesn't really know that. Everything that is happening to her is because she came into contact with me and you know it. You have seen the changes."

My grandma spoke in a calming voice, trying to get Chance to calm down, "Chance you need to know that she grew up in a totally different world. You can't come in here acting like you can take her away from us. She doesn't know this world. She doesn't need to know about us, even though I guess you told her."

"She didn't believe me anyway. I even shifted, which I wasn't planning on doing, but my wolf was getting so angry at me. She ran away and though I was crazy or in some kind of gang. I know she grew up differently and I'm trying to understand it all and see from her point of view. You know we need her."

My dad sighed, "I know, Chance, believe me I know. I see the signs and her eyes glowing and the random bursts of anger. If she is changing, we need to keep a close eye on her and make sure she doesn't lose control. We don't even think she will change, she's past the age. She never changed at sixteen. Changing at twenty can be deadly and you know this Chance She might show signs because you activated something inside of her but what if she doesn't fully go under the transformation?"

"I don't want a human." Chance stated, his voice monotone.

I heard some rustling and then my mom's voice. "I'm a human and her father wanted me. There are many wolves who are with humans and have lived loving lives together."

"I can't be an Alpha with a weak human by my side. You know what other packs will say, they will think we are weak. Our pack will be targeted to be taken over. My father has made many enemies. Bailey cannot protect herself like other wolves can. She is an easy target to be kidnapped and to torture me. I want her to know everything there is to know about us. Afterall, she's been standing behind that wall listening to us this whole time."

I took a sharp intake of break and rounded the corner and saw everyone sitting at the kitchen table. My mom looked shocked to see me standing there. My grandma was shaking her head, like she was disappointed in me. I stood on the other side of the kitchen, far away from Chance. "I wasn't listening. I just woke up and was coming down for breakfast. I smelled bacon."

Chance laughed, a laugh that sounded empty and scary "You're lying."

I took a piece of bacon from the kitchen counter. "I wasn't lying."

"Your heart is racing really fast."

"You couldn't possibly know that." But he was right. He knew that because he actually could hear it, just like I could hear them when I was in the other room.

He laughed again, this time with amusement. "I can hear it, sweetheart."

I looked at my parents and grandparents. "What is actually going on?"

My dad sighed. "There's something we have been keeping from you, there's something we need to tell you."

***

It was in the afternoon when we all decided to meet with each other again. We were all huddled around the kitchen table. Chance was beside me, which I didn't like at all but he scared me. He tried holding my hand under the table, and despite the tingles and sparks, I pulled my hand away.

This man comes barreling into my life, changing everything I have ever known and he thinks I actually want to hold his hand? Who did he think he was?

"Can you guys start at the beginning?" I asked, confusion evident in my voice. I didn't want to be here, didn't want to hear this bullshit but I knew that with Chance being here, I didn't have a choice.

"Long ago, there was a curse from a witch-"

I cut my grandma off, "A witch?"

My dad nodded. "Witches and warlocks exist among us, Bailey."

I felt like I was going to throw up.

My grandma continued. "The witch put a curse on a man because he had deceived her. She placed a curse on him so that every time the moon was full, he would turn into a beast. The legends say, she gave him a mate or a soulmate. They say she was the Moon Goddess, the woman who began the line of werewolves.:

"Soulmate? What is that even supposed to mean?" I questioned. Fucking Twilight was real.

My grandpa smiled at my grandma and looked at me. "Yes, but we call them mates. Every time a wolf is born, the moon goddess choses their other half. The mate can be a girl or boy, human, or any supernatural being. At the age of sixteen, the wolves will do everything in their power to find their better halves. When the wolf inside of your sees their mate, it will let you know. You get tingles every time you touch and it's like there is a pull for the two of you to be together. You can try and fight it, but it won't work."

My mom agreed with what my grandpa was saying. "There's a process called the Mating Process. Most of the time, when the two mates meet for the first time, they wait to do the mating process so they can learn about each other and date. Then, when the first full moon comes about, the male bites the female to brand her with a mark. It's slightly different for every wolf, the symbol that's embedded into your skin. If you are mated to an Alpha, your mark is a wolf. If you're mated to a regular wolf, your mark is a crescent moon. I don't know the marks for other supernatural begins but it's the same process when mated to a wolf."

My mom pulled her shirt to the side to reveal her neck, where a small crescent moon lie. I had always thought it was a tattoo on her neck.

I felt my heart stop beating. "Biting me? That's a little farfetched."

My dad chuckled, "There's a term called unmated wolves. They would do anything to mate if they haven't found their mate by the age of twenty-one. If you come in contact with one, they will smell your mark and know not to come near you. Your mother is my mate. Once the male marks his other half, a similar mark is bitten into is neck. I know this all sounds crazy but since your mother is human, her bite is different because she doesn't have fangs like we do."

"So, why am I not a werewolf?"

My grandma sighed. "The Moon Goddess pairs up a wolf with everyone. Everyone in the werewolf community has a mate somewhere in the wolf. Some wolves, however, are paired with humans. It is rare, but it happened. You're not a wolf because your wolf gene was lying dominant. When you turned sixteen, we didn't know if you would turn. When you didn't, we knew the wolf gene was lying dormant because the human gene was dominate, up until now."

I looked at Chance for a moment and then back at my grandma. "Until now?"

My grandma nodded "Every she-wolf shift at sixteen while the males shift at thirteen. They both find their mates at sixteen and if they don't, they have until their twenty-one until they are coined as unmated wolves. You never shifted which is why your parents kept this world a secret. We always know you'd have a mate because your father is a wolf but we just hoped you would never find him. You are almost twenty and have exceed the time to shift."

Chance talked, for the first time since we all sat down. "There's a legend that says if a human is mated to an Alpha and has the wolf gene, she could shift under the first full moon after they meet and touch. I'm your mate and we've touched. You know I am. You've been sowing the signs of shifting. Your hearing and sight is better. You're more aggressive than normal and your eyes change to yellow. I know you've noticed it."

I nodded, trying to process this all. "Do I hear my wolf, if I do have one?"

Chance nodded. "She's like a second you. You can communicate and talk to each other in your mind. You can mind link with other wolves once you're brought into the pack."

"Brought into this pack? What pack?"

Chance touched my leg and I kicked his shin. He smirked but began talking. "A pack is made up of about 500 wolves or more. there are packs in every city all over the world. We keep the peace in the werewolf community and our secret hidden from humans. There is an Alpha, a Luna, a Beta, the third in command, the warriors, and the commoners. In my pack, my father is still the Alpha until I mate with you. The title will then be given to me and my mom and dad step down so we become Alpha and Luna and rule the pack. You can also fight the Alpha to death to become the new leader of the pack. The Beta might take over for a bit if the Alpha and Luna need to leave on business."

"I don't want to be Luna."

Chance ignored me interruption and kept talking. "The Luna is the second highest member of the pack. She rules beside her mate, the Alpha. They fight together in battles and in war. They live in the pack house, in the middle of the community, with the Beta and mate, and the Third in Command. The Alpha and Luna have kids later in life and the first is always a boy so he can be the next in line for the pack. It is rare to have a girl first. The Beta is second in command to the Alpha. The Beta protect the people and Luna. The third in Command is below the eta and is in charge of the warriors."

"So, in case you haven't figured this out yet, I won't be your Luna and you won't bite me and I won't have your babies."

Chance smiled. "You will do all of those. I obviously cannot force you to do the mating process where we have sex but it will happen."

I blushed a bit and then pushed my chair back and stood up. I felt weird and confused and like I was living a dream. "Wow, um, alright, this is a lot to take in. I just found out my family are werewolves and I have to run some stupid pack and then I could possibly turn into a wolf and die. Can I say no to this? I don't want this life."

Chance whimpered. "You mean, say no to becoming mine and becoming my Luna?"

"Yeah, you see, I don't want to be branded as anyone's personal slave. I want to be my own person. It sounds like I have no freedom. I want to finish college and become an art teacher and I don't think that will happen if I accept this weird shit. Can I reject you or something? I have a life to live. I want my free will."

My mom looked nervous. "You could reject him but why would you want to? Everyone in the werewolf community wants what you can have right now."

"Because I don't want to do this! I don't want to be a dog and I don't want to be pressured into doing any of this shit. I can't have my own life taken from me again. I don't want to be controlled and stripped of my rights to be me."

My grandma frowned. "You don't really have a choice. When your wolf appears, she will want Chance's wolf more than ever. You can still have your freedom."

I shook my head. "I cannot be someone's pet again. I will fight this."

Chance stood up suddenly, his eyes flashing yellow. "You don't really get a choice, Bailey. Either you agree to be my mate or I take you by force. I have been searching for you for five years! I have six more months until I am deemed as an unmated wolf and then I can't run my pack!"

I laughed bitterly. "I thought you said you wouldn't force me."

"I can't force you into sex but I can kidnap you back to my place."

What the fuck.

I screamed so loud, Chance looked nervous. I did what I do best, I ran.

I wasn't going to let another man control my life, take over everything I built up. I wasn't going to let him become another Carter.

I was going to fight for myself, even if I died trying.

____