Maham was numb at her place as she keeps looking at the diary in Affan's hand.

She doesn't know what to say or do; it's like her brain cells didn't know how to work.

Thousands of thoughts invade her mind but one was the most dominating, 'Affan knew her secret, he knew why she left'.

She came out of her trance when he called her; his voice is filled with concern as he looked at her pale face and trembling body.

"Jhalli... I mean Maham are you ok?"

She shook her head looking into his eyes, she saw millions of emotions but she ignores them.

"How did you get it? I give it to Hina. She will never break her promise... Then how?"

"I took it from her... One day I went to her for help taking care of Mahi... I saw it there and recognize it,"

Well, that explains how he got it but still, her mind was not accepting anything.

Affan still remembers the day, 5 years ago when he went to Hina's room as baby Mahi was ill and need attention but he has to go to the office for some work.

Affan was holding the crying baby who was cranky because of her fever. It's been a year since his divorce and 6 months since he adopted baby Mahi.

She was clingy to her father but he was needed at the office for an urgent meeting.

His father was not at home and he was not comfortable leaving his daughter with his mother so his last option was Hina.

He knocked at the door balancing the baby bags and baby Mahi in his arms.

Hina was doing her assignments but when she saw her brother and her niece at the door she gets up and takes Mahi from Affan kissing and hugging the baby.

Affan sighed in relief as he saw his daughter been distracted.

"Thank you, Hina for handling her... I promise I will return soon. This is her stuff, her stuffy, her blankets and her baby food is in this bag while her clothes and toys are in the blue one...,"

Hina rolled her eyes at her over-possessive brother as she patted baby Mahi back who was busy playing with her hairs.

"Bhai relax!!! I am not taking care of her for the first time. You just go and do your work. I and munchkin will have fun...,"

"I know but every time you came to my house... just please take care of her and please avoid Ammi,"

Hina nodded her head feeling pity for her mother who was losing so much in her hatred.

Mahi started crying indicating that she was hungry so Hina bounced her at her hip.

"Well look like munchkin is hungry... I will go make her a bottle Bhai please place the bags near my bed,"

Affan kissed his daughter's forehead and smiled at the duo as they went outside.

He placed the bags near the nightstand, but as he was turning back something caught his eyes.

He frowned as he saw a diary under the pillow.

He smirked as he thought it was Hina's diary and pulled it out to tease his sister but the next moment he got another shock.

It was the same brown diary with the Tom and Jerry sticker that he got for her. This is his Jhalli diary.

He keeps looking at it with trembling hands and teary eyes. His heart was squeezing inside his chest and he felt suffocated.

He moved his hand to open it but stopped when he remembered her promise that made him chuckle but it has nothing funny about it.

"she left me... She broke her promise... I think it is fair to read it now,"

With that thought he opened the diary, reading the first few entries but each word was like a stab to his heart.

She had written this diary with so much pain that can be seen through the tear stains it has just like the letter she left for him.

His heart was pounding like crazy but he didn't know what to do.

He fell to his knees holding the diary with wobbly hands, tears are flowing down his cheeks.

He fisted his hair with one hand as he keeps looking at the most beautiful yet heartbreaking thing in his hands.

Hina came back with baby Mahi who was now calm but the moment she entered her room and see Affan condition, she knew something is not right.

"Bhai what happened?"

But before she can say anything she saw the reason for Affan's devastating situation.

Maham's diary was in his hands as he was looking at her with a pained expression.

Hina cursed herself for leaving it openly, she has a habit to read her api diary whenever she was missing Maham.

The pain and the misery this diary shared with her api was so intense that bring tears to her eyes each time but looking at her brother like this was killing her.

"For the past one year... One damn year I was begging everyone to tell me... To tell me why she felt like this? But no one... Not one damn person told me... Why Hina? Why!!!,"

He was always thinking that why she left everything like this if she just wanted to do a job.

She can return but leave like this, he wanted to know the reason for almost a year but now when he got it he was dying inside.

Hina was frightened but she knew her brother was at his breaking point so she keeps quiet.

"How can I do this to her? I am so oblivious to her feelings and her love that I unintentionally give pain to that one person that meant life for me,"

Affan was now screaming at the top of his lungs, lucky their parents were not at home.

Hina moved toward him with baby Mahi in her arm and sat beside him, Affan looked at his sister with so many emotions in his eyes that bring tears in her eyes too.

"Why you did not tell me that I am destroying her? Why Hina? She should be here with me... Why?"

"Api made me promise to not tell you ever and also to destroy this diary but I can bring myself to do it Bhai... I am sorry... I am really sorry,"

Affan just chuckled as tears keep falling from his eyes.

"I am hating myself Hina... I feel like killing myself for all the pain I give to that innocent soul. I am just like Ammi... The only difference is she gives pain to Maham openly while I ruin her with my love,"

He was laughing but each word holds the anguish he was feeling inside.

Hina shook her head as she rubbed Mahi back who was scared with her Baba crying.

"You didn't do it Bhai... It's not your fault. Please don't do this to yourself... Yes, it was painful for her but this is written in your destiny...,"

"I don't want this for her... I want a peaceful and happy life for her but look her protector was her destruction... I ruined my Jhalli,"

"I ruined everything Hina... Her life and mine. Just running behind the illusion when the reality was just beside me,"

"You know... I always make fun of her finding the Ishq Kamal unaware that I am her Ishq Kamal... I am so unlucky... I lost my Ishq Kamal yar... She once told me that she will get her Ishq Kamal but I will keep running behind the girl... You know what... She got her Ishq Kamal and see I am running behind her now... But she is gone,"

Hina was shocked at his words, her brother was indirectly saying that he loved her.

"Bhai... You loved Minal Haina, then how can api get her Ishq Kamal?"

"Minal was just an illusion Hina... my reality was always Maham... She came into my life to finish my loneliness and filled it with so much love that I become oblivious to her... Then when she was gone... I understand what is Maham for me,"

"Bhai what are you saying?"

He looked at his sister with bloodshot eyes and wobbly lips.

"She is my Ishq Kamal Hina... The day Maham went was the day I realized what is she for me... She was the air I breathe, the happiness I crave, the peace I want. Even Minal betrayal was not painful because I was lost in my grief... I came to this realization a long time ago Hina... Maham is my Ishq Kamal and now I lost her,"

He keeps crying for hours in his arms as baby Mahi was clingy to her father in sleep.

Hina kept thinking about every word Affan spoke. She has tears falling down her eyes as she prays for her brother's peace.

Since that day Affan keep the diary with him, he has memorized the whole diary, each entry in all these years.

He was lost in his thoughts when her shaking voice broke his trance.

"You didn't read it Haina?"

Maham was praying that the answer will be no but her hope shattered when he shook his head looking at her with guilt and pain.

She was shocked and overwhelmed but most of all she was angry, her deepest darkest secret is out and in the hand of the last person she wanted it to be.

"How could you? You swore... How can you break your promise?"

Her mind was not working the only thing was that Affan knew her secret and that he will hate her for ruining his life.

She was hyperventilating but she still looks at him, waiting for her answers.

"Well, I didn't break my promise...,"

He shrugged his shoulders acting so innocent that boiled her blood.

She moved toward him and jabbed his chest but his heart was pounding frantically at the contact.

"You broke your promise... You swore that you will never read it. How can you Affan? I told you that if you read it then I will leave still you do it,"

"Well, maybe that's the problem here Maham... You left me. You broke your promise of not leaving me ever... You are the one that broke your promise. You left so I was not obliged to your promise anymore,"

Maham was shocked at his words, she knew he was right.

She first broke her promise but her mind was telling her to run away and never coming back.

"That didn't give you the right to read it Mr. Affan Ahmed Qureshi,"

She was angry but at herself, she cursed herself more for being an idiot and not destroying the diary beforehand.

"You told me to read it when you break your promise so I have every right to read it... I memorized each entry... It's imprinted in my mind Maham,"

Her heart was crushing, she didn't want to do this right now.

She felt a panic attack beginning so she controls her breathing and lies through her teeth.

"Now it didn't mean anything to me... You should also throw it away and live your life,"

Affan was now getting frustrated with her 'move on and live your life speech'.

"So you are saying that you didn't love me anymore and that you have not left your everything for that stupid reason,"

Maham closed her eyes to control herself, she was so close to losing control and his straightforwardness was not helping her.

"Yes, I didn't love you... It was just an infatuation nothing more. And I do what I find better for myself either it's is stupid or not it's still my decision,"

She looked dead in his eyes and spoke the words with much difficulty but lots of confidence, but soon Affan words turned her world upside down.

"What if I tell you that I love you? What if I say that you have found your Ishq Kamal and I am still running behind the girl,"

Maham wanted to cry in joy and happiness but then a fear grip her heart. 'What if he was just saying this because he didn't want to let her go? No, she can't live like that'.

She knows she has to be strong because what she was going to do next will destroy her but she has to do it.

"then you are again running behind an illusion because I didn't love you anymore... I still care about you Affan but as a friend so please you also forget this and live your life,"

Affan banged his hand on the nearby wall as he roared scaring her.

"Stop with this live your love and move on bullshit... Ok, I can't move on because I am stuck at you... My life is nothing without you. I am just a corpse spending my days on earth for my daughter and my family's sake. I wanted to live but that's not possible without you... Why can't you understand damnit?"

Maham was now crying, his words has sincerity but her broken heart was too fragile to bear another heartbreak so she brutally breaks his heart.

"I can't help you then... Because I have moved on and I don't love you... Please forget this and forgive me for everything...I hope you find your peace soon,"

She was going to run away but Affan holds her hand and pulled her toward him.

She collided with his chest but balanced herself soon.

"Then look into my eyes and say that you don't love me... That I am not your Ishq Kamal... That I lost you completely... That I live all these years with false hope to have you back... tell me Maham,"

Maham felt so weak being his close to him but she knew she has to do this for them.

She was again doing something that might break them both.

She looked into his eyes and with a heavy heart, she said those words that snatched every ounce of hope Affan has, killing him with her words.

"I don't love you anymore... You are not my Ishq Kamal. I have moved on and suggest you do the same... Allah Hafiz Affan,"

With those words, she pulled away and ran out of his room leaving him wrecked.

He was just numb, he was broken completely. He lost everything today.

He holds the diary close to his heart as he whispered with pure agony calling to the one that always listens.

"Why Allah miyan? Why?"

He was standing there crying, unaware that Two people had listened to everything and was crying with them.

....

Maham dashed toward the living room, his words had broken all the self-control she had learned in all these years.

She wanted to cry and scream her pain out, he was right she was again running away because she can't bear another heartbreak.

The thought of him hating her or just saying this because he pities her was killing her.

She was getting a panic attack as she was looking for Salaar, she wanted to go away from here.

She tried calling him as the living room is clear and no one was there.

"Sal...sa... Salaar,"

She was hyperventilating and crying, the helplessness was getting the best of her.

This is the worst thing about her panic attack she gets blank.

She was still struggling to call him and hold herself when a small hand holds her trembling one.

She looked toward with blurred vision as she saw baby Mahi looking at her with a frown.

"Senior what happened?"

Worry and concern were clear in the baby girl's voice but Maham was still fighting with the attack.

Baby Mahi holds her hand and made her sit as the baby girl holds her cheeks turning her face toward her.

"Senior... Look at me. Yes, now breathe in... Breathe out... Do it like me... Yes,"

Baby Mahi helped her as they together overcome this. After a few minutes as Maham felt herself relaxing, Mahi leaves her that confuse Maham but she just calms herself down.

Baby Mahi came back with a glass of water and helped her senior with it. Maham was smiling at the baby girl as she kissed her cheek hugging her.

"Thank you so much, baby... You are not just pretty you are strong and smart... You help me today... So thank you,"

Baby Mahi smiled beautifully giving her the famous dimpled smile that relaxes her more but also pained her when she thought about Affan.

Maham shook her head as she looked at the baby girl asking the question that was making her curious.

"Baby ... how did you know that I am having a panic attack? And how do you help me... Who teach you?"

"Baba sometimes have such attacks... Phupho always does this to calm him so I just do what she did... I am glad you are ok. But senior why did you get it? Phupho said Baba get it because he was stressed,"

Maham heard the words that escape the little girl's mouth and more guilt gripped her heart.

She makes a mistake that ruined him once and today she again did it.

She wanted to cry as she smiled or tried to smile at the baby girl.

"nothing baby I just saw a lizard in the hallway and get scared... But thank you for your help,"

She was caressing Mahi hair as the little girl was cuddling her, giving her some peace as she listens to Mahi blabbering bit her mind was busy in Affan thoughts.

She wanted to go from here but Salaar was not in plain sight that made her curse him more.

"Senior look at my bangles na,"

She looked at baby Mahi who was whining and pouting.

The sight brings a smile to her face but before she can say anything a voice startled them.

"Well if it isn't the great Maham Shoaib Qureshi in my house,"

Maham and baby Mahi both got tense at Naseem beghum voice.

Maham gulped because she was going to face the only mother figure in her life and the sole reason for her destruction after 6 years.

She stands up as baby Mahi hides behind her clutching her leg as Maham looked at Naseem beghum with nervousness.

Naseem beghum was shocked seeing Maham suddenly at her home but now she knew why her family was so eager to throw her out today.

She scoffed as she moved toward them, she narrowed her eyes at the duo that scares baby Mahi as she holds Maham more tightly.

Maham felt a sudden urge to protect the little girl in her arms as she holds baby Mahi close to herself looking at her Tayi Ammi.

"Well well... Look who come back to destroy my son again... Like this girl was not enough,"

Maham felt angry but keep quiet because she has always respect this woman but her talking about Mahi like this was infuriating her.

"You can say anything to me but not a word against her... She is too innocent for your hatred,"

Naseem beghum just rolled her eyes at Maham's words and spoke venomously.

"You ruined my son life, he always protects you, stood up for you but after you leave I thought that he will get his happiness but this bastard child came to do the remaining damage,"

Mahi was crying as she clings to Maham who was raging like a bull.

"Shut up... Just shut up... you think I ruined your son's life but it was actually you... You are the reason he was like this... You called his daughter a bastard... I think you are mistaken or you are yourself a bastard,"

Naseem beghum yelled and raised he thanks to slapping Maham who holds Mahi closing her eyes, waiting for the sting.

"You bitch!!!,"

But before Naseem beghum can hit Maham a roar resonate in the Qureshi house that made everyone came there.

"Mrs. Naseem Qureshi stop right there,"

Everyone turned around the staircase where an angry Affan was standing huffing like a fire breathing dragon.

Everyone was stunned but Naseem beghum was astonished at his words.

He raced toward them and standing in front of his mother looking at her with loathed eyes.

"How can you to put a hand on them?"

He was a time ticking bomb, his mother was scared of his anger but suddenly she looked into his eyes speaking angrily.

"You are disrespecting your mother for these disgusting things... For these bad omens whose parents leave them, you are fighting with me for these orphans,"