"Mom, I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to, I didn't mean to." Harry kept ranting under his breath as he snuggled to Anne's side in the waiting room. Anne's heart was breaking to even smaller pieces than it already is at the sight of her son.

"Baby, it's not your fault. Trust me, please." She kept telling Harry the same thing but he wasn't about to believe any of it. Anne was so worried about Harry's mental health. She didn't want a repeat of any of the things that happened years ago with Harry's nightmares.

Louis is still in the hospital room and doctors are doing some tests on him. Harry was getting impatient but he got nothing else to do than praying.

"Mr. Styles?" A doctor came and called out. Harry sprung up from his seat and basically ran to the doctor. Anne followed close behind him.

"Mr. Tomlinson woke up." The doctor said with a smile. Harry could jump around the room out of joy. He felt like his heart was going to burst with happiness. He didn't know what he'd do if Louis ever left them just like Jay did. He heard his mom squeak out a happy sound.

"Oh my god. Thank you doctor, thank you so much." Harry wanted to scream out his joy.

"But" Harry's heart stopped for a second. "You got some things to know, Mr. Styles. He has a high possibility of having seizures again. I want to know if-" The doctor got cut short by Harry.

"Can I just see his first, please?" Harry almost begged. The doctor nodded with an understanding smile. He lead both Anne and Harry to Louis' hospital room.

"He's asleep at the moment." The doctor explained before Harry could freak out about Louis' closed eyes once again. Harry sat on the chair next to Louis' bed. He ran his fingers down Louis' cheeks with a weak smile. He stared at Louis' sleeping figure for few more minutes but the thought that he should settle things with the doctor popped to his head. He left Louis' side, leaving his heart there. (fook yeh bish I'm cheesy af)

"What were you saying out there, doctor?" Harry stood next to the doctor and he saw in the corner of his eyes,Anne sit on the chair he previously at.

"It's Dr. Sivan. And I was saying, that he'd have more seizures in the future. I want to know if there was anything different about his health and behavior before the seizure." Doctor asked. Harry thought for a moment and he remembered that Louis had diarrhea and he was really weaker than someone who has diarrhea for few hours. He told those to the doctor and the doctor nodded.

"Then, those are the signs you should be alarmed about. I'm not telling he'd have seizures every time he has diarrhea but there's a chance." Dr. Sivan explained. The doctor gave Harry the prescriptions of seizure medications for Louis but he knew that it'd have a minor effect on the matter.

"He'd be released in the morning." The doctor explained and shook hands with Harry before leaving.

-

"Hi, Lou. Ready to go home?" Harry asked once Louis woke up in the morning. Louis nodded furiously but whimpered when his head hurt. He lifted his own arm and tried to take away the pain.

"Head hurts?" Harry asked as he ran his fingers through Louis' hair. Louis nodded slowly this time but it was curt making him whimper again. Harry sent a sad smile towards the boy and kissed his forehead.

"Good morning, Mr. Styles and Mr. Tomlinson." Dr. Sivan smiled at both of them making Louis giggle. The doctor's smile widened at the sight of the smaller lad.

"Call him Louis. He gets it than Mr. Tomlinson." Harry said with a smile. He knew that they'd be meeting Dr. Sivan often since he's the doctor he decided to assign to deal with Louis' seizure treatments. The doctor nodded.

"Hi, Louis! I'm Troye. Wanna be friends?" The doctor extended his arm for Louis to place his hand on. Louis giggled as he extended his jerky hand. Dr. Sivan took a hold of it and smiled at the boy.

"He's complaining about a headache, doc." Harry said smiling at the sight of giggly Louis for no apparent reason.

"It'd be okay within next few hours. Don't worry about that." The doctor said with a smile. Harry nodded. "Sign the release papers and you can take him home, Mr. Styles." The doctor left with a handshake for Harry and a high five for Louis.

Harry signed the release papers and started walking to the car with Louis on his hip after saying bye to the doctor. Anne went home earlier to cook them a meal. Louis rested his head on Harry's shoulder as they walked down the hallways. Harry smiled as he let out a content sigh.

"Sleepy again?" Harry asked nuzzling his nose into Louis' hair. Louis only stuffed his face in Harry's neck, making Harry smile.

"You can sleep with Hazzie in the backseat. Hazzie's driver is here." Harry told more to himself than to Louis' half asleep figure. He opened the door to the backseat and got in. He sat Louis on his lap and told the driver to get going.

-

"You want something to drink, Lou?" Harry asked as he got out of the bed they were laying on. Louis was listening to a book Harry read for him. Harry wanted to get something to drink and he got up.

"'Ater!" Louis cheered making Harry laugh and nod his head. He walked out of the room and walked down the stairs. He still had a smile left from the last laugh he had. He found Anne sitting on his sofa, reading a book.

"Where's Lou?" She asked as she looked at her son.

"He's upstairs. I was just fetching a water for him." He said as he walked to the kitchen. He heard Anne hum behind him. He took two bottles of water and two cups. He walked up the stairs again to their room. He took his water bottle and gave Louis the cups. He poured some water to one cup and urged Louis to drink some before starting to play with it. Louis drank some with a pout but soon giggled as he sat on the floor to start pouring water from one cup to the other.

Harry sat on their bed and watched Louis with a fond smile. Louis' concentrated face is so beautiful. The way his eyelashes make a beautiful shadow on his cheeks, they way he's sucking on his own tongue, the little blinking drop of drool on his chin, the way his hair has fallen over his forehead, the way he scrunch up his nose when his jerky hand poured some water on the floor, all were beautiful. He was beautiful.

Louis giggled throwing his head back at something making Harry's heart stop beating for a second. He held his breath as he cherished the picture in his mind. He felt like he was so blessed to have such a beautiful angel in his life.

'Angel, my angel. The angel I left awaiting me to come back.' Harry felt his heart break into million pieces again. He knew he was going back. He felt the same feelings he fought away all those years ago.

'I don't deserve him. I'm only going to hurt him once again.' Harry stood up from the bed and walked over to the door to leave the room but a tiny stuttering voice stopped him.

"'azzie?" Harry paused dead in his track and his heart told him to turn around and take the love of his life into his arms as his brain told him to leave in order to make sure he doesn't hurt Louis again. He listened to his heart.

"Yes, Lou?" He asked putting up a fake smile.

"W-w'en w'll 'oo be b'ck, 'azzie?" He asked making Harry stop breathing. He saw all the flashbacks of that day play in front of his eyes. He felt his head spin. Sure, Louis just asked when he would come back to their bedroom again but those were the same last words Louis spoke to him before he left the boy for years.

He did the only thing he can think of. He turned around and ran out of the room. He ran into a guest room and locked the door. He sat on the floor and buried his face in his palms as strong emotions started eating him alive with flashbacks of everything. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry out.

He wanted Jay to forgive him and say that it was all okay. He wanted to tell the world how much he was hurt too. He wanted everyone to understand that he did not do any of that for his own will.

He wanted everyone to know that he was bullied to pulp back then.

Even after he listened to them. Even after he left the love of his life, breaking the hearts of four people. Even after trying everything he was forced to try. He was bullied.

Anne knew about his nightmares but never found out what was bothering the boy so much since Harry never spoke about his problems. She didn't know that her baby boy was going deeper and deeper into a black hole that has no end.

He hated himself for telling the person he considered as his friend that he fell in love with the 'town's freak'. He hated himself so much for hurting lot of people.

At the end, after five years, he won the battle with the outside world but he kept miserably losing the battle inside of himself for a little more longer.

But he finally fought it all by himself and that made him as cold as ice. He cursed the world for bringing him down. He cursed Louis for being disabled and a boy. He cursed himself for falling in love and being gay.

He felt his fingers start to itch with the want of a blade between them. He felt his skin start to itch with the want of the familiar pain once again. He felt his heart throb with the want to of a feeling that hurts more than the heartache. He felt his head spin as he felt it fill with the want to cut his skin open and see blood seep out of the cuts. He wanted to feel the pain. He wanted the familiar feeling he felt 4 years ago again.

He knew it all. He knew the battle with himself that he won after so much struggle is going down the drain within 10 minutes. He knew that he's going back. He knew that he was gonna bring back everything, from his dark room to blooded gauzes.

He lifted his head which he had buried in his palms and looked around the dark room as he started having flashbacks of lonely nights he spent thinking of Louis' pained face as he ran the blade across his skin. He let out a long sigh.

He knew that his eyes were bloodshot red and he knew that his hair was a mess, but he didn't care. He just wanted his blade. That's all he needed. He stood up and ran to the door like a mad man. He needs it. Now. No more waiting.

He slammed the door open and was about to run to the bathroom to find it, but loud cryings stopped him. He stopped dead in track and looked at the direction of his and Louis' bedroom. He saw Anne coming out of the door of their bedroom, probably looking for him. He tried to run back to the room and hide himself but Anne saw him and ran to him.

"Louis is asking for you. He's crying, Haz. Where were you? Why are your eyes red? Why is your hair messy?" She shot so many questions as she kept noticing how Harry looked. Harry didn't say anything for few seconds as Louis' cryings was the only thing filling the thik air between him and Anne.

"You're gonna take him with you mom. I'm gonna live on my own again." He said surprising both himself and Anne. Anne took a hold of his shoulders and shook him.

"Why are you doing this to him again, Harry? Why? The poor boy just wants his best friend and you keep leaving him. Why?" She screamed making Harry flinch.

"I will just hurt him. Now, let me go and take him home with you." Harry said coldly and shrugged Anne's hands off, but Anne caught his bicep as he tried to turn around and leave.

"What's bothering you?" She asked with so much sincerity making Harry want to fall into her arms and cry like a baby. Harry shook his head as he looked down. He can't lie to Anne while looking her in the eyes.

"Look at me. I know there is something going on. What's wrong?" She tried again. She shook Harry when he didn't look up at her. She kept trying to get Harry to talk with her.

"Tell me Harry!" She rose her voice and that's when he lost it.

"The problem is I'm in love with my fucking best friend!" He screamed out and backed away when Anne flinched at his loud words. "No, mom, go away. I'm just gonna hurt you just like I did to Louis, just like I did to Jay." He mumbled as he started walking backwards. Anne watched in daze for few seconds and she felt like the world has slowed down. She finally found the courage to muster up some words.

"No, Harry. Come here. You're not gonna hurt me. I know you won't. I believe in you. Please, come here." She said and extended her arms for a hug. Her eyes were shiny from seeing her baby boy so broken and she felt like a bad mom for not noticing this. Anne walked forward with her arms still wide open and wrapped Harry in a hug. Harry just stood there looking at nothing as Anne's motherly scent filled his nostrils, but he soon broke the strong facade he had put on and broke down crying.

****

(Word Count 2448)

A/N - Yes, Sherlock, you found a secret! My poor baby, lil bean, Hazzie baby frog! saVE HIM!

Well, about self harming. People say it's not okay and I also know that it's not okay. So, if you ever needed someone to talk with, I'm here and believe me I know how it feels. Talk to me honey bunches, you have me. (: xxxxxx

Anygay.... How are y'all? I hope you and your loved ones are doing great!

Sorry for the late update. I was kind of down and kind of busy too. I'm sorry again.

And fuck USA's government for the net neutrality thingy. It really fucks up my life and no, I'm not from USA but it still affects me. I'm so mad and sad at the same time. ):

And I'M REALLY LOVIN MY NEW PROFILE PIC SFSDJFSDF

Have a nice day/ night! I love you all to death, my baby potatoes! (: xxxxx

and fyi IF I COULD FLY IS ON AND IM SOBBIN (:

QOTC - Believe in long distance relationships?

Answer - Hell, yeah! I'm in a one tbh.

-Ash