《dreams》Part 6
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His lips were soft.
Cale woke up with a feeling of discontent deep inside, sitting up in bed and accepting the water he was offered silently.
He'd dreamt.
A real dream this time.
It was disconcerting to say the least. It highlighted how much the others were not dreams. They occurred while he was asleep but the lucidity he had within, the vivid memories, the consistency of the reality within, and the very tangible feel of a warm body against his.
Alberu's lips were soft.
The kiss in the dream shocked him awake because it didn't feel like anything at all.
'...finally shoo away those fucking 'dreams' and then I actually dream about the bastard.'
It was beyond frustrating, it was infuriating. He'd been toyed with and used and left at the wayside and here he was, still dreaming about kissing his 'prince charming'.
Despicable.
Cale threw the cup across the room, mindless of how some servant would have to clean it up and laid back down on the bed with his face hidden in the crook of his arm.
He knew enough about the crown prince to ruin his life. If he really wanted to, he could get his pound of flesh.
He didn't want to.
'...what do I want then?'
Soon the crown prince would become the king and then the gaping void of space between them would only grow. If Alberu Crossman was hesitant to stain his reputation with something as filthy as Cale with only the weight of princehood above him, it was doubtless that kinghood would have been the limit.
It was inevitable.
'We're just incapabitable. Who needs that power hungry bastard anyway?'
He knew that Alberu wasn't power hungry. He was a more competent candidate for the throne than his brothers and he took that responsibility seriously. He had plans to bring the kingdom to greatness. He was certainly ambitious but he was not full of greed.
"...this feels like shit."
He'd been able to say the words, to break up with Alberu before Alberu broke up with him, but all he'd done was accelerate the inevitable.
Were they even together?
He'd been an amusing toy for Alberu and that was the absolute best case scenario. Cale didn't want to consider that someone who actually loved him would cast him aside like that.
Cale's love was a stubborn and dedicated thing. He didn't cast anyone he loved aside even when they hurt him.
'...except for his highness.'
Cale scoffed at the thought and swung out of bed, his bad mood practically radiating off of him as he was dressed for the day.
Alberu was the exception to that rule.
Did it count as casting Alberu aside if Alberu had plans to do it first? If Alberu never loved him at all?
It was incongruent.
There were years at a time when he thought his father didn't love him and he still ardently loved his family and remained at their side.
Alberu was a different entity for him.
A person for whom he could be truly selfish. Not the play-acting selfish rages he persisted with.
Selfish. Alberu was his and he was allowed to expect love in return. Allowed to get angry when he didn't get it.
'...how the fuck did he trick me into loving him to that extent?'
It was all the fault of the damn dream. Alberu would be able to walk away as though nothing had ever happened between them because nothing had happened.
"How fucking pathetic..."
"...hyung-nim?" Basen looked up from his breakfast at his unhappily grumbling brother. He was a bit different than normal. Cale had been different ever since their arrival in the capital but there was just something about him today that worried Basen.
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"What?" Cale snapped, directing his attention towards his brother and feeling his anger soften.
Cale had never mastered the art of maintaining any sincere anger in the presence of his siblings. The trouble with that was the only other emotion Cale had at this moment was heartbreak.
"...are you okay...?" Basen asked, noticing the way Cale's entire existence drooped when he answered his brother.
"Fine." Cale said in a clipped tone. He wasn't about to show his weakness now. "This food tastes like trash."
It was his normal excuse to get out of family breakfast when he felt too overwhelmed for it. Basen nodded in understanding, worry still clear in his expression but he knew better than to push it.
Cale pushed away from the table just as the gentle knock disrupted them.
The butler who entered looked a bit harassed and flustered but gathered his composure. "Young master Cale, you have a guest."
"...who the fuck came this fucking early?" Cale was ready to flip a table if he had to. Was it Eric? Did that bastard have another nagging session ready? Because Cale was ready to fucking fight.
Fighting was so much better than ruminating on everything inside of him right now.
"It's..." the butler coughed uncomfortably and glanced towards the hall behind him with a sense of unease. "His highness the crown prince Alberu Crossman."
"The fuck does that dirtbag want?!" Basen and the butler flinched away from the sudden intensity of Cale's words. It was alarming. Not just because Cale's infamous temper had apparently flared up but because it sounded... so much more real. Cale's anger usually sounded real but... there was something disconcertingly sincere about the emotion in his voice.
Basen's pupils shook. As the calmer of the two brothers he'd already taken note of the butler's unusually cagey movements. There was definitely someone in the hallway. Someone important in the hallway.
"He–" The butler really looked as though he'd regretted all of his career choices in this dreadful moment of time. Trapped between a ferocious dog at his front and a tiger at his back. Life just wasn't fair. "H–he said he'd like to have a word with you. Immediately." He stressed those last words hoping that Cale would catch the hint.
"He can take his 'immediately' and stuff it right up his asshole and fuck himself with it!"
Basen winced.
The butler cringed.
Alberu Crossman decided that was just about enough and entered the dining room. Basen noticed that despite his outward composure and usual appearance, there was something a bit off about the crown prince today.
He realized it was the smile. He wasn't wearing his signature sunny smile. Nor was he going out of his way to unruffle feathers despite all the very ruffled feathers in the suddenly stuff dining room.
And there was the bouquet of roses in the prince's arms. 'What's with the roses?!' Basen couldn't help the way his eyes lingered on them with a strange suspicion building inside of him.
Cale was apparently unperturbed and unsurprised by Alberu's appearance and continued without missing a beat. "Oh, good. You're here. I can tell you myself. Go fuck yourself!"
...since when did his brother have a feud with the crown prince? Was this why Cale had been so strange about coming to the capital?
Cale's fists shook.
What was he doing here?
It wasn't a 'dream', he knew that much. And it wasn't a regular dream either. The hard set of reality weighed down the scene but despite the unreality that should be the scene in front of him, Alberu Crossman still stood there looking a bit out of sorts.
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"I'll have to decline, thank you." Alberu replied smoothly and Cale sort of wanted to rip out his fucking hair. "Would it be possible to go on a walk together?"
Cale didn't really care what Alberu had to say. He was far too wound up for that. He didn't care how reasonable the request was either. He was determined to reject anything and everything that Alberu had to say.
Anger was just so much safer than heartbreak and he bathed himself in the emotion in order to maintain any sliver of dignity he had left. It was why his normally excellent critical thinking skills were somewhat stilted at the moment.
"Why the fuck would I go out on a walk with a pompous, self-centered, dirty piece of shit like you?! If I wanted to feel fucked and used, I'd go sell myself on the street!"
Alberu cringed. He at least was still aware that there were witnesses present, as well as Cale's treasured younger brother. The Cale he knew was unlikely to want to say something so graphic in front of him.
There were very few ways to calm Cale down when he was this wound up though. Very, very few of them would be effective right at the moment and quite a few of them would be wildly inappropriate.
Alberu knew his options were limited so he made the only choice he had.
Cale was a tactile person. Perhaps it was due to his complicated childhood, but he was a person who craved physical affection above most other things. It was probably his ultimate weakness. And a surefire way to get yourself hit in the wrong circumstances.
Alberu was prepared to pardon a bit of treason at the moment.
He placed the bouquet on the table and closed the distance between them in long strides that caused Cale to flinch back momentarily before he was pulled into a crushing hug.
Cale stopped functioning for a moment.
Alberu was relieved the yelling had stopped but more than anything he was struck by how real it felt to have Cale in his arms.
It always felt real in the dreams but this and that were different.
His heart throbbed in his chest and his whole world centered around just this person in his arms.
Why had he ever been stupid enough to want to let go of this?
"I'm sorry. I was wrong."
Cale flinched at his words and his body trembled with rage. His foot slammed down on Alberu's with force. "Too fucking late."
"I know."
Cale kicked his shins. "You're a dirty, manipulative, self-centered bastard."
"I know. I'm sorry."
Cale pinched his side. "I told you it's over."
Alberu nodded but didn't loosen his grip one bit. Cale hadn't struggled against the hug, hadn't even tried to pull away, despite his violent retributions, Cale sank into his arms and clung to him with a trembling heart. "I don't want it to end."
"...I won't forgive you again." Cale's voice shook a bit and Alberu's heart ached at the sound.
For Cale it was a painful concession. The trust between them, as it had existed, had been shaken up and broken. Although it could be rebuilt, it would require quite a bit of time and effort.
It was lucky for Alberu that he was a patient and stubborn person who wouldn't easily give up on something he desired.
"I know. I wouldn't either."
It was strange.
In some ways, this was only their third meeting. In others, it was the continuation of an ongoing relationship. The mystery of the dream hadn't been solved and the trouble of their positions was still ambiguously difficult.
But he really loved Cale. It was a stupid shock to have, after years of being in love with him, but it wasn't just the after-effects of a dream.
He just loved him.
They hadn't started as lovers in the dreams. They'd met, they'd gotten to know one another, and with time they'd fallen in love.
Alberu was just slow to realize that love was real.
When Cale's trembling finally ceased, he pulled away. He took note that they were alone in the dining room now and wondered when exactly they'd been granted privacy.
Cale seemed to have similar thoughts as he looked to the spot Basen had been with growing horror on his face.
"...how much do you think he heard?" Cale asked with a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.
"Enough to give us privacy." Alberu answered honestly, patting Cale's shoulder gently.
Cale peeked up at him with a strange expression on his face. "...what happened to secrecy? You know there were servants here too, right? Servants talk." Cale had utilized the servant rumormill on more than one occasion to fuel his agenda. Wasn't Alberu the one who stood to lose the most if this got out?
Cale would just be further criticized but criticism was his goal and thus it could only benefit him.
As upset as Cale had been over the whole ordeal, he understood why Alberu's public persona was paramount. He understood the necessity of it and that Alberu didn't do it to be cruel.
Well, assuming Alberu was innocent of the crime of using Cale but he felt that perhaps he'd misjudged him there.
Alberu shrugged and to Cale's surprise, he really didn't look that bothered by it. "I'm about to be king. They can talk all they fucking want."
Cale blinked at him owlishly. "That's... a surprising amount of tyranny from you."
Alberu looked him in the eye and he hadn't noticed it but Alberu really did look a bit disheveled today. Heavy bags under his eyes and his perfect hair out of place. How much had he agonized about this?
Alberu's hand was gentle, caressing his face softly and Cale couldn't help but lean into the touch. "I'm allowed one or two vices."
"So I'm a vice?" Cale asked critically but a smirk spread across his lips.
"Of course not." Alberu pressed their foreheads together and Cale felt the sudden terror that happiness could bring. How long before he lost this? They still had a lot to discuss and as good as it felt to have Alberu at his side, talking to him so sweetly... wasn't this only going to make it hurt worse when it ended? "So I'm considering proposing."
"...excuse me, what?"
"I'm about to be king. I can do what I like." Alberu's lips only just barely grazed his and Cale's breath caught in his throat.
"You're being ridiculous." He complained but his arms snaked around Alberu's neck.
Perhaps his words had made more of an impact than he thought. Perhaps Alberu actually loved him more than he'd imagined.
Alberu smiled at him affectionately. "There's absolutely nothing ridiculous about it."
Cale snorted in disbelief but his smile mirrored Alberu's. "What a motherfucking dream come true." He said with a laugh and pulled Alberu fully into a kiss.
Alberu's lips were soft and his kisses were always full of love.
It was way better than any dream.
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