hey readers,

i've decided to make this my sadness dump. it's about someone i used to like, but things didn't go very smoothly. i will refer to the boy as him, but when you see "him", you can imagine any jojo character. (but imagine them with glasses)

enjoy.

Content: Angst

Setting: Modern AU

On my first day of high school, I wasn't exactly ecstatic. I was nervous, even though most of the people from my middle school were with me. I didn't necessarily have any friends. I just knew people. I knew who they were, but I never really knew them. It was hard to make friends. The people in my classes were bound to be intimidating, and they only seemed intimidating because I was timid. I was shy. I wasn't a social butterfly.

I arrived into class early, hoping to be able to choose my seat. However, my teacher informed me of my assigned seat and I sighed heavily. It's not like I knew anybody in class, but I didn't want to sit near the front.

As I see my classmates fill up my class, I realized that I didn't know anybody. There were a couple people from my middle school, but they're just... not my type of person.

I look around the room, and spot the side profile of a boy that sat diagonally from my right. He was... fairly cute. I hate to admit that. His glasses were nice and just a tad dorky, but overall he was just clouding my mind. He was in half of my classes, and it was so hard to ignore him.

For the whole semester, I caught myself staring in his direction sometimes. I never thought that being attracted to someone at first sight was real. We had the same lunch period, and when I was with my actual friends, I didn't see him anywhere except in the cafeteria with his sister.

He wasn't from around here.

I eventually made my first friend at school, and she invited me into a group chat with "a few of her other friends". One of them was a girl from another school, nonetheless extremely funny. Another was a boy in my class. He once gave me a letter saying that JoJo was cool because he saw my Google Classroom profile picture. The last member of the group chat, I didn't know at the time.

I asked who he was, and he said, "Who else has glasses in the class?" He seemed to know who I was, but I didn't know who he was.

I looked around the room. The only boy with glasses?

It was him.

I tried my best to get closer to him online because he moved into online learning while I stayed in person. When he moved, I almost completely forgot about him. He was a simple school crush, nothing more.

But I hoped it was.

Going into sophomore year, I went to sit down in my period 2 class. Shortly after, he walked in.

My eyes widen. He's back for in-person learning? He showed up to class late, so the only seat left for him was diagonally on my right. It gave me déjà vu.

I wanted to speak to him. I wanted to say hi. But he probably couldn't care less about me.

I caught myself staring even more. He grew his hair out, and he was taller.

Sometimes I'd speak to him in the group chat. Sometimes I'd be in a group with him for a project. Sometimes he'd ask me about what happened in class while he was away. Sometimes we'd laugh about something. His laugh was music to my ears.

But he never asked any questions that got him to know me. I didn't know that much about him, either.

He gave me news that he was going to move back into online learning in 2 weeks. These past 2.5 months and the past 2.5 months from last year were a total of 5 months. I could've gotten to know him within those 5 months, but he was like a wall. He was so hard to talk to, and my eagerness to hear his voice made me sound desperate.

A girl, who was too scared to talk.

And a boy, who was too shy to talk.

It was just a friendship with bad communication.

I hope that I'll see you next year and finally get to know you. And if you're not there;

I hope I've fully moved on, because I come back to you, every. single. year.

Maybe one day...

I'll get to love you properly.

uwaaa time to go watch twilight to remind myself of my sadness