I'm just a magnet for death, get it? Cause I died twice? "

~ Natalie James's POV ~

I wasn't awake when it happened, well of course I couldn't be awake.

But I flat-lined, everything was getting to be too much, I felt like I needed to give up if I was going to be in and out of the ER.

When I was finally back into my room, Jaden was already sitting on the chair, passed out.

I slowly got out of bed, I hit the side of my hip and yelped in pain.

I swear it always feels like I was shot and I hated it, Jaden woke up and ran over to me.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and wrapped my arm around his neck, he guided me back to the bed and laid me down.

I was thirsty, I wanted some apple juice so he left the room to go get me some.

I felt bad for accidentally waking him up like that, he came back moments later.

He handed me a juice box and kissed my cheek, he watched me drink the juice and helped me lay down completely.

He tucked me in and kissed my forehead before turning the lights off, I closed my eyes and soon I was reliving my memories.

The most painful ones like when I was being suffocated.

I woke up drenched in sweat, I started crying and screaming in pain.

I hadn't noticed when I woke up, I ripped the IV out of me, causing my wrist to bleed.

The pain was unbearable as the cut was large, I couldn't even press the nurse button.

The doctors ran in fast into my room, they sighed and stitched my wrist up.

Soon I was left with my favorite nurse, Nurse Jenson.

She was always sweet and funny, she got my humor and returned my energy.

We spoke about cute boys and she told me I had good taste in boys, I chuckled and we continued speaking about different things.

Eventually she asked me how I ended up hear and I told her the truth, she looked so shocked and hugged me gently.

I smiled and hugged her back, thankful for having someone who understood what I go through.

She didn't leave my side, she charged her phone and airpods and we watched Peppa Pig, she was confused on why I chose that show but I loved it.

Soon she yawned and so did I, before she left she told me I could call her whenever.

I'm just a magnet for death, get it? Cause I died twice?

I chuckled at my joke like I was the funniest girl on the planet but Jenson just shook her head with a smile and closed the door, I covered my self and went to sleep again.

My body was exhausted, I ran so much and put it through hell.

I stopped eating, I over worked myself, I fought different people, I ran fast and much more.

I screwed it up for no reason but because I was afraid of rejection and afraid of how different Javon treated me.

My body began to relax it's tense muscles, I found myself back into the waiting room but this time I was alone.

I sat in the corner and waited for Elizabeth to come back to me, she was never late.

That's when it hit me, she was no longer here for the reason that she must've been called to heaven.

I was no alone in this room, with nobody to speak to and nobody to laugh with.

Jaden would've cracked some jokes and made sure I was alright, Jayla would've done my hair and made sure I looked gorgeous.

Daelo would've kept me company, even if we weren't the same age, he knew how to make me happy.

I buried my head into my knees and took a deep breath, I was thinking about everything I have been through for the past fifteen years.

Why did I suffer so much?

I began crying, I didn't stop either.

I felt depressed, like nothing in the world could make me happy anymore.

I felt like someone picked me up and threw me, crushing my delicate heart and ruining me.

But I couldn't blame anyone because I didn't want to die and go to hell or heaven with the guilt.

That's why I forgave easily, I was so afraid of dying with guilt that no matter how back the problem was, I will always forgive you.

I didn't want you to believe that I died and it was your fault.

I started screaming, screaming in anger and annoyance.

All I wanted was someone to be next to me and telling me everything would be alright but I had no one, nobody was here to take me home.

I didn't want to die alone, that was the last thing I ever wanted.