GTA Lifestyle by Young Nudy "This is my lifestyle, this is me; you know me, baby"

She wasn't the same person anymore. She started new habits that she believed were extra precautions for their safety, but it was really just added paranoia. Sage would go around their home checking if all the windows were locked and all the curtains were closed every single night. She wouldn't dare leave the house unless it was to the obstetrician with David attached at his hip and she was always searching around, and she absolutely could not talk about what happened to save her life. Every time Dave tried to talk her through it she would shut down. The worst part for him to witness was her nightmares, she would be talking in her sleep like someone was trying to take her again.

She didn't blame Dave, Ella or even Jay, she put this all on her plate. It was worse when she remembered Jay was nowhere to be found which meant he could be alive. The city was confused as to why the massacre happened in the posh neighborhood that is Jamaica Estates. Things like that would occurr in a neighborhood a little rough around the edges.

Dave was patient with her but that didn't mean he hadn't turned to white girl. It was almost like a reflex when his thoughts got super bad to grab from the stash he kept. Dave stayed in the house with her all two weeks to her liking but he didn't want to break it to her that he needed to actually be with the team for something important. Killing Marcus wasn't enough when the big guy managed to slip through the cracks.

Since she wasn't leaving the house, she was missing school and it pained Ella knowing her best friend should be there enjoying senior activities and preparing for college. She tried to talk her into getting back to life's normal routine but it was to no avail. She was terrified of leaving the house and meeting people.

The first time Sage admitted to Dave that she was pregnant was the next morning after he found her. Then that night lying awake together she interrupted the comfortable silence confessing her plans to possibly abort it. He didn't get angry, he just continued to rub her stomach with oil. Her belly had a small pouch because of the baby and it was the cutest thing to him. He professed that Ella let him know she was pregnant while she was gone. It was a small exchange that meant a lot that night. It would be the start of many sleepless nights.

"Where are you going?" Sage asked him as he lightly dabbed some expensive cologne on. She was folding their clothes on the side of the bed in separate piles and putting them away.

He looked over at her from putting his freshly done braids into a low pony in the mirror. "I gotta go, baby." He stalked over to the side of the bedroom she was at and set down the clothes she was folding, "You understand, right?"

He expected her to say yes because that's what Sage always did, she let everything he does slide most times. After all this was his world and she was just living in it. He was always leading the conversation and just about everything else they did, so it was a shock to him when she said, "No. Are you crazy?"

"Okay, baby, why am I crazy?" He said entertaining her.

"You know why..." her voice got an octave louder, "...because it's not safe out there! It never was and it never will! And the only reason you're going out there is to be Dave the menace and I have to wonder if you're coming home because you chose to risk your life yet again." Although she felt very emotional and was practically beseeching him, she was not crying, which was another surprise.

He held the bridge of his nose, "I'm handling it. You don't need to be--"

"What? Scared? Too late. And how exactly are you handling it? Coke? Oh yeah, don't think I forgot about that too." She said crossly.

"Now you judging the way I cope! I don't ever fucking do that to you!" He retorted.

As soon as she heard his voice get louder she started walking away but he followed her.

"I don't do fucking hard drugs that's for sure!"

"So now this is about drugs? What else you got?" Now they were in the kitchen but David got a hold of her arm.

She flipped her body around and peered up at him. "I just want to feel safe again...us to feel safe. It's not just about the fact that it's coke it's why you take it. It's not just about you leaving home and living life like a GTA character...it doesn't serve you anymore and as the father of my child I thought you'd understand that."

"I do...I got defensive and I'm sorry but I can't be the only one to break habit," He said knowingly.

"Habit? What are you talking about?"

"The habit of living like a crazy person. Like checking the locks about three times a night and isolating yourself in the house all day...all of that, baby. You changed and I hate that he did that to you." When he said that last part she looked away and that's when the tears began to well in her eyes. He was right, the light she had was dimmed immensely to where it was almost shut out. None of them were coping properly with the trauma they endured, especially lately.

"I know," She sobbed. He took his thumb and swiped it under her eyes as they began to flow, "I just can't do it, my mind won't let me..."

"Look at me," When she eventually went back to looking at him he continued, "I'm going to go but we gonna figure it out soon, I just have faith in us...our little family's going to be okay. "

She caught a tear from rolling down the side of her nose and wiped it away. Things have been shaky but trusting David has been a part of her routine for so long that it was what she naturally did. "Okay. I love you," she said.

Taking her into his arms, she fell right into his embrace and closed her eyes. "I love you too. Don't give up on us..."

"As if I could ever."

***

It was hard enough leaving the house after two weeks because all that Sage seemed to think he was doing was gangbanging from sunup till sundown. She had every reason to think so because a large portion of his time before the abduction was spent doing that. This particular day he wanted to get out of the house to plan something special for her but he let her think it was for another reason all in the name of a surprise.

They were all hanging out at Aubrey's place just drinking, smoking and on the game. While Aubrey and Keenon were choosing between characters on 2K, goofing around while Ella and Dave were in the kitchen talking. "I don't know, Dave, you think she's up for anything right now?"

"I don't know, but we weren't able to celebrate Valentine's day like we were supposed to because of the bullshit. It's almost her 18th birthday." He replied earnestly. David took a hit of his blunt and ashed it on the tray on the counter, thinking about how he wanted to top the cartier diamonds he gave her for christmas.

"I just hate seeing her like this zombie. It's like we got her back in the physical sense but nothing else...maybe you can take her away from the city, I'm sure she'd like some space from here for a while." The only way Ella could see her best friend actually enjoying herself was if she wasn't here in New York, reminded of the atrocities she's been through. It worried her that her life was going down the drain each day she decided to stay cooped up.

Dave took the idea into deep consideration, Ella was right about everything. About the fact that she deserved a vacation and that she was acting out of trauma. "Maybe then she'll pick up a camera again."

"She hasn't been taking pictures has she?"

"Nope."

"I figured..."

The energy surrounding Sage lately has been solemn. It concerned all of them that her mental might hinder her from enjoying her senior year and just continuing life as they knew it. Dave was determined to work on himself to prevent a toxic domestic relationship, which meant giving up white girl. For so long, all he knew was to turn to that as a remedy to life's challenges but he realized two things: 1) the more he turned to it the more he felt the need to stay in this lifestyle which he planned to move on from for a while now and 2) it alters his fucked mind and mood in a way that isn't helpful. These two things alone triumph stopping for anybody but himself, even though the baby on its way became an urgency. All this doubt about his future just pushed him to want to nurture their little budding family. He knew it wasn't going to be an easy ride but he's wanted -- no needed -- Sage since the night he saw her. It was like his soul was instantly tied to hers.

Coincidentally, a text from her snapped him out of his deep thoughts. He picked his phone up from the counter and saw: "are you okay out there?" He chuckled to himself as he placed the blunt between his lips and replied with: "I'm fine baby. Wyd?" "Nothing, ready to do you though." And with that text Dave hopped out his chair and said his goodbyes to his friends.

"Aight, you good man?" Keenon said, glancing up from the game.

"Yeah, I'm about to get some pussy, that's all," He said snickering.

"Ay, get outta here with that!" Ella said playfully. After the four of them broke out into fits of laughter, Dave texted her back: "On my way now."

Endnote: What you thought of everyone after the b.s. that happened? Is everyone at fault? One person? If everyone's at fault who is more at fault?