Pendulum by FKA Twigs "Lately, I'm not so present now, not enough for your constant found"

It was a cold January day, the air cut through like a knife in butter and the freshly lain snow crunched beneath her boots. Despite all of this, the street was littered with cars and the sidewalks composed of crowds of people. It was a few days after New Years and people were ready to get back to their routine of working, shopping and so forth. The sky swirled into an ultramarine blue as the minutes passed by, falling into a late evening.

Sage stopped in front of the small cafe to where it held this lowkey but notorious photographer, at least according to Ella. Apparently Ella got his name from her old fling Marcus because she babbled on about Sage's love for photography and he suggested they met.

Fortunately, the cafe was a warm contrast to the outside cold, so Sage shrugged off her gloves and scarf immediately as she approached his table. He seemed very into whatever was in the book he was reading until she pulled out the seat. "Luka?" She held out her hand, flashing a polite smile. He looked up reciprocating the smile, showing off pearly whites. He was a cute boy with thick locs and a small mustache etched on top of his lip.

"Sage, I'm glad you made it." He took her hand into his and kissed it softly. She didn't expect such an affectionate welcome but she accepted it and took her seat.

"Whatcha reading? Anything good?" Sage asked, attempting to make conversation. Luka set his book down, a chuckle escaping his lips, "The Institute by Stephen King. Everything by him is good, I'd argue." She didn't know if it was her eyes tricking her but she felt his stare linger longer than usual. She quickly diverted her own to the menu by the counter closeby.

She turned her head back towards him. "Uh, I bet. Never really read his work but I heard good things," she disclosed casually.

Luka shrugged, leaning in, "Yeah I get it. Hey, if you're looking for a drink I can imagine your type is white chocolate mocha..."

Sage nodded slowly at the accuracy, her eyebrows raised. "Wow, scarily accurate. Almost like you know me." It was a joke but Luka didn't laugh, just stared for a bit. She squirmed a little bit until eventually he cleared his throat.

"No, just good at reading people. Hold the whip cream, huh?" He picked up his own hot beverage and brought the porcelain mug to his lip. He peeked at her through the smoke still dancing around from it.

"I can see that...Is that why you're so good at photography? It's like you capture the layers underneath the pictures." Sage suggested thinking back to the picture samples he sent her via email.

He didn't answer immediately, just took in what she acknowledged in such a short time. He was aware about her, more than she probably understood but he played along. "I guess you can say that." Playing it cool was his preferred approach. "You're not so bad yourself, love."

She gushed, her cheeks turning a light pink and her lashes fluttering. It was almost like a catholic getting validation from the pope. "You can't say that without seeing more of my pictures." He gestured for her to show him and so she did and even though he secretly didn't know a thing about photography, he can tell she was good. She was shy though, letting her curls dawdle in her face and subtle retreats to make herself smaller.

"You have an eye," Luka began flipping through her photo album and noticed the word "East" in black font. Yeah, your boyfriend, huh? "My friend said you were special..."

"Yeah, it was nice of him to introduce us even if him and my friend aren't on the best of terms." She shrugged and went back to explaining her work. As sweet and talented as she was, Luka had one job and after this it wasn't gonna be easy on his mental. He internally sighed. I need some drugs, he thought.

***

Ella's back was pressed against the counter, as she stood in the kitchen with a mug of tea in her hands. It was late night Friday and she decided to spend the night at Aubrey's for the first time in a while. She believed if she distanced herself from him, it wouldn't be as bad to hang with Marcus. But now that she's with her boyfriend, she chose to detach herself from Marcus. It was becoming all too much to keep up with but she couldn't stay strong on her word about ending all contact with Marcus. She knew deep down inside she could go to him whenever she wanted. She wanted nothing but a platonic friendship, she felt like she couldn't breathe with all the rules and restrictions from Aubrey.

"Hey, baby," Aubrey's groggy voice snapped her out of the trance she was in. She turned to see him shirtless with a pair of gray sweats and his gold chain being the only thing he wore. "Couldn't sleep?"

She shrugged, placing the mug down on the counter. Her mind slowed and her focus went back to him. "Not really," she fake pouted.

He trudged over to her in the kitchen, trapping her between his arms. "The bed's been cold without you." He professed, searching her face. All he saw was a kind of sadness he recognized because sometimes he felt it too.

"I know, I planned on going back to bed soon," She murmured. She wrapped her arms around herself as if to protect herself from his wrath. She didn't know when he'd snap sometimes..

"No, I meant in general. Where has my bug been?" His voice matched the softness of hers which relieved her. He dipped down and caught her lips and she was reminded of their passion promptly. "Where'd you go?"

"Nowhere I..." She pulled back slightly, their face millimeters away from each other. He could smell the peppermint tea on her breath. He shook his head and stood up a little more, bringing his pointer finger to her temple.

"Where has she been?" He asked, alluding to her mental state. It was a good question because even she hasn't figured it out.

"Vacation," she laughed. She was trying to make light of it all but everything was rather heavy. Her emotional baggage was the equivalent to a baby trying to lift a dumbbell. She didn't know what to make of how she felt beyond its depth.

Growing up, it was mainly her, her mother, and then whatever man was pretending to commit to her mother at the moment. Her own father would pop up occasionally, but he would never stick around long enough. So, with the pattern of inconsistent and emotionally unavailable men she's witnessed since young, it was hard to ground herself and stray away from men like that. Sometimes she wondered if what she saw in her mother's relationships shaped her into the person she is today. She would always wonder if they were the source of these problems.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She didn't realize the stream of tears until Aubrey said something. She quickly rushed to wipe them with the sleeve of his hoodie but he pulled her arm away and hugged her.

"B-babe," Her voice was muffled against his chest as she finished crying. He pulled her back to look at her, waiting for her to explain something to him. He wanted to somehow take away the hurt even though he knew sometimes he could be the cause of it. "I visited a shrink...I didn't think much of it..."

He nodded silently, letting her know he was listening and still following everything she said. He couldn't really figure out the details of the occupation. He's certainly heard of them mainly because his own mother was one until one of her patients raped and murdered her when he was 12. Ever since that night, he and his father have been messed up about it.

"A shrink? What led to this?" He asked.

"My mom. She's on this psychological journey and her newest boyfriend has the best clinical psychologist in the city. I-I consulted with him and he thought I might suffer from depression." Ella blurted out. She sniffled, untangling herself from his biceps. Aubrey was tensed up and sighed. "It wouldn't hurt if you came to one too..."

"What? You think I'm crazy?" He said angrily. He could feel his body tensing more and more.

"We're all fucking crazy, Aubrey! What'd you want me to say today? That everything is peaches and cream?" Ella spat. She raised her arms in disbelief. At his complete dissonance at their situation. "We all need a little fuckin' help."

"I told you about my mom so you know why the fuck I don't wanna go to no fuckin shrink!" He bellowed. Aubrey turned around and slammed the mug to the ground. "Help with what? If you would stop fucking sneaking around!"

"I'm not sneaking around. What the fuck am I? A mouse searching for cheese? But that's just it, Aubrey, all those damn rules make me sick! I wouldn't have to sneak around if you weren't such a bitch about everything!" Ella pushed past him but he pushed her causing her to just miss a piece of glass on the floor. She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. "You taking your anger out on me never works. That's probably why you hit me all the goddamn time, all that messed up shit in your head that you need to talk about."

"Shut the fuck up!" Aubrey barked in response. He swung the opposite way and began to walk off but she quickly trailed behind him.

"No! You need to hear this. You're an asshole and y-you h-hurt me all the time," Her voice began to tremble. She was so sick and tired of this constant cycle, she didn't even know she had tears left but she did. "At least do this shit for yourself..."

Aubrey swung back around to face her. He was seething because deep down he knew it was true, he hated her for being so smart but he loved her for putting up with his shit for so long. He knew he loved her, but he didn't know how to show it the right way. That's what broke him when they fought. Ella looked up at him without a trace of fear in her eyes. She has seen this side before, it's nothing new. "I really don't want to have to strangle you."

"So don't," she shot back. They were both breathing heavy, not saying shit for a while. "Choke me when you fuckin' me." Ella finally croaked. Her eyes were suggestive and Aubrey immediately caught on. He was gonna fuck her alright. Hard.

Endnote: What y'all think everyone's sign is?