I was missing class today and honestly I didn't care. I was honestly exhausted. Too much has happened in these pass days. I had took a nap and by the time I woke up it was quiet in the dorm. I get up and went to use the bathroom. After, I went to Desi's room and opened the door to find her no where and her lights turned off. I grab my book-bag and went to sit down at the dining room table to work on some homework.

Around 10pm Desi still wasn't home and I was in the living room watching T.V. A few knocks came at my door and I knew he would be here sooner or later. I get up and went to answer the door and made eye contact with Trevor.

"Hey" I said to him and he stares at me.

"I thought I told you to call it off with him" Trevor says walking in and I look at him. I shut the door then cross my arms.

"I know"

"And..."

"I'm not"

"What?"

"I'm not going to call it off with Nico. Listen... for the first time in my life I'm truly experiencing dating and figuring out what I like. I want to explore my options you know?" I start and he stares at me. "Yes, I'm... really attracted to you, but I'm attracted to Nico, and even my professor and also this guy in my lecture hall. Basically... I want to play the field"

"You want to play the field?" Trevor says.

"Yea! Like... don't get me wrong I like you even after everything, but I don't think I even want a relationship right now, crazy right?" I laugh and he stares at me.

"You sounds like a fuckin guy right now" he says and I stare at him. "Do you hear yourself?"

"Okay... well whatever. We're both single Trevor, we can have fun with each other and also others, why not?" I ask and he stares at me then steps up to me.

"Because I don't want anyone else... I want you" he says and I stare at him.

"I don't know what to tell you" I said and he shakes his head.

"Nah, you said it all. Bye Camari" he says brushing pass me to the front door. He slams the door shut and I stand there. Was that him... calling it off with me officially? I stare at the door and went to turn off the T.V. and got into bed. I lay down and decided to turn off my phone.

Am I wrong? Why do I have to choose between two guys? Why aren't I allowed to have fun? Why do I have to pick and choose? For the first time I felt lonely. Desi is mad at me. Blake.... is just, ugh. Trevor doesn't want anything to do with me. Nico... I'm still trying to figure out. And Breenan just wants me to be his little sister forever.

The following morning, Desi was eating breakfast and pays no mind to me when I walk into the kitchen. I wanted to spark up a conversation with her but I didn't know what to say. Could I talk to her about Trevor and Nico? I ignore it and went to grab a granola bar and left for class. The only person that was texting me today was my mom and I felt like I wanted to tell her everything. I mean I didn't have anyone else to talk to.

When classes were done for the day, I was back at my dorm packing a bag to stay the night at Nico's. My phone starts to ring and I look over to see it was Blake. Oh boy.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Hey... Camari" she says.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Just getting off of work, you?" she says.

"About to go hang with Nico" I say hoping she gets the hint that I have plans and I do not want to hang out with her.

"Are we cool?"

"Yea" I said and it was quiet. "You good?"

"Well... I wanted to ask you something"

"Yea?"

"Well... at work today. Umm... Trevor just didn't seem in the best mindset. So we were in the break room talking and he doesn't know but I obviously knew it was about you. But I was just there to be his friend and everything"

"Blake... what's up?" I interrupted her.

"Trevor asked me out" she says and I don't say anything. I go sit on my bed and scratch my head. "And I know you guys have a history and I know that I'm just a rebound so he can feel better, but I wanted to make sure that it was okay... that I went out with him"

"Yea, I mean. We called it off so, go for it"

"Wait, you called it off like... he's available available?"

"Yup"

"Are you okay?"

"Yea... I'm fine. But Nico's here, I should go"

"Okay well have fun"

"Yea... you too" I said and we get off the phone. I stare at my phone then look over at my bed where Trevor was just laying two days ago. I bite my lip and shake my head. It's fine. This is for the better. He should be with someone else. And Blake is nice... I mean she did just try to sleep with me but still. I want Trevor to be happy. Knocks came at the door and I get up and went to answer the door and Nico smiles at me.

"Hey" he says bending over to kiss me.

"Hi" I say as he steps in. I close the door and walk back to my bedroom. "I am almost ready" I say as he follows me to my bedroom.

"Want to catch a movie?" he ask.

"Yea sure" I say as I pick up my bag. I take it to the bathroom to grab more of my stuff then walk to the living room to organize it in my bag.

"Was Trevor here?" Nico ask and I turn to look at him as he walks out my bedroom.

"What?"

"Was Trevor here?"

"I mean... he's been here before" I laugh.

"You don't know if he was here last night?"

"Why would he be here last night?" I say.

"Was he?" Nico ask and I stare at him.

"No" I say.

"His watch is here..." he says holding up a watch. "I know it's his because I was with him when he got in New York" he says.

"Okay?"

"So that means he was here"

"I told you that he's been here before, he obviously just left it here"

"But it's not that he left his watch... it's where I found it" he says and I stare at him. "I found it in your bedroom" he says walking up to me.

"Yea, he left it in the kitchen and I put it in my room for safe keeping. Here... I'll give it back to him"

"Where in your room did you put it?" he ask and I stare at him. I laugh then shake my head.

"Stop investigating me Nico" I said about to walk away when he grabs my wrist and I look at him. "Nico..."

"Did you fuck him?"

"What?"

"Camari... did you fuck Trevor?"

"Nico... I told you not to grab me"

"Answer the fuckin question"

"Let go of me" I said trying to pull my arm from him. "NICO THAT HURTS, LET GO!" I yell.

"What the hell Camari..." he says letting my hand go and I was pulling on it too hard, I slam my shoulder back into the handle behind me.

"Ow!" I say grabbing my shoulder. I look at him and he was walking towards the kitchen and I walk up to him, pushing him into the counter. He turns around to look at me and before I knew it his backhand meets my cheek. I hold onto my face and look at him. "Did you just... slap me?"

"You're sleeping around!"

"We're not dating!"

"I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A HOOK-UP! If I wanted to fuck you and that's it I would had already fuckin left your ass" he says.

"I'm playing the field..."

"You're..." he says and laughs. "Right..." he shakes his head. He grabs the vase I put the flowers in and he takes the flowers out, dumping the water on me.

"NICO!" I yell but he then throws the roses at my faces and the thorns scratch my skin. "WHAT THE FUCK!" I yell again and Nico was already leaving the dorm. I go to my dorm door and slam it shut turning the lock. I hold onto my cheek and go to the bathroom to see the thorn scratched me from the bottom of my eye to my mouth. "SHIT!" I yell. I grab some toilet paper and wiped the blood that was coming from my cheek.

I held the toilet paper there and went to the living room and grabbed my bag and went to take it back to my bedroom. I stare at my wrist to see it was red and I shake my head.

"What the hell happened here?" I hear Desi's voice. I walk into the living room and Desi stares at the flowers on the floor then looks at me.

"Hey..." I said bending down to pick up the flowers.

"What happened?" she ask.

"Umm... nothing" I laugh.

"Camari..."

"I just knocked the vase off the counter" I say standing up.

"And what happened to your cheek?"

"Girl... while coming back to the dorm. I tripped and fell into some bushes" I laugh putting the flowers back in the vase.

"Not your day, huh?" she said going into the dining room.

"Right?" I said.

"So... how'd you get wet?"

"What?"

"Cami... you're drenched, and I can tell you've been crying. What wrong?"

"Desi... I'm fine. I don't want to be interrogated"

"I'm not, I just want to make sure you're okay"

"I'm fine" I say turning around and going to my bedroom. I close the door and moved the tissue from my cheek and set it on the desk. I stare at my cheek and shake my head as I change into something dry. I wrap a towel around my head and went to lay down in my bed. I cover my eyes and silent cry so Desi wouldn't here.

I couldn't tell her what just happened. I can't tell anyone. I'm embarrassed. I was bragging how I had Nico and even Trevor like a day ago, now this happens? It wasn't long till I heard Aria come over and they were in the living room watching T.V. My cheek was throbbing and I ignore it to turn around to head to fall asleep.

When I woke up, there was a T.V on and I open my bedroom door. Desi and Aria were asleep on the couch and I walk over to the bathroom to start the shower. I stare at my cheek to see the blood was dry and hard now. I lift my hand to touch it when an aching pain rushes over me.

"What?" I whisper to myself. I turn around to see a dark bruise forming on the corner of my back. I stare at it and bite my lip. I hurry into the shower and gently wash my body. By the time I was out, the T.V was off and it looked like they retired. I go back to my room and went to lay in bed.

I couldn't get any rest that night. I had took some medicine for my back but everything still hurt. By the time I felt like I could go to bed, my alarm goes off and it was time to get ready for class. I waited to the last minute to get up. I was going to wear sweats to class regardless how hot it was. I left after Desi and went to my classes in pain.

When Saturday morning came, I was so thankful I could just lay in bed all day. My cheek was scaring up but my back was worse and the bruise was bigger. I was making no contact with anyone. Not Desi, not Blake, not Nico, no one.

My door opens and I look over and Desi was standing there. She stares at me and I sit up.

"What's up?" I ask.

"We're going to get Bobs, wanna come?"

"Nah, I'm good. But thanks" I said laying back down.

"Are you sure you're good?"

"Yea I'm fine, how are you?"

"I'm good" she laughs and I look at her and send her a smile. "Okay, well be back in a little"

"I'll be here" I said and she smiles then leaves my room. I take a deep breath and close my eyes and lay there in silence when my phone starts to ring. I look over to see it was my mom calling and I lean over to answer it. "Hey mom"

"What's wrong?" she says.

"What?"

"Desi said something is wrong with you"

"I'm fine. I'm just tired" I say and she doesn't respond.

"Do you need to talk?" she ask and I felt my heart heavy. My tears start to form in my eyes and I shake my head.

"Mom, I want to come home" I cry.

"Camari... what's wrong?"

"I just... it was stupid to come here"

"Tell me what's wrong and I can fix it"

"I just don't want to be here"

"Why Camari?"

"Mom... because everything I've done here is wrong. I'm wrong. I'm so stupid and I just want a fresh start. I hate it here" I sniffling. I hear her take a deep breath.

"Camari... we can't just bring you home. You're in school. Is it school that's bothering you?"

"It's everything" I cried.

"Cami, whatever it is you can get past it. If that's a bad grade... next time do better. If that's you and Desi... it's hard at first but you guys are best friends and will get through it. And if it's boys... they come and they go" she says and I suck in my tears.

"I'm just lonely"

"What do you mean?"

"I pushed Desi away and now she has a new best friend and I just don't have anyone"

"You didn't push Desi away. If you did she wouldn't be calling me Cam. Like I said... whatever it is you can get past it" she says again. I take a deep breath and wipe my eyes. She's right. I talk to my mom for a couple hours and it's crazy that now that I'm away from her I've never wanted to be close to her so much.

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