Kade stops at the doorway of my bedroom, gives me a weak smile, and is gone.

It all feels wrong, but there's also a new sense of freedom. I have my own house and life to plan. I can go back to school or just sit here all day, dress up or wear nothing at all, eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream for dinner or throw a party. It's like being in a large mall with a ton of things to see and no clue where to begin. It's overwhelming and exciting at the same time.

Since I'm not sure where to start, I begin with what I know. I walk into the kitchen and put to the test all my favorite recipes that Nonna taught me. I chop, knead, mix, and bake until I mentally hit a brick wall and am unsure what to make next. Taking inventory of what I've prepared and what is waiting to go in the oven, I realize I've overdone it. But at least I feel a sense of accomplishment.

After dinner with Dad and Nicky, I climb into my new bed. It was more inviting last night with Kade in it. I miss the warmth of his body next to mine and the way he smells. His last words to me replay in my head. He was right; there haven't been many decisions in my life that I solely made. I've always taken into consideration the well-being of my family or Asher—ensuring that their burdens were minimal, and I wasn't adding to them. I never had the chance to learn who I really am.

Last night was one of the first times I truly took control and did something just for me. It's no surprise that I involved Kade in my choice. I knew he wouldn't judge me for being selfish—for taking what I so badly wanted from him.

It was a conversation I had with Dad that gave me the courage to show up in this room last night.

After spreading Nonna's ashes, we returned to the house and shared memories of her. When it became too much for Nicky, he left Dad and me in the living room.

Sitting in his recliner with a beer in hand, Dad asked, "Do you really like Kade?"

I curled my feet up under me on the couch and picked at my fingernails. "Yeah, I do."

"You know, Nonna really liked him too. She subjected me to many drawn-out conversations about—"

"What a good boy he is." I laughed as I mimic the way she spoke.

"Yeah, and from what I can tell, I think your mom would have felt the same way." He took a swig of beer and looked at the many photographs of his wife on the fireplace mantel.

"And what about you, Daddy? What do you think of Kade?" As much as I love to know my mom and grandmother would approve of Kade, Dad's opinion means the most to me now.

"I'm never going to think any man is good enough for you, Ariella, but if I have to settle, Kade's not a bad choice."

I watch him from the corner of my eye and say, "I'm still young and have plenty of time to figure it all out, right?"

He leaned forward in his recliner putting his arms over his knees. "You have time, baby girl. But sometimes, you just know even when you're young. There's no second-guessing or a feeling of missing out. It's how it was with your mom. The minute I saw her, I knew something was different; I just couldn't put my finger on it. It wasn't until her Visa ran out and I had to face the fact that I might lose her that I realized she was the one. You know, she did go back to Italy for a few weeks, and I let her go and was miserable for it. I had myself convinced it was out of my control, but my heart knew better. A piece of me was missing. I had no money and a single credit card I saved for emergencies. Once I accepted the truth, I didn't think twice. I just packed my bags and used that card to buy a one-way ticket to her." He sat back in his seat again and went quiet for a moment. "Your mom was way better at giving advice, but I'll tell you what I learned. It's never too hard or too late when it comes to love. And even when it feels like a losing battle, you have to fight with everything you've got to get what you want."

I'd heard this story before, but last night was different. Dad was so vulnerable and so desperate to share all his story. He wanted me to learn from it.

He'd taken his advice and made it a reality...something he's proud of. The business could have just catered to Asher, but that wasn't good enough for him. He took the rest of his stage concepts that Asher's management passed on and approached other management companies and fought for their business. He became the best in the business.

After my talk with Dad, I had every intention of sleeping in my childhood bedroom, but as soon as I closed the door, something changed. I took in the sight of the room which housed me after the worst tragedy of my life, and it was just like me—stuck. There should have come a time where I outgrew the pink frills of the room, but I hadn't. I was frozen—never changing, just like my childhood bedroom.

I run my hand over the new bedding Nonna chose for me. It represents my new life and letting go of the past. It's time to move on and release the feelings of loss. The desire to live in the past is stunting my growth.

I knew I wanted a change. I wanted to control my destiny and for that control to spread into all aspects of my life. I decided I was going to start with the cottage. I didn't want to despise it because it no longer looked as it did when Nonna lived there; I was going to embrace the gift she gave me.

And I wanted Kade.

If I was going to fill her house with spectacular new memories, I was going to start with something so special I'd never forget it. It wouldn't be a story I shared with the world just my moment with someone I love.

With my shoes still lying on the floor and no regard for the sleeping people in the house, I ran down the stairs and sped out the back door.

I found Kade tucked into my bed. The clear night sky provided minimal light, but it was enough. He was watching me as I entered the room. The smooth skin of his torso outside of the blankets and golden against the white linens. Never had I wanted anyone as much as I wanted him.

Focusing only on him, I removed my clothes. I needed to hold on to every single detail of our first time—the expressions on his face and the way his eyes darkened with desire when he realized what I was doing. I savored the feel of his skin against mine when he pulled me into his arms and the sound of his voice guiding me. It was perfect; I'd given Kade what I wanted him to have, and he made my first memory in my house a cherished one.

My gaze roams the space Kade occupied last night, and I fight to overcome the pain of my aching heart.