Ragged breaths pass through my lips as I swipe the back of my hand across my forehead, collecting the fresh sheet of sweat that congregates on my clammy skin. The distant clapping coming from the corner of the school studio is drowned out by the negativity in my mind.

It's still not good enough. This audition piece has to be perfect and it's the farthest thing from that right now! I curse at myself, keeping my eyes fixed on the stain pointe shoes strapped to my feet. The very shoes that are betraying me right now!

A workman never blames his tool Atty.

Exactly it's my own talent or lack thereof, that's fricking me up.

"That was incredible Blondie." Blaze pushes himself off the wall with a beaming smile, his converse squeak against the floor making his way over to me. I let out an agitated sigh placing my hands on my hips and curling my back until I'm satisfied with the cracking of my bones. I can practically hear the elders screaming 'You'll get arthritis if you keep doing that!'

"I was late, I lost my balance, I fell on a turn, my feet were sickled and there's just no excuse for how appalling my jetes were." I squint under the studio lights, and they're only a few things I can list that was wrong with my performance. It must be eyeball gouging out worthy for onlookers.

Julliard would laugh if I turned up with that crap... it's a disgrace to the sport and especially a disgrace to my name. Saying that... I haven't actually had any correspondence back from Julliard. I've sent off various self-tapes to the other universities I've applied for but I've heard nothing from Julliard. Bile rises in my throat, thinking about not even getting the chance to prove myself worthy of following in my momma's footsteps.

Blaze tilts my chin up with his thumb and finger, bringing my sweaty face to look at his. A small, delicate smile graces his lips, "You are an amazing dancer who suffers from the worst case of being a perfectionist. You're going to get an audition and you're going to blow everyone out of the water." He raises his eyebrows at me expecting a nod, I don't move my head so he does it from me with his thumb on my chin. A small smile sneaks onto my lips at his stupidity. "I believe in you Butterfly and you should too." One of his hands secures itself on my the back of my neck, adding more heat to my already burning body.

"That's what I told you," I mumble scuffing the worn down tips of my shoes against the floor. A deep 'hmm' resides through him as a smirk falls onto his lips.

"I knew it was someone smart... maybe you should take your own advice then." He uses his other hand to gently rub his knuckles across my cheek, the mere friction makes my skin pebble.

"God... you can be so corny when you want to be." I giggle, Blaze grimaces slightly, clenching his eyes shut letting out a laugh at the ceiling.

"Tell anyone and I'll fucking deny it Blondie." He raises his eyebrows, challenging me, his eyes zero in on my lips and my heart beats wildly. He leans down pulling me in by my neck and plasters his warm lips on mine.

It's gentle but passionate telling me everything he wants to say, I believe in you too much to let you fail.

He pulls away with a satisfied smirk before running his thumb across my bottom lip. I Don't think I'll ever get used to this. Every time he kisses me, I have no idea how it's possible, but each one even better than the last leaving me constantly yearning for more.

"I like this..." He mumbles finding my hand and rubbing my palm.

"Like what?" I start to pull him over to where my gym bag is, eyeing the clock on the wall, we haven't got long until English. As much as I'd love to spend the whole day trying to perfect this, grades also hold up the other end of getting a scholarship.

"Me... you... you know... this..." He shoves the other hand in his chain clad pocket and looks around the studio pulling his bottom lip into his mouth nervously. It's so cute I chuckle.

"Well, I hope you would." I offer dropping his hand so I can pluck my shoes off my feet, ready to plaster up the blister I can feel on my heel. Blaze huffs and drops down next to me, untieing the ribbon on my other foot... I swear I could literally combust, what happened to the Blaze who shunned me at the start of the year, practically murdered me with his eyes.

"I'm serious, I haven't done the commitment thing... wait that sounds asshole-y... what I mean is I....I really care about you and this... and... I'm trying you know." He rubs a thumb across his lips showcasing his nervous tick. I melt at the sincerity in his voice, talking about feelings isn't Blaze's forte, he'd rather punch something which is why this means a lot, it proves he is trying.

"I know..." I squeeze his hand expressing my gratitude, "It's not like I'm a pro at this either..." I blush deeply letting my worries about not being good enough surface for a moment, "But I... I like this too." I say looking for my band-aids in the pocket that holds my sewing kit for my shoes. He squeezes my knee making me jerk a little, he's now found that's one of the most ticklish parts of my body and loves to take advantage of that little fact.

I finish taping up my left foot, covering the blisters and wiping clean the sore bits of skin. Blaze takes me off guard when he does the other foot for me, taping my injuries carefully.

"Your feet are vile babe." He wrinkles his nose as he pulls my sock over my foot making me laugh. I'm not ashamed by my 'vile feet', I know they're horrible. It's an occupational hazard when you're a dancer.

"Wow Blazey, you sure know how to charm a girl, I feel so special." I giggle hopping to my feet, shoving them into a pair of converse, wincing slightly when my sores hit the sole.

"Oh I can charm a woman Butterfly," He grabs my wrist and pulls me flush to his front, his eye darkening as they peer down at me, "I'd start by telling her how sexy she looks in a pair of Nike leggings and my hoodie which miraculously disappeared from my pile of washing this morning..." I flush looking down at my attire, in all fairness I was very cold this morning and we were running late so I just grabbed the first thing I could find which happened to be Blaze's jumper which smells like he's wrapped around me all day, "Then I'd tell her how that jumper would look much better on my bedroom floor and those legging around my waist whilst-"

"La-la-la-la-la!" I break away from him flushing an off the scale red, he smirks smugly, "And he's back.." I shake my blushing face as I stroll out of the studio trying to calm my pulse.

My pen runs across my notebook in an attempt to keep up with what my English teacher is scribbling on the board about The Great Gatsby, thanks to Brady's consistent pestering I only get a few lines down before he starts annoying me. If it's not him then it's Vixxie who's fallen asleep and I have to explain things to or Blaze who just groans and fidgets, even though he loves English, whilst trying to entertain Brady and V... well entertains is a strong word. More like physically assault each other and see who can curse the loudest.

How on earth I've even managed to learn anything this year is questionable.

Blaze passes me a jagged-edged piece of paper that's been ripped from his workbook, a small grid with an 'x' marked right in the centre. I take the paper and scowl at him, silently telling him to take some notes but I know he'll just use mine later. He nods at the paper.

I reluctantly write an 'o' under his 'x' and just as I pass it back the door flies open, stopping my teacher in her detailed explanation on why she thinks Jordan is possibly being a lesbian and how Fitzgerald conveys that. The school's secretary pops her chained glasses on and scowls around the room, her floral skirt sits just above her plump ankles and her pepper grey hair looks like it hasn't been brushed in a week. usually, I'd feel awful about insulting someone's appearance but not when it easily matches her personality.

Her narrowed eyes land on me with malice and I gulp under her intense gaze.

"Grove." She beckons me with a finger before turning to my teacher, "The principal has requested Miss Grove in her office." My teacher nods questioningly at the secretary. The rest of the class all have their eyes on me, all of them, teachers included, know that I'm not one to get into trouble... then again a lot has happened with Hannah recently... oh crap is that the reason why?

My pulse quickens and my palms grow slick with cold sweat, I grab my gym bag and throw Blaze my notebook and fluffy pen. He looks like he's ready to stand and come with me but he can't miss learning because I can't hold my temper around Hannah.

"Take notes for me?" I whisper trying to muster a smile to hide my anxiety.

"Do you want me to come?" His face is wrinkled with concern, even he looks confused.

"No I'll be fine, fill me in with what I missed." I offer him a wobbly smile and squeeze his hand before I turn on my heel and wade down the rows of seats, all eyes still following me. I feel like I'm being arrested for possession or something. Even Ms Morgan offers me a concerning half-smile as she watches me leave.

Have I done something wrong? Am I getting expelled for the milk dumping thing?

The pepper haired secretary leads me through the school, my palms growing shakier with every step, every possible thing I could have done wrong running around my mind. She leads me up to the principles office taking her normal spot behind the reception desk and pointing a bony finger at the door.

"In there." She sighs, fixing the glasses on her nose before directing her vision back to the computer on the desk, typing much slower than necessary. I swear I can see a smirk forming on her impossibly narrow lips, tinged with a musty pink.

I give her a curt nod and move towards the door marked 'Principals office', a place I've only been once and that was with my AP teacher to show her a goddam essay!

I pass the nurses office and the guidance councillors door before my knuckles rasp against the furthest door.

"Come in." An authoritative voice sounds from within, I push the door open and nearly stumble back in shock. The principal sits behind her desk with a smile, my social worker, the guidance counsellor- Mrs Stentham, Carries mom and Blazes mom sit in the seats in front of her desk, "Atlas, please take a seat. Don't worry you're not in trouble." My principal gestures to the spare seat everyone's looking at.

Not in trouble my ass, this is starting to feel much more like I am in trouble...

I cautiously sit down in the spare chair slipping my bag off my shoulder, I cock my head to the side look at the row of women, immediately met with Helen sat in blue scrubs with a warming smile. She squeezes my hand that rests on my shakey leg and gives me a reassuring look. My shoulders drop slowly, a sense of relief flooding through me. Much like Blaze, she has this calming magic.

"Whats... uh... what's going on?" I fiddle with my fingers, trying not to pick at the fresh coat of nail polish. I really like this colour and I only did it last night.

"We want to get everything sorted for you Atlas, in the best way." My social worker stands up from the last chair and grabs a few files out of her bag. Her black bob sits on top of a grey pantsuit that makes her look shorter than she is. Sometimes I wonder whether she is actually a lawyer or CEO in disguise, she always dresses like she thinks she's above being a social worker.

"Miss Beckett and your social worker have told us everything Atlas." Miss Stentham, the guidance council, says. She looks at me trying to hide the disappointment in her eyes. I feel guilty, she's only ever tried to help me and I've lied to her. Every time she asked if I was doing okay at home she knew I was lying to her.

"We're all going to work together to make this situation as comfortable as it can be for you." My Principle leans forward, her long blonde hair falling onto her desk.

"Which is why I'm transferring your case to a different social worker." My black bobbed social worker moves slightly as she hands all my files to Carrie's mom. Mrs Richmond shoots me a much more friendly smile compared to pantsuit who always has that- I need to catch a flight in an hour tone.

"Since you've made it clear you don't want to be relocated again it's easier for me to take your case since I'm closer to you. I hope you don't mind?" She asks with actual sincerity. Unable to fathom words I just nod. That's a good thing right... I'm not moving, I can carry on staying here. A small smile lands on my lips but falls as soon as I clock the look between Helen and Mrs Richmond. "However I'd like to discuss your living arrangements. Since you're not eighteen yet you have to be looked after by a legal guardian, which currently is Helen Beckett." Blazes mom squeezes my hand again, I didn't like the tone she took with Helen's name. Mrs Richmond looks around the room with a weary smile, "I don't mean to cause offence in anything I say and I only have your best interests at heart Atlas. You've been through enough without us trying to uproot your life again but maybe it would be better if you came and lived with Carrie and I? Financially it would be more suitable for both partys and especially since you and Blaze are dating now... and his past troubles with the law-"

"Blaze isn't her guardian I am. So that is irrelevant." Helen butts in calmly. Carries mom shoots her a sympathetic smile and not an I pity you smile an I sympathise with you smile. Mrs Richmond seems genuine, which is a rarity in this world and I can see she actually doesn't mean any offence. She really is just thinking about Helen too.

My head spins slightly, I've spent every day this last week falling asleep watching movies with Blaze, he's driven me to school every morning whilst we sing to Drake, he calms me when I have my nightmares. I've grown accustomed to being a part of their household and I really couldn't bear leaving somewhere I quickly came to consider a home. A real one.

"I'd really like to stay with Helen. Please." I interject quickly, a little louder than I anticipated, "If- uh- if that's okay with you obviously." I look at Helen, cheeks ablaze. She nods with a bright smile and lets out what seems like a sigh of relief.

"Of course love, you're a part of our home now." Her words fill me with warmth as she turns back to Carrie's mom, "We've had home visits and interviews and I've been deemed fit to take you on as your legal guardian so as long as your sure, we can make it permanent?" She looks between me and Mrs Richmond, both our smiles grow as she talks.

"Of course, as long as you're happy Atlas." I nod, "That's one thing down... the next unfortunately not as... well..." The air in the room grows heavy like the words are poisonous, "We need you to write a statement about everything that happened, sweet." I gulp, I knew I'd have to at some point but I'd ignored it anytime someone mentioned it, it's hard going back to those memories, ones that are still so fresh. "I also need to know if you'd be comfortable testifying in court." She rounds me and squats in front of my chair, placing her pink nails on my arm in a motherly way.

"I-I... I don't want to prosecute or anything... they've been through enough already... their daughter died." I mumble feeling my eyes burn, I can feel the women exchange glances as I glare at my chipped nail varnish... damn.

"Honey, you understand that we have to prosecute...since you're under eighteen." Her hand squeezes my arm again as the first tear falls.

"I-i- I don't think I can do it. I can't stand up in court and do it... I've already done that once and... and I just want to move on." I few more hot tears fall from my eyes. I don't want to drag this out. I just want to move on and focus on my future, try and heal from the pain. They need to heal from their pain too, the loss of a child that will never fully go away.

"That's okay, we understand. We will need a statement through." Her soft voice travels through me making me feel even guiltier.

"I'm-I'm so sorry, I'm being selfish."

"No. You're not Atlas. That's completely understandable and in no way selfish. We're going to help you move on. Okay?" Miss Stentham says from across the room, pain breaking in her voice. I nod as Helen wipes the tears from under my eyes. They may not understand it and I don't expect them too but this is a choice I've already made, on my own.

"We just want to make sure they can't do this to anyone else. I wanted to give you the option to speak out against them and tell your story yourself, that's all. You are in no way being selfish." Mrs Richmond speaks again, her eyes look slightly tortured but not an ounce of what she's saying isn't the truth. "We sent people to collect all your belongings from your previous residence so you won't ever have to see them again." She smiles and nods at me once more before she returns to her seat.

Mrs Richmond, my social worker and the principal sort out paperwork and legal documents but I kind of zone out watching the sun dance on the school grounds outside the window behind the desk. Helen has her arm fastened around my shoulders pulling me into her side. It just occurs to me, she would have had to take time off work for this too.

"The last thing we want to talk to you about is... therapy." Mrs Stentham pulls my attention back to the conversation. She sits cross-legged with her baby blue nails linked on her lap, she has a wearily smile but looks guilty, "I think it would defiantly be helpful if you talked to someone... it doesn't have to be me or anyone in school, we can find you someone completely different but I think we all agree it's in your best interest." I nod at her, she's right. in order to move on I'll need to let go and that's only going to come by working through everything. God... more fricking talking.

"I'd like that ... but uh... can I talk to you too?" I've built a level of trust with Mrs Stentham and I'd much rather talk to her first rather than a complete stranger. She nods looking slightly taken back but replaces the expression with a smile.

You've got to walk through the dark to get to the light...