《Balance》Chapter 41 ~ Banana Milk

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Coming back to school after you've been off sick always feels weird right? It feels like even though I've only been gone for a week everything has changed... well... I suppose it has.

I've spent the last week settling into my new living situation and even more time pinching myself this isn't real- I still can't believe that I'm free from them and that household. I know theirs still a long way to go but I'm less afraid of it, especially with Blaze beside me. Since the night I told them about everything Blaze has spent every minute he can trying to do something to help me settle in and cheer me up. He's helping me catch up on work and he barely protested when I made him watch all the Marvel films in order and several seasons of Dance Mom, in fact, I think he now secretly likes them both. It's felt easy being around him, I thought it would be awkward... especially after the near kiss which we are expertly avoiding talking about- which I don't mind- but it's not, it feels weirdly normal and I love that they've all taken me in and treated me like I'm one of them. Gemma was over the fricking moon when she found out and I've been helping her with her ballet every day.

But now it's back to reality and that was more than evident from the looks I got when Blaze helped me out of his car this morning, the girls turned with bitchy scowls and the guy's mouths dropped slightly. I can imagine what they all think, I mean, why else would Blaze bring a girl to school in the morning? However, I think the glares he handed out as we passed our fellow students was enough to make them shed their skin. If I wasn't so red-cheeked I probably would have laughed.

But that's not the worst thing I'll have to face today... I've been avoiding my friends the whole day, trying to put off talking to them about the inevitable. They'll want answers and I don't blame them. I blocked them and completely dropped off the radar. Blaze went back to school about a week ago but Helen thought it would be best to give my body time to heal, which it has- the bruises are still there but my ribs aren't as sore- and he's been super secretive, he hasn't even told them he's spoken to me, he understands it's my story to tell and wants to give me that time.

"You okay?" I jump at the sound of Blaze's voice, pulling my head out of my locker, I nod with the biggest smile I can muster but obviously, he sees straight through it, "It'll be fine, they'll understand just remember it's when you feel ready, go at your own pace and don't let them pressure you okay?" He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in the direction of the cafeteria.

"They're not like that." I protest, I know they're not going to pressure me into anything.

"I know but they've been crazy worried about you Blondie." He says, a pang of guilt ripples through me. I know blocking them sounded crazy but it was the most logical thing for me at the time, push them as far as I can and run. He sees my contorted face and stops, swinging me round to face him by my shoulders, "Stop worrying. They're going to understand. I think they're just going to be happy to see you over everything. If you want out. Just say." He raises his eyebrows and I nod again, he's right-always fricking right.

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Blaze pushes the cafeteria doors open, being hit with the smell of rancid food and loud zoo-like noises. As always, he weaves me through the crowd, fist-bumping and nodding at people who part for him making a path towards our usual table. I gulp when I see the back of Vixxies hair.

I don't blame them if they hate me, what I did was a really shitty thing to do.

Blazes hand rests on the small of my back edging me closer to the table, his thumb moves in small circles across the back of my dress making me more flushed than I should be.

Brady's the first to notice me, he looks up from his burger that's spilling onto his fingers through his golden bangs. His eyebrows shoot up in shock but his eyes squint at me, almost hurt before a big cheesy grin fills his face. He jumps up out of his seat and rushes around the table to pick me up, swinging me around like a frigging ragdoll.

"Atty!" He shouts right in my eardrum, If my face wasn't buried in his shoulder I'd probably be able to see the whole cafeteria turning to look at us. He squeezes a bit tighter and I let out a small-

"Ouch." As my ribs call out in pain. Blaze slaps him on the arm with the back of his hand.

"Easy bro! Put her down." He snaps, I don't think he meant to but B didn't mean to squeeze so hard either. He lowers me to the ground and I shoot Blaze a grateful smile.

"Sorry, A I just missed you yano?" He runs his hand through his hair with a bright smile which only makes me feel even more guilty I left them all in the lurch. I've missed his stupid smile and idiocy. Blaze and I sit on the end of the bench, Brady walks back round to his seat and plonks down making the table shake. There's an unsettling silence forming around us, something completely unnatural for this table to harvest.

"So. The wander returns." Vixxie crosses her arms across her chest and swivels fully to look at me, she rests one of her platform shoes across her knee and leans back against the cinderblock pole holding up the school structure.

"I uh... yeah.... "

"Where have you been?" Ethan follows shoving a fork of pasta into his mouth, "It's been weird little A." He gives me a weary smile but I can tell they're all hurt by what I did.

"Why'd you block us? Did we do something?" Carrie frowns, a disappointed expression falls onto her lips as they pout.

"Are you okay?" Emily reaches across the table to grab my arm, it takes me by surprise and I jerk back. No doubt everyone saw and she pulls it back in embarrassment.

"You couldn't have just called to say you were sick? Why'd you go all dramatic on our asses." Rutherford wraps his arm around Emily's shoulders, he tries to make a joke of it but it's far fetched and I feel Blaze tense up beside me, his eye glaring across at him.

"I take it Blaze knew where you were?" Vixxie snaps. I knew she'd be the narkiest, that's just who she is, she's got this outer shell that conceals all emotion, being sarcastic is how she deals with hurt. It's only removed when she's drunk. Blaze opens his mouth to answer but I place my hand over his knee under the table and he closes it. I know he wants to defend what I did but I lied to them- which is never okay to do to your friends and I tried to push them away. Both of which they are entitled to feel this way and deserve an explanation.

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"I-I know... I know I hurt you all and you deserve an explanation so-"

"Atlas Grove." My already quiet voice is drowned out by the clicking of leather boots and the commanding tone of Hannah.

Everyone stares at her in confusion, VJ even rolls her eyes, as she places her hands on the end of the table leaning down so her ass pokes out of her skirt and her cleavage is falling out of her white top... which is already seethrough enough.

I just don't have the fricking energy or time of day for her, especially not right now-

"Or should I say... daughter of Evie Grove..." I freeze, every single drop of blood rushing to my feet. I feel dizzy... how... what... "The world-renowned Prima Ballerina Assoluta... " She smirks throwing several news articles and pictures onto the centre of the table. I wince feeling the burn of tears riding on my lashline as my eyes fixate on an article that glides in front of me. It's an article from the New York Times a picture of her dancing at the New York City Ballet Nutcracker after she'd finished college. She used to talk about the nutcracker as being one of her favourite things she did and here it is on paper in front of me. My friends are glancing over at the other articles she's scatted about the table. I don't dare reach for the others out of fear of what's been reported. Blaze grunts behind me trying to grab the pictures from their grasps.

"Fuck off Hannah." He barks, drawing attention from surrounding tables.

"How... how did you find out... where did you get this?" I mumble, feeling hot tears roll down my cheeks. I angrily wipe them away before they roll the whole way down. My hands shake, hurt and anger twisting on my face,

"God Mousey, it's not that hard when you have the internet... I decided to do a bit of digging... since you were so intent on pointing out my 'mistakes'." She snarls, running her tongue across her top teeth. "You know... it supprised me... Especially since you've skipped so many practices in this last week...?" She pushes up off her hands and stalks around the table, flicking her highlighted hair behind her shoulder. "How'd you think mommy dearest would feel about that..."

"Seriously Hannah. Cut it the fuck out." Blaze steps up next to me, leaning forward to get in Hannahs's face but she just smiles viciously, crossing her red painted nails across her top, pandora bracelet jingling.

"Missing cheer practice after all those world titles you've accumulated... all the time and money mommy spent teaching you, the money she spent at the dance academy for you and your... sister." She clicks her tongue against the top of her mouth, she's got a good few inches on me, even more so with those boots, but her condescending stare makes me feel like I'm five again in front of my dad. I clench my teeth together so tight, closing my eyes.

I will not cry in front of her. I will not cry in front of her.

"Get the fuck out of here." Blaze steps even closer to her, spitting the words with clenched fists. If this were a guy he'd have him pinned against the floor but at least Blaze has respect, unlike this... bitch... who will do whatever she can to stay on top.

"No wonder you want to follow in her footsteps mousey... Julliard... being a world-renowned dancer. She had it all didn't she... then she made all the sacrifices for you."

I can feel anger pushing through the pain now, bursting in my veins. What have I ever done to her that's made her this way? Who gave her the right to be an ultimate fricking bitch. I-I-

"Shut up. I swear to god Hannah, shut up." My voice is loud but the cracks give away my obvious hurt.

"All those sacrifices..." She shakes her head pulling out more papers from under her arms, throwing them onto the table with an evil smile, "Right up to the end ay?"

And I know exactly what she's talking about. My blood runs cold in contrast to the hot tears falling rapidly. I turn my head to look at the papers she's strewn on the table now being looked over by my friends and gasp.

Every single news article that was ever written about that night is laid out in front of them. It even made national news... because my momma was such a kind, well-known person every man and their dog wanted to do a piece on it.

Their faces all drain as white as the paper they're holding. My worst nightmares are happening right in front of me. I can feel Blaze tugging on my arm, hear him shouting things at Hannah but she just stares at me with that disgusting smirk. I block out the noise, the gasps and noisy chatter from the entire student body filling the cafeteria, people on each other's shoulders to see the showdown.

I can't even look at my friends, I don't want to see their reaction. I can't take it back. I can't say anything to make this look better than it is.

To my left is an open bottle of banana milk... Vixxies choice drink. I grab the bottle my eyes never leaving hers and chuck the nearly full contents over her. Her shriek pierces the air and everyone goes silent.

"You're- You're a nasty bitch." I spit, my words laced with pain before I bolt

out of the cafeteria. My legs ache with the sudden sprint but I don't stop until I've crashed down onto the floor in the dance studio. No one comes in here at lunch anyway. I cower behind a stack of mats so no one can see me as my body shakes, racked with sobs.

I've kept everything a secret for so long and in a week it's all out. Everything and instead of feeling better like everyone says you should feel when it's 'lifted from your shoulders I feel like an awful embarrassed not-good-friend.

"Blondie? You in here?" I can hear Blaze's voice from the door, I try and muffle my sobs by biting on the back of my hand but a strangled noise prevails and the heavy footsteps get louder before the stack of mats is rolled away, leaving me unprotected in a curled up ball, "Jeez Butterfly..." He lets out a long sigh, joining me on the floor and pulling my head into his side while he absentmindedly tangles his fingers in my hair. He lets me cry into his shirt but I can feel his tensed shoulders, "Do you want to go home? I'll take you now?"

Home. Not my house. Not back to his. Home.

My heart flutters at the simple word but that's what it's become, the love and laughter within the walls are what makes it the safest place I've ever been in. I'd love to go home but both Blaze and I have things on the line if we let our attendance drop anymore. I shake my head slowly feeling even more embarrassed that only a week ago I was in the same danm position in the same frigging room.

"I really need to stop making a habit of bawling in front of you." I crock forcing a blunt giggle.

"Shut up Atlas, as much as I hate it seeing you upset, I never want you to hide from me." I look up at his soft blue eyes, they look pained. He reaches out to cup my cheeks, wiping his thumbs under my eyes, "You still look just as gorgeous when you cry." He mumbles with a Blaze like smile.

"Even with the disgusting red eyes, snotty nose and blotchy cheeks." I joke knowing I look the furthest thing from attractive right now.

"Nothing about you could ever be disgusting, don't be so ludicrous." He chuckles contagiously making me laugh too, "Even with snot running halfway down your face." He says, my eyes shoot up and I pull my head down wiping my sleeves across my face in panic. He takes my chin between his thumb and finger pulling my eyes up to meet his again. "I'm joking." He chuckles. I shove him slightly before laughing myself. "That's what I want to see, that beautiful smile." His lips quirk up but his eyes are focused on my lips.

His gaze is intense with his smouldering eyes, it makes me feel like jelly.

"Hannah's a fucking bitch, Blondie. What she did was pure spite and it was evil. Done purely because she's jealous." He shakes his head and my smile falls.

"Jealous of me?" I question, no frigging clue why. She has everything, looks, money, popularity.

"Obviously. You're gorgeous without even trying, you're insanely talented and smart. You're kind and because of that, you haven't had to buy friends who think the world of you," My chest whines thinking about my friends and what they're going to think, "And lastly you have my attention. That bugs her the most." He shrugs.

"Well, that doesn't sound egotistical." We both chuckle but I know it's true. Blaze has never shown any other female this much attention, ever. I never remember seeing him with one for more than a few days.

A collective gaggle of whispers and different footsteps makes me freeze as they enter the studio. Blaze squeezes my shoulders and smiles knowingly just as I'm met with my friend's faces. They look nervous, sympathetic and slightly awkward. Nobody says anything until Carrie starts crying.

"Atlas, I'm so sorry- Hannah- you being off- all of it!" She says with a wobbly voice. I stand up and wrap my arms around her as she cries, "Wait hold on you're not meant to be hugging me! Oh god, I'm an awful friend." She cries even more which makes everyone laugh. Then it somehow turns into a big group hug. The boys complain about how 'girly' this is and we complain about how cliché and sexist they're being.

Eventually, we all end up on the floor making a weird little fort out of matts and me... I tell them everything. From start to finish and I'm not going to lie as embarrassing as it is, it is getting easier. It still hurts but they all just sit and listen, a few tears slipping down some faces and many a hug as I tell the story and explain why I've been off. I leave out the more gory parts of the story but from the news articles, they bought in so no one else could see I think they know what I'm referring to.

They all feel guilty for thinking the worst of me, jumping to conclusions and I told them it's never that simple and that's not their fault. They've helped me more than they ever will know and I'm glad they're all so understanding of why I ignored them.

"So... Prima Ballerina Assoluta... wow" Carrie says wiping her eyes and picking up a picture of my momma.

"Those some big shoes to fill..." Vixxie adds, nodding at me with a loving grin.

"Yeah, and have you seen the size of her feet... it's going to be a danm hard job with those tiny things." Brady jokes picking up my foot and assessing it. I snort laughing with everyone else, the tension, guilt and sadness evaporating into the air. I really love these guys... for the first time everything feels alright, it feels normal... but what is normal and how long does it last?

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