"Momma!" I scream, shaking her body for any signs of consciousness, "Come on momma wake up! Please! Wake up!" My voice is hoarse, ripping through my throat as the tears fall rapidly dripping into the red ocean around her body, darkening the carpet. "I need you! You can't leave me!" I rest my forehead against hers, cold, well aware of the wetness seeping through my clothes.

If you don't look. It's not real.

My hand's tremor on her body, pushing with as much force as I can. Fear coursing through me, attacking my senses.

"You don't quit momma! That's what you always tell me. You can fight this. We need you!" I cry.

"Atty. Is mommy going to be alright?" Lucy stands in front of us, cheeks streaked with tears, more bruises forming on her cheeks.

"Mommy's going to be-"

And that was it.

My body jolts up with a scream, convulsing, crying. I feel sick. Sweat pervades my body, I can't catch my breath, my lungs closed and tight. Hot wet tears run down my cheeks onto my arms. I ball myself up. It was a dream. It was a dream.

But it wasn't was it.

"Atlas?! Atlas!" I can hear someone screaming my name but my mind's too fogged and disoriented trying to shut everything away again I can't put a face to the voice. I don't lift my head from my arms letting numbness pull me under, which is when I feel someone engulfing me in a hug.

His minty scent hits me first.

Blaze.

His arms settle around me and I push my head into his chest, listening to the panicked rhythm of his heart. My pulse won't calm down, it keeps getting faster at faster.

My lungs are too tight! I can't get any oxygen.

I'm going to die.

It's dark and hot.

"Atlas. Listen to me, you need to breathe honey." A soft warm voice floats in the air and I concentrate so hard but my lungs won't open. Muffled voices around me, drowned out by the franticness of my heartbeat, Blaze and his mom whispering but I can hear the worry in their tone.

"Blondie. Can you hear me? Please. I need you to listen to me." His voice sounds calm but desperate, soothing and safe. I... I can listen to Blaze... trust Blaze. I pull my head up from my arms, only slightly, to see his dishevelled hair and sleep ridden eyes, "Good. Take deep slow breaths." He starts to breathe with me slowly but surely my breath begins to even out and I can feel the thumping quieten.

"What's happening? Why wouldn't she breathe." He mummers over to his mom, he looks scared and my chest pulses again. He's usually so unfazed, nothing scares him but... I do?

"She's having a panic attack love, give her a few minutes to come around." She then turns to me, a soft smile on her face, "You're okay Atlas. Keep breathing deep and slow. You're doing great. Focus on one thing" His mom's voice is authoritative, she doesn't seem phased by the manic mess I've become. So I focus on one thing... Blaze.

He holds me tight, not letting go. I've formed this, quite possibly overbearing, attachment to him since I told him all my dirty secrets... I don't want to let go in case he leaves. He's become a safety blanket keeping me from harm and I can't lose that. I can't lose him. He's too important to me to lose.

"Did you have a nightmare?" I finally look up to see a lamp next to the couch has been turned on and Helen is sat in a dressing gown at the end of the pull out bed. She gives me a tired smile, I nod slowly still not able to produce words. "Do you have a lot of them?" I nod again. They plague my dreams nearly every night but I haven't had one this bad in a while. "Do they always bring on panic attacks?" I move my head up and down, she smiles more sorrowfully at me, "Alright... do you have a lot of panic attacks?" I shrug. Sometimes random memories will bring them on other times it'll just be the nightmares. Fresh tears line my eyes, I feel embarrassed, I've woken them up with my pathetic screaming.

"I'm so sorry." I gargle.

"Don't be silly. I'm going to get you some water alright?" She rubs my arm before pottering off to the kitchen.

"Can I get you anything? Do you need anything? I can-"

"No. Please stay." I grip Blazes arm, weakly but tight enough for him to pull me closer. We sit in silence, the odd hum from a car passing in the street being the only sound fill the room. I don't even know what time it is. It's still pitch black outside, dingy rays from the streetlamps creep through the blinds. Everything in the last few hours has been like an emotional whirlwind. I'm still scared my dads going to come charging through the door and drag me away by my hair.

"Here you go, love." Helen sits down on the end of the bed and hands me a glass of water, I sip slowly feeling calmer as the cool liquid flows down my scratchy throat, " These nightmares... do you want to talk about them? Are they to do with your adoptive parents?" She asks trying to stifle a yawn.

"I- I- I'm so sorry for waking you up. I'm just being silly."

"Nonsense. I know you've had to do this on your own for a long time Atlas but you're not on your own anymore. You're not being 'silly'." Her sincerity causes more tears to fall from my eyes but Blaze is wiping his thumbs under my eyes catching them before they can fall further. "We're all very tired... why don't we have a chat about them in the morning? I don't have to go in until late and I think it'd be best if you took the day off. I'll make some calls tomorrow." She says patting my leg and getting up off the bed.

I don't protest. I'm exhausted and I know I won't be able to fall back asleep, I never can, so I won't have the best focus tomorrow.

Talking. It scares me. People will find out. Will they view me differently? Will my social workers move me again? I just don't know, the questions running rampage in my mind make me feel dizzy. Although I'm grateful I don't have to talk about them now.

"Okay. Thank you.' I whisper quietly. She smiles at me and walks back down the corridor, only turning at the end to Blaze who still has his arms around me.

"I'll be there in a minute I just want to talk to Atlas." He says dismissively. His mom looks wearily but sighs with a small smile and retreats back to her room.

It's silent again, just the beating of Blazes now steady heart.

"You should get some sleep. I'm sorry for waking you again." I murmur, trying not to look at him. Suddenly his arms are removed from around me and I nearly gasp at how much colder I feel without them. I want to scream 'Come back.' but instead he lays back and rests his head on the pillow then pats the space next to him.

"Come on them." He grins watching me lay back slowly, his arm pulling me into his side, he leans over to switch the lamp off and we've emerged into the darkness again. I'm glad since it hides my bright red glow. I'm so close to him but I want to be closer, I just want to reach out and rest on him. Blaze has been my literal rock and I don't know what would have happened if he wasn't here for me. He's the only stable thing in my life and he understands the things I need without me having to say them.

"Thank you." I squeak, staring at the ceiling.

"You don't need to thank me Blondie. I'd do anything for you, I hate the fact that I wasn't able to keep you safe... I shouldn't have left you there with him." I jolt up hearing the pain in his voice.

"You do keep me safe! You're the only stable thing in my life right now and I can never show how grateful I am to you for what you're doing for me. This has been happening for... years. What happened was not your fault. Stop feeling guilty. I sent you away because I didn't want you to get hurt as well."

"But I shouldn't-"

"It's not your fault Blaze!" My voice wobbles, tears bubbling behind my eyes He pulls me back into him and it's only then I realise he's shirtless and only in a pair of friging boxers. That's why his mom probably gave him a weary look. I try and put space between us but there's so much skin.... his skin... oh my god.

Boy skin!

I blush even deeper, any second now I'll be able to cook an egg on my cheeks. He sighs humoured noticing the gap I've made and wiggles closer to me... crap... then I end up resting my head on his arm, leaning into him, yearning for the closeness.

"What are your nightmares about?" I can feel him looking at me as his hand caresses my arm.

"I-I it's about-"

"Sorry I shouldn't have asked." He runs his hand across his face.

"It's fine. I want to tell you... I- i- just.... I'm sorry..." My voice hitches in my throat making it hard to breathe again.

"Shh, it's okay. We'll talk about it tomorrow. I don't want to push you." His hand twirls the end of my hair, making me shiver slightly.

"I promise I'll tell you tomorrow." I turn to him and find he's already looking at me, "I'm done with all the lies and secrets." I whisper feeling his arms tighten around me.

"Me too." He sighs before placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

The sound of a piercing whistle has my eyes shooting open. Light is streaming through the gaps in the curtains casting a light over the front room. It takes a little while to figure out where I am and then everything from last night hits me at full force. A crippling overwhelming panic runs through my body.

Then I feel the light hot breath on my neck and the wall of muscle I'm laying on. I crane my neck slightly finding Blaze sleeping next to me. His arms are still around me and I can feel our legs tangled under the covers.

I immediately blush a deep shade of red. He looks peaceful, his eyes flutter slightly with his steady breaths and his hair looks a mess but it's so fricking cute, clumps pointing up in different directions. I want to trace my fingers across his tattooed skin, the intricate detailing that adds to the whole 'i'm an asshole' image I've become immune to... well if you consider weak in the knees immune. I smile to myself closing my eyes again, feeling warm and safe-

Hold on... if the kettles on... Helen must be up! Oh gosh, being an open plan living room kitchen she probably saw us this morning... she can still see us now from the kitchen! I try and move from the bed but the weight of Blaze's arms are keeping me down. After a lot of tugging and wiggling, I break free, nearly falling off the bed.

Helen potters around the kitchen placing two mugs on the kitchen counter, she turns and smiles warmly at me.

"Uh... sorry," I mumble looking back at Blaze with a beetroot face.

"He's a heavy sleeper isn't he." She pulls a carton of milk out of the fridge.

"Quite literally." I smile, his arms weigh a tone on their own, "We just kind of-"

"It's okay honey. He's a good boy really." She looks over at her son with admiration and my heart flips.

"I know," I mumble following her line of sight. He looks like he's got a small smile on his face, one different from his cheeky grin or normal fall asleep in science- bored out of my mind face. Helen pours two cups of tea and slides one across the kitchen counter as I lower myself into a stool.

"How are your ribs this morning?" She asks blowing on a small trail of steam.

"They're okay. I'll get through it." I chuckle uncomfortably. I'm embarrassed she's seen all my injuries, it just makes me feel even more vulnerable but after everything, I've said she's not once pushed me away or judged me.

"We'll just keep icing it for now." She smiles then looks slightly uncomfortable, "I don't want you to think I'm overstepping... I'm just trying to do the best thing but I... I managed to get in contact with your social worker..."

My heart rate spikes, eyes widen.

"I called and she's stuck in Illinois at the moment but she's going to try and get out here as soon as she can, for the time being, she's also okayed for you to stay with us. She was slightly reluctant at first but I fought her, you're nearly eighteen and I've got a DBS so it's alright... She's also going to file a report with the police..."

I get out of my stool and rush around the kitchen island, wrapping my arms around Blazes mom with tearful eyes ignoring the pain in my ribs. She quickly reciprocates my action and rocks me about a little being careful not to hurt me.

"Thank you for everything... I really don't know how I could ever repay you. Both of you." I croak. She hugs me tighter in a way I haven't felt since my momma last hugged me. It's heartfelt and nurturing.

"You don't have to repay me Atlas, I know what it's like... I was in an abusive relationship for a while too." I pull back but she keeps me at arm's length holding my elbows with her red painted nails, "I wasn't brave enough to get out and it ended up affecting my kids." She looks across sorrowfully at Blaze, "I don't know what he's told you about his dad but... give him time. Don't give up at the first hurdle... he's trying." She squeezes my arms.

"I won't. I know he is." She chuckles, I look at her questioningly.

"You both go around saying you're just friends but the way you look at each other and talk about each other-"

"We really are just friends. Very very good friends." I say nervously directing my head to the floor so my hair falls into my eyes. Blazes mom raises her eyebrows, "It wouldn't work anyway. We're both leaving at the end of the year... I wouldn't want to drag him down any more than I already have-"

"Honey that's such nonsense. That boy adores you. The only thing stopping you two are yourselves." She squeezes my hand and we settle into a lighter topic. Like friends chatting over brunch. We talked about school and my Juilliard dreams and we talked about her job- she's a nurse like my momma was. For the first time in months, I felt normal. Just a girl having a conversation about school with her mom.

"So you need to be in at least ten hours of dance classes to be considered for Julliard?" She ponders over the last bit of tea in her mug. I nod, "Alright, I'll talk to Gems dance teacher... she teaches all levels up to advance. Then we can get you back in classes."

"I-i-i... I can't afford them though. My job only covers rent money, which I will be giving you no question, and savings for college." I take a bite of the toast that's now cold but it's still good to have something in my belly.

"Firstly I don't want any rent money. It's a pleasure to have you here and secondly don't worry about the lesson expenses I'll cover them, you're one of the reasons my Gem wants to be a dancer so I'm happy to further your dreams. End of conversation, I will hear no more about it."

I stare at her with my mouth open... how the hell did all of this happen. I know Blaze's mom is tight on money... I can't let her pay for lessons! I go to protest but a loud groan makes us turn to look at the living room area. Blaze is stretching his long muscly arms in the air. I swallow thickly at the sight.

He slowly sits up rubbing his hand across his face. A cheeky grin prevailing when he opens his eyes.

"Hi." He says looking directly at me.

"Hi," I mumble stretching the collar of my t-shirt to let out the heat that's rolling off my body.

"Morning hon. You hungry?"

Blaze nods and slugs out of bed, joining us in the kitchen, he's still in only his boxers even after being reprimanded by his mom. I watch his taunt back as he moves around the kitchen, laughing with his mom, winking at me on the sly. It's preposterous how fricking good this guy looks having just woke up... I've restrained myself from drinking my tea in case I bloody choke on it.

I feel delirious being exposed to his much of his body in the morning. He leans against the counter munching on a slice of toast smiling at me, my insides turning to goo but despite everything, this feels normal. Only for a second, it feels like all is well in the world, everything is aligned.

Then I'm hit with a horrendous feeling of guilt and hurt... I have to tell them before they find out. I promised I'd tell them. You have to do it Atlas. For once in your life, let go and let people in. Stop with the secrets.

"I-I-uh..." I take a deep breath, Blaze and his mom grow silent slipping into the stools around the counter. "I should probably tell you... why I was adopted... how I ended up there in the first place. Before you find out or my social worker tells you."

Sensing my discomfort Blaze reaches out to grab my hand and squeezes, "It's okay Blondie you don't have to talk-"

"I do. I'm done with the secrets and lies. You both deserve more than that and after you've heard then you'll be able to decide whether you actually want to have me stay here."

"Of course we do-"

"Just... just listen. Then decide." I take another shaky breath, closing my eyes briefly... okay I can do this...

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