I gawk at the size of Carries' walk-in closet, she's always been the 'fashionista' of our group and wants to delve into a career in fashion but... wow it's nearly double the size of my room at home, which to be fair is a box room but it's still shocking all this space is just a wardrobe... insane. Carrie starts throwing outfits at me and I may be athletic but there's a reason I do not play football... I can not catch it.

An array of colours and fabrics are piling up in my arms, Emily and Vixxie assessing each one that's thrown with a shake or nod of their heads. I feel like I'm drowning under a mountain of clothes when suddenly Carrie gasps, she pulls out a dress and twirls it around in the air like it's her dance partner. The material flails about in the air with a dominating air to it like it's liquid gold.

"This is the one... go." She throws me the dress and I struggle to catch it on the mountain of clothes no one is helping me with before waddling into her en-suite. She's already hung up four outfits for me to try on top of the dress.

Since I didn't exactly do partys before I had friends I don't have many clothes that stand against the 'Carrie mark' so she vouched to be my personal stylist from now on. I didn't even want to go to this stupid party, firstly I had to lie to my parents again and I'm sure by now they're growing overly suspicious with the amount of time I've been 'working' and secondly the thought of what happened at the last party just makes me want to burst into tears. I really don't want to go but...I guess that's one of my New Years resolutions.

1. Stop being so frigging mousy and enjoy yourself.

That andddd Blaze had already said he was going... and he was looking forward to seeing me there. I told him I wasn't going and he knew why but he didn't give me an option to refuse saying he didn't want what happened last time to ruin my fun and make me scared of going out- that way he'd win... and I do... really want to see Blaze.

This brings me to my next dilemma- I'd be lying to you if I told you the idea of impressing Blaze had no hand in choosing which outfit to go with tonight. I know, completely un-feministy of me but what if he met some other blonde girl in New York and gave her my nickname. It would be 'au revoir Atlas I don't think we can be friends anymore, by the way, I know you like me and it's freaking me out why would I ever go for mousy little atlas?'

Ugh. God, what am I saying?! Why am I trying to even impress him? Even with my boobs pushed up to my chin and my pale ass legs on display he still wouldn't like little mousey Atlas. I shouldn't want him to want Little mousy Atlas either! I need to focus on dance, getting into some kind of class and getting that damn scholarship!

"Atty, you okay in there?" Emily's voice travels through the wood of the bathroom door and I jolt realising I'd just been staring at myself in Carrie's bathroom mirror lost in thought.

"Uh... yeah... give me... give me a sec." I fan my face suddenly feeling flustered or is it just the lights, Carrie has frigging stage lights in her ceiling for bathroom lights... who wants to see this much of themselves when they're on the toilet jeez.

"Has she fallen in or something?" I can hear Vixxie mutter outside and I giggle slightly.

"No. I'm coming." I finish putting on the outfit that I totally didn't choose because I thought it would impress Blaze. Yep, not at all.

I step out in a white transparent mesh corset, the boob cups have tiny little flowers flowing down the bodice and flows onto the ruffled block white bodycon skirt. It's like nothing I've ever worn before but it really accentuates the curves I managed to acquire when I stopped dancing... it looks nice.

That's the only thing I've ever been grateful about quitting dance for. Bigger boobs and a bigger butt... not that I've ever used them to my frigging advantage.

The girls all look at me like I've walked out naked, eyes wide mouths dropped. "What? Is it okay?"

"Okay-?" Carrie starts.

"Holy shit Atlas you look so hot!" Emily snaps a picture and I blush immediately.

"DAMN!! YOU FOXY MAMA," Vixxie shouts dragging me admirably into Carries fluffy dressing table chair, she fluffs about with my hair untying the ribbons I have in it and adding heat from something to it. I don't protest, vixxie always looks so great so I trust her.

"Are you sure it's okay? I just feel..." Weird, self-conscious and stupid.

"SEXY! You should be feeling sexy because you are... you're absolutely gorgeous Atlas!" Carrie flocks over finishing her make up in the lightbulb mirror.

"Dress or no dress! You're naturally beautiful." Emily adds from the floor where she's painting her toenails a cute blush pink.

My body flushes and I want to crawl under a duvet and hide.

"You guys are too kind. Seriously blegh." I make a strange noise and they all laugh, they never cease to amaze me. They're all so kinda beautiful, I admire each one of their styles since they're all so different and they pull everything off like frigging models.

"I know one boy who's definitely going to think the same..." Carrie winks and my heart rate spikes to steep mountainous heights- jeez calm, why are you getting so worked up. She said boy big deal.

"Oh yeah...?" I try and play 'cool' leaning back into the chair but I end up looking like a giraffe who's just fallen over.

"Don't play coy with me, babe, you know who I'm on about." She waggles her finger at me and I want the ground to swallow me up... is it that obvious?"

"I-uh- uh really don't"

"You stammer when you're nervous." Emily states smiling at the toe she's painting, "I want to know all about what's going on with you and Blaze." Emily looks up along with two other pairs of eyes, watching me redden even more, "You like him don't you?" She raises her eyebrows and a rush of guilt flows through me. Trust Atlas... they won't hurt you.

"Yeah. I do." And through their squeals, I tell them about the texts and the amount of time we spend on Facetime and how I felt when we went to the bookshop. It feels really good to talk about it with the girls. I feel normal like a normal frigging teenager with their first 'crush'. They listen intently and nod like they're analysing everything I say. "So yeah... but It doesn't even matter because we're friends, he's way too busy with football and I highly doubt he'd be interested in me."

"That's nonsense Atlas, he's completely different around you. Like I've seen his hookups, no emotion just a quick fuck and done but you... he cares about you and you've bought him out of his shell." Emily says and Carrie nods.

"Just... be carful though... the chances of high school relationships lasting through-"

"Whoa. Hold up." I stop Carrie, "I'm not 'getting into a relationship with him. I'm just going to... let it pass..." I turn back to the dressing table and fan my cheeks with my hands, the girls look unconvinced but I was just as unconvinced about him liking me. I just need to stop obsessing over it all. It's a silly crush that's going to pass. I just want to have fun with my friends tonight.

Bring in the New Year with a bang.

The house is already heaving with drunk teenagers by the time we arrive, Vixxie takes 'fashionably late' to a whole new level. On our way in we pass the gaggle of smokers who litter the front yard, they mumble a hello which I'm sure is more directed at Carrie than the rest of us but nevertheless, we give a half-hearted wave back and carry on up the steps into the living room which is currently being used as the main dance floor.

The same awful house music as last time is being played from the sound system and an array of lasered lights illuminates the tops of peoples heads. I'm feeling a little lost without Blaze, his toppling height and build made it a frick tone easier to navigate through the crowd but Vixxie uses her assertive nature to weave us through the mass of sweaty bodies like a train, our hands joined like couplings so we don't get swallowed in. We arrive in the kitchen where a few drinking games are happening but I can't see the boys anywhere.

"R said they're out the back," Emily shouts over the muffled music which is still loud enough to shake a few things in the kitchen. She directs us towards the back yard and even though I was only in the house for a few minutes it's still a relief when fresh non-contaminated air hits you in the face. It's chilly and typically I forgot to bring a jacket, my dress is both sleeveless and I opted out of tights so I feel like a porcupine right now with goosebumps lining my arms.

The boys spot us almost immediately and beckon us over to a group they're stood in, I recognise some of the guys from practice and others from classes but I do recognise one massive factor. Blaze isn't here... neither Brady. My mood sours slightly but not enough for anyone to notice. They're probably just getting a drink or... in the toilets...he is coming, right?

I resist the urge to pull out my phone and text... my fingers itching-

"Some games are going down in the den, he and B went to check them out," Ethan whispers in my ear startling me, he's got his arm around Carrie with a smug grin. Am I that fricking obvious?

"Oh... who Blaze? Cool, right..." I cringe at myself and wish aliens would land and abduct me right this second. Ethan chuckles slightly shaking his head, he places his beer bottle to his lips and smiles genuinely at me before integrating himself back into the group conversation.

I try and join in with whatever they're talking about but I'm not the most social person on the best of days and my mind, as much as I don't want to admit it, is a little preoccupied. I'm thankful when the girls drag me back inside to dance, it may be stuffy in there but it's absolutely freezing out here, any longer and my nose would drop off if I stand out here any longer.

Smoke gathers in the air above our heads and bodies crash into me from all different angles, usually, people would be pissed about their personal space being invaded and in the beginning I was a little freaked out but now I feel empowered and free-willed. The house music turned into remixed versions of the Billboard 100 chart and feeling the music vibrate through my body makes me feel vibrant, everything feels more colourful.

We dance in a little four creating a bubble where we can dance, laugh and scream at the top of our lungs. I like this feeling. This is what I want to feel forever. I feel normal, a normal teenager who just wants to go out and have fun with her friends. Drink too much and kiss someone randomly in the heat of the moment... although I don't really want it to be a randomer... I think we all know at this point who we'd rather it be. Which reminds me... it's nearly eleven and I still haven't seen him... is he actually here?

"I'm going to get a drink," I shout to the girls, cupping my hand around my mouth which I'm sure only muffles my words but not what you do right? They nod at me frantically, still jumping.

"I'll come." Emily links her arm through mine, grateful at the extra company, and we laugh at our attempts to leave the maze of people in Rutherfords living room.

We eventually escape and follow the corridor into the kitchen where more guys are now gathered around the island, a large keg on top. Immediately I spot Brady, upside down doing a keg stand. He's wobbling a lot and I'm not sure if that's from the alcohol or the fact that it takes four guys to hold his weight up. Emily and I burst into laugher between chanting with the other guys for him.

A massive cheer escapes the group once he's placed back onto his feet, using the back of his hand to wipe his mouth. He weakly raises a fist to the air then catches sight of us across the kitchen.

"Atty!" He shouts, breaking into a slow run. Like the kind, you see in films when they slow it down to look dramatic. He picks me up and spins me around before placing me on the ground again, "I haven't seen you all night and that made me sad..." He pouts at me, "Blaze was looking for you too... but I was sadder than him that I couldn't we couldn't find you." I ignore Brady's drunken modesty, he was looking for me?

"I bet you were... uh so... where is Blaze?" I lean back on the counter trying to look over Bradys freakishly large shoulders.

"In the den down the hall... I think we were playing poker... I'm not sure.. all I know is Blaze was very good at it and I... was not." He slouches and it just reminds me how much Brady resembles a little labrador puppy.

"Well, you're better at other things... I'm going to go and talk to Blaze, I'll be back in a second." I Look at Emily who nods at me suggestively, biting her lip between her front two teeth. I roll my eyes feeling a blush cover my cheeks.

"Awe don't leave me Big A." He whines, wrapping his arms around me to keep me here.

"I'll only be a second." I giggle wriggling out of his grip and walking towards the door.

"You look really hot tonight by the way." He shouts after me, making me flush even more and chuckle. I follow the hallway lined with family photos of the Maxes, gradually getting further away from the thumping of loud music. The sound of my converse on the pinewood floor becomes more apparent with the series of corners I turn.

It feels great being out of the house, I haven't been out in over a week, only to work and then it wasn't that regular since it's Christmas and the diner shuts. The past few weeks have been soul-destroying, my adoptive parents didn't go away this year so I was lobbed with the annual Christmas beating. Whoopie, glad tidings and all. I've managed to cover most of the marks and bruises with makes up and the ones on my legs just look like dance injuries, the rest are hidden by my dress.

As I near a doorway at the end of the hall, loud hollers and guy-like cheers fill the space, he must be in there I guess.

Suddenly an arm is stretched out in front of me and some big muscley guy is blocking my way, his arm is extended to the wall almost caging me in but the other lay at his side... like he's trying to act 'cool'.

"Oh.. sorry can I just-" I try and wiggle past him but he stops me.

"It's Atlas, right? We have biology together." I finally look up at the guy who's at least six foot and recognise this patchy facial hair face. He rides this crooked grin with chapped lips that make my skin crawl. Blaze doesn't have chapped lips, his look soft and blush- okay stop! Not the time!

"Can I- uh- can I help you?" He doesn't move, just scoffs with an ugly smile. I try and look past him to see if there's anyone else in the hallway before I panic... at least he hasn't touched me...

"You sure can... how about we get a drink?" He moves and leans against his forearm gesturing back down the hall but I do not want to go anywhere with this guy. He gives me the serious creeps.

"Uh... no thanks, my friend's waiting for me..." This time when I try and move past him he grabs my arm. His palms are sweaty and his fingers are callous digging into my flesh.

"I'm sure they won't mind waiting..." Then his hand runs up the side of my dress, my heart rate picks up and my heart hammers against my lungs, knocking the air from them, "You look so sexy tonight... but this would look even sexier on the floor upstairs." Firstly this guy's idea of 'flirting' is way off the wall. Doe has actually thought he can go around picking up girls with that line? It's desperate. And secondly...

"I said no. My friends are waiting." I step back trying to move around him but once again he too quick and moves in front of me, "Move out of my way." I feel rage surging through me now... I almost shock myself at the uncommon reaction. His eyes darken but before he can do anything else I can feel another presence in the corridor.

"She said move asshole." A deep gravelly voice barrels through the hall, this biology guy curses under his breath and when he turns around Blaze is stood near the open doorway. His jawline tight, eyes narrowed until they're no longer blue but almost black.

"Fucking hell Beckett get your own girl, we're occupied." Blaze steps closer to us, his fists balled at his side.

"Last time I check no didn't mean yes." He spits, now inches away from this guys face.

"Come on Blaze-" A defiant crack bounces off the floor and Blaze' fist is in this guys face, blood streaming from his nose. He stumbles back narrowly avoiding a table in the hall whilst Blaze pulls me behind him.

His face is a tort and his chest heaves. The veins on his arms look ready to explode but his back stays rigid. He's seconds away from blowing, I can feel the heat radiating off him.

"What the fuck!" The guy splutters holding his bloody nose, he looks at Blaze ready to verbally abuse him but his face morphs into a frown "Jesus Christ, she's not even worth it." He mutters to himself already turning to walk back down the hall. At the last minute, he turns to us and looks at me directly.

"Fucking frigid bitch. You're not even that fucking pretty I just said that." He spits so hatefully my insides cave in on themselves. I can feel the tears blurring my vision but not so much that I don't see Blaze charging towards him. Shit!

"Blaze. STOP!" I shout, my voice cracking at the worst time. I manage to grab him before he can reach the bloody nose guy, "He's not worth getting into a fight over. I don't give a frick about what he said!" I scream at him, my voice is hoarse. His irises are still dark and I can feel the anger rumbling around his body. His chest heaves under my hands and I'm practically gripping at his T-shirt to get him to look at me. But he does.

His eyes soften because he knows I do care and I do give a frick but I don't want him to get in trouble. He pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms so tightly around me I feel like I might suffocate but his minty, pinewood scent is enough to replace the lack of oxygen. His chin rests on top of my head and I feel his fingers run through the blonde strands that sit on my back.

"Thank you," I murmur into his black T-shirt. His grip only tightens and his lips lower to my ear.