I shove my hands securely into my coat pocket, to hide them from the cold winds, as Carrie links her arm through mine stepping out of the school halls into the crisp winter break ridden air. I must be the only child not happy about Christmas break, firstly my adoptive parents 'don't do Christmas' not since their daughter died, which is understandable. Secondly, it reminds me of my momma and my sister and thirdly my adoptive mom and dad spend the day getting wasted only to take it out on me... fourteen days of having it taken out on me. No bloody escape during the day which, as sad as it sounds, is what school is for me- a frigging escape.

"I am so happy it's CHRISTMAS!" Brady shouts bouncing up next to me like he's singing the line in the Slade Christmas song, startling us but getting a cheer from a few freshmen lining the bottom of the steps, wrapped warmly in striped scarfs.

"It's not really Christmas vacation until the games over tomorrow, is it?" Blaze sulks beside him in his authoritative team captain voice- an edge of warning in his tone. I don't think he's overly ecstatic about the festive cheer everyone's been expressing around him today, I don't really know why but I'm just putting it down to the fact he's moody. I've heard more grunts than actual words today and it should intimidate me but I've become immune to his 'grunting' and now just find it humorous. He does convey a good point though, even though we're going skating tonight at the outdoor rink in town our winter break doesn't fully start until tomorrow. We're going with the boys to cheer at their away game since it's not that far away. Another reason why Blaze is in a mood- he doesn't want to break anything before tomorrow bone wise. He's spent the whole day snapping at the guys and glaring at whoever looks too long at him.

"It's fucking freezing!" Vixxie says sidling up to us trying to avoid the smaller kids whose bags weigh them down, Emily's next to her, camera around her neck snapping pictures of the frost laying on the untouched bits of grass and fallen leaves that lay idle on the sidewalk.

"It's gotten really cold really quick," I mumble into the side of my coat, it's not exactly the warmest thing. The lining's ripped and it's about five years old but between saving for college and paying rent I don't really want to spend a lot on a new coat, it's only cold like... half of the year. Rutherford and Ethan join us on the steps in seemingly higher spirits.

"Let's go, go, go!" Ethan shouts racing towards the parking lot, Blaze lets out a noisy grunt which makes my lips lift a little. Don't get me wrong he's still a little intimidating but sometimes I find his moods funny.

"Who's riding with who?" Rutherford asks as we stop at the edge of the parking lot.

"Ethan and I are with Vixxie," Carrie says searching the rows of parked cars for where E has run off too, he's probably already on his way to her car since it's predictable they always ride together.

"Big A and I are riding with Blaze to make sure he doesn't accidentally drive home." Brady links his arms around our shoulders with a smug grin and Blaze grunts again trying to nudge him off, "And I presume you guys are meeting us there." Brady nods to the helmets Emily and Rutherford hold.

We all scramble towards the cars some more excited than others.

"Shotgun!" Brady hollers over his shoulder racing towards Blaze's black Mustang but Blaze catches up with him before he can get there and firmly grips his shoulder pulling his hoodie making Brady's body tumbles back slightly, arms still flailing in the air for the door handle.

"Blondies in the front." He says nonchalantly. Brady lets out a mock gasp and holds his chest dramatically stepping away from Blaze in horror.

"You said girls would never tear us apart Blazey! You promised! Now you got a new woman in your life I'm being left-"

"Shut the fuck up B and get in." Blaze holds his head as Brady winks at me. The thick New Yorker accent was a personal highlight, I giggle slightly being muffled by my hood, how these two ever became best friends is honestly beyond me. Brady carries on the dramatics sliding into the back seat.

"Dicks before chicks means absolutely nothing to you! You override my shotgun for a girl! I can't even look at you!" Blaze slams his door rolling his eyes but I can see he's finding this somewhat funny. His eyes pinch slightly at the corners and his red lips curve a little.

He opens the passenger side door making me aware I'm staring and waits until I'm inside to shut it, I smile at the gesture.

"You even opened her door! What kind of a best friend are you! I thought we had something special!" Brady sniffles from the backseat once Blaze is behind the wheel. He starts the engine with a roar and pulls out of the parking bay. I notice the Apple Car Play screen illuminated and stare at it wondering what kind of music Blaze listens too.

"You can connect if you want." He nudges me with his arm bringing me out of my thoughts. I quickly connect my iPhone and look through my playlists settling on one and hitting shuffle, the first song that blares through the speakers is I'm upset by Drake. Brady starts bouncing around in the back seat rapping along, Blaze grips the steering wheel amused eyes dancing about the road.

"I didn't think this would be your kind of music," I give him a pointed look when his eyes flit over to mine, "I thought you'd be into Taylor Swift or some girly shit like that."

"Hey! Don't diss Taylor! And just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't listen to rap!" I defend, Bardy leans forward resting a heavy hand on both our shoulders.

"Taylor is the shit Blaze so shut the fuck up," He leans down scrolling through my songs then leans into my ear and whispers, "Play it bestie." I giggle and press play on You Need To Calm Down. He rolls his eyes and shakes his head but I can see the slight amusement behind his stoic features again.

I bet he's a secret Swiftie- who isn't?

Brady and I sing along as Blaze drives down the highway towards the town centre, he doesn't say much else, just sits and broods, his face getting slightly darker the closer we get to town until we hit the rush hour traffic.

"Fucking traffic!" He curses hitting the wheel with his palms getting more agitated. Bradys still rocking out in the back so I lean across the centre console slightly and look at Blaze.

"What's up?" I ask, he keeps his eyes on the red Toyota in front of us but they pull tighter at the edges.

"This fucking traffic!" He repeats.

"I mean why are you in a grump today? Do you really not want to go skating with us?" I ask hesitantly, I know I persuaded him to go but I don't want to force him. I'd feel even worse if I made him go and he hurt himself. He lets out a small breath and looks behind us to see if Bradys listing in. He's still singing horrendously to Taylor Swift from in the back, completely oblivious. Blaze looks back at me, conflicted with creased brows.

"It's not that I don't want to go out with you guys... I just can't... I can't skate." He looks ahead again.

"Is that what you've been worrying about all day?" I try and stop the giggle escaping my lips but it's too late and Blaze catches on to my amusement, turning his head back to the road and placing both hands back on the wheel. I immediately feel bad and without thinking grab his hand off the wheel, making him took at me.

"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you, it's just you're this leather-wearing quarterback who makes people crap themselves with one look... and you're scared of ice skating- it just surprises me." I smile sympathetically.

"Well, we're all scared of something, right Butterfly?" He looks at me out of the corner of his eye and my stomach fuzzes, feeling as though he can see inside my mind. I shift neither acknowledging him or trying to answer the open-ended question... or maybe it's rhetorical? "It's not the ice skating its self I'm scared of... it's a reputation thing. I'm going to look like a prize fucking pratt when I land on my ass over and over. What if I get injured too! That's me out for a long time." He looks at me with concern lining his features and I understand. I never did anything dangerous when I was training and I even get worried now when I cheer because like he said, as an athlete being injured is a lot more than just slapping on an ice pack or wearing a cast for a few weeks. It's setbacks and limitations.

"Look, You're not going to fall on you're ass because I'll help you. I'm not a champion skater but I do have balance-"

"Apart from the time you walked into Connor, then nearly fell when I stopped you walking into a locker then I had to catch you again when you walked into me," he smirks slightly and I gave him a light slap but I'll let him have it since this is the most I've seen him smile all day.

"Alright- sometimes I act more like frigging Bambi but you're more likely to get a concussion on the field then you are to injure yourself at the towns ice rink. You'll be fine." I squeeze his hand reassuringly feeling heat rise through my arm onto my face. I go to draw my hand back but he keeps his fingers locked around mine. His eyes are fixated on our hands but he looks up slowly, eyes dark.

He lets out a long sigh.

"Hell if I go down then you're coming down with me." He grins slightly but the nervousness still lays behind his eyes.

"But if we go down I'm on top- you weigh like-" Blazes eyebrows have hiked up his face and he's staring at me suggestively, lips curled up. What..? OH-

"No! Not like that! Jesus.. because your heavy and... well... I'd be.. uh squashed and... well... I just... not like that." I flounder, my face dissolved in red. Blaze chuckles the rest of the way down the highway towards the rink.

I finish lacing up a pair of slightly damp white ice skates and stand up off the bench wobbling slightly but gaining my balance. I look at the rest of our group who are also doing their laces in the tent area by the rental booth.

The town has an ice rink every year but this year they've stepped it up by adding some food and drink stalls around the outside of the rink as well as the usual café. Christmas trees are placed around the outskirts of the rink decored with big twinkly lights illuminating the people who stand at the barriers and watch their kids or friends. Even the rental booth is festive with tinsel and stars hanging off the shelves and front desk.

Vixxie wobbles towards me and I hold my hands out to steady her, trying not to laugh. She ends up in a fit of laughter and I hold her waist to keep her upright.

"Holy fuck I'm awful at this shit!" She giggles. Everyone starts to struggle over to the doors that lead onto the outdoor rink, Carrie and Brady seem the only confident ones of the group. Well in Brady's case faux confidence, he just looks excited but wobbles around and stumbles through the barriers like he's drunk.

I look back at the bench, Blaze is staring distantly at the ice. His leather jacket tight around his biceps and the plain white shirt beneath it tight on his torso leaving me staring. His black jeans merge into the black and grey skate around his ankles... jeez these boys have bigggg feet.

"Come on." I prompt holding my hands out to help him up. He lets out a big breath and shakes his head then places his hands in mine and pulls himself up, his hands are warm in my cold ones and I stumble back slightly trying to hold up the two-hundred-pound Quarterback. Without skates, he's easily six foot five but even with the added inch from the blade, I feel minuscule.

He wobbles about slightly looking frustrated, I try and get him to move towards the doors where our friends are gathering to hobble onto the ice but he stays put, blades still.

"Come on, just lean on me." I giggle trying not to sing the Bill Withers song that's now running around my head. He puts his arm around my shoulders which aren't that tall but it produces butterflies in my stomach, being that close to him next to his body surrounded by his signature mint and pine scent.

"I swear to god Blondie this is fucking stupid!" He grumbles gripping onto my shoulders as we reach the door.

I try and restrain my amusement as we reach the little door that steps up onto the rink. I step onto the ice first and hold out my hands, he takes them but stops at the step.

"Nope, I don't want to do it." He goes to turn around but I keep a firm grip on his hands. Two can play at the no more mister nice guy game.

"Do you trust me?" I ask him seriously, he nods quickly which fills me with warmth.

"Blaze I'm not going to let you fall, this is meant to be fun." I lean on the barrier, his tattoo clad hands still in mine, we look at each other for a few moments, the noise of the skaters behind us nothing but distant white noise. He nods curtly and I smile brightly, he trusts me.

I help him step onto the ice and he immediately freezes, like a statue, gripping onto the hard plastic ledge of the boarders. I skate next to him slowly, being a dancer's given me the ability to balance on pointes as well as blades. My momma used to take me and my sister skating a lot back in Illinois, to a big indoor rink when we were younger before my dance training got really intense. I look out at the rink and see all the mothers and fathers skating around with their clumsy little ones and my heart aches, my ribs squeeze around my lungs and I have to bite back the tears. It's the family dynamic I've craved for, cried for, pined over. I hated the idea of being adopted it felt like I was betraying my momma and sister, I'd rather have stayed in the horrible care homes I got placed in but my social workers tricked me into feeling like I'd be able to experience a nice proper family again, so I went along with them.

Lies. All lies, I'm still in the same painful situation. My eyes are drawn to a pair of siblings holding hands flying around the ice, their parents behind them filming them on their phones hands intertwined. They looked happy.

"Blondie!" I snap back around at the harsh cry of Blaze who's still gripping the barrier, "Jesus, are you present? I've been calling you for a minute!" He grunts but softens slightly when he sees my watery eyes, I blink rapidly but he reaches out and carefully holds my cheek. I should pull away but I like the warmth from his hands. "Hey, are you alright? What's up?" He wobbles even more with only one hand on the barrier, the other on my face.

"Nothing!" I smile, "It's just bloody freezing!" I say turning my face slightly as Brady comes whizzing past, heading straight to smash into the barrier, he flounders his arms about making me giggle quietly before he narrowly misses a few small children but slams straight into the plastic boards. " Right come on, you can't stay at the side for the next hour." I turn back to Blaze who looks miffed at my decision to change the subject but more annoyed he has to let go of the barrier.

He places both his hands in mine and I decide it'll be easier to skate backwards so he can lean to push.

"Jesus Blaze you're going to have to give me something to work with, I'm a midget and you weigh like two hundred pounds!" I tug him very very slowly across the ice feeling like I'm doing an arm workout.

"Are you fat-shaming me Blondie?" He mock gasps and I drop one of his hands watching him wiggle about grasping for my arm support again. I laugh at his face of thunder.

After a considerable amount of sulking and moments, close to face planting the ice Blaze has finally got the hang of how to skate, I left him with Brady a few minutes ago so I could help Carrie and Emily tug Vixxie who really is Bambi on ice. We link arms and skate around the rink laughing and chatting about the boy's lack of skating skills before we just start talking about boys in general amongst other random topics. The sun is setting behind us casting an orange glow across the white ice. Illuminated lightbulbs run from pole to pole around the rink and a giant red bauble decorated Christmas tree sits in the middle of the rink. People are stood around the outside holding polystyrene cups of hot liquids, the trails of steam running off into the nearly dark blue sky. The smell of mulled wine and candy floss permeates the air from the surrounding stalls and the girl's laughter compliments the Christmas music sealing the memories that will forever stay in my mind. Brady comes up behind us and pulls me and Carrie away so we're on either side of him. Vixxie cries in protest at the quick movement and splats down on her butt, Emily in fits of laughter beside her as I mouth her a quick sorry over my shoulder. We skate around with Brady letting him show us his 'tricks' which often required us to help him off the floor until I felt a tug on my arm and I'm being pulled away from them- next to Blaze. He gives me one of the most gorgeous smiles with a glint of obnoxiousness in his eyes.

"Skate with me Butterfly." He says taking my hand and pulling me this time. I watch him carefully, his bright blue eyes glow under the lightbulbs and his hair looks so soft and dark under the stars twinkle. His lips curve into a sexy smile, all pink and rosy to compliment the white scar that sits above his cheekbone, you wouldn't be able to notice it- much like the small dusting of freckles on his nose if you didn't look so intently at it like I did. He really has been carved by the gods or something and I hate the way it makes me feel when I get a waft of his scent or a flash of his smile.

"Take a picture Grove, it'll last longer." He smirks still looking ahead at other skaters not like me whose now gawking, red as a tomato at the side of his face. My mistake of looking away is quickly confirmed when Blaze shouts at me and the gaggle of children's voices disperse in front of us. Suddenly my skates slip from beneath me and I can already see Blaze going down first, eyes pinned to mine. His hand is quick to squeeze mine making sure it doesn't fly out of his grip and within seconds I'm lying on top of his chest, the firmness of his abs right under me.

I slowly look into his eyes, I told him I wouldn't let him fall.